What is an OK wedding present?

LegacyUser · 20-03-2012 2:30pm #1

I am invited to a friends wedding with my wife. I've known him for 4-5 years. Just in a work context and the occasional game of football.

Not been to too many Irish weddings. What would be a reasonable gift cash wise?

blatantrereg · 20-03-2012 2:45pm

€150

coffee_cake · 20-03-2012 2:47pm

100 between you at most, if you can afford it

Princess Peach · 20-03-2012 2:57pm

I would also say €100 since he a work friend, not a close friend or family.

Are there many from work going? If there is a few you could all pool together to give one gift of a large sum of money. That way everyone can put in what they want and can afford, but the bride and groom won't know who gave what. Also people in work who weren't invited to the wedding may wish to give in a small amount too.

That's just what we always did in my last workplace for every occasion.

solovely · 20-03-2012 3:05pm

At least €150 per couple is the norm for working people these days, less if you're unemployed. That's what I've heard from friends who got married in the past year. I know one friend got a few €100 per couple from people from NI and thought versus people from the south, it was a bit low, but I think it's the norm up there. Depends on the part of the country and work situation really.

Obviously if it's someone you know well, you'd give them something worth a bit more/ a bit more personal.

They've asked you there for your presence though (not your presents) so don't get too hung up on it!

aidan24326 · 20-03-2012 3:11pm

This idea that you have to give x amount is nonsense. Give what you can afford. If you're working and you can afford it then I suppose something like 100 between a couple would be fair enough. But don't feel pressured into giving more than you can afford, especially as it's only a work friend and not a close family member.

Squiggler · 20-03-2012 3:20pm

I actually find it stomach turning that people discuss what wedding presents they received and whether they thought they were sufficient. My husband and I have never disclosed to a single person who gave us what (or how much), nor will we, every gift, however small, was gratefully received and acknowledged in writing.

With that rant out of the way give what you can afford, and if you think the cash will look insignificant then buy them a nice present within your price range.

curlzy · 20-03-2012 3:32pm

Squiggler wrote: »

I actually find it stomach turning that people discuss what wedding presents they received and whether they thought they were sufficient. My husband and I have never disclosed to a single person who gave us what (or how much), nor will we, every gift, however small, was gratefully received and acknowledged in writing.

With that rant out of the way give what you can afford, and if you think the cash will look insignificant then buy them a nice present within your price range.

In fairness, no one here "disclosed to a single person who gave them what (or how much)" so not sure who your rant was directed at

. The OP merely asked for guidance on what is a reasonable present.

OP, I think 100 -150 is the norm as it covers the price of the meal with a bit left over. Give what you want though, maybe you would rather give a nice gift? I'd say they'll be delighted to have you at their wedding and whatever gift you give will be appreciated.

Miss Fluff · 20-03-2012 3:41pm

curlzy wrote: »

OP, I think 100 -150 is the norm as it covers the price of the meal with a bit left over.

:eek: Is that genuinely how people think?

I'm getting married in a few weeks and I am delighted that people are coming to share the day with us - if they choose to give us any kind of gift at all I will be honoured.

I've been to weddings where people have actually asked for money as gifts

If people are relying on their guests to fund their wedding I think that just smacks of bad taste. People should have the wedding they can afford.

I'm not directing it at you Curlzy but I find talk about money gifts REALLY vulgar in the extreme. But then I find weddings lists vile as well so maybe I'm in the minority. Call me old fashioned....

OP give what you can afford or just buy them a nice gift that you think they will like.

curlzy · 20-03-2012 3:51pm

curlzy wrote: »

OP, I think 100 -150 is the norm as it covers the price of the meal with a bit left over

Miss Fluff wrote: »

:eek: Is that genuinely how people think?

Well I can only talk for myself, but yeah I'd hate to get €50 (or more) worth of a meal from a wedding couple and then hand them a present worth €20 or that. They're starting out, probably just bought a house etc so I'd like to think that my attendance didn't cost them anything, after all I'd be having a great day/night out, it would be nice to think that they're not paying through the nose for my fun on their day. But then, I only go to a wedding if I genuinely wish the couple the very best and getting €€€ worth of grub and entertainment and then handing them a cheap pressie isn't my idea of wishing someone the best.

aidan24326 · 20-03-2012 3:57pm

Miss Fluff wrote: »

I'm not directing it at you Curlzy but I find talk about money gifts REALLY vulgar in the extreme. But then I find weddings lists vile as well so maybe I'm in the minority. Call me old fashioned....

If you mean present lists then you're not alone. I find this thing of couples specifying what presents they want, and even asking for money in some cases, to be quite crass and even a bit cheeky. You invite someone to your wedding the only thing they need to do is show up and attend and share the day with you. Any present a person chooses to give should be seen as a welcome bonus but not as something that's to be demanded or specified in advance. I agree with you that that's vulgar and in poor taste. If a couple are relying on presents to pay for the wedding then maybe they shouldn't have invited 200 people and gone for a big traditional Irish shindig (which unfortunately some people still think is what you're supposed to do).

Miss Fluff · 20-03-2012 3:58pm

No, and I certainly wouldn't do "cheap" either, its not in my vocabulary. This expectation that people cover their own costs in some way is disgusting however. If you host a wedding then you are covering costs, what present people choose to give is their perogative entirely and HOSTING a wedding on the assumption that people are going to pay for the bride and groom's day out is the very definition of cheap.

Squiggler · 20-03-2012 4:02pm

curlzy wrote: »

In fairness, no one here "disclosed to a single person who gave them what (or how much)" so not sure who your rant was directed at . The OP merely asked for guidance on what is a reasonable present.

solovely said several friends of hers had openly discussed how much they were given (and at least one had dissed some of his/her guests as being a bit mean). I've also known people who behaved similarly badly. My Mother in Law tried to pump us for information on what/how much her friends and family had given us and my husband and I were both quite shocked that she thought she had a right to know.

If the hosts can't afford to feed their guests they should consider inviting only what they can afford. If they want to host a Benefit they should label it as such and sell tickets.

curlzy · 20-03-2012 4:15pm

From the answers here I wonder if people have lost sight of the OP's question, which was "What is OK as a wedding present?". Us saying talking about money/gifts is vulgar is totally off topic don't you all think? We're not discussing greedy wedding couples after all, we're discussing what we think is "OK as a wedding present".

Now personally, while I can see how you'll would view it as vulgar/obscene/distasteful for a wedding couple to talk about money in relation to a wedding, in fairness that's wasn't why the thread was opened. It was opened to get an idea of what is "OK as a wedding present" from the viewpoint of a guest.

So yeah OP, I would give between 50 - 150 depending on if I'm working and if I'm going alone but as you can see it's a bloody minefield!!!!

boobar · 20-03-2012 7:21pm

Wedding present?? wrote: »

I am invited to a friends wedding with my wife. I've known him for 4-5 years. Just in a work context and the occasional game of football.

Not been to too many Irish weddings. What would be a reasonable gift cash wise?

Only give what you can afford. Don't get too hung up on giving cash. If you see a gift out there that's nice and doesn't cost much get them that instead.

Got married a few years and cash gifts ranged from €50 up to €500. We didn't think any less of the people who gave the €50, glad they could come and celebrate with us. Some people couldn't afford to give anything, but we were glad they were there with us.

John Mason · 20-03-2012 7:33pm

about 50e should be more then enough

solerina · 20-03-2012 7:43pm

I always gave 150 as a single person, but I intend giving 150 now that I am in a couple too....Its what I can afford if i save for a few weeks beforehand !! However if you have to stay overnight I would usually drive and come home because I cant afford that also, so OP give what you can spare and no more !!!

LegacyUser · 21-03-2012 9:49am

So between 50-150. That's some difference.

Thanks for all the feedback.

gerryk · 21-03-2012 11:49am

Given your relationship with this person, I would steer toward the lower end myself. €75 - €100 is more than enough.

solovely · 21-03-2012 1:42pm

gerryk wrote: »

Given your relationship with this person, I would steer toward the lower end myself. €75 - €100 is more than enough.

Personally, if I could afford it, I'd rather go towards the upper end. It's your one chance to show somebody you care and wish them well in their life. It's the biggest day in their lives, so isn't it nice to show that with an appropriate gesture (if you can afford it) rather than being tight arsed, just cos you want to prove a point.

If it were me, I'd be giving €150-200 from a couple.
The only times I'd give less is if the wedding was on a Thursday, or I had to travel miles and book expensive accommodation.

Ickle Magoo · 21-03-2012 2:05pm

Moved from PI. :cool:

LegacyUser · 21-03-2012 2:09pm

Wedding present?? wrote: »

So between 50-150. That's some difference

Some difference because every wedding is different. The amount depends on how close you are to the couple - very close friends and family wouldn't be getting money from me, I would be looking for something much more personal but people I wouldn't be as close to would get cash and the amount of cash would depend on the cost of the wedding for me ie do I need to take time off work, how far do I have to travel, do I need to pay for a hotel for the night, how costly is the hotel [went to two weddings last year one went to alot of effort to get a good reduction for guests while second didn't bother and they were on in the same hotel!] etc etc Others might have other costs to consider like babysitters if they've kids or different situations like if wages cut or currently unemployed etc etc

So a wedding thats up the road and you can walk to the meal/afters from your house I'd more likely give more then a wedding I've to take a day off work and travel 3 hours to stay in a costly hotel. Some might disagree with that reasoning and feel you should give the same regardless but as I said each wedding is different and if it's going to cost me 200+ euro just to attend then you can't really expect 150quid cash. My cousin is getting married in the UK next month and has been super clear he does not want gifts from anyone, he wants his family there at the wedding and knows it's a big cost for most. I'm sure some family will still give him cash and make a big deal out of doing so but that's their choice and no one should feel forced to give X amount because "thats whats expected"

Frankly if people want cash to cover the cost of the meal etc etc then they shouldn't be having such a costly wedding in the first place.

happypants · 22-03-2012 1:38pm

Generally its the norm to at least cover the cost of your meal if you're invited to the whole day. I'm going to a wedding in July, a workmate of mine who I also see out of work, time permitting! She has invited myself and my boyfriend to the whole day so I intend on putting a minumum of €200 in a card. They're a young couple so I know the money will be greatly appreciated. I think the days of buying people a toaster and kettle are long gone! I can only imagine they will get a lot of fancy wine glasses etc which is nice too if that's all people can afford, personally I would rather reimburse them for the cost of letting me share their special day

I'm really looking forward to it but thankfully its the only one I'm invited to this year!! Weddings are expensive to attend, I know one couple who are invited to four this summer alone and as a result can't afford to travel this year.

LegacyUser · 23-03-2012 5:37pm

This topic is always hotly debated. I usually give anywhere between €100-€200. €100 if I attend on my own, €150 if we go as a couple, €200 for good friends/family. But I would only give what I can afford.

I have just lost my job and I'm a bridesmaid in the summer. I had started to save to give them a good present, but looks like €150(at the very most) will be probably all I can afford to give now. And I can only hope they will appreciate it is with the best of wishes.

LegacyUser · 26-03-2012 10:30am

The answers are always going to vary wildly. But it boils down to how close you are to the couple and what you can afford.

A few years ago my sister got married and I gave them 200euro. I only gave this much because I had a job so could afford it at the time, she’s my only sister and I knew they would appreciate it (they had taken out a loan to fund the wedding…). Having said that, if I was going to the same wedding now I’d only give 50euro. The reason being that I’m unemployed and not even entitled to any social welfare. Either that or I’d buy a present instead.

If I was invited to a close friend/relatives wedding now I'd probably just buy a present (up to the value of 50euro). Or if I was invited to a wedding of someone I'm not very close to (to be a 'seat-filler') I probably wouldn't attend due to the financial burden on both sides (what little I could give might not be appreciated or cover costs of the dinner, but it would be enough for me to feel the strain). However if I was employed and earning a half decent wage I'd go and give 50-100euro.

John Mason · 30-03-2012 9:34pm

if you are doing the whole cover your meal crap - 30 - 40e will cover your meal

greenbicycle · 30-03-2012 9:50pm

irishbird wrote: »

if you are doing the whole cover your meal crap - 30 - 40e will cover your meal

Not in all (majority is probably a better word) cases. I would say 50 to 75 is more realistic!

radharc · 17-04-2012 5:17pm

We got married last year and out of 200 guests nobody gave us 50 for a couple. Not judging anybody but just letting the OP know that if they give 50 that is very likely to be the smallest gift received. Imo the OP would be much better buying a gift than giving 50 cash if that is the amount they were intending to spend.

We were very taken aback by the generosity of people out there, I would say the average we got from a couple was 200.

cutefainne · 17-04-2012 5:20pm

I always thought it was okay once you covered the cost of your meal, which would be around 50-60 euro

msbrobe · 01-06-2012 2:25pm

We were at a cousins wedding couple of weeks ago, I like the couple a lot and would socialise with them regularly so gave €250. I go to another friends wedding in a couple of weeks, invited as a couple but due to other commitments I will go alone so will give €150.....they are a costly business - between gift, hair, clothes, petrol/hotel etc. I estimate I will have shelled out over €1000:eek:

all_smilz · 03-06-2012 1:30am

I came on tonight looking for such a thread and I have to say I am relieved.
Am in a dilemma at moment as have my fathers-partners(fiancee not business) daughters wedding to go to. I barely know the girl as much as I like her. I guess we will be step sisters someday.... I am a working student with a Mortgage and my bf is on a CE scheme. The idea of giving more that 150 kinda appalls me with the expense attending incurs-hair, petrol etc....
( I dont be buying coast dresses, handbags and shoes for EVERY wedding I go to and my BF will wear the same suit he wore the last 5 weddings we went to..... But just going is costly before the present inspite of cost cutting measures).... I was worried about looking cheap I guess and wouldnt like my attendance to cause them to be at a loss. I know the original idea of a Gift is gesture based but thats not really the world we live in and I would like to give a reasonable gift.

* my first cousin who was always v close to us gave my brother and his wife a really cheap photo frame for their gift after we put her and her bf, and her dad up for the week, fed them, drove them everywhere (and we were delighted to see them)... but it didnt cost them more than twenty sterling and I felt it was a bit rude or something.

What is an OK wedding present?

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