Simple things you can't do/don't understand

Ficheall · 31-12-2015 2:03am

kfallon wrote: »

Is that not what everyone does?

Turn the cover inside out, stick your hands into the corners furthest away from you, grab two adjacent corners of the duvet and hold onto them while you wriggle the duvet cover down your arms and over the duvet. Magic.

I can't light a fire either

Irish Guitarist · 31-12-2015 2:05am

I never learned how to cycle a bike.

maudgonner · 31-12-2015 2:14am

Ficheall wrote: »

Turn the cover inside out, stick your hands into the corners furthest away from you, grab two adjacent corners of the duvet and hold onto them while you wriggle the duvet cover down your arms and over the duvet. Magic.

Magic in theory. My experience normally goes more like: stick your hands into the duvet searching for the corners furthest away from you. Find one. struggle to find the other. Drop the first corner while searching. Curse. Find first corner again. Find second corner. Realise that's not the adjacent corner. Curse. Drop the first corner in your frustration. Curse and kick something. Repeat until by chance you happen upon the correct two corners. Rejoice.

Repeat a similar process to grab the corners of the duvet. Proceed to shake the duvet-cover-combo until the cover wriggles its way down. Shake and shake and shake again. Much dropping and cursing will ensue. Also breakage of anything within a 20m radius and likely bodily injury. God forbid children or small animals should get in the way - carnage.

Ciderswigger · 31-12-2015 2:18am

^

Mine goes like this: stick your hands into the duvet searching for the corners furthest away from you. Then get ridiculously hot, have a mini panic attack about getting trapped in a duvet cover. Wonder what the headline will be when they find your dead body inside said cover at the foot of your bed. Wriggle around, come back out, take a deep breath and decide you don't need a cover after all.

Peregrine · 31-12-2015 2:24am

kfallon wrote: »

Is that not what everyone does?

Ficheall wrote: »

Turn the cover inside out, stick your hands into the corners furthest away from you, grab two adjacent corners of the duvet and hold onto them while you wriggle the duvet cover down your arms and over the duvet. Magic.

I can't light a fire either

That's not what I do

Grab two corners of the duvet, stuff it into the duvet case and try to match the two corners with the corners of the case. Swear a lot. Drop it. Realise that the corners of the duvet you picked were corners of the longer side. Start again.

I often end up inside the duvet case. All 6 foot of me.

Ciderswigger · 31-12-2015 2:26am

Peregrine wrote: »

Realise that the corners you had were the corners of the longer side.

I bloody HATE that!!!

Doctor Jimbob · 31-12-2015 2:36am

Ficheall wrote: »

Turn the cover inside out, stick your hands into the corners furthest away from you, grab two adjacent corners of the duvet and hold onto them while you wriggle the duvet cover down your arms and over the duvet. Magic.

This. Takes a while to master it but once you do you're the king/queen of making the bed.

Peregrine wrote: »

That's not what I do

Grab two corners of the duvet, stuff it into the duvet case and try to match the two corners with the corners of the case. Swear a lot. Drop it. Realise that the corners of the duvet you picked were corners of the longer side. Start again.

I often end up inside the duvet case. All 6 foot of me.

Used to do this as well, my girlfriend at the time would laugh every time I attempted it

Vowel Movement · 31-12-2015 2:39am

I get knife and fork mixed up.

stesaurus · 31-12-2015 2:40am

I fell off a bike on my first lesson. My second lesson my Dad 'promised' he wouldn't let go, he lied and I fell again. I never got on a bike again and so never learned to cycle.
Same with swimming. Had a little fright and gave up.
I finally mastered tying shoe laces about 5 years ago. Before that I had learned my own weird way of knotting them and just tucking the laces in. Still flummoxed if asked to tie someone else's laces though.
Twitter is another one but that's just because I couldn't be arsed.

fleet_admiral · 31-12-2015 2:43am

Wolf Whistle

Custardpi · 31-12-2015 2:48am

AnonoBoy wrote: »

You're not waiting until the pan is hot enough before you add the egg.

Honestly - that's the only way you can get it wrong.

Actually there's plenty of ways you can get it wrong. I've only recently mastered this art myself recently, after years of frying the things & putting up with the mediocre results. A good fried egg I've learnt involves using an egg that's not too cold (out of the fridge at least 20 mins beforehand!), a pan that's properly preheated - mine seem to take about 4 minutes or so, with not too much oil but not too little either. Don't use too high a setting on the hob - medium works best. Try not to break the yolk when cracking the egg in. Lastly, keep an eye on it till it's done i.e. don't wander off for 20 minutes & only recall what you were doing when you smell smoke

.

Personally my "simple thing" would be small talk/chit chat. If I have something to discuss with someone or an opinion to express I've no problem getting it out. But placed in a situation where there's no particular subject to be talked about but where one feels the need/social pressure to "make conversation" I'm absolutely stumped, particularly with strangers but also people I'd know reasonably well. "Nice/awful weather we're having" is about my limit.

TrueIt · 31-12-2015 3:04am

I can't lick my elbow with my tongue, everyone I know can do it! Am I the only one who cannot?

starry_eyed · 31-12-2015 3:05am

I cannnt typppee or smellll proerally.

mudabi · 31-12-2015 3:05am

egg is easy

good pan get it good and hot with small bit of oil
crack egg in
turn down heat
turn it when its turnable
wait 30 secs and put on plate
eggy goodness

I cant work snapchat

Ciderswigger · 31-12-2015 3:07am

What have I started with my egg story?!!

All the Jamie Olivers and Gordon Ramsays are coming out of the woodwork!

starry_eyed · 31-12-2015 3:10am

I usually put my eggs in the microwave. Works a treat, you should try it.

[Deleted User] · 31-12-2015 3:21am

I am baffled by the switch in a car that has a squirmy line inside of pic of a car and you can change it to the swirly line that is half in and half out of the pic of a car.

I'm always driving when I think about it so can't stop and check the manual. When I've stopped, the thought has long gone out of my head.

What does it mean?

Ken. · 31-12-2015 3:24am

My first thought is the heating. The line inside the car means it's set to recirculate the air already in the car. The other line means air is coming from outside and being heated as it comes in.

anothernight · 31-12-2015 3:24am

The first proper conversation I ever had with my fiancé involved bonding over how to fry eggs...

My way: pour some oil into a small pan on the stove, crack the egg into it without preheating the pan, add black pepper and soy sauce. Cover the pan and leave at medium-high heat. That way the yolk is lovely and runny and the white is fully set. No juugly bits.

My simple thing that I can't do is also reversing in a straight line unless I go very slowly.

mudabi · 31-12-2015 3:24am

Strawberry Milkshake wrote: »

I am baffled by the switch in a car that has a squirmy line inside of pic of a car and you can change it to the swirly line that is half in and half out of the pic of a car.

I'm always driving when I think about it so can't stop and check the manual. When I've stopped, the thought has long gone out of my head.

What does it mean?

Fart extraction button - leave it half in/out

Corruptedmorals · 31-12-2015 3:28am

I can't whistle, wink, raise eyebrow or click fingers. I CAN cross my eyes though. Sums in the head take far too long.

I lose sense of direction when coming out of buildings or shops, often not noticing for a few minutes.

Ciderswigger · 31-12-2015 3:31am

anothernight wrote: »

My way: pour some oil into a small pan on the stove, crack the egg into it without preheating the pan, add black pepper and soy sauce. Cover the pan and leave at medium-high heat.

Soy sauce. Never heard of that before. Does it give much flavour? I'll definitely give your way a try.

31-12-2015 3:39am

Pour Guinness from a can. When I do it it looks entirely black like a cola - or it has a head on it like a German Hefe.

Mostly the latter. People occasionally seem 50:50 baffled and impressed with the former. Like it should not be possible.

31-12-2015 3:44am

I never learned how to ride a bike properly. When I was learning as a kid I had a fall and hurt my arm quite badly, which put me off it for life. It's embarrassing to think that if a friend ever suggested going for a bike ride somewhere I'd have to think up of some reason why I couldn't join in.

I can't do a simple forward roll/head-over-heels. Any time I attempted one I got paranoid that my neck would break and I just sort of rolled awkwardly onto my side instead.

Also I cannot use predictive text. Never was able to get my head around it and damned if I'm gonna waste any time trying to understand it now.

Hammer89 · 31-12-2015 3:59am

Ally Dick wrote: »

I don't understand people who suffer from premature ejac.........nevermind......

That's because they're probably talking funny. Or having a cigarette.

anothernight · 31-12-2015 4:06am

Ciderswigger wrote: »

Soy sauce. Never heard of that before. Does it give much flavour? I'll definitely give your way a try.

I use it instead of salt because it makes the yolk extra tasty! I use Kikkoman. Pearl River Bridge soy sauce works too because it's still salty enough. The likes of Blue Dragon and Amoy are way too sweet.

Deleted User wrote: »

I never learned how to ride a bike properly. When I was learning as a kid I had a fall and hurt my arm quite badly, which put me off it for life. It's embarrassing to think that if a friend ever suggested going for a bike ride somewhere I'd have to think up of some reason why I couldn't join in.

I can't cycle either for similar reasons.

People usually laugh when I tell them because they say you never forget how to ride a bike, but I've found out over the years that a few of my friends can't cycle either. You're not alone!

_Whimsical_ · 31-12-2015 4:41am

I cannot estimate length or distance at all. It's a complete mental block for me.

I have no natural sense of left and right. The only way I can orientate myself in that regard is to have a surreptitious glance down at my hands and check one which makes an L shape, know that's left, and work from there!

sheesh · 31-12-2015 4:44am

Ciderswigger wrote: »

^ Mine goes like this: stick your hands into the duvet searching for the corners furthest away from you. Then get ridiculously hot, have a mini panic attack about getting trapped in a duvet cover. Wonder what the headline will be when they find your dead body inside said cover at the foot of your bed. Wriggle around, come back out, take a deep breath and decide you don't need a cover after all.

just sleep in the duvet cover and put the duvet over it. problem solved!

user.name · 31-12-2015 4:49am

I never learnt how to skate. When I was a kid I had the roller skates and could not go on them. Several pairs of rollarblades and ice skating trips later still no progress made! Thats why I don't like ice skating coming up to Christmas, even if I do magically agree to get on the ice its me hanging onto the wall for dear life. The worst part is when you see a five year old fly past you :pac:

starry_eyed · 31-12-2015 4:50am

I can roller blade but haven't tried ice skating. Is it the same? I have been to skating rinks but only ones without ice.

Simple things you can't do/don't understand

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