Things I don't get about Irish weddings MOD WARNING POST #322

amdublin · 13-03-2014 8:34am #1

1. Aunts and uncles taking precedence over cousins.
You grew up with your cousins, spent summers with them, maybe drink with them now yet the (old) aunt and uncle get invited over your cousins to your wedding.
Why would you not want fun people at your wedding

2. The obsession with church weddings for non practicing/non religious people.
I'd wager 9/10 b&g's don't see the inside of a church from one year to the next but they must have a church wedding. Doubt they see the inside of the church again for a long time after.
I just don't get it.

3. The gift culture.
You have your house, you have a toaster, kettle etc. You have everything you need. You've paid for your wedding. Yet a lot of b&g's start counting on what money they will get as gifts.
Why? You have everything you need, why you want more?

4. The expensive dress that will never be worn again (these days anyway).
It seemed to me that in the past that dresses were re-used/recycled much more. Nowadays it seems (to me) the norm to spend €1000 on a dress and when I ask "will your sister wear it" you get "god no she'll want her own dress".
And then for something was so important to the b before the wedding you ask where it is now "yeah it's stuffed in the wardrobe, I still need to get it cleaned"

5. "we want to do something different"
Yeah different would be doing the opposite to the above. You can do party favours and entertainment/games all you like your wedding will not stand out to me in 6 months time.

I just don't get it. Loads more of stuff I don't get either. I'll add to it later.

What you think about above? Anything you don't get?

lazygal · 13-03-2014 9:21am

Huge drives between a church and a venue because the couple fell in love with it or got a cheap deal. Not providing food on arrival at a venue after said long drive.

Mainly the church thing, usually just mass with a wedding ceremony in the middle. I always think it strange how couples say the priest made the ceremony really personal because every Catholic wedding I've been to has been the same. Don't get how people give out about church rules either, don't have to get married in a church.

Also people who don't understand how it costs money to get married. It doesn't need to cost more than €200. People complaining about how expensive the day is are choosing to spend.that money.

BizzyC · 13-03-2014 9:33am

On points 1 & 2;

Not everyone is close with their cousins.
I haven't seen the majority of mine in years, whereas I'd see my Aunts and Uncles a lot more often. Your situation doesn't tie in with everyone.

Churches used to be the only way to get married on a weekend.
Then Spiratualists became legal, but are still technically religious.
The legalization of Humanist ceremonies last summer has resulted in a huge move away from Church weddings. Humanist celebrants are booked out for the next few years already.

I was always more forgiving of the church wedding because of a lack of options. What always gets to me is non-religious people baptising their kids.

On the others, have a fair point.

I don't understand people who are relying/expecting to receive X in gifts and already make plans for spending it.
Pay for what you can afford, gifts are not a guarantee and expecting to receive a bench-marked amount is a little rude imo.

amdublin · 13-03-2014 9:37am

Ah yes that reminds me of another thing I don't get

6. Start time and dinner time
Early ceremony (12.30/1pm etc) and then dinner not until 5.30 with no food in between.
Why not just married at 3.30/4pm and go straight into dinner?
OR (please!) provide food in between - and not cupcakes, cocktail sausages or something!

7. Speeches before dinner.
See above, we are starving. If you want people to pay attention to your speeches do them during dessert. Or at a push during soup.

8. Long speeches
Imo only really close family find the speeches interesting/entertaining.
Imo everyone finds them tedious and boring but we are all too polite to say this so we labour under the pretence that we enjoyed sitting there for 45 minutes while we'd rather be at the bar.

amdublin · 13-03-2014 9:40am

BizzyC wrote: »

On points 1 & 2;

Not everyone is close with their cousins.
I haven't seen the majority of mine in years, whereas I'd see my Aunts and Uncles a lot more often. Your situation doesn't tie in with everyone.

Yeah I hear you. That's my point, invite who you are closest to, so if this is your cousins invite them. In your case it's the aunts and uncles so this is great. You sometimes see people "having to" invite their parents neighbours

eyescreamcone · 13-03-2014 9:44am

Long speeches
+100

lazygal · 13-03-2014 9:55am

I've never heard anyone say they wish the speeches were a bit longer! We had ours during drinks reception as the guys wanted to enjoy their meal.

amdublin · 13-03-2014 10:00am

9. Weddings abroad
Bride - "we're getting married abroad. We're going to basically transpose a carbon copy of every irish wedding you've been at and do everything exactly the same but in another country. It'll be way cheaper for us, and you still have to give us the exact same wedding present money (even though we have everything we need) aaand you get a holiday to a country you haven't chosen to go to! (which you pay for)"
You - eh sounds great

lazygal wrote: »

I've never heard anyone say they wish the speeches were a bit longer! We had ours during drinks reception as the guys wanted to enjoy their meal.

Lol!
That's a really good idea.

clint_silver · 13-03-2014 10:03am

as well as above.

wedding favors, like a stone with B&Gs initials on them tied up in little net bags where the stones were picked from their favorite beach.

sky lantrins (SIC). yaay. Not. everyone gets reluctantly ushered outside for a very underwhelming 30 minutes to the freezing cold while B&G hope the local farmers barn doesnt catch fire

(fireworks ) see above about ushering and also the fireworks last 3 minutes and are about as exciting as a fireworks screensaver on your pc in work. Most people have seen skyfest and sydneys new years celebrations on the telly, thats what you have to get close to.

video montages post dinner and pre-speech. watching dodgy edited photos for 14 minutes to the groomsmans favorite michael buble/celine dion tracks on the awful hotel sound system where half way through the montage even he's regretting spending 1 minute of the 6 days it took him to put it together as everyones checking their texts

hotels where the bar is not in the function room.

Thumby · 13-03-2014 10:08am

What i don't get about weddings is why people have to make trouble or bitch and moan about something to do with the wedding on the day. I know in my family there's aunt who will go to the wedding give out about how much her and the hubbys outfits cost, then sit there and practically lick her plates clean and give out about the food. This gets done on every aspect of the wedding, no matter how small. (eg, oh the brides tights are a shade lighter than the should be to match her dress) she never stops and her husband is worse. he drinks too much and starts fist fights. AT EVERY SINGLE FAMILY WEDDING!!!! IT DOES my head in. Needless to say they aren't getting invited to mine in a couple of years. (maybe the drunken uncle is only my family, but the ungrateful and nit picking guest i have seen at more than one friends wedding as well. I just dont' get it. Why try and upset the bride and groom whom have worked themselves in a tizzy to have the day of their dreams and have the courtesy and generosity to invite you, and then just bitch about it?

Oh and def agree with you about the long wait time between ceremony and eating. Not to fond of speeches either but i think half the time that they are just used as a filler till the food is ready to come out. I'll be avoiding them at mine, for the most part. I'm sure my dad will want to publicly commiserate with my fiancee for being stuck with me now and thank him for taking him off my dads hands lmao. (even though i moved out of home 16 years ago and have a family of my own)

Oafley Jones · 13-03-2014 10:21am

Irish people using "get". I'd understand if they were American.

amdublin · 13-03-2014 10:28am

Oafley Jones wrote: »

Irish people using "get". I'd understand if they were American.

To get = to understand

Nothing American about it at all

I do not understand why you don't get it.
http://www.macmillandictionary.com/dictionary/british/get

Now back on topic! What else does anyone not GET about Irish weddings? (or understand if you are Oafley Jones)

Thumby · 13-03-2014 10:31am

Oafley Jones wrote: »

Irish people using "get". I'd understand if they were American.

And how do you know i'm not? :P

Thumby · 13-03-2014 10:31am

amdublin wrote: »

To get = to understand

Nothing American about it at all I do not understand why you don't get it.
http://www.macmillandictionary.com/dictionary/british/get

Now back on topic! Why else does anyone not GET about Irish weddings? (or understand if you are Oafley Jones)

Lmao amdublin. I GET ya

Teyla Emmagan · 13-03-2014 10:34am

amdublin wrote: »

Ah yes that reminds me of another thing I don't get

6. Start time and dinner time
Early ceremony (12.30/1pm etc) and then dinner not until 5.30 with no food in between.
Why not just married at 3.30/4pm and go straight into dinner?
OR (please!) provide food in between - and not cupcakes, cocktail sausages or something!

7. Speeches before dinner.
See above, we are starving. If you want people to pay attention to your speeches do them during dessert. Or at a push during soup.

8. Long speeches
Imo only really close family find the speeches interesting/entertaining.
Imo everyone finds them tedious and boring but we are all too polite to say this so we labour under the pretence that we enjoyed sitting there for 45 minutes while we'd rather be at the bar.

Everyone hates this part. All the waiting around when you are bored and hungry. It is hell

doolox · 13-03-2014 10:36am

I made the mistake of not getting food between the ceremony and the dinner for the first 2 times but ever afterwards I would go off to a local sandwich shop, cafe or take away to fill up on some food ( any food ) in order to face the drinks and speeches phase before dinner.

Long speeches and calling out the names and addresses on every card and phone call tha comes to wish the bride and groom well.

In my wedding I handled this by keeping speeches to 5 mins each and using queue cards to keep itb snappy.

The names and details of well wishers were called out between sets during the band entertainment later on.

RichardoKhan · 13-03-2014 10:40am

Always I repeat always have a large brekkie before a wedding. The timing of food is possibly beyond yer control & you might have nothing to fall back on to. Works well for herself & me.

shutup · 13-03-2014 10:49am

I pretty much agree with what you are saying but please stop telling everyone on boards that we have everything we need and want.

A lot of people dont have either

BrianBoru00 · 13-03-2014 10:51am

amdublin wrote: »

1. Aunts and uncles taking precedence over cousins.
You grew up with your cousins, spent summers with them, maybe drink with them now yet the (old) aunt and uncle get invited over your cousins to your wedding.
Why would you not want fun people at your wedding

What you think about above? Anything you don't get?

I don't get people saying aunts and uncles take precedence over cousins.
If its YOUR wedding then invite who YOU want. If you're parents are having invites let them invite the aunt and uncle.

I don't get people complaining about their parents invites. Its a big day for your parents as well but its your wedding. If they're paying for the wedding they're entitled to invites. If not, its up to you to give them a set number of invites

amdublin · 13-03-2014 10:57am

shutup wrote: »

I pretty much agree with what you are saying but please stop telling everyone on boards that we have everything we need and want.

A lot of people dont have either

But I'm not talking about those people. I'm talking about the people who do have everything they need/the people who have enough money to throw a big wedding and yet who want more.

Stereomaniac · 13-03-2014 11:03am

Oh, well in the original post it seemed that you were talking about Irish weddings, in general.

lazygal · 13-03-2014 11:03am

The "subtle hints" about cash gifts are no different to the poems or honeymoon registry mentions. Most people will give cash as it's a handy way to go but dropping any of the hints about wanting money is incredibly rude.

eviltwin · 13-03-2014 11:04am

One thing I don't get is:

No vegetarian option!!! I've been to two weddings in the past year where they only had meat or fish.

Larbre34 · 13-03-2014 11:08am

eviltwin wrote: »

One thing I don't get is:

No vegetarian option!!! I've been to two weddings in the past year where they only had meat or fish.

Did you ask?

Every venue we visited in advance had a vegetarian option on standby even though it mightnt be on the guest menu. Many of them have gluten free ready too. Its as much to protect themselves as a hospitality thing.

Someone mentioned earlier it was a bad thing if the bar wasnt in the function room. That can be a very good thing sometimes, if people want a breather or the older guests want to escape the DJ.

amdublin · 13-03-2014 11:08am

Stereomaniac wrote: »

Oh, well in the original post it seemed that you were talking about Irish weddings, in general.

I think it's clear the type of peopleiam talking about/I don't get:

amdublin wrote: »

3. The gift culture.
You have your house, you have a toaster, kettle etc. You have everything you need. You've paid for your wedding. Yet a lot of b&g's start counting on what money they will get as gifts.
Why? You have everything you need, why you want more?

lazygal · 13-03-2014 11:11am

eviltwin wrote: »

One thing I don't get is:

No vegetarian option!!! I've been to two weddings in the past year where they only had meat or fish.

Veg option is usually "silent". I often ask for it if I don't fancy the beef when there's no choice. If you ask you'll get it, a quick word with waitstaff before the meal.

Santa Cruz · 13-03-2014 11:14am

I think that when they cut the cake can be a very sentimental time (sorry delete that) replace with vomit inducing time

eviltwin · 13-03-2014 11:14am

Larbre34 wrote: »

Did you ask?

Every venue we visited in advance had a vegetarian option on standby even though it mightnt be on the guest menu. Many of them have gluten free ready too. Its as much to protect themselves as a hospitality thing.

Someone mentioned earlier it was a bad thing if the bar wasnt in the function room. That can be a very good thing sometimes, if people want a breather or the older guests want to escape the DJ.

Yeah I did ask and did get something but it wasn't on standby so by the time it came everyone else was starting into the dessert. Its only a small thing and not exclusive to weddings, maybe just an Irish thing or a sign that the hospitality industry needs to catch up a bit.

cofy · 13-03-2014 11:14am

amdublin wrote: »

Yeah I hear you. That's my point, invite who you are closest to, so if this is your cousins invite them. In your case it's the aunts and uncles so this is great. You sometimes see people "having to" invite their parents neighbours

In lots of cases, the parents of the couple use emotional blackmail to have people the bridal couple do not even know.

amdublin · 13-03-2014 11:18am

cofy wrote: »

In lots of cases, the parents of the couple use emotional blackmail to have people the bridal couple do not even know.

For sure.

Add that to the list of things I don't get.

eviltwin · 13-03-2014 11:19am

I don't get why the top table includes the priest.

Things I don't get about Irish weddings MOD WARNING POST #322

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