Ridiculous things your teachers said in school.

Elwood_Blues · 29-07-2020 3:45pm

I remember my math teacher telling the class that 'Global Warming' would be good for Ireland and that we'd benefit from the nice weather.

Wish I could go back in time and tell him that was the dumbest thing I've ever heard from an adult.

29-07-2020 3:46pm

Primary School Teacher on Tuesday: Everyone bring in their nature books tomorrow because we'll be doing Nature tomorrow.
Primary School Teacher on Wednesday morning: Everyone take out your Irish books, we're going to be doing Irish grammar
Little Bentlee Straight Marriage: I thought you said we were doing Nature today?
Primary School Teacher: You know what thought did? Thought stuck a feather in the ground and thought a chicken would grow.
Little Bentlee Straight Marriage: So you don't encourage independent thought then?

OK, the last line isn't true, but I wanted to say it.

29-07-2020 3:50pm

AllForIt wrote: »

My primary schools teacher said there was going to be a miracle in my lifetime, not in hers, but in ours. She's still alive which is there reason it hasn't happened yet.

Maybe the miracle is that she's still alive?

joeguevara · 29-07-2020 3:50pm

Bentlee Straight Marriage wrote: »

Primary School Teacher on Tuesday: Everyone bring in their nature books tomorrow because we'll be doing Nature tomorrow.
Primary School Teacher on Wednesday morning: Everyone take out your Irish books, we're going to be doing Irish grammar
Little Bentlee Straight Marriage: I thought you said we were doing Nature today?
Primary School Teacher: You know what thought did? Thought stuck a feather in the ground and thought a chicken would grow.
Little Bentlee Straight Marriage: So you don't encourage independent thought then?

OK, the last line isn't true, but I wanted to say it.

I read that and swear to god thought I was having deja vu.

5 years ago in post in post #284 a poster called skylops posted this:

Me: I thought..
Teacher: You know what thought did. He put a feather in the ground and thought a chicken would grow.

I'd do anything to go back in time and ask her did that mean she was discouraging independent thought.

Hotblack Desiato · 30-07-2020 2:01pm

Elwood_Blues wrote: »

I remember my math teacher telling the class

You never did have a "math" teacher, though, did you?

joeguevara · 30-07-2020 2:04pm

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

You never did have a "math" teacher, though, did you?

As mathematics is a singular noun, the correct shortened version is 'math' and not 'maths'. Saying math teacher is the correct way of saying it but either seem acceptable.

freshpopcorn · 30-07-2020 2:25pm

Elwood_Blues wrote: »

I remember my math teacher telling the class that 'Global Warming' would be good for Ireland and that we'd benefit from the nice weather.

Wish I could go back in time and tell him that was the dumbest thing I've ever heard from an adult.

Several of our teachers told us that we’d almost all be dead now because of it!

Yurt2 · 30-07-2020 4:08pm

SlowMotion321 wrote: »

As someone who both did it well and taught it equally well (have a C.V. from the private sector and student passing grades to back it up) I can say that phrase is a load of bollox often quoted by those who can do neither! (not directing that comment at you specifically DB)

Edit: I believe the original quote came from George Bernard Shaw!

Funny that, old GBW was one of the the founders of the London School of Economics, so he must have placed some value in teachers teaching things. This it must be said was before his unfortunate phase of endorsing Mussolini and denying that anti-Semitism was a significant recurring thread in the fascist movement.

30-07-2020 5:10pm

1. "Madam, your son is inept and dangerous, a thug".
First year report card by a man who prided himself on his grasp of the Queen's English. Felt slightly guilty of his love for the writer Lennox Robinson because he was a protestant.

Years later another teacher confided in me after a few jars that the other teachers would make sure to only write their comments after your man went first, they used to think it was hilarious and just for the craic if it would write the direct opposite of what ever he had written first.

2. "I think you're looking for a good puck!"
The last thing ever said to me by an elected county councillor. The next time I heard his voice was on Morning Ireland running for election to the Dail saying he "was in touch with young people" or some such rubbish to explain why we needed to vote for him.

3. "Aha! The thick plottens!"
No idea where to even start on this clown. And no, trust me, it wasn't a deliberate mistake to be funny.

.anon. · 30-07-2020 5:18pm

"Sir, can I go to the toilet?"
"I don't fucking know, sure go on and try anyway"

Hotblack Desiato · 30-07-2020 6:07pm

joeguevara wrote: »

As mathematics is a singular noun, the correct shortened version is 'math' and not 'maths'. Saying math teacher is the correct way of saying it but either seem acceptable.

That's not the usage on this side of the Atlantic. The school did not call the subject on the timetable 'math' and the teacher did not describe themselves as a 'math teacher'. So my post was correct, the other poster never had a 'math' teacher, that's just what they are now incorrectly choosing to call them.

Wikipedia wrote:

The apparent plural form in English, like the French plural form les mathématiques (and the less commonly used singular derivative la mathématique), goes back to the Latin neuter plural mathematica (Cicero), based on the Greek plural ta mathēmatiká (τὰ μαθηματικά), used by Aristotle (384–322 BC), and meaning roughly "all things mathematical", although it is plausible that English borrowed only the adjective mathematic(al) and formed the noun mathematics anew, after the pattern of physics and metaphysics, which were inherited from Greek.[40] In English, the noun mathematics takes a singular verb. It is often shortened to maths or, in North America, math.

Hotblack Desiato · 30-07-2020 6:09pm

Yurt! wrote: »

Funny that, old GBW was one of the the founders of the London School of Economics, so he must have placed some value in teachers teaching things. This it must be said was before his unfortunate phase of endorsing Mussolini and denying that anti-Semitism was a significant recurring thread in the fascist movement.

He also had a (very carefully curated to say the least) visit to the Soviet Union and came back and said everything there was grand, so it seems he was a bit of an equal opportunity eejit when it came to totalitarian regimes.

the purple tin · 04-08-2020 3:38pm

'you are neither use nor ornament' -eejit teacher in primary school

'I hope you have your suitcase packed Mr Tin, because you will soon be taking a trip across my lap' -The carpentry nun.

jill_valentine · 07-08-2020 5:57pm

the purple tin wrote: »

'I hope you have your suitcase packed Mr Tin, because you will soon be taking a trip across my lap' -The carpentry nun.

This reads like Victorian Erotica.

joeguevara · 07-08-2020 9:07pm

Often on boards, I am asked to provide evidence of some of the things I say. Reading this thread I remembered that during the lockdown I found an Easter report and remembered one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard my dad say.

As per the attached, I got a report in 5th year Easter. My art teacher said ‘highly intelligent but a very inflexible boy’. I remember vividly my dad, with his no fcucks attitude and thick Donegal accent calling the president of the school saying ‘is highly intelligent not enough for ye, what the fcuck does inflexible mean, he’s learning art not fcucking yoga’.

JasonStatham · 07-08-2020 9:37pm

jill_valentine wrote: »

This reads like Victorian Erotica.

Or fifty shades of grey. What tripe.

joeguevara · 07-08-2020 9:51pm

For balance I thought I would say a stupid thing I said in school (well 2) that I reckon made the teachers really question if I should be tested.

During a leaving cert biology class, I was doing my usual messing. The teacher was teaching the class about the structure and life cycle of the ccokroach. I remember being screamed at ‘Guevara, (well my actual surname) what do cockroaches eat. The Look of disgust when I shouted back ‘Ccok’ will never be forgotten.

In my leaving mocks, I got 100 points. Failed everything but got an a1 in honours Irish. I was asked to leave physics, when the teacher read my answer to the short question ‘define a transformer’ with ‘robots in disguise’. I miss those days.

I will eventually get around to tell the story of when I convinced my pass maths teacher that the leaving cert could be cancelled as they found a new number between 4 and 5 which could discredit every maths theorem in existence. Like how did they become teachers.

One of the funniest things I ever heard from a teacher was from Fr Emanuel. He was a maths genius and had won awards. I did honours maths in 5th year and I remember he came in and pointed at the class across the hall doing pass. In a very droll voice he said ‘lads he are doing maths, them morons are doing sums.’.

Hotblack Desiato · 09-08-2020 2:20am

There was a maths teacher in our school everyone called Psycho, and it was a well deserved nickname.

Somehow he was put in charge of LC honours maths, in the class there were four of us well intentioned fifth year eejits, and three sixth years, all of whom were repeating the LC having failed maths under his tutelage the year before. Big vote of confidence right there.

He would typically start a class with a half hour rant about some random topic, didn't leave much time for teaching. He really seemed like he was at all times a minor disturbance away from losing it entirely and possibly being admitted to a secure ward.

By about Christmas in fifth year we coud see that we were doomed to fail under this eejit, we demanded to be put back into the pass class but because there were no places available in the 'actually expecting to do well in pass maths' class we got put into the doss class 'taught' by a sandal wearing spaced-out Woodstock refugee whose CPU ran at about 50kHz.

Fcuk 'em anyway. I looked for degree courses which didn't require honours maths. I got an A in pass maths and went on to do a 2:1 physics degree

No thanks to any of my useless teachers.

But - there is a joke here. I proposed we called Psycho the nuts honours maths teacher Purple, because his surname was Hayes. Unfortunately it didn't stick.

Strumms · 09-08-2020 3:03am

You could have been describing my own Physics psycho in the manner you described him, the very same nickname but his real name was O’Riordan, certain Dublin secondary on the north side.

Ridiculous things your teachers said in school.

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