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Surname change after Marriage

13567

Comments

  • #62
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    splinter65 wrote: »
    Very poor deflection. Following tradition doesn’t make anyone a sheep.

    No it certainly does not.

    And I did not say it did.

    I said following tradition, just because = sheep.

    People can choose to do whatever they like, but blindly following tradition for no reason is a sheeplike trait.


  • #63
    splinter65
    Registered Users Posts: 9,420 ✭✭✭splinter65


    ....... wrote: »
    You just need better IT and systems to handle that issue and make it easy no matter what names are used.

    No. Not an option. Most SW applications are made on paper. First time passport applications are made on paper. Housing grant applications are made on paper. Social housing applications are made on paper. HAP is on paper. Nothing to do with IT.


  • #64
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    splinter65 wrote: »
    No. Not an option. Most SW applications are made on paper. First time passport applications are made on paper. Housing grant applications are made on paper. Social housing applications are made on paper. HAP is on paper. Nothing to do with IT.

    Then you need better processes.

    A different way of linking families rather than through surname.

    The paper is just a way of getting the info - the paperwork gets entered into an electronic system eventually.


  • #65
    SozBbz
    Registered Users Posts: 1,889 ✭✭✭SozBbz


    splinter65 wrote: »
    No. Not an option. Most SW applications are made on paper. First time passport applications are made on paper. Housing grant applications are made on paper. Social housing applications are made on paper. HAP is on paper. Nothing to do with IT.



    Paper which is then fed into systems. I've worked in some of the areas mentioned and if you think that they will remain on paper in the long term, thats simply not the case.


  • #66
    Peatys
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,881 ✭✭✭Peatys


    lazygal wrote: »
    Are you going to change your name?

    Yes, you can call me Drogon from now on.


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  • #67
    splinter65
    Registered Users Posts: 9,420 ✭✭✭splinter65


    ....... wrote: »
    Then you need better processes.

    A different way of linking families rather than through surname.

    The paper is just a way of getting the info - the paperwork gets entered into an electronic system eventually.
    I’m not responsible for the “processes”, the different government departments are. I just help people to initiate and follow through on applications.
    In any case most of the people who apply for things are not tech savvy and can only manage paper applications and even then only with someone’s help. It’s way off subject though here so I’ll just leave it.


  • #68
    splinter65
    Registered Users Posts: 9,420 ✭✭✭splinter65


    SozBbz wrote: »
    Paper which is then fed into systems. I've worked in some of the areas mentioned and if you think that they will remain on paper in the long term, thats simply not the case.

    I know that. But the initial application is still on paper. Carers Allowance is 32 pages long. It doesn’t matter to the applicant what happens to the form once it lands on the correct desk. All the joint applicants having the same name is the easiest.


  • #69
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    splinter65 wrote: »
    I’m not responsible for the “processes”, the different government departments are. I just help people to initiate and follow through on applications.
    In any case most of the people who apply for things are not tech savvy and can only manage paper applications and even then only with someone’s help. It’s way off subject though here so I’ll just leave it.

    Can you describe what the issue is?

    You said it makes everything easier for an applicant if all the family members have the same name.

    Why does it make it easier? Whats the problem with people having different names?


  • #70
    SozBbz
    Registered Users Posts: 1,889 ✭✭✭SozBbz


    splinter65 wrote: »
    I know that. But the initial application is still on paper. Carers Allowance is 32 pages long. It doesn’t matter to the applicant what happens to the form once it lands on the correct desk. All the joint applicants having the same name is the easiest.

    What point are you trying to make? Myself and the other poster are saying that systems need to improve (and I know first hand that they are improving, but its complex and slow)

    That doesnt change my core point that if sytems can't cope well with families with different surnames, then its the systems that are wrong, not the married women who want to keep their own names.


  • #71
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    stefanovich wrote: »
    My humble opinion is that taking the husband's name, as is tradition, is simpler for all involved. Power struggles over surnames is a waste of energy that could be applied elsewhere to better effect.


    Which tradition though? The tradition to change name to the mans is historically extremely recent. A blip or fad even.... it's only about 150 years old.
    The previous tradition was our original Irish nomenclature.


    It is most assuredly not simpler, given the hundreds of independent systems we all end up being set up on with our name as part of the primary identifier. Passports, medical records, universities, careers, visas, work permits, safe pass, taxation, banking, shop services, car registration, insurance, post office, social services, electricity, internet, bins, gas, oil, phones, professional memberships, subscriptions, media identification, access and security clearances, garda vetting, club memberships, social media services, clubcards or promotional registrations, various online applications, health trackers.... etc etc etc. That's just PART of the list of stuff I'd need to change.


    Changing all that lot, and the forms and mess that ensues, is what I call a waste of energy.


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  • #72
    redcuppatea
    Registered Users Posts: 15 ✭redcuppatea


    I'm still none the wiser after this thread! :(


  • #73
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    redcuppatea wrote: »
    I'm still none the wiser after this thread! :(

    After all that contribution? Jeez. What further information do you need?

    You are free to any of your options. Your option 2, Staying with existing names is the least effort and is the 'default' position. No difficulty about it. The rest are fashion choices, choose whatever you fancy.

    Option 4, creating a new name is entirely your option as well. No legal impediments to your name, we use a Common Usage system here. It means changing everything for both husband and wife, which is indeed equitable, and there would be legal work involved. It is the most logistically complicated option.


  • #74
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    redcuppatea wrote: »
    I'm still none the wiser after this thread! :(

    You can be known as both, does that help?

    Most of the women I know still go by their maiden name at work & professionally, but on their passports or family related stuff they use their married name.

    It can actually be useful to use both - say you might not want your facebook /instagram to be traceable from your Linked in or company directory so you could use your maiden name for the latter and change over the stuff with your holiday snaps or kids to your married name.

    So if you are Mary Smith now, you could choose;

    Mary Smith (work) & Mary O'Brien (personal life)

    You could choose to be Mary Smith O'Brien (if that works) and then your children could be Molly Smith Jones, Sam Smith Jones and could use it as a double barrelled surname or the maiden name as a middle first name.

    A few questions - do you like your own surname/ do you like his? and; how does it sound when you double-barrell, ok or a bit notiony? figuring out those might help.


  • #75
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    You can change your name at any point, if you are unsure maybe hang onto your own for a bit and give yourself time to think it through.


  • #76
    Star Lord
    Registered Users Posts: 30,123 ✭✭✭✭Star Lord


    Kept my name as I like it, wife kept hers as she likes it.
    Both happy with it, and absolutely no hassle.

    (Other than parents asking why she wasn't taking my name... :rolleyes:)


  • #77
    redcuppatea
    Registered Users Posts: 15 ✭redcuppatea


    Any thoguhts on the hybrid, creating a new family name? Have you seen it at all?


  • #78
    salmocab
    Registered Users Posts: 11,282 ✭✭✭✭salmocab


    redcuppatea wrote: »
    Any thoguhts on the hybrid, creating a new family name? Have you seen it at all?

    That’s to me the worst option, creating new surnames is just tacky and smells of attention grabbing. It also seems like the most work of all options. Just keep the name you’ve had for years, it’s the simplest and your no less married for it.


  • #79
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    redcuppatea wrote: »
    Any thoguhts on the hybrid, creating a new family name? Have you seen it at all?


    I don't think I've ever came across it to be honest.


  • #80
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,654 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    I’ve seen it once, but I’m not 100% sure if it’s a name they genuinely use in reality. Say their names are Johnson and Leahy, they’ve made a joint surname of Leajohnsony (that’s obviously not the real names, and their version rolls off the tongue better). If I were going down that path, I’d just pick a brand new name personally.


  • #81
    iamwhoiam
    Registered Users Posts: 16,071 ✭✭✭✭iamwhoiam


    redcuppatea wrote: »
    Any thoguhts on the hybrid, creating a new family name? Have you seen it at all?

    My great grandfather and great grandmother did just that way back in the 1800's . The formed a new name incorporating both surnames


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  • #82
    Ronan|Raven
    Registered Users Posts: 8,140 ✭✭✭Ronan|Raven


    Option 2 here.
    Wife kept her name I kept mine.
    Made no odds to me for her to take my name.


  • #83
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 18,749 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    secondrowgal wrote: »
    I'm really interested to see that, in all the replies here, not one person has said that they (the couple) chose to have their children's surname be the mother's surname. I mean even where the wife has not changed her name to her husband's and they go by their own names. And I don't mean in situations where the mother may have been a single mother or similar. I hope I'm making sense - I'm a bit jet-lagged :)

    My friend had a child, as a single parent, that child has her surname. She later married, didn't change her name & her subsequent 3 children have her name as their surname, fathers name is before their surname but it's not double barrel, so they have their mothers surname as normal everyday use.


  • #84
    Pretzill
    Registered Users Posts: 4,683 ✭✭✭Pretzill


    The double barrelled scenario was featured in room 101 last week were the person who wanted to get rid of this particular trend made a good point. If the parents make a double barrelled name when the child marries do they then also add in their husbands to be name - making it triple and so on through the generations.

    I kept my single name nothing against my husband's I was just prouder of my birth name, it also solves any hassles around bank accounts, passports etc.


  • #85
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Pretzill wrote: »
    The double barrelled scenario was featured in room 101 last week were the person who wanted to get rid of this particular trend made a good point. If the parents make a double barrelled name when the child marries do they then also add in their husbands to be name - making it triple and so on through the generations.

    I kept my single name nothing against my husband's I was just prouder of my birth name, it also solves any hassles around bank accounts, passports etc.

    In our case we gave the kids double barrell and they have chosen which name to drop themselves. Actually one of my kids now uses her middle name as an unofficial surname. It's an unusual set up but what works works.

    I don't know why people get so hung up on names to be honest. It's such a non issue.


  • #86
    ChewChew
    Moderators Posts: 24,367 ✭✭✭✭ChewChew


    I've kept my name, husband kept his. We have a 4 year old who has dads surname. Doesn't bother me and does not make us feel like less of a family unit. I will never change my name and frankly I dont care about how inconvenient it is to any person, company, government dept etc about me having a different surname to the rest. If I have to bring extra documentation to the airport for my child, then I'll do it. Most children dont need a parent/guardian with them forever.


  • #87
    stefanovich
    Registered Users Posts: 5,490 ✭✭✭stefanovich


    I don't see the reason for going against tradition just for the sake of it.


  • #88
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,654 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    stefanovich wrote: »
    I don't see the reason for going against tradition just for the sake of it.

    So you’ve said, and which has been addressed already. I’d suggest either re-reading those posts or offering a coherent counter-argument that’s more than “just because”, or otherwise it might seem like you’re just trying to drag the thread round in circles.


  • #89
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    stefanovich wrote: »
    I don't see the reason for going against tradition just for the sake of it.

    I don't see the point in going along with tradition just for the sake of it.

    Can we take it that you're a man and that you'd have an issue with your partner going against this tradition? If so, I'd be interested to know you reasons why.

    You mentioned a power struggle in one of your posts. That's really nothing to do with it - for women anyway.

    I had an ex who had a serious issue with me not wanting to change my name if we were to get married. I found it a bizarre attitude to have. It's my name, my decision. Luckily my current partner is happy with whatever I decide to do.


  • #90
    sassyj
    Registered Users Posts: 733 ✭✭✭sassyj


    I can't believe women are still using the term "maiden name", I thought that went out with the arc.

    Note there is no male equivalent term, hmmm.

    Naming conventions for children and marriages is still nearly entirely male dominated. It's a rarity that a woman's surname is considered for the kids out the family name, why is that still the case!!!


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  • #91
    salmocab
    Registered Users Posts: 11,282 ✭✭✭✭salmocab


    woodchuck wrote: »
    I don't see the point in going along with tradition just for the sake of it.

    Can we take it that you're a man and that you'd have an issue with your partner going against this tradition? If so, I'd be interested to know you reasons why.

    You mentioned a power struggle in one of your posts. That's really nothing to do with it - for women anyway.

    I had an ex who had a serious issue with me not wanting to change my name if we were to get married. I found it a bizarre attitude to have. It's my name, my decision. Luckily my current partner is happy with whatever I decide to do.

    I actually think changing your name is very strange, if you’ve had a name for 30 something years changing it is an odd thing to do. My wife wasn’t too bothered either way and I was of the opinion what’s the point? I think people are just hung up on that’s what our parents did or expect when really they did it because that’s what was done then and not many care anymore.
    It’s also the easiest thing to do.


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