Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi all,
Vanilla are planning an update to the site on April 24th (next Wednesday). It is a major PHP8 update which is expected to boost performance across the site. The site will be down from 7pm and it is expected to take about an hour to complete. We appreciate your patience during the update.
Thanks all.

Can women have any truly platonic male friends?

Options
245

Comments

  • Options
    #32
    NSAman
    Registered Users Posts: 3,386 ✭✭✭NSAman


    moritz1234 wrote: »
    Anything from a 6/10 upwards men will bang.
    5/10 downwards and I agree ...ewwwww

    So that explains your virginity? hanging around with too many 5/10 women because the 6/10 group dont fancy ya?,,,;)


  • Options
    #33
    IAMAMORON
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,078 ✭✭✭IAMAMORON


    Not for me, I always end up wanting to ride them. I used to fool myself when I was younger, "being just friends" but the sex bit always got in the way. I was friendly with a lesbian before, she was great fun but I still wanted to have sex with her after a while.

    You can be friendly with a mates partner or wife, but not closely, that is your mates job. I have been used as an emotional whore or " work husband" before. These are really frustrating types, lots of women out there adopt " work partners" who they spend lunchtime with etc. All of these have always turned sexual after a while.

    I think if their friend has predominantly a homosexual preference then it can remain platonic. For the simple reason that the male in such an instance won't fancy her anyway. But I have also had gay friends who I have copped after a while just wanted to have sexual relations with me. These friendships don't last.

    It is idealistic of women to think they can have platonic friendships with heterosexual men. It just ends up wrecking everyone's head.


  • Options
    #34
    Raconteuse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,817 ✭✭✭Raconteuse


    Bit of "how I feel is how every man feels" here.


  • Options
    #35
    LoonyLovegood
    Moderators, Music Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 6,068 Mod ✭✭✭✭LoonyLovegood


    Completely. Some of my best friends are lads, and there'd never be anything between us


  • Options
    #36
    nullzero
    Registered Users Posts: 16,358 ✭✭✭✭nullzero
    ****


    Raconteuse wrote: »
    Bit of "how I feel is how every man feels" here.

    That or people just sharing their own experiences without projecting their feelings onto anyone.

    Glazers Out!



  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #37
    Feisar
    Registered Users Posts: 6,597 ✭✭✭Feisar


    I would have rode the Harp of a ha'penny back in the day so that'll be a no from me for platonic female friends.

    First they came for the socialists...



  • Options
    #38
    Raconteuse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,817 ✭✭✭Raconteuse


    nullzero wrote: »
    That or people just sharing their own experiences without projecting their feelings onto anyone.
    They are though, when they say "must be ugly so", "it's idealistic" or just flat out "No".


  • Options
    #39
    Alejandra Magnificent Cranium
    Posts: 0 ✭✭✭✭ Alejandra Magnificent Cranium


    So the argument being put forward is that every man wants to take all their women friends out for a gallop?


    3nflht.jpg


  • Options
    #40
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,071 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    nullzero wrote: »
    Thread title should be, "can an attractive woman have platonic heterosexual male friends"?
    The answer would still be yes, in my case anyway. Like I said two were well above "average" in the looks dept and I could objectively see that no problem, but major nope. I suppose in the same way siblings can see that their brother/sister is goodlooking, but that's where it ends? I do reckon it could be a pheromone/compatibility thing, where something vital is missing for it to be anything beyond platonic.
    Thelonious Monk wrote: »
    Yes but it's not the same as a same sex friendship and things change when one of you is in a relationship, they're more likely to fizzle out, from my experience.
    That has sometimes happened, at the start of their new relationships, or mine. It depended on the partners in question. Some were suspicious of the friendships. They didn't need to be, but we'd take a time out until they relaxed the kacks. Some never did, which is grand too. That included one lass who was Gay whose girlfriend was convinced there was something up, even though on the spectrum of sexuality my friend was 100% gay. Then again same sex friendships can also fizzle out when long term relationships kick off. I've seen both men and women fade out very old friends when they got hitched.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Options
    #41
    sbsquarepants
    Registered Users Posts: 11,812 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    Feisar wrote: »
    I would have rode the Harp of a ha'penny back in the day so that'll be a no from me for platonic female friends.

    I'm much the same - i've only really had 1 female friend i didn't fancy to some degree, and i'm pretty sure if she had of hit on me some night i'd probably have said fúck it and went along for the ride anyway....just seems rude not to:D

    I've had plenty of female friends who i've never had any sexual shenanigans with, but i couldn't honestly say i didn't fancy them to
    greater or lesser degrees.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #42
    nkl12xtw5goz70
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,497 ✭✭✭nkl12xtw5goz70


    B.A._Baracus wrote: »
    Can a man and women be 100% good/close friends without anything else? nope. not truly.

    I'd say that situations of absolutely no sexual attraction are quite rare.

    I have many female friends — and I'm not immune to finding them attractive. I'm certainly capable of noticing when a friend has pretty eyes, a nice smile, or a flattering new outfit.

    That doesn't mean I'm about to hop into bed with any of them, though. I'm married, many of my female friends are married too, and we respect our spouses and each other far too much to risk everything for a casual fling that could tear two families apart.

    The important thing is not for the friendship to be 100% platonic, but for both people to understand where the boundary is and not to cross it.


  • Options
    #43
    Feisar
    Registered Users Posts: 6,597 ✭✭✭Feisar


    On the pheromone/compatibility thing is it a thing? I remember one lady that'd get me as hard as the hobs of hell just being in the same room as her. Used to put it down to me being a dog. It's not like she was a stunner or anything.

    First they came for the socialists...



  • Options
    #44
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Kyrie Hot Leadership wrote: »
    I have many female friends

    A wild imagination redeems the drudgery of reality.


  • Options
    #45
    I see sheep
    Registered Users Posts: 1,657 ✭✭✭I see sheep


    Tar.Aldarion wrote: »
    Haha yes, I have a lot of female friends and I'm not interested in anything more than friendship with them.

    None of them good looking? Ah well


  • Options
    #46
    Cina
    Registered Users Posts: 2,387 ✭✭✭Cina


    The ladder theory is generally my favourite one to bring up whenever the subject is broached, I think it's pretty accurate, overall. Worth a read anyway as it's pretty funny.

    http://www.laddertheory.com/


  • Options
    #47
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,071 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Feisar wrote: »
    On the pheromone/compatibility thing is it a thing? I remember one lady that'd get me as hard as the hobs of hell just being in the same room as her. Used to put it down to me being a dog. It's not like she was a stunner or anything.
    I suspect it could be, or at least in some cases. It's fascinating stuff. There is the example of the Israeli kibbutz research, where boys and girls were brought up communally and even though not related by blood tended to treat each other like siblings and seek partners outside thier circle. There seems to be a sibling switch that goes off in some childhood development stage.

    There's a fair bit of research that shows that people match up with those who have a subtly different immune response, the hypothesis being that such a difference is better for offspring who will inherit a better immune system and it's overall better to have a different genetic mix anyway. Some have suggested with some science behind it that this difference is transmitted by smell and taste at the subconscious level.

    I knew a couple who had been happily together for many years who were trying for a family and no joy. Went through fertility treatments and still nada. Tests showed both were below optimum in the fertility stakes(he was worse). Well they broke up, not least from the stress of all that. Fast forward a few years and new partners, both have have a couple of kids each, with no medical help. Just got up the duff in the usual fashion. Maybe deep down there was some major incompatibility and their bodies said "nope"?

    Many moons back I went out on a date with a woman who I defo had the hots for. Major ride TBH. Couldn't have been any more my physical type. She was keen too(deluded. Bless). Anyway we got on really well, no silent moments or any of that and then the snogging kicked off, and it felt immediately weird. For both of us. Instant buzz kill. It was very odd and we talked about how weird it was. It seems something was "off" in our physical compatibility. Whereas with some others who would have been below that level of my type, even well below, walking viagra time.

    We're complex creatures, with very complex biological stuff going on under the surface. Stuff we're only beginning to delve into. Just look at how much it seems our individual gut biomes can influence our health, weight, immune responses.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Options
    #48
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    I would say I've plenty of platonic male friends. That's not to say that in every case idle thoughts have never been entertained by one party or another or even that someone hasn't had a wee crush on the other for a while.

    The people who seem very invested in the idea that it's not possible seem to have very high standards for what they'll accept constitutes platonic, imo.

    "Oh you've a loving relationship with your mother, really? Really? Never shouted at her or hated her, no? Yeah so that's not a loving relationship.'

    "Oh you've a professional relationship with your boss? You're working for her every second of every day are you? Yeah that's what I THOUGHT."


  • Options
    #49
    I see sheep
    Registered Users Posts: 1,657 ✭✭✭I see sheep


    Wibbs wrote: »
    I suspect it could be, or at least in some cases. It's fascinating stuff. There is the example of the Israeli kibbutz research, where boys and girls were brought up communally and even though not related by blood tended to treat each other like siblings and seek partners outside thier circle. There seems to be a sibling switch that goes off in some childhood development stage.

    There's a fair bit of research that shows that people match up with those who have a subtly different immune response, the hypothesis being that such a difference is better for offspring who will inherit a better immune system and it's overall better to have a different genetic mix anyway. Some have suggested with some science behind it that this difference is transmitted by smell and taste at the subconscious level.

    I knew a couple who had been happily together for many years who were trying for a family and no joy. Went through fertility treatments and still nada. Tests showed both were below optimum in the fertility stakes(he was worse). Well they broke up, not least from the stress of all that. Fast forward a few years and new partners, both have have a couple of kids each, with no medical help. Just got up the duff in the usual fashion. Maybe deep down there was some major incompatibility and their bodies said "nope"?

    Many moons back I went out on a date with a woman who I defo had the hots for. Major ride TBH. Couldn't have been any more my physical type. She was keen too(deluded. Bless). Anyway we got on really well, no silent moments or any of that and then the snogging kicked off, and it felt immediately weird. For both of us. Instant buzz kill. It was very odd and we talked about how weird it was. It seems something was "off" in our physical compatibility. Whereas with some others who would have been below that level of my type, even well below, walking viagra time.

    We're complex creatures, with very complex biological stuff going on under the surface. Stuff we're only beginning to delve into. Just look at how much it seems our individual gut biomes can influence our health, weight, immune responses.

    Couldn't get it up for a hot girl, fair enough man it happens to the best of us.


  • Options
    #50
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    I don't want to sleep with any of my male friends. One man is enough for me.

    My female friends though.......


  • Options
    #51
    UI_Paddy
    Registered Users Posts: 141 ✭✭UI_Paddy


    nullzero wrote: »
    Thread title should be, "can an attractive woman have platonic heterosexual male friends"?

    Like Wibbs, I would agree the answer to this thread is still the same. My female friends vary in levels of attractiveness, and even the ones who are attractive I never considered making a move on them when I was single because I could tell whether there was a spark or not. I think everyone should figure this out for themselves when they meet someone. In my experience women have noticed when I wasn't trying to force anything and respected me for knowing where I stand without being given any subtle signs.
    Thelonious Monk wrote: »
    Yes but it's not the same as a same sex friendship and things change when one of you is in a relationship, they're more likely to fizzle out, from my experience.

    Not really, at least in my experience. I've never lost a close female friend after getting into my relationship because we always knew and agreed on what the terms of the friendship were. They were even happy to see me get into a relationship and have socialized with us several times, including our engagement party.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #52
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Alejandra Magnificent Cranium wrote: »
    So the argument being put forward is that every man wants to take all their ATTRACTIVE women friends out for a gallop?


    FYP

    Real answer. If in a relationship it would be possible even if you fancy them.

    But, if they are attractive and both single it's going to be crossing their* minds.

    * Male at least. Can't talk for the fairer sex.

    Edit. I've had many female friends, very much enjoy their company. But, if we were single and I found them attractive I'd not be shy in coming forward.


  • Options
    #53
    Assetbacked
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,969 ✭✭✭Assetbacked


    Deleted User wrote: »
    FYP

    Real answer. If in a relationship it would be possible even if you fancy them.

    But, if they are attractive and both single it's going to be crossing their* minds.

    * Male at least. Can't talk for the fairer sex.

    Edit. I've had many female friends, very much enjoy their company. But, if we were single and I found them attractive I'd not be shy in coming forward.

    As well with attractive women, so many will play down the close friendship with the guy externally, but they know themselves that they are leveraging the attraction from him to get attention.


  • Options
    #54
    Outlaw Pete
    Registered Users Posts: 10,423 ✭✭✭✭Outlaw Pete


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8kpYm-6nuE


  • Options
    #55
    Earleybird
    Registered Users Posts: 271 ✭✭Earleybird


    Davy05 wrote: »
    But when we actually got through them all only one had never made some sort of pass at her.

    Whats his deal!?!? Keep an eye there. Playing the long game.


  • Options
    #56
    sbsquarepants
    Registered Users Posts: 11,812 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    Genesis Melodic Thermos wrote: »
    I would say I've plenty of platonic male friends. That's not to say that in every case idle thoughts have never been entertained by one party or another or even that someone hasn't had a wee crush on the other for a while.

    That's the very definition of non platonic though.

    I've had plenty of female friends who i've never so much as kissed, or made any sort of move on due to timing etc. Either i or they were with someone else, or maybe i thought she was hot but got the feeling she didn't really think the same about me or any number of reasons, but that's not really the same thing as purely platonic.

    Given the right set of circumstances, i would have fúcked them all. I've kind of drifted away from all my female friends over the past few years, i've only really stayed close to one of them (she's smoking hot, but going out with a very nice bloke i work with, so even if i was single, she's off limits!) Any others i have are like in laws, or my missus friends and stuff like that, or work colleagues.

    Truth be told i'd ride most if not all of them too in a different life, obviously it's never going to happen but if we met as unattached strangers then yea, there's a hottie or two in there!

    Maybe there are men out there who wouldn't, but i don't think i know any of them!


  • Options
    #57
    Earthhorse
    Registered Users Posts: 14,715 ✭✭✭✭Earthhorse


    Raconteuse wrote: »
    Or yes once at least one of them is in a relationship with someone else.
    Genesis Melodic Thermos wrote: »
    I would say I've plenty of platonic male friends. That's not to say that in every case idle thoughts have never been entertained by one party or another or even that someone hasn't had a wee crush on the other for a while.

    The people who seem very invested in the idea that it's not possible seem to have very high standards for what they'll accept constitutes platonic, imo.

    Hmmm. So I get what ye're both saying but to me the word pure does imply a high standard and also, just in general, I think idle thoughts constitutes non platinicity (a word I just invented).

    Don't get me wrong, I have loads of female friends I think are absolutely great and have no serious romantic interest in; but if they were single and we were on a night out and we knew there wouldn't be fall out in our friendship after etc.

    My point is that just because the friendship isn't purely platonic doesn't mean it's in someway violated or worthless. These are friendships I cherish and I hope the women concerned do too.

    There are a small few friends I've had where the attraction was too strong and I had to say goodbye to the friendship which is a shame but it's the reality. Most of the time there is no such dichotomy at play though.


  • Options
    #58
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    sbsquarepants wrote: »
    That's the very definition of non platonic though.

    Mmm it's not though. It's a close relationship, and it's not a sexual relationship. I mean, I'veprobably given a few moments absent minded speculation about what it'd be like to fcuk pretty much everyone I've ever had a conversation with, I'd imagine a lot of people have a similar interior landscape. It doesn't mean every relationship I've ever had is sexual, and I wouldn't call a friendship where no sexual activity has ever occurred, been sought, been spoken of, a sexual relationship, and it's not a romantic one, a familial one, so what is it?

    I mean the term Platonic itself evolved from some pretty romantic beginnings.

    I get that people are probably operating by different definitions of what it means to them but like I said above there's a peculiarly high and purist standard applied to this that isn't to other relationships.


  • Options
    #59
    NSAman
    Registered Users Posts: 3,386 ✭✭✭NSAman


    I see sheep wrote: »
    Couldn't get it up for a hot girl, fair enough man it happens to the best of us.

    Have you had this erectile dysfunction long? There are physical issues that might need to be addressed along with the obvious psychological ones...:)

    You have options do not worry, see a doctor and a therapist immediately.


  • Options
    #60
    moritz1234
    Registered Users Posts: 140 ✭✭moritz1234


    There's a lot of lads lying on here.
    I've 100% no doubt that the women are telling the truth, but no way are the men telling the truth, no way.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #61
    Bobblehats
    Registered Users Posts: 4,707 ✭✭✭Bobblehats


    quote-never-discourage-anyone-who-continually-makes-progress-no-matter-how-slow-even-if-that-plato-83-70-43.jpg


Advertisement