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Mrnew · 13-11-2018 4:09pm

professore wrote: »

Speaking as a long married man this is utter bull****. Women go for looks primarily. Personality is a distant second. As it is for men.
If it wasn't there wouldn't be so many utter douchebag low IQ low vocabulary losers being successful with them.

Pretty much all the really decent fun guys I've known have had terrible success with women.

The diference is that women don't want to admit it for some reason.

This is the absolute truth women are just like men and looks is top of the agenda, im afraid if your not physically attracted to a person the likely hood of you trying to get her number, chat her up ect ect is very slim

ginandtonicsky · 13-11-2018 4:13pm

Jesus professore and completedit, ye're absolutely exhausting to listen to. Absolute drains the pair of ya. I'd say some self-reflection wouldn't go amiss if the absolutely fickle horrid women you seem to be surrounded by aren't giving you a look in.

And yes professore I know you've already got a wife. Which makes the tedious incessant bile about women only fancying arseholes and giving ordinary decent men the swerve all the weirder.

SusieBlue · 13-11-2018 4:13pm

professore wrote: »

I do get it. I was being tongue in cheek about them all fancying one guy. Let me ask you this : which one of them, the man or the woman, decided it wasn't "working out" first?

if it's anything like First Dates it's at least 80% of the time the woman doesn't fancy the guy and the guy says sheepishly "yeah I like you as a friend too" when it's painfully obvious it isn't the case. Of the 20% that actually succeed, in a lot of cases the guy acts like an absolute dick, says virtually nothing, or makes painfully boring conversation yet somehow has a "magical personality". It's rare that I see a couple on there at least that actually match well and get on well together other than a physical attraction.

Well it was a silly comment and made no sense seeing as the couples never even get to meet one another, I have no idea how it could be perceived as tongue in cheek.

In the most recent series, in 3 of the couples it was the mans decision to call it quits.
In one couple it was mutually agreed they weren't suited
And one couple where the woman called it off.

So out of 5 couples, three were finished by the man not feeling it and wanting out.

SusieBlue · 13-11-2018 4:15pm

completedit wrote: »

Legit man, I got too caught up in the romance that exists in music. I honestly never thought I'd go through my 20's without a girl. My teens made sense, I was awkward, shy and reserved but I really felt I blossomed in looks over last few years. Obviously I didn't in reality but yeah.

It's sad out there for a lot of guys, but I can't really hate on girls either.

I'm trying to word this as tactfully as possible, but if you are having no luck at all over a sustained period of time with a wide range of women, maybe the women aren't the problem.
Maybe you need to look inwardly and address how you carry yourself and come across to others. And I don't mean in a physical sense.

Bigbagofcans · 13-11-2018 4:17pm

Oh man. What's wrong with going for looks? You can't choose who you're attracted to so why should we go for someone we don't like the look of? To get approval from others who deem us 'not shallow'?

Gimme A Pound · 13-11-2018 4:18pm

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Jesus professore and completedit, ye're absolutely exhausting to listen to. Absolute drains the pair of ya. I'd say some self-reflection wouldn't go amiss if the absolutely fickle horrid women you seem to be surrounded by aren't giving you a look in.

And yes professore I know you've already got a wife. Which makes the tedious incessant bile about women only fancying arseholes and giving ordinary decent men the swerve all the weirder.

That can be the case all right - men who have such an issue with women strangely having a wife/partner despite how awful we are. And daughters! (And indeed, women who bitch about men can have husbands/partners and sons).

The lack of self awareness is good craic

But I cannot for the life of me figure out why completedit is perpetually celibate - i mean he seems like such a sound, well adjusted, level headed guy.

professore · 13-11-2018 4:19pm

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Jesus professore and completedit, ye're absolutely exhausting to listen to. Absolute drains the pair of ya. I'd say some self-reflection wouldn't go amiss if the absolutely fickle horrid women you seem to be surrounded by aren't giving you a look in.

And yes professore I know you've already got a wife. Which makes the tedious incessant bile about women only fancying arseholes and giving ordinary decent men the swerve all the weirder.

I actually did OK with women back in the day and they still like me - however it wasn't anything to do with my wonderful personality. In fact the less interest I had in them the more interest they had in me.

And I don't think women are bitches at all ... they are just more like the stereotypical image of what men are supposed to be like, when in fact there are more men with romantic ideas of relationships than women IMO. If you think of women like that you will have a lot more success than the "romantic" or "i'll woo them with my personality" approach.

Of course there are exceptions blah blah blah

Gimme A Pound · 13-11-2018 4:24pm

Who are all these women who say looks don't matter a jot?

I've never heard any woman say that. What I have heard them say is that a guy doesn't have to be absolutely drop dead gorgeous for her to fancy him. That's not the same as saying looks don't matter at all whatsoever.

professore · 13-11-2018 4:25pm

Bigbagofcans wrote: »

Oh man. What's wrong with going for looks? You can't choose who you're attracted to so why should we go for someone we don't like the look of? To get approval from others who deem us 'not shallow'?

Who said there was anything wrong with it? It's human nature. People are getting the wrong end of the stick. This isn't somehow about hating women. It's about women's actual dating preferences, and the totally wrong way it's presented in the media and society in general.

professore · 13-11-2018 4:26pm

Adam Massive Druggist wrote: »

Who are all these women who say looks don't matter a jot?

I've never heard any woman say that. What I have heard them say is that a guy doesn't have to be absolutely drop dead gorgeous for her to fancy him. That's not the same as saying looks don't matter at all whatsoever.

Women forever say that personality is very important, "just be yourself" etc and never mention looks as a factor. Men on the other hand say it constantly. If they actually said "look, you are pretty ugly, go for those girls, or be forever celibate" it would be better advice.

Never once have I heard a woman saying "I go for guys primarily on looks". Yet that's what most women do.

Bigbagofcans · 13-11-2018 4:30pm

professore wrote: »

Women forever say that personality is very important, "just be yourself" etc and never mention looks as a factor. Men on the other hand say it constantly. If they actually said "look, you are pretty ugly, go for those girls, or be forever celibate" it would be better advice.

Never once have I heard a woman saying "I go for guys primarily on looks". Yet that's what most women do.

Yes we do say personality is important but also looks are too. You don't have to just go for one or the other. There are plenty of good looking people with great personalities.

Gimme A Pound · 13-11-2018 4:35pm

professore wrote: »

Women forever say that personality is very important, "just be yourself" etc and never mention looks as a factor.

NEVER mention looks as a factor? Well that's not true. As said, personality and being yourself IS important, but that doesn't automatically mean zero concern for looks.

Never once have I heard a woman saying "I go for guys primarily on looks". Yet that's what most women do.

Well of course on Tinder.

Dalomanakora · 13-11-2018 4:35pm

Of course we go primarily for looks - at least in the beginning. Then when we get to know the guy, his personality makes him MORE attractive.

If you don't feckin know someone, of course you're going primarily for looks.

Looks make you want to shag.
The person makes you fall in love.

professore · 13-11-2018 4:37pm

Bigbagofcans wrote: »

Yes we do say personality is important but also looks are too. You don't have to just go for one or the other. There are plenty of good looking people with great personalities.

Exactly - or they can fake great personalities. Or it's the halo effect, where people assume someone who is good looking is good at everything too. They are the ones getting laid all the time.

This guy : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warren_G._Harding was elected US President because he looked the part, but was a notorious womaniser, pretty dumb, and an alcoholic.

Bigbagofcans · 13-11-2018 4:41pm

professore wrote: »

Exactly - or they can fake great personalities. Or it's the halo effect, where people assume someone who is good looking is good at everything too. They are the ones getting laid all the time.

This guy : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warren_G._Harding was elected US President because he looked the part, but was a notorious womaniser, pretty dumb, and an alcoholic.

Well they do say that good looking people generally fare better in life. It doesn't surprise that some people fake great personalities!

Tell me how · 13-11-2018 4:44pm

professore wrote: »

Exactly - or they can fake great personalities. Or it's the halo effect, where people assume someone who is good looking is good at everything too. They are the ones getting laid all the time.

This guy : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warren_G._Harding was elected US President because he looked the part, but was a notorious womaniser, pretty dumb, and an alcoholic.

He married his Oxford University sweetheart Allegra Mostyn-Owen in 1987
This ended when he had an affair with Marina Wheeler, who he married in 1993
In 2004 his four-year affair with journalist and author Petronella Wyatt emerged
In 2006 he then allegedly had an affair with another reporter, Anna Fazackerley
In 2009 hefathered a child with art consultant Helen Macintyre
Marina Wheeler said to have thrown him out as claims of a new affair emerged

Who was this dashing looking Lothario?

Bigbagofcans · 13-11-2018 4:59pm

Tell me how wrote: »

He married his Oxford University sweetheart Allegra Mostyn-Owen in 1987
This ended when he had an affair with Marina Wheeler, who he married in 1993
In 2004 his four-year affair with journalist and author Petronella Wyatt emerged
In 2006 he then allegedly had an affair with another reporter, Anna Fazackerley
In 2009 hefathered a child with art consultant Helen Macintyre
Marina Wheeler said to have thrown him out as claims of a new affair emerged

Who was this dashing looking Lothario?

A blond bombshell some might say!

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 13-11-2018 5:38pm

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Jesus professore and completedit, ye're absolutely exhausting to listen to. Absolute drains the pair of ya. I'd say some self-reflection wouldn't go amiss if the absolutely fickle horrid women you seem to be surrounded by aren't giving you a look in.

And yes professore I know you've already got a wife. Which makes the tedious incessant bile about women only fancying arseholes and giving ordinary decent men the swerve all the weirder.

Yeah, if professore hadn’t said he was married (and for quite for a while too! :eek:), I’d never have guessed he was. You really don’t come across as somebody who is married, professore, to be brutally honest. You’re very invested in the politics of the dating world. I’m with my fella for seven years and married for two of those and I feel completely out of the loop when it comes to dating.

If you notice my post, professore, could you answer a question I asked you in the Irish v foreign women thread? You said groups of women on nights out all always fancy the same guy. Did you really believe that generalisation? How did you come to that conclusion?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 13-11-2018 5:58pm

completedit wrote: »

I just think there's something you're not revealing.

TBH, I'm nearly 30, I won't be bothering dating once I hit 30, I wanted a carefree young romance and I never got it.

With all due respect that’s nobody else’s problem but yours. There are no online charities providing girlfriends to people who think they’re entitled to have whatever girlfriend they want. Why not just buy a mail order bride and be done with it.

TerrorFirmer · 13-11-2018 6:15pm

Any amount of men or women will tell you that attraction is a multi-faceted thing.

No-one's saying that women will flock to Shrek's doppleganger in a nightclub, but in the general scheme of things, most people go for something that just works for them, and that can be split any which way between looks and personality. That could be anything from a 90/10 to a 10/90 split, but usually for the majority of people it just falls in the middle or leans more towards personality.

Obviously there's usually an initial attraction based on appearance but that in itself is completely subjective too....and it's not unusual either to be indifferent to someone initially and find yourself falling for them as you really get to know them on a personal level and all the quirks of their personalities.

We could all probably admit to fancying people in the workplace/social circle that if we passed by in a nightclub we know we wouldn't give a second glance to based purely on their appearance in isolation. Nothing wrong with that whatsoever, but a perfect example of how personality accounts for a lot more we sometimes admit or even realise.

I would say myself, and the majority of my friends, are incredibly average looking people - not in a negative sense, but we wouldn't be gracing the covers of any magazines for sure - but none of us have ever had any issue with attracting women whatsoever, and most people would say the same.

completedit · 13-11-2018 8:20pm

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

Any amount of men or women will tell you that attraction is a multi-faceted thing.

No-one's saying that women will flock to Shrek's doppleganger in a nightclub, but in the general scheme of things, most people go for something that just works for them, and that can be split any which way between looks and personality. That could be anything from a 90/10 to a 10/90 split, but usually for the majority of people it just falls in the middle or leans more towards personality.

Obviously there's usually an initial attraction based on appearance but that in itself is completely subjective too....and it's not unusual either to be indifferent to someone initially and find yourself falling for them as you really get to know them on a personal level and all the quirks of their personalities.

We could all probably admit to fancying people in the workplace/social circle that if we passed by in a nightclub we know we wouldn't give a second glance to based purely on their appearance in isolation. Nothing wrong with that whatsoever, but a perfect example of how personality accounts for a lot more we sometimes admit or even realise.

I would say myself, and the majority of my friends, are incredibly average looking people - not in a negative sense, but we wouldn't be gracing the covers of any magazines for sure - but none of us have ever had any issue with attracting women whatsoever, and most people would say the same.

what age u? I'm probably a bit above average, good looking even but like I've said before a man is only as good as his worst flaw. I'm 5'8'' so not incredibly short but I am SMALL FRAMED which is basically a death sentence for a male, unless you have movie star looks.

bnt · 13-11-2018 8:29pm

Tinder is the ultimate online expression of that old computing maxim: GIGO.
Or does the OP imagine that people would actually enter accurate height and weight data in to a dating application? :pac:

TerrorFirmer · 13-11-2018 8:35pm

completedit wrote: »

what age u? I'm probably a bit above average, good looking even but like I've said before a man is only as good as his worst flaw. I'm 5'8'' so not incredibly short but I am SMALL FRAMED which is basically a death sentence for a male, unless you have movie star looks.

I don't agree at all. I'm relatively tall so never had to consider that, but I've friends who'd be a range of 5"7 to 6" and I don't think their height ever had any bearing on their success rates in terms of either relationships or more fleeting encounters.

I mean, you could argue I suppose that they could be more successful if they were taller perhaps but I can assure you they were successful regardless.

And definitely no-one in my group with movie-star looks either. I'm 31 to answer your question, closer to Shrek than Brad Pitt if I had to gauge it but I've never had a problem attracing women.

And the whole 'only as good as your worst flaw' argument is genuinely a reflection on your own confidence than anything anyone else would think about you.

I would say you probably already know that.

professore · 13-11-2018 9:11pm

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Yeah, if professore hadn’t said he was married (and for quite for a while too! :eek:), I’d never have guessed he was. You really don’t come across as somebody who is married, professore, to be brutally honest. You’re very invested in the politics of the dating world. I’m with my fella for seven years and married for two of those and I feel completely out of the loop when it comes to dating.

If you notice my post, professore, could you answer a question I asked you in the Irish v foreign women thread? You said groups of women on nights out all always fancy the same guy. Did you really believe that generalisation? How did you come to that conclusion?

I'm out of the loop too but I find the whole thing fascinating. I have plenty of friends "back in the game" as they are.divorced or separated.

On the girls all fancying the same guy it happens over and over again. And with married women too. Women talk after a few drinks and I listen. I came to that conclusion because it's what I see.

I'm always fascinated when things are not as they seem or as people would have you believe.

completedit · 13-11-2018 9:13pm

Literally the exact same thing man. Of my extended extended group which could be anything up to 200 people, it was the same guys going through the girls for our 20's. LMAO it was like clockwork. What happens is one of them gets with a hot girl and then the rest of the girls follow because if she got with him then he must be worth it. The worst and it's not dying down as we reach our 30's :O

completedit · 13-11-2018 9:19pm

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

I don't agree at all. I'm relatively tall so never had to consider that, but I've friends who'd be a range of 5"7 to 6" and I don't think their height ever had any bearing on their success rates in terms of either relationships or more fleeting encounters.

I mean, you could argue I suppose that they could be more successful if they were taller perhaps but I can assure you they were successful regardless.

And definitely no-one in my group with movie-star looks either. I'm 31 to answer your question, closer to Shrek than Brad Pitt if I had to gauge it but I've never had a problem attracing women.

And the whole 'only as good as your worst flaw' argument is genuinely a reflection on your own confidence than anything anyone else would think about you.

I would say you probably already know that.

Bro, I'm my biggest fan, frankly I haven't a clue what girls don't see in me but ultimately they decide who is worthy and not and I've been left on the scrapheap. As has been repeated here, women cannot help who they find attractive. You either win or lose. I lost. It sucks, you and your friends must have had other qualities that allowed u overcome your looks deficiencies. I'm currently gonna try put on 10kg and see if I have more luck. Unlikely because I'm a midget and 10kg will make me look comical.

Dalomanakora · 13-11-2018 9:26pm

completedit wrote: »

Bro, I'm my biggest fan, frankly I haven't a clue what girls don't see in me but ultimately they decide who is worthy and not and I've been left on the scrapheap. As has been repeated here, women cannot help who they find attractive. You either win or lose. I lost. It sucks, you and your friends must have had other qualities that allowed u overcome your looks deficiencies. I'm currently gonna try put on 10kg and see if I have more luck. Unlikely because I'm a midget and 10kg will make me look comical.

With all due respect, if you're your biggest fan, I'd hate to see your enemies!

Throughout this thread and elsewhere on boards, you've insulted your looks, your height, your penis size, your physical build, basically anything physical about yourself, you've insulted.

And that's really fcuking sad man. I'm a similar age to you and I've been through that self loathing enough to have needed therapy when I was younger, so I get it.

But it's not healthy. You don't need to keep feeling like that. You can talk to someone, get help and learn to truly love yourself.

Until you genuinely love yourself, you probably won't meet someone or have a healthy relationship tbh.

You deserve to be happy. Seriously.

professore · 13-11-2018 9:26pm

I don't understand the reaction I'm getting here to be honest. It's surely common knowledge that a small percentage of men gets most of the women? It's always been like that for as long as I can remember. There were 30 guys in my leaving cert year back in the CBS I went to in 89. One guy could have his pick of the equivalent convent school class girls. He was like a rock star. There were a few more who could score with a good bit of luck on their side. Then there were some more like myself who could maybe get lucky once a year. The rest were pariahs. Point being it was a pyramid rather than a fair distribution. And it was all looks. Nothing to do with personality. As it happens he wasn't a bad sort but there was nothing special about his personality. And from reading here it seems to be even worse now.

Having said that most of them eventually found someone, but they had a very limited chance to date different people, which I feel is essential to find the right person.

completedit · 13-11-2018 9:38pm

Dalomanakora wrote: »

With all due respect, if you're your biggest fan, I'd hate to see your enemies!

Throughout this thread and elsewhere on boards, you've insulted your looks, your height, your penis size, your physical build, basically anything physical about yourself, you've insulted.

And that's really fcuking sad man. I'm a similar age to you and I've been through that self loathing enough to have needed therapy when I was younger, so I get it.

But it's not healthy. You don't need to keep feeling like that. You can talk to someone, get help and learn to truly love yourself.

Until you genuinely love yourself, you probably won't meet someone or have a healthy relationship tbh.

You deserve to be happy. Seriously.

Thanks you seem a good person but my self image has been moulded over the past decade, every rejection, every girl who acted like I wasnt there, every girl who dodged me and got with some guy in class/group who has a reputation for being a player, acting like I don't exist, scowling at me lol you'd swear I did something mean to them, desexualizing me, I had girls compare me to ****ing Will in the Inbetweeners, you know the scene where he's in bed with Charlotte, they were like 'I can imagine that's what you'd be like':mad: In a better testament to my looks I did hear 'He would be good looking if you didn't know who he was' :O Strangely the nicest thing anyone said to me.

Dalomanakora · 13-11-2018 9:50pm

completedit wrote: »

Thanks you seem a good person but my self image has been moulded over the past decade, every rejection, every girl who acted like I wasnt there, every girl who dodged me and got with some guy in class/group who has a reputation for being a player, acting like I don't exist, desexualizing me, I had girls compare me to ****ing Will in the Inbetweeners, you know the scene where he's in bed with Charlotte, they were like 'I can imagine that's what you'd be like':mad: In a better testament to my looks I did hear 'He would be good looking if you didn't know who he was' :O Strangely the nicest thing anyone said to me.

That happens to lots of people though, especially younger people.

I've been compared to Ozzy Osbourne as a teenager - by my own siblings! I was told I was too ugly to go to my debs, I was told my ex definitely didn't assault me cause I was too ugly for him to want to do that. The nicest compliment I got as a teenager was being told I looked like a pretty version of ugly Betty.

But who cares? I've grown out of my weird awkward phase and I'm happily very average now. I like my eyes and lips, I'm okay with my figure and height. Theres loads I'd change but who wouldn't?

Some people were cnuts to you. It happens, unfortunately. And it sounds like you got it badly.

But why would you allow some assholes who set out to make you feel bad, to determine how you live your life now?

They're assholes, their opinions are irrelevant and you're giving them far, far too much credence by even thinking of what they said to you.

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