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Need outsider opinion

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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 421 ✭✭Aseth


    OP, my ex did this and turns out much more - he was basically dating right, left and center behind my back and sleeping with some of the girls he met online. I wasted many years of my life trying to fix and improve our relationship, be a better gf. Obviously it didn't work. Don't waste your time, there are many decent guys who won't disrespect you, cheat on you and then try to lie about it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    hsjsj wrote: »
    Thanks everyone, he claims its because he's sad and has been for a while, he's genuinely probably in a bad place. But it makes me feel bad because he says what's the point in living (after I said we break up) , this makes me so upset I obviously would never want him dead but I also don't want to stay with him just because he's sad (also I've heard of people being like this for minuplation, but I do know he hasn't been right so there could be truth and that scares me)
    That is him being manipulative.
    realize this he isn't being emotionally honest.

    leave him


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    four294 wrote: »
    Oh my god OP, I could have written this almost word for word. The only difference is that my boyfriend, from what I can gather, was only on tinder a few weeks before I found out and I have the extra heartbreak of knowing he was going to propose in the new year (we had been planning the wedding and looking at engagement rings etc) .


    Does it really make any difference whether it was three weeks, three months or three years? This isn't a drunken snog we're talking about here. It's a man showing he's capable of fooling his girlfriend into thinking their relationship is going places, while simultaneously he's checking out what else is on the market. That doesn't sound like a particularly honourable characteristic to me.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,660 ✭✭✭armaghlad


    Whatever you do don’t take him back. Move out. Cease all contact. Lousy behaviour from him and you owe him nothing.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Speaking as a guy who's guilty of such behavior in the past myself, I strongly advise you:
    Leave now, and don't look back.

    Long story short; you cannot 'fix' this person, nor is it your responsibility to. He's emotionally blackmailing you, and playing on your insecurity/naivety -- do not fall for it. Staying with him only communicates that if he gets caught a second time, he'll be able to "win you back" once more. As others have noted, the difference is next time he'll be sure to not get caught. And make no mistake, there will be many next times.

    Have some self-respect and get out. Quickly. You're going to waste years and get very badly hurt, otherwise.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,725 ✭✭✭lalababa


    A lot of married men I know will cheat giving the oppertuinity, some of the wives kinda blot it out, you know sorta don't want to hear about it.
    They supposedly get what they need outta the marriage.
    If you can deal with his actively looking for other sex/love partners(don't know if he's f**ked anyone yet) & you're getting what you need. O.K.

    If you can deal with him actively looking for other sex/love partners for a year but now he's stopped & you're getting what you need.O.K.

    If you can't then on to the next chapter of your life. Plenty of fish 😠in the sea. See what I did there...plenty of fish..get it
    I'm available btw😘


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,115 ✭✭✭Lotus Flower


    Dump his ass OP. We're all human and make mistakes but this was not a drunken mistake or one off, this has been a year or deliberate premeditated actions. In your early 20s you are practically a baby, you have so much of your life to live. Let him go and faff about on Tinder to his hearts desire, I guarantee someday you will be so glad you escaped


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,938 ✭✭✭joeguevara


    Can I ask the meaning of your thread title? Why need an outsiders opinion? Do you think it's acceptable that your partner did this? Why do you want to know if strangers/outsiders would put up with the same? Some people have posted that a lot of guys cheat. Yes they do. Same as girls. But to me it's abhorrent. Also texting people while in a relationship is the same as actually physical cheating. You don't need an outsider's opinion. If you feel bad get rid.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,115 ✭✭✭Lotus Flower


    joeguevara wrote: »
    Can I ask the meaning of your thread title? Why need an outsiders opinion? Do you think it's acceptable that your partner did this? Why do you want to know if strangers/outsiders would put up with the same? Some people have posted that a lot of guys cheat. Yes they do. Same as girls. But to me it's abhorrent. Also texting people while in a relationship is the same as actually physical cheating. You don't need an outsider's opinion. If you feel bad get rid.

    Why is the title of her thread relevant? The whole point of this forum is to ask objective outsider opinions. Being cheated on is hugely upsetting and confusing


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,793 ✭✭✭FunLover18


    hsjsj wrote: »
    Thanks everyone, he claims its because he's sad and has been for a while, he's genuinely probably in a bad place. But it makes me feel bad because he says what's the point in living (after I said we break up) , this makes me so upset I obviously would never want him dead but I also don't want to stay with him just because he's sad (also I've heard of people being like this for minuplation, but I do know he hasn't been right so there could be truth and that scares me)

    Do not let him make you feel responsible for his actions or the consequences.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,198 ✭✭✭bren2002


    TL/DR

    Don't under estimate the immaturity and /or ego boost that could go with this.
    A proper scare could make him grow up and act like he's in a grown up relationship.
    Acting on these apps is a different matter, just voicing a benefit of the doubt for the dopey young male.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    bren2002 wrote: »
    TL/DR

    Mod:

    Sorry, what was the TL/DR in relation to?


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,198 ✭✭✭bren2002


    wiggle16 wrote: »
    Mod:

    Sorry, what was the TL/DR in relation to?

    4 screens of posts is what was too long to read.


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