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How can I make things right?

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Comments

  • #32
    osarusan
    Registered Users Posts: 16,542 ✭✭✭✭osarusan


    jjj12345 wrote: »
    I mean, if he really loved me would he really be cutting me off over that?
    He doesn't really love you. I think that fact, more than anything else, is what you need to come to terms with.


  • #33
    kateee47298
    Registered Users Posts: 27 ✭kateee47298


    That doesn't sound like a great situation to be in, it sucks. I don't think you were to blame, it's important to be single for a while after a bad relationship. The time just wasn't right for you. Unfortunately it was right for him and now it isn't. These things don't always work out and it is a shame but you will find someone else that is on the the same page as you. Keep looking :)


  • #34
    leggo
    Registered Users Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    OP you’re coming across as a spoiled child tbh. I get that it sucks to be rejected, but this whole “not fair” business is childish. Have you ever liked someone because it was ‘fair’ to fancy them? That’s not how it works. This lad is allowed not be with you. Even if you like him or had him interested at one stage, he’s entitled to change his mind and you can’t throw your toys out of the pram because of it.

    Your entire attitude towards dating is pretty toxic tbh. You seemed to revel in having two lads play for your affections and keep them both at a distance, then when they clocked you you began to talk about it as if you’re entitled for them to do so. People are trying to explain this to you nicely but you’re getting confrontational back, telling them to re-read your posts. Re-read your own posts OP: you barely even talk about why you like him, why you’re hurt etc. That’s the stuff it’s normal to focus on. Instead it’s centred around why he should like you and how unfair it is that he doesn’t. And that attitude is probably part of the reason these lads ran a mile, I’d say they copped it and wanted no part.

    Take this as a life lesson and move on. You seem young and ultimately that’s what being young and dating is for. If you take this on the chin and look in the mirror you’ll be better for it in the long run.


  • #35
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    He told you he wasn't interested in a relationship. That's all you need to focus on. Everything else is just padding


  • #36
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    I could see a situation where when you came looking for a relationship he was cautious because of previous rejection from you, wanted to see if you were genuine and then was very disappointed and angry when you went off with the other guy and then came to him for consolation.

    Or he might have really thought he was ok with you moving on and you guys being friends but then faced with the reality of it, turned out he wasn't. That happens, people are allowed to change their minds or not be 100% sure of their feelings, which, to be honest, you seem to be well able to apply to yourself.

    There's no need for him to be sending you abusive texts or anything like that but I'd say blocking you was probably the right call. This is a messy situation and it's only going to lead to more drama.

    I know you don't think you've done anything wrong, I'm sure you are genuinely emotionally upset or devastated and you probably didn't set out to hurt anyone. But I would recommend you work on looking at your actions from other people's perspectives and acknowledge that you don't have to be exclusively or actively malicious for them to be hurt by your actions and that they're entitled to react like that.

    If you really liked someone, they asked you out and then it turned out that they were just looking for a little ego boost because the person they actually liked rejected them and had no intention of the date going anywhere, how would you react?

    Would you think "oh that's not fair, I'm devastated, that really hurt", would you think " everyone needs a little ego boost from time to time, no harm"?

    You're getting some pretty harsh input here but it is basically true.

    You can't make this right, but you need to learn from it or you will keep getting hurt and hurting people.


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  • #37
    StinkyMunkey
    Registered Users Posts: 1,398 ✭✭✭StinkyMunkey


    Sorry OP, but the opportunity to have a relationship with this guy has passed.

    It may not be fair, it may not be what you wanted, but the world carries on around you and stops for no body.

    Chalk this one down to experience and move on with your life. It will sting for a bit, but other opportunities will come you way.


  • #38
    Lotus Flower
    Registered Users Posts: 1,127 ✭✭✭Lotus Flower


    Hi OP,

    The big problem with dating nowadays is that a lot of people don't want to commit as they feel they have a wealth of other options. That's what happened to you here, you expected this guy to wait around for you while you decided to be ready, told him about other dates and then were hurt when he did the same. Don't you think that's a little hypocritical?

    You didn't want to commit to him and now that he doesn't want you, you've decided you want him. I don't think that's fair to him. You didn't consider him relationship material before but he's become more attractive now you can't have him. Just chalk this one down and let it go. Next time I'd advise to not take people for granted and if you spend a year with someone either sh*t or get off the pot, I.e make a proper go of things with them or let them go fully to meet someone else.

    I know this sounds harsh also but going to an ex to cry on his shoulder about another guy is unfair to him and to be totally honest, a bit pathetic. Go to your mates for emotional support, not a recent ex


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