Well done to all those staying sober and on the wagon in these disconcerting, frustrating and unsure times.
I have struggled at times myself since the lockdown began in mid-March and - in early April, with intense pressure and stress in trying to get my home office/spare bedroom hugely retooled - and ramped up several gears to do full online working, and one particular day when it just got completely on top of me and I wanted to chuck the computer out the window and feck off down to the off-licence, I paused and thought of how far I’ve come in the past 2 years in sobriety, in recovery and getting my life back on track. I especially thought of the happiness and peace of mind I have today, despite the worries and challenges. I chaired my second AA meeting on Wednesday, this time on Zoom. It really feels great to dI service and give back.
Would a relapse, then, really be worth endangering all that? No, no bloody way!
Doing my AA groups online on Zoom - sure, it’s no proper substitute for a physical, face to face meeting and I do really miss regular social interaction...
...but it sure as hell beats being cooped up in a tiny, dingy flat with no job, isolated from family and friends who weren’t calling in or phoning any more, no hobbies, no interests, daytime TV my only friend, not eating properly (if at all some days) no self-care, a mess, the DTs, sweats, shakes, crippling anxiety in the morning when the booze ran out, the washing machine head, blood pressure through the roof, A&E visits after seizures and hallucinations...
No, I have just way, way, too much to lose. I love my sober life. I love having my peace of mind. I love my partner. I love having a clear head and so much to look forward to.
One day at a time.