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17-07-2019, 21:44   #31
antix80
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Originally Posted by RobAMerc View Post
( and before anyone says it yes, they had no right to go in there )
So there's 3 reasons why your neighbour hates you.

You have all the sympathy in the world. And no doubt you'll remember something else you or yours did that also received an unwarranted reaction from your neighbour.

Your neighbour sounds like a nut. You probably did the right thing by mentioning him to the gardai. But there are 2 sides to every story, and I'm not overly proud but i was consistently unpleasant to a previous neighbour of mine who made my life a misery by refusing to control her barking dog.

Just keep out of your neighbours hair and see how that works out.
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17-07-2019, 21:57   #32
RobAMerc
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So there's 3 reasons why your neighbour hates you.
So building an extension I was within my rights to do ( council came out and agreed )
My 9 year old got his ball from his garden
I cut the grass outside the house.

I understand at some level you are trying to justify your own behavior, I understand and sympathize - constantly barking dog or lack of sleep would drive anyone nuts

But threatening to kick **** out of someone for cutting the communal grass ?
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17-07-2019, 22:09   #33
antix80
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I understand at some level you are trying to justify your own behavior, I understand
You understand very little. I tried to give you friendly advice which was to stop looking for trouble because you will find it, and now you're trying to turn it on me. I am beginning to see why your neighbour thinks you're.. I believe he called you a prick?
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17-07-2019, 22:12   #34
RobAMerc
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You understand very little. I tried to give you friendly advice which was to stop looking for trouble because you will find it, and now you're trying to turn it on me. I am beginning to see why your neighbour thinks you're.. I believe he called you a prick?
haha
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18-07-2019, 10:03   #35
Gregor Samsa
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Originally Posted by RobAMerc View Post
So building an extension I was within my rights to do ( council came out and agreed )
My 9 year old got his ball from his garden
I cut the grass outside the house.

I understand at some level you are trying to justify your own behavior, I understand and sympathize - constantly barking dog or lack of sleep would drive anyone nuts

But threatening to kick **** out of someone for cutting the communal grass ?

The only question in your OP was "wtf is wrong with this clown?"

I think almost everyone here has sympathsed with you, and stated that his behaviour was unwarranted and not not normal. But you did ask why he acted the way he did, and people are trying to answer that question. It's not that they're justifying him or anything else - they're hypothesising based on the information you've given them - which is really all they can do.
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18-07-2019, 10:42   #36
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He acted like this because he's an arsehoIe. Not because of what the OP did.

If it wasn't the grass, the ball or the extension, it would have been over something else.
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18-07-2019, 10:49   #37
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Originally Posted by antix80 View Post
So there's 3 reasons why your neighbour hates you.

You have all the sympathy in the world. And no doubt you'll remember something else you or yours did that also received an unwarranted reaction from your neighbour.

Your neighbour sounds like a nut. You probably did the right thing by mentioning him to the gardai. But there are 2 sides to every story, and I'm not overly proud but i was consistently unpleasant to a previous neighbour of mine who made my life a misery by refusing to control her barking dog.

Just keep out of your neighbours hair and see how that works out.
While it's true there are two sides to every story, it doesn't mean both sides are right or justified. Sometimes, one side is actually right and the other side is simply bang out of order.

The way I see it, the OP tried to do a neighbourly thing as he's a decent guy and the neighbours reaction was completely insane and unacceptable. I would hazard a guess that he's annoyed at the kid getting his ball 'from his land' and the extension despite the Council granting permission so even his reasons for being annoyed are ridiculous, unjustified and unstable. A child fetching his ball is about as innocent as it gets! I used to jump my neighbours wall when I was a kid if my ball went in and he'd come out and pretend to chase us. He didn't start threathening my dad and going ballistic!

OP, sorry this is happening to you, you try to do a good deed and this hit gets thrown in your face. You shouldn't have to lay low or feel uncomfortable in your own home. For now, it's been reported, I'd probably leave it there. I wouldn't see the need to tell him you've been to the Guards but if anything else happens, I'd be straight back to them and taking this a step further.

You could also try another route which is swallowing humble pie and being the bigger man and knocking on his door to say look, there seems to be alot of anger and anomosity here, can you talk about what's going on and resolve it.. type of thing.. although he might just get angry for you 'bothering' him 'again'.
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18-07-2019, 12:11   #38
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...A child fetching his ball is about as innocent as it gets!...
Absolutely agree with that.

Unless the child has done some class of damage etc. while retrieving it then it I think it is insane to even to attempt to group this with the list of items in the 'things you annoyed your neighbour with' category.

While going against what my emotional reaction would be, I would also be tending to try to defuse things as much as possible. While I may feel like going nuclear with him, I have learned that there is nothing whatsoever to be gained from a long and drawn out battle with a neighbour.

Last edited by skallywag; 18-07-2019 at 12:14.
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18-07-2019, 12:32   #39
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The only question in your OP was "wtf is wrong with this clown?"

I think almost everyone here has sympathsed with you, and stated that his behaviour was unwarranted and not not normal. But you did ask why he acted the way he did, and people are trying to answer that question. It's not that they're justifying him or anything else - they're hypothesising based on the information you've given them - which is really all they can do.
fair comment. I just didnt think the comment that these were 3 reasons to hate me was fair either.

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Originally Posted by Porklife View Post
You could also try another route which is swallowing humble pie and being the bigger man and knocking on his door to say look, there seems to be alot of anger and anomosity here, can you talk about what's going on and resolve it.. type of thing.. although he might just get angry for you 'bothering' him 'again'.


I had previously engaged his mother ( who lived there ) and brother who was responsible for her about the extension. They understood what was happening and said they knew whomever bought the house would do similar.

The initial encounter with this chap was when he behaved aggressively to my wife and I about the extension. ( he didnt live there at this point he was visiting )

After a short period I called in and listened to his concerns I agreed to consider them but also expressed my disapproval of his aggressive tone. He reacted by losing the plot and calling me a stack of names.

I've no intention of going anywhere near this chap again.

Last edited by RobAMerc; 18-07-2019 at 12:37.
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18-07-2019, 15:40   #40
Porklife
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fair comment. I just didnt think the comment that these were 3 reasons to hate me was fair either.





I had previously engaged his mother ( who lived there ) and brother who was responsible for her about the extension. They understood what was happening and said they knew whomever bought the house would do similar.

The initial encounter with this chap was when he behaved aggressively to my wife and I about the extension. ( he didnt live there at this point he was visiting )

After a short period I called in and listened to his concerns I agreed to consider them but also expressed my disapproval of his aggressive tone. He reacted by losing the plot and calling me a stack of names.

I've no intention of going anywhere near this chap again.
Wow... well with that additional information I'm very glad to hear that you went to the Guards! He is clearly a loose cannon and was using the grass incident as a very transparent excuse to have another pop at you.

I'm not sure what to suggest OP other than trying to keep out of his way but that's unfair and no way to live. It's a tricky one.
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18-07-2019, 16:02   #41
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He's almost certainly annoyed about the extension. But why did he call it his grass if it is the little strip between the road and footpath, that's weird.

You'd be surprised how many people think they own a bunch of the land at the front of their house. It's especially common with people thinking they own the street parking in front of their property, causes all sorts of arguments.
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21-07-2019, 17:24   #42
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dunno if this is the right place but....

I was outside cutting the grass verge this eve, I decided as I often do to cut both mine and my neighbours - most of the neighbours do ( its joined to mine and an extra 1 mins work )

My neighbour arrives out with a foot long file type object ( he'd clearly picked up ) and started hurling abuse at me - who the fook asked you to cut my side you little prick? etc etc

he was literally foaming at the mouth as he said it and threatened to kick the **** out of me, and waved the file in my face.

he then started abusing me for putting a flower arrangement round the tree outside ( lots of neighbours have done similar ) and it was part of the neighbourhood drive to spruce up the place with flowers

I told him I thought I was being neighbourly, and he starts again going on, "you wouldnt know what it means to be neighbourly you little prick"

wtf is wrong with this clown?

I went to the Gardai who filed a report and said I am entitled to go down the formal route - I dont really know what to do ... I dont want this nut job near me, my kids or my wife.
I'm sorry, but you were just trying to do a good deed
If I was in your situation and he came at me the way he did at you I wouldn't hesitate to put the pr!ck in his place. He practically threatened to physically hurt you and threatened to kick the sh%t out of you
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22-07-2019, 09:48   #43
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Be careful going formal.

Its your word against his, do you have any witnesses to this? If not then chances of it leading anywhere are slim as there is no proof he did it.

You'll piss him off even more, and for what? It's possible he might be "scared" of the garda calling to him. But let's be honest, who's actually afraid of that these days?

The flipsise is that there is a huge a amount of grief you can cause someone well before anything will happen to you if someone wanted. How would you feel if the situation escalated?

If you think he is the sort who will back down if the garda get involved then night be worth doing but doesn't sound like he is.
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22-07-2019, 10:23   #44
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It's true what they say - no good deed ever goes unpunished!

When you're dealing with someone who's irrational and constantly hostile, no amount of rationality you try to bring to the situation will ever make any difference. It's like trying to mix oil and water. So whilst I fully understand you were trying to do a good deed and your neighbour's response was wholly unjustified, I agree with *most* of the other posters and don't think there's any path forward here other than to just look after your own bits of grass cutting etc in future and leave him to his misery.

With that said ......... I could ignore the anger over the extension and grass and so on, but if I was in your shoes and he ever came out shouting at my son again, I wouldn't hold back in giving the c**t a piece of my mind.
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22-07-2019, 12:59   #45
seamus
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You'd be surprised how many people think they own a bunch of the land at the front of their house. It's especially common with people thinking they own the street parking in front of their property, causes all sorts of arguments.
Yep.

People are really odd about these things. When we moved in, the entire garden between us and next door was shared. The other neighbour had been cutting the entire thing for years and remarked she was relieved that someone else can do half of it now.
First thing I did was remove half of my side and a flower bed, and replace it with stones, so we could actually park in the driveway and not have to walk in mud.

I should also note that this neighbour is out religiously every week cutting the grass in the summer. Once a week, every week. I have young kids. I might get time to get out and cut it every 2nd week.

So for the most part she was still carrying the load on the front garden. But when I put down the stones, she progressively stopped cutting over our side, further and futher. Until she was leaving half of the garden uncut. Whatever.

Then they asked to build a wall down the front garden. "Oh this is nothing personal, we'd been thinking about it for years, but never had the money!". Sure, whatever.

Still the grass cutting, once a week, every week in the summer. She did the verge out the front. I never bothered because it was never long enough to need cutting.

Then we built an extension. And after a number of very rude and entitled texts from her about it, relations became that bit frostier.

This year I saw that half of the grass verge out front had been left uncut. I do the whole verge when I go out now. I won't get drawn into the petty bullsh1t.

Oddly enough, we share a "parking" space out front, and it's never been a problem. There's an unspoken "first-come" agreement in place, and everyone's cars move often enough not to piss the other side off. Sometimes the space is completely empty because everyone decided to park in the driveways. We've never had a single word said about it to eachother. Funny how things work.


If I was the OP, Id be inclined to assume there's some form of substance abuse at play here to explain the completely off the wall reaction. So I'd be looking to call into the neighbour and time it for when he's not half-cut. The purpose would not be an argument but to try and come to an understanding; because you don't want to spend the rest of your time running in and out hoping not to see him. I'd rather know for definite that I'm on ****ty terms with a neighbour than spend my time hoping not to bump into them. At least then you could actually ignore them without feeling uncomfortable about it.

If it's not substance abuse, then it's mental illness and the Gardai is your only way forward. It's all well and good to say, "Ah sure just keep out of mad Tom's way and nobody will come to any harm", until the day that he comes out and punches one of the kids or kills someone's dog with a shovel. He's a clearly dangerous person, and ignoring him and leaving him be is not the appropriate response. It's the Irish response, but that rarely turns out for the best.

Last edited by seamus; 22-07-2019 at 13:06.
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