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05-02-2018, 21:38   #16
Caranica
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I know this has come up before but the vague thread titles can be frustrating. Particularly when (near)duplicates appear on a regular basis. Things like "what do I do", "is it over" or even "help" recur regularly though often with completely different threads.

Other fora have things along the lines of "please use meaningful thread titles"?
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11-02-2018, 15:32   #17
pitifulgod
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Not a regular in here but there seems to be walk into a thread that can be incredibly judgemental and veer away from being helpful in anyway. This can result in debate rather than an effort to offer useful feedback to op. It might be worth considering something close to a zero tolerance policy on posters who do things like this.
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15-02-2018, 21:56   #18
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I'm a regularly lurker of here. I tend not to post because I've found some of the posters have more articulately and succinctly written what I would like to say.

I think the moderation here is great. The only issue I've had over the past while is that some posts are very hard - either on the OP or in tone. I'm not sure how I can describe it exactly but I know by reading some of the replies on posts, I've felt less inclined to visit PI / RI.

Some examples would be when an OP might get upset about some of the replies and you see "you're only angry that people aren't agreeing with you". I find this annoying. I think the posters could word it better but instead it gets the OP defensive. Now the poster is probably in the right but it would be more beneficial to make it sound less scathing. As someone pointed out earlier, the OP is in an emotional space and probably not seeing the wood from the trees. I think sometimes they just need to write out their issue to start to clearly see it especially with the perspective of strangers. I went through a bit of a tough time recently and I was going to post asking for some advice but honestly I spent so long trying to word it (because I knew certain posters would pounce on certain aspects instead of the whole picture), I was frighten off and left it.

The other thing I've noticed is that some posters have certain biases in certain areas. One example would be students not working or paying their way through college or offering up money at home. There was a post (waaaaaaay back) wondering how much to pay back their parents. The parents initially said they've cover it but when she got a job, the mother wanted to be paid back indefinitely (even though they didn't need the money, it was more of a cultural / bragging rights. The post got derailed from so many "why didn't you pay for yourself OP, I had to work 6 jobs in college and pay my parents". To me the issue was that the parents changed the deal on the OP and while she was quite willing to go along with it, she wanted advice on when to stop because she had no idea how much her parents shelled out for her. Or how to approach them to ask for a cut off point. Some posters just fixated on that she didn't work her way through college.

To sum up I think the moderation is excellent but I've found some posts too hardline. I do think some posts need to be tough love but I can also see why someone who feels the need to post in PI / RI might be put off by this stance and lets face it, some regulars who do often have great advice can have very tough stances on certain issues. I don't think this is something that can or needs to be moderated.
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16-02-2018, 10:54   #19
Big Bag of Chips
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Thanks wyrn,

And I fully understand and agree with your point. There is always different ways of imparting advice. Some people have the skill/ability/empathy to be able to say what a poster needs to hear without getting personal or being too harsh . Unfortunately many people seem to lack that basic skill. It is a difficult one to moderate because often the poster doesn't exactly breach the charter. They may not stray into personal abuse etc. As moderators we repeatedly stress, "mature, constructive, civil advice". There are posters who regularly skim the ourskirts of this and as a group the moderators (like regular posters!) have a fair idea of who those types of posters are, and we keep a general eye. Sometimes even though individual posts may not be card worthy a pattern of posts could often result in a moderator sending a PM to a user and asking them to tone it down a bit.

As a rule we don't like handing out cards and bans regularly. And a card or ban will only be handed out when it really is necessary. Often time posters will be nudged in a more civil direction. There are all types of people in the world, and I suppose it is impossible/impractical to police what people say and how certain people communicate. All we can do, really is to repeat the standard of posting we expect here. And then if people continually ignore than and go on their own crusades, then the cards/bans have to be given out. As you say it is not nice to be in a vulnerable/upset situation and to come on looking for advice just to be kicked when you're down. It serves no valuable purpose whatsoever.

Last edited by Big Bag of Chips; 16-02-2018 at 11:02.
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19-02-2018, 10:05   #20
 
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19-02-2018, 10:28   #21
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From a personal point of view I agree. It is frustrating to see that. In the real world you are not going to leave your husband or wife and only see the kids every Wednesday plus every second weekend because your spouse looked at your phone. It's non-advice to offer that in most cases. Now, if you were two months dating on the other hand and he's checking your phone, my advice would be to run like Gump.

With an open forum, you'll get anyone posting, even people who give poor advice. As much as we'd like to though, we can't ban them. Posters can however point out the obvious flaws in their 'advice', provided it's done in a civil manner and keeping the OP in the loop rather than two posters going off topic and having a nitpicking debate on it.
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19-02-2018, 14:32   #22
Big Bag of Chips
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Yeah, in cases where you have people (generally who we assume are not married, and probably have never been in any sort of long term stable relationship) immediately going to "dump him" the forum then depends on wiser heads to come along and bring a bit of sense to the thread. I know we stress direct all replies to the OP, and that is to stop posters getting in to a debate with each other but posters can still disagree with another poster in the context of offering advice to the OP.

But on the note of online posters "pressuring" people into making decisions, I think/hope that strangers online telling someone to end their marriage wouldn't be enough for someone to end it. People posting publically asking for advice will get just that, and they have no idea who they are getting advice from. Boards has a lower age limit of 13. So that's something to bear in mind when asking for relationship advice. It's up to the OP in every case to take what they want from the thread and ignore the rest.
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19-02-2018, 14:51   #23
 
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19-02-2018, 15:16   #24
Big Bag of Chips
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I wouldn't like MY 13 year old to be reading it - but if parents allow their 13 year old free access to the internet, and the permission to have a Boards.ie account (although they can read it unregistered) then as a parent you have to realise that your child might read and see things you'd rather they didn't.

https://www.boards.ie/content/terms?site=desktop
First point under the heading "Your use of Boards.ie"

Last edited by Big Bag of Chips; 19-02-2018 at 15:26.
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19-02-2018, 15:28   #25
 
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19-02-2018, 15:46   #26
Big Bag of Chips
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My original reference to 13 year olds was in reply to your post about people jumping straight to the "dump him" brand of advice. I never said people should post bearing in mind there might be young eyes reading. I said they should bear in mind when reading advice that they have no idea who is in fact advising them. They have no idea if they are reading advice from a marriage counsellor with 40 years experience or from a 14 year old who has recently dumped their boyfriend because he liked a friend's profile picture on Facebook.

We, as posters and moderators have enough to be doing without playing "mammy" to the teens of Ireland too. If your child reads a post that you deem unsuitable for their eyes on boards.ie, then that's your issue to monitor. Not everyone else's.
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19-02-2018, 18:28   #27
 
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29-07-2018, 20:46   #28
orthsquel
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I'm getting a bit worried about the PI/RI forum over the last few months. There seems to have a surge of recent registered users and re-reg users (that got banned) showing up in here and trolling, flaming and being disruptive, pulling threads and other constructive users off topic and into arguments.

Those users tend to hit one section of boards, troll and argue to get their post count up, get banned and move into other sections before they either get bored, carded, or banned. One that got banned from After Hours started turning up in here, posting. There's been a steady increase in users newly registered since April onwards with high post count from e.g. After Hours landing in here and going against the charter... This isn't just happening to PI/RI but across boards and I've seen more and more posts across various sections of boards calling out members as "trolls" and "yet another re-reg" when they seen they're registered since April or July 2018. I'm worried what will this do to the forum in the long-run and the constructiveness of responses to posters and advice being given.

I find even myself wary of threads where I suspect they be just be a troll bored of After Hours content as their last point of posting and less welcoming to those who seem just to be in PI/RI to troll and de-rail threads, argue and not contribute... or where their only contribution is something unhelpful and unwise a suggestion for whoever the person the OP is in a difficult situation.

Last edited by orthsquel; 29-07-2018 at 20:49.
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29-07-2018, 22:20   #29
Caranica
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To add to the above, I know mods have a life but there are loads of PI mods yet obvious troll posts are often left for hours. It makes it very hard to trust new posts.
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30-07-2018, 11:01   #30
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Apologies, I wasn't online this weekend I'm afraid.



Sometimes it's not immediately clear if a person is a troll or if they have history and requires the higher- ups with more mod buttons to check. I'll tend to err on the side of caution though - PI is a place where OP's come already distressed and I'd rather catch a troll a few days later than ban someone who is genuine and compound their distress.



It's happened before though where there's an influx from elsewhere on boards and then it calms down after a while, I'm not sure what causes it tbh. I'll have a chat with the fellow mods about this, and see if there's anything we can do to keep on top of it.
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