Originally Posted by LoughNeagh2017
I most likely will die via own hands in 30 years when i am in 50's. I cannot guarantee that though as who knows what pills will be on the market at that time. As things stand i only intend to live for as long as parents live as it would be a cruel thing to die whilst they are alive. I don't have the mental strength, personality or skills to survive in this world. Just think about it logically, I will be in my 50s, all alone and broken by the world and still faced with another 10-15 years of work, why should i have to suffer through that? I can understand why it would be wrong for a man with children to kill themselves but why would it be wrong for a loner? The funny thing is the neighbours will probably say "It was a rash decision" yet I would have had it planned for 30 years.
Pills are not the answer in my opinion, talking is. I think the importance of talking to a professional about what you're feeling is as important as taking medication. Medication is important as it can help with fatigue, irritability etc but in reality the depression or suicidal thoughts are still there but are being suppressed. The key to finding out why you feel this way is to talk and keep talking until you come to terms with it.
I myself are currently going through a very rough time and have suicidal thoughts almost every day. I have spent my life depressed going back to my childhood and this depression has taken on many forms and in some ways made worse by the actions of others to "help" me.
It is only in the last 12 months I have decided to do something about it after having a huge realisation which is probably the most dramatic step ill ever take. I have lost family and time with my child over it and while these steps have brought on these thoughts of self harm, I feel like a I am in control of my destiny to an extent. These thoughts are from my own actions rather than the input of others. I am trying to work towards a better life where my happiness is genuine rather than happiness through materialistic things or an imposed happiness. Life is there to be enjoyed and not to be enjoyed because you should.
Talking to a professional although expensive has helped me no end. Without that support and in my case this was my only support unfortunately I would be dead, i've no doubt of that.