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Have you ever had depression?

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    #122
    Ginja Ninja
    Registered Users Posts: 3,532 ✭✭✭Ginja Ninja


    Richard Cranium wrote: »
    A close friend has started opening up to me about feeling worthless and anxious all the time, and not feeling happy in years. He's sort of wondering out loud if he has depression. I won't go into any more detail here, but I think he might be right.

    I don't know what to say though, I feel completely dumb and tactless. I don't know how to go about suggesting that he get help without being unhelpful. I wish I could talk to him face to face now, it would be much easier.
    it varies on the person,both how you are and how he is.But there's no better way then asking how they are,he might be bringing it up as a subtle cry for help,ask him how he's doing and don't just accept "I'm fine" get a good long answer and see,it's not fun to push the issue but it could make a difference.

    Just my two cents,you'll probably find a better way to do it,but for the love of god don't ignore it


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    #123
    Richard Cranium
    Registered Users Posts: 656 ✭✭✭Richard Cranium


    Ginja Ninja wrote: »
    but for the love of god don't ignore it

    I agree, I have no intention of ignoring the issue. I'm really worried about him but I'm trying to walk a fine line between getting him to see someone about it and not pushing too hard and making him clam up again


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    #124
    rovert
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 23,089 ✭✭✭✭rovert


    Do the working class get depression or is it a middle class thing?


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    #125
    Craguls
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,986 ✭✭✭Craguls


    Richard Cranium wrote: »
    I agree, I have no intention of ignoring the issue. I'm really worried about him but I'm trying to walk a fine line between getting him to see someone about it and not pushing too hard and making him clam up again

    Offer to go with him? He'll really appreciate it, often it can be intimidating or embarrassing to do these things by yourself.

    I recently decided to tackle a few personal demons of my own rather than ignore them because they were holding me back. I had intended to go make the appointment in January but I kept backing out of it. It wasn't until mid February that I actually went and that was only after a friend came through for me and offered to go with me.


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    #126
    Ginja Ninja
    Registered Users Posts: 3,532 ✭✭✭Ginja Ninja


    rovert wrote: »
    Do the working class get depression or is it a middle class thing?
    care to expand on that statement?


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    #127
    Seren_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,810 ✭✭✭Seren_


    The fact that he's talking about how down he's feeling might show that he's finally accepting it. It can be easier to try and go on and forget about how bad you feel than actually thinking about it.

    Just make sure you're there for him, he needs a good friend now, and by the sounds of it you are one :)


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    #128
    ohthebaby
    Registered Users Posts: 1,808 ✭✭✭ohthebaby


    Craguls wrote: »
    Offer to go with him? He'll really appreciate it, often it can be intimidating or embarrassing to do these things by yourself.

    I recently decided to tackle a few personal demons of my own rather than ignore them because they were holding me back. I had intended to go make the appointment in January but I kept backing out of it. It wasn't until mid February that I actually went and that was only after a friend came through for me and offered to go with me.

    This. It's pretty intimidating to finally face up to needing help like that so maybe having some moral support and a friendly face on hand might encourage him to go sooner, which is what you want. Even if he declines, at least he knows that you're there.

    Offering to go with him on top of just being there to listen will hopefully help him see how much you truly care and how much of a friend you want to be to him through this.


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    #129
    Extrasupervery
    Registered Users Posts: 2,029 ✭✭✭Extrasupervery


    Be there. Just be there. No one knows what to say, but your presence and the fact that you give a shít means more than he could let you know. Make sure he isn't on his own for too long either...these things intensify tenfold in isolation.


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    #130
    Konata
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,164 ✭✭✭Konata


    Extrasupervery wrote: »
    Be there. Just be there. No one knows what to say, but your presence and the fact that you give a shít means more than he could let you know. Make sure he isn't on his own for too long either...these things intensify tenfold in isolation.

    ^This exactly.

    As someone who suffers from depression, I know that I'm never as down when I'm with other people than when I'm on my own. There's nothing you can say to make it better - just being there is enough. Knowing that someone cares is an amazing feeling.

    You sound like a great friend - kudos to you! :)


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    #131
    Fad
    Registered Users Posts: 7,231 ✭✭✭Fad


    rovert wrote: »
    Do the working class get depression or is it a middle class thing?

    Strictly middle class......working class have under developed brains.

    As for the upper class, well money makes their brains impervious to any ailment.

    Obviously.


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    #132
    Ally7
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,207 ✭✭✭Ally7


    Hi, I'm looking for some advice in relation to one of my friends.

    She's, I suppose, what people would consider an "emo", just because of what she wears and the music she listens to. Anyway, I don't know if she has an eating disorder. In school, all she eats is a few sweets and diet coke. Another friend of mine was talking to her brother, and said she won't eat much at home either.

    I don't know if she really does have an eating disorder, or just wants attention. I think a lot of people see her not-eating as being attention seeking, because she is an emo. I know its wrong, but sometimes I get really irritated with her for not eating, because its just so frustrating, especially as she's lost a lot of weight. None of us know what to do with her.

    I was just wondering if anyway could tell me what I should do? I'm really confused and its kinda getting me down now that I can't do anything for her.

    Btw, would just like to say well done to everyone here who has spoken freely about their depression. I think you're all really brave and really admire your courage :)


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    #133
    CamperMan
    Registered Users Posts: 1,835 ✭✭✭CamperMan


    ye, I have suffered from depression in the past, not taken meds for it as there is usually a reason why I am depressed so I deal with it, my partner Susan was suffering from severe depression for years, this was caused by Seroxat (Paxil), since she stopped taking that sh!t 5 years ago, she has been on top form :)


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    #134
    KnifeWRENCH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,148 ✭✭✭✭KnifeWRENCH


    Hotaru wrote: »
    ^This exactly.

    As someone who suffers from depression, I know that I'm never as down when I'm with other people than when I'm on my own. There's nothing you can say to make it better - just being there is enough. Knowing that someone cares is an amazing feeling.

    You sound like a great friend - kudos to you! :)
    +1. It's always so reassuring to know that there's someone out there who actually does care about you. Having a good friend can make a whole lot of difference to someone while they're going through this. I never really spoke to my friends about depression when it was really getting me down, and I really wish I had. It could have made a big difference.
    Ally7 wrote: »
    Hi, I'm looking for some advice in relation to one of my friends.

    She's, I suppose, what people would consider an "emo", just because of what she wears and the music she listens to. Anyway, I don't know if she has an eating disorder. In school, all she eats is a few sweets and diet coke. Another friend of mine was talking to her brother, and said she won't eat much at home either.

    I don't know if she really does have an eating disorder, or just wants attention. I think a lot of people see her not-eating as being attention seeking, because she is an emo. I know its wrong, but sometimes I get really irritated with her for not eating, because its just so frustrating, especially as she's lost a lot of weight. None of us know what to do with her.

    I was just wondering if anyway could tell me what I should do? I'm really confused and its kinda getting me down now that I can't do anything for her.

    Btw, would just like to say well done to everyone here who has spoken freely about their depression. I think you're all really brave and really admire your courage :)

    I honestly don't know what advice to give here, other than suggest you start a thread in the Personal Issues forum. That forum has a lot of traffic and you're sure to get some good advice and helpful replies there.


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    #135
    Konata
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,164 ✭✭✭Konata


    Ally7 wrote: »
    Hi, I'm looking for some advice in relation to one of my friends.

    She's, I suppose, what people would consider an "emo", just because of what she wears and the music she listens to. Anyway, I don't know if she has an eating disorder. In school, all she eats is a few sweets and diet coke. Another friend of mine was talking to her brother, and said she won't eat much at home either.

    I don't know if she really does have an eating disorder, or just wants attention. I think a lot of people see her not-eating as being attention seeking, because she is an emo. I know its wrong, but sometimes I get really irritated with her for not eating, because its just so frustrating, especially as she's lost a lot of weight. None of us know what to do with her.

    I was just wondering if anyway could tell me what I should do? I'm really confused and its kinda getting me down now that I can't do anything for her.

    Btw, would just like to say well done to everyone here who has spoken freely about their depression. I think you're all really brave and really admire your courage :)

    Well. Eating disorders are a toughie and I speak from experience (again, ugh :p). The hardest part about eating disorders is that the sufferer cannot get better until they WANT to and even then it's a long battle.

    You need to be very careful that you don't nag her. When I was anorexic I had teachers calling me to their office, friends telling me to eat, all this stuff for months before I even admitted to myself that I was sick. All of the "nagging" (even though I know it was out of concern) just annoyed me.

    Try talking to her - just asking her how she is. How is she feeling at the moment? Is their anything wrong at home/school/with friends/relationships etc.? Eating disorders are only superficially about weight after all, it's the thoughts and feelings that are the real problem.

    I know it's hard. I've been on both sides of the fence (sufferer and concerned friend) and the feeling of helplessness can be pretty tough. But seriously, just be there for her and DON'T talk to her about food or weight - it won't help. Most of all, look after yourself too - if you really feel you can't handle this, talk to someone close to you for support.

    Best of luck! :)


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    #136
    Ginja Ninja
    Registered Users Posts: 3,532 ✭✭✭Ginja Ninja


    Ally7 wrote: »
    Hi, I'm looking for some advice in relation to one of my friends.

    She's, I suppose, what people would consider an "emo", just because of what she wears and the music she listens to. Anyway, I don't know if she has an eating disorder. In school, all she eats is a few sweets and diet coke. Another friend of mine was talking to her brother, and said she won't eat much at home either.

    I don't know if she really does have an eating disorder, or just wants attention. I think a lot of people see her not-eating as being attention seeking, because she is an emo. I know its wrong, but sometimes I get really irritated with her for not eating, because its just so frustrating, especially as she's lost a lot of weight. None of us know what to do with her.

    I was just wondering if anyway could tell me what I should do? I'm really confused and its kinda getting me down now that I can't do anything for her.

    Btw, would just like to say well done to everyone here who has spoken freely about their depression. I think you're all really brave and really admire your courage :)
    <snip>:there are better people to give advice on this then me.

    as for the emo thing,Some of the happiest people I've ever met dressed like emo's and some of the saddest didn't.I wouldn't rate that much at all.Just my opinion btw,you know the girl,act how you think would suit her best,everyone's different in these situations

    there are people here who know first hand a lot more about this stuff,take their advice


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    #137
    Novella
    Registered Users Posts: 13,713 ✭✭✭✭Novella


    Ally7 wrote: »
    Hi, I'm looking for some advice in relation to one of my friends.

    She's, I suppose, what people would consider an "emo", just because of what she wears and the music she listens to. Anyway, I don't know if she has an eating disorder. In school, all she eats is a few sweets and diet coke. Another friend of mine was talking to her brother, and said she won't eat much at home either.

    I don't know if she really does have an eating disorder, or just wants attention. I think a lot of people see her not-eating as being attention seeking, because she is an emo. I know its wrong, but sometimes I get really irritated with her for not eating, because its just so frustrating, especially as she's lost a lot of weight. None of us know what to do with her.

    I was just wondering if anyway could tell me what I should do? I'm really confused and its kinda getting me down now that I can't do anything for her.

    Btw, would just like to say well done to everyone here who has spoken freely about their depression. I think you're all really brave and really admire your courage :)

    Your friend is pretty lucky that she has someone like you who genuinely wants to help her. Ya know, sometimes that fact alone means more than anything else. I've suffered from pretty bad depression myself, and tbh, it really showed me who my real friends were. Knowing that I did have friends who truly cared, that honestly meant the world to me and while there wasn't really anything they could say or do to make things better for me, them just being there, well, it was everything.

    The fact that she likes a certain genre of music or dresses 'emo' shouldn't be something that people take into account when considering her mental state of mind. That drives me mad! So many times people have said to me, "Maybe you'd be a happier person if you listened to more uplifting music". Yes, I'm sure my diagnosed illness is all in relation to the fact that I like a bit of Death Cab for Cutie! :rolleyes: I like sad songs, sure, but I don't like sadness, or being a sad person.

    Even if she has stopped eating to gain attention, imo, that's still dangerous. I would still think of her as someone who needs help. It's normal to feel irritated at her for not eating but I'd advise not showing that.

    Tbh, it's pretty difficult for me to tell you what to do. I've been in your position, had a friend with an eating disorder and we (myself and other friends) found it really difficult. We wanted her to eat because we care about her and didn't want to see her sick, but at the same time, forcing food on her just wasn't right either.

    I guess you could try have a chat with her. An, "I'm worried about you, I would really like to help you, I'm not going to push you to do anything you don't wanna do" type thing. See how she reacts. Give her a while. If things stay the same or get worse, it would probably be in her best interest if you told her parents or something. I know that'd feel like you're betraying her but sometimes a persons well-being has to come before everything else.

    Best of luck, hope things look up.


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    #138
    bevan619
    Registered Users Posts: 1,683 ✭✭✭bevan619


    About 3 times. Just small bits that lasted a day or two.


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    #139
    Insect Overlord
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,857 Mod ✭✭✭✭Insect Overlord


    bevan619 wrote: »
    About 3 times. Just small bits that lasted a day or two.

    I don't mean to sound insensitive, but if it only lasted a day or two then it almost certainly wasn't depression.


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    #140
    bevan619
    Registered Users Posts: 1,683 ✭✭✭bevan619


    Insect Overlord wrote: »
    I don't mean to sound insensitive, but if it only lasted a day or two then it almost certainly wasn't depression.

    Well what was it then?


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    #141
    Fad
    Registered Users Posts: 7,231 ✭✭✭Fad


    bevan619 wrote: »
    Well what was it then?

    You can just be "Down" about something, I've been down about things for weeks maybe even up to a month, I wouldnt call that depression either.


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    #142
    bevan619
    Registered Users Posts: 1,683 ✭✭✭bevan619


    Fad wrote: »
    You can just be "Down" about something, I've been down about things for weeks maybe even up to a month, I wouldnt call that depression either.

    Well that's good to hear ;D


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    #143
    Insect Overlord
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,857 Mod ✭✭✭✭Insect Overlord


    bevan619 wrote: »
    Well what was it then?

    As you've asked, it may have been any (or indeed none) of the following:

    a teenage hormonal mood swing; a virus; over-tiredness due to a lack of sleep; the ill-effects of mild dehydration; anger/upset over an incident at home/school/elsewhere.

    True depression is usually recognised after a time-frame of about 6 months.


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    #144
    Ginja Ninja
    Registered Users Posts: 3,532 ✭✭✭Ginja Ninja


    Insect Overlord wrote: »
    True depression is usually recognised after a time-frame of about 6 months.
    Also,"true depression" is alot different to feeling down,you can realise you have depression and still feel dead and empty inside.It's when it gets out of your control and even though you know somethigns wrong it's not making a difference you're really depressed.

    Everyone gets down sometimes,some get more down more often then others,but there's a big difference to feeling down and full blown depression.When you can't see the point of getting out of bed or feel like every meal you eat is wasting someone else's food,you've a problem.

    Just to clarify,I'm not making a point at you bevan169 in case it sounds like that.But full blown depression is not something anyone ever wants to have,I'd nearly take it as a compliment to be told you aren't depressed


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    #145
    Ally7
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,207 ✭✭✭Ally7


    Thanks for all our advice everyone. I know I have to do something about her, because she has a history of self-harm and she's moving schools in a month and there no one may care about her eating patterns!

    I think I'll just talk to her in private, make sure everythings alright and let her know that I'm there for her if something is wrong. I know myself, I would hate if people were nagging me all the time!

    Oh and btw, sorry if i seemed a bit judgemental in relation to the "emo" thing. Personally, I hate that nametag and the belief that they're all depressed people. She is, in fact, one of the happiest people I know! Though, with her not eating, I'm afraid it just may be an act.

    Anyway, thanks again!


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    #146
    Ginja Ninja
    Registered Users Posts: 3,532 ✭✭✭Ginja Ninja


    Ally7 wrote: »
    Thanks for all our advice everyone. I know I have to do something about her, because she has a history of self-harm and she's moving schools in a month and there no one may care about her eating patterns!
    I think I can say on behalf of all of us:

    You're an awesome friend/person dude[ette?]


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    #147
    Novella
    Registered Users Posts: 13,713 ✭✭✭✭Novella


    Ally7 wrote: »
    Thanks for all our advice everyone. I know I have to do something about her, because she has a history of self-harm and she's moving schools in a month and there no one may care about her eating patterns!

    I think I'll just talk to her in private, make sure everythings alright and let her know that I'm there for her if something is wrong. I know myself, I would hate if people were nagging me all the time!

    Oh and btw, sorry if i seemed a bit judgemental in relation to the "emo" thing. Personally, I hate that nametag and the belief that they're all depressed people. She is, in fact, one of the happiest people I know! Though, with her not eating, I'm afraid it just may be an act.

    Anyway, thanks again!

    You're a really good friend :)<3

    Oh, and btw, if it seemed like I was jumping down your neck about the emo bit, I'm really sorry! Didn't mean it like that at all, that whole thing just drives me mad!


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    #148
    Ally7
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,207 ✭✭✭Ally7


    Ginja Ninja wrote: »
    I think I can say on behalf of all of us:

    You're an awesome friend/person dude[ette?]

    Thanks, its just I understand what it feels like to think no one cares about you.
    Novella wrote: »
    You're a really good friend :)<3

    Oh, and btw, if it seemed like I was jumping down your neck about the emo bit, I'm really sorry! Didn't mean it like that at all, that whole thing just drives me mad!

    No, don't be,I completely agree with you re the whole "emo" issue! :)


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    #149
    rovert
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 23,089 ✭✭✭✭rovert


    Fad wrote: »
    Strictly middle class......working class have under developed brains.

    As for the upper class, well money makes their brains impervious to any ailment.

    Obviously.

    Am I allowed to reply to this? As it is rather ignorant.


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    #150
    A Neurotic
    Registered Users Posts: 3,779 ✭✭✭A Neurotic


    rovert wrote: »
    Am I allowed to reply to this? As it is rather ignorant.

    It was a heavily sarcastic response to a rather ignorant question.


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    #151
    qwerty4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20 ✭qwerty4


    One of my best friends has recently been diagnosed with mild depression. After a couple of weeks he finally confided in me and hasn't even told any of the lads who he is VERY close with as he goes to boarding school (I'm a girl btw). I was honestly shocked as I know him incredibly well and he is honestly one of the the happiest, craziest most outgoing and easy going people I know! He also told me about some "black patches" which I won't go into but suffice to say I was shocked and would have never in a million years guessed.. He knows I'm 100% there for him for anything at all, and we do chat everyday. My question is apart from this is there anything else, any other support which I can give? I'm not quite sure why he hasn't told any of the lads, maybe it's because I know a side to him no one else has seen as we're so close. Should I encourage him to talk to them about it? Or just leave it? I'm probably going to be leaving the country soon and I just really want to make sure he's got the support system which I feel he needs. Sorry about the long post.. Any help/recommendations are welcome and also I must say a huge well done to everyone on here who has been so honest about their own situations. From what I've seen from my friend, I know it's sometimes very difficult to
    open up about these things :)


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