Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

badboyblast wrote: »

You are very brave and keep it up.

ongarboy wrote: »

Hi all.
Recent lurker to this forum as I wanted to seek out solidarity from those who understand what I’m going through which is a fairly constant feeling of anxiety. I was even anxious about posting here under my username as I was afraid that those who may be familiar with me elsewhere on Boards or anyone who’d google me on Boards would see this and then associate me with a mental health condition and what a stigma that would be….eh?? I also had a concern that coming here (and I’ve visited this thread a lot in the last couple of weeks) would somehow encourage me to wallow in my condition and somehow use the forum as an excuse to go on “poor me” rants and have some of you validate such rants and which could start making the thread addictive for me for the wrong reasons (ie seeking the company of misery/pity/sympathy validations). I’m confident for me that the positives of this thread will far outweigh any perceived negatives I had or may have.

I can however see a lot of very brave individuals coming here and posting about how they are truly hurting right now or in the recent past and how they even just have the wherewithal to post about that. Those posts alone mean you are not suffering in silence. Your honesty and courage is what is inspiring me and doesn’t make me feel alienated and alone (of which I’ve so often felt in the past).

I left a great, very well paid, top of career job 3 years ago due to extreme work related anxiety and tricked everyone into thinking I was taking a career break to go travelling for a year which of course was a far more socially acceptable “why are you leaving?” response rather than say “I can’t face this job or any new job”. Anyway, with some therapy and fabulous group support work with CrossCare during that year off, I mustered up the strength and courage to fight my anxiety and go back and find a job in my industry ( a different company, similar job) hoping I could use the coping mechanisms and tools I acquired through therapy to endure this new job. You’ve all heard the Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway malarkey…. I lasted two years that included 2 one month absences due to work related anxiety before I had to quit again before Christmas to save myself from descending further down a black hole of anxiety. I'm so mad and angry that 20 years of education, qualifications and working hard to ascend to the top has all being wasted but my sanity had to come first. My therapist congratulated me when I guiltily admitted I handed in my notice and said that I should feel empowered for owning that decision to leave an environment that was stressing me out. I’m still not sure if it’s me or my anxiety that “owned” it.

Anyway, 3 months later and I’m back job hunting again and trying to focus on completely different industries but my CV is only geared towards the industry I’ve always worked in. I’m now applying for completely unrelated jobs hoping that working in a different field will not cause me such anxiety and stress. I’m not sure how successful that will be but I guess the fact I’m doing it all is a good thing, right? I’m hating having to job hunt as I equate work with anxiety for as long as I remembered and this job hunting feeds into the anxiety. However, I get more stressed out by doing nothing and feeling guilty about doing nothing so I popped off a couple of CVs today. Not sure I’d even want the jobs I’m applying for but there is a slight feel good feeling already for doing something productive as applying for jobs I guess.

Anyway, apologies for the long post – hadn’t planned, just kept on typing. I just wanted to introduce myself and say well done to all of you for expressing yourselves so honestly. Even if you feel your posts do not help yourself, it may help someone else who’s reading and that has to be a good thing.