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Farting

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13567

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    #62
    Ashleigh1986
    Registered Users Posts: 672 ✭✭✭Ashleigh1986


    I dropped one in a very very quiet bar at a night club .
    Moved away from the scene , 2 lads went up to the bar .
    There was literally tears in their eyes .
    They moved away broken men !!!


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    #63
    TomSweeney
    Registered Users Posts: 3,193 ✭✭✭TomSweeney


    I remember once I was in a strip club and it was a seedy place with f- all men in the place, I was having a beer and watching the ladies dance, the stage was a good distance away so I let one off .... a silent but violent one, of course 20 seconds later a stripper comes over looking for a private dance.


    Jaysus


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    #64
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    TomSweeney wrote: »
    I remember once I was in a strip club and it was a seedy place with f- all men in the place, I was having a beer and watching the ladies dance, the stage was a good distance away so I let one off .... a silent but violent one, of course 20 seconds later a stripper comes over looking for a private dance.


    Jaysus

    How did you deal with that, Tom? Go with the classic, ‘can’t get good staff these days’, or something more creative?


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    #65
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users Posts: 13,378 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    I have a friend who's married seven years and she has never farted in front of her husband. I find that immeasurably sad. The day when you can fart in front of your partner is a happy one indeed. Nothing worse than coming home for the first few months doubled over with cramps from holding them in all night.


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    #66
    Titzon Toast
    Registered Users Posts: 2,491 ✭✭✭Titzon Toast


    I've always wanted to change my GamerTag to "A good fart"

    The kill feed would be great.

    You've just been killed by "A good fart"


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    #67
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 13,712 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Dial Hard wrote: »
    I have a friend who's married seven years and she has never farted in front of her husband. I find that immeasurably sad. The day when you can fart in front of your partner is a happy one indeed. Nothing worse than coming home for the first few months doubled over with cramps from holding them in all night.
    It's probably no coincidence that in my longest relationship, we were both comfortable enough that we'd fart in front of one another. In fact there was always a bottle of Febreze close-to-hand for exactly that purpose - the penalty for farting in bed was having it sprayed all over you.

    Farting: bringing people closer together since the dawn of mankind.


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    #68
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    valoren wrote: »
    The ones that sound like they're asking a question get me :D

    Would that be ones with a Cork accent?


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    #69
    Roger Hassenforder
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,555 ✭✭✭Roger Hassenforder


    I think theres no issue with being relaxed enough with someone, to be comfortable to let one rip., now and then when "under a bit of pressure"

    That said, while it is a natural function.as is an ejaculation, bare in mind that you're basically ejecting the gaseous contents of your rectum, that heretofore had been permeating through your faeces.
    You wouldn't drop the keks and drop a deuce, which is merely another state of matter from the same orifice, in front of your other half, stranger or recent acquaintance (with voluntary and solicited exceptions) without expecting some objection.


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    #70
    Roger Hassenforder
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,555 ✭✭✭Roger Hassenforder


    No they're the ones that go up and down.


    Ones that go up at the end are more Australian?


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    #71
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Roger Hassenforder wrote: »
    No they're the ones that go up and down.


    Ones that go up at the end are more Australian?

    I wouldn’t know. I don’t fart. I literally don’t actually fart!


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    #72
    BarryD2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,732 ✭✭✭BarryD2


    Lads I was in college with used to light them up. Killed the whiff a bit I guess.


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    #73
    Roger Hassenforder
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,555 ✭✭✭Roger Hassenforder


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    I wouldn’t know. I don’t fart. I literally don’t actually fart!

    Ah hear. Everyone farts!
    Some a bit more con brio than others


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    #74
    Zorya
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,194 ✭✭✭Zorya


    Someone just stuck their head round the door and said what the hell are you laughing so much about!?

    :D


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    #75
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Roger Hassenforder wrote: »
    Ah hear. Everyone farts!
    Some a bit more con brio than others

    No I don’t, I don’t have the organ that farts!


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    #76
    Zorya
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,194 ✭✭✭Zorya


    Deleted User wrote: »
    No I don’t, I don’t have the organ that farts!

    You don't have a bum? :eek:


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    #77
    Roger Hassenforder
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,555 ✭✭✭Roger Hassenforder


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    No I don’t, I don’t have the organ that farts!

    You might not have an organ, but i bet you've a hoop.


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    #78
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Zorya wrote: »
    You don't have a bum? :eek:

    Nope, got it stitched closed after my entire colon was removed 😂


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    #79
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Roger Hassenforder wrote: »
    You might not have an organ, but i bet you've a hoop.

    See above :)


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    #80
    DJIMI TRARORE
    Registered Users Posts: 3,558 ✭✭✭DJIMI TRARORE


    Went to pickup a GF years ago,a farmers daughter. The nerves were high and the gut on edge,got her in the car and as we were leaving her father was speeding slurry. Young Djimi spotted his moment and let one out,it was vile,some whack of that slurry says I,sure is says she, quickly followed by did u swallow much if it!!!!!!


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    #81
    sjb25
    Registered Users Posts: 3,375 ✭✭✭sjb25


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Nope, got it stitched closed after my entire colon was removed 😂

    ..


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    #82
    Roger Hassenforder
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,555 ✭✭✭Roger Hassenforder


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Nope, got it stitched closed after my entire colon was removed 😂

    Pix or GTFO


    i dont want pix


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    #83
    Zorya
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,194 ✭✭✭Zorya


    Deleted User wrote: »
    See above :)
    Oh. I'm sorry.


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    #84
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 13,712 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Nope, got it stitched closed after my entire colon was removed ��
    Jesus. Tell me not to pry if I am doing so, or if this is a stupid question, but -- is there a particular reason why that's done after removing the colon?

    Can they not just connect the parts of the gastro-intestinal tract that are still working?


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    #85
    Fifty grades of shay.
    Registered Users Posts: 779 ✭✭✭Fifty grades of shay.


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Nope, got it stitched closed after my entire colon was removed 😂

    Well at least you can't be called an arshole again. :D


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    #86
    orourkeda1977
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,628 ✭✭✭orourkeda1977


    A powerful ripping fart first thing in the morning is life affirming.

    It's akin to waking up with a massive erection.


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    #87
    tayto lover
    Registered Users Posts: 51,485 ✭✭✭✭tayto lover


    davidk1394 wrote: »
    Nothing better than leaving off a ripper in a pub or night club especially on the dance floor or the bar

    Great craic in a lift. The silent assassin.


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    #88
    TomSweeney
    Registered Users Posts: 3,193 ✭✭✭TomSweeney


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    How did you deal with that, Tom? Go with the classic, ‘can’t get good staff these days’, or something more creative?


    I started the old blowing trick .... you know when you try and disperse the noxious fumes ? - but of course you need to try and disguise the actual blowing action, so it's like you are playing an invisible tin whistle.





    Sometimes I miss the smoking ban.


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    #89
    TomSweeney
    Registered Users Posts: 3,193 ✭✭✭TomSweeney


    A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »
    It's probably no coincidence that in my longest relationship, we were both comfortable enough that we'd fart in front of one another. In fact there was always a bottle of Febreze close-to-hand for exactly that purpose - the penalty for farting in bed was having it sprayed all over you.

    Farting: bringing people closer together since the dawn of mankind.


    We even have an expression for it - on farting terms with someone!


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    #90
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 13,712 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    TomSweeney wrote: »
    I started the old blowing trick .... you know when you try and disperse the noxious fumes ? - but of course you need to try and disguise the actual blowing action, so it's like you are playing an invisible tin whistle.





    Sometimes I miss the smoking ban.
    I don't know this is an urban myth, but I had a classmate who swears she dated a guy with acid reflux, and every time she came back from the bar or from the ladies', he was tilting in his seat, with a cigarette-lighter pointed towards his ass.

    Apparently acid reflux causes gassiness, and his was barely under control.

    Reader, they did not remain a couple for very long.


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    #91
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 8,856 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    In the immortal words of Dave Allen....

    If we didn't fart, we'd explode!


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