BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder

RachelDDD · 04-05-2014 5:57pm #1

Hi,

I am just wondering if anyone knows of any support groups out there for either BPD patients or their families? I know there was a FB group but I think it is now obsolete. There is a very strong need for a support group and would be keen to try to kick start something if there is enough interest. Would love some (positive!) feedback.

Thanks.

aaabbbb · 04-05-2014 6:08pm

I've looked around for one in the past but could never find any specifically for BPD. They were all either generalised such as grow or more for bipolar/schizophrenia such as the Eolas programme.

Aware also do support groups and mental health Ireland but they're all for anxiety/depression

Theres the bpd ireland site but it seems to have not been updated in quite some time.

I'd agree there is a bit of a gap when it comes to support services for bpd (as well as general services such as access to DBT etc but thats for a different thread)

RachelDDD · 04-05-2014 7:35pm

Thanks for your reply, I agree the BPD Ireland site seems to be very old and no recent activity. I just think it is such a serious condition and very often under-diagnosed, it needs more awareness. A support group could help make people more aware of the symptoms, treatments etc. and we could learn from others experiences.

It is shocking so many young (& older) people are dying from suicide in Ireland and I feel strongly that BPD could well be an underlying condition. Suicidal people feel so desperate and misunderstood. I would love to think people would see a BPD support group and recognise their own condition and get help by talking to people who cope with this daily.

Fingers crossed there is enough interest and things could start to improve

chinacup · 30-08-2014 1:55am

RachelDDD wrote: »

Hi,

I am just wondering if anyone knows of any support groups out there for either BPD patients or their families? I know there was a FB group but I think it is now obsolete. There is a very strong need for a support group and would be keen to try to kick start something if there is enough interest. Would love some (positive!) feedback.

Thanks.

I'm game for this

triona1 · 07-09-2014 5:31am

Hi.
Truly My husband has this years,i wont go into to much detail.But the only help i have is my own gp.There is no support group.His psych just medicates him so that he can not harm himself.I don't want to give false hope but we have tried every avenue,every mental health hospital.Now as my title post my husband is chronic.I will most certainly help with how i treat everyday life.but medication seems to be the key.this is not medical advice by no means.

catrin11 · 08-09-2014 11:58pm

Hi
My husband hasn't been officially diagnosed having BPD but he is such a classical example that there is no way it can be anything else. He is currently on anti-depressants which help him a bit in being calmer and more focused. He is having a therapy (luckily a very good friend of ours stepped in and proposed a very holistic treatment, similar to DBT - fingers crossed! it works). I searched internet as I was interested in getting in touch with people who have similar situation but in vain. I needed badly help as the things started getting out of control - verbal abuse, aggressive behaviour, accusations, financial problems, his drinking, self-harming and suicidal moods, etc. It was too much for me to deal with on my own. I am grateful to have good GP who helped me tremendously - putting me on anti-depressants, his priceless advice regarding bringing myself to some sort of order. A few true friends who helped me get through the darkest moments are vene more dear to me now. Recently however, I have found a book OVERCOMING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER A Family Guide for Healing and Change by Valerie Porr. It's a eyes-opening. I find it extremely helpful. It gives fantastic insight into the cause and what families dealing on daily basis with BPD sufferers. I recommend it to everyone whose loved one has this condition.

catrin11 · 09-09-2014 12:03am

triona1 wrote: »

Hi.
Truly My husband has this years,i wont go into to much detail.But the only help i have is my own gp.There is no support group.His psych just medicates him so that he can not harm himself.I don't want to give false hope but we have tried every avenue,every mental health hospital.Now as my title post my husband is chronic.I will most certainly help with how i treat everyday life.but medication seems to be the key.this is not medical advice by no means.

Triona1
Has your husband taken part in DBT - Dialectical Behaviour Therapy? So far it has been the only one treatment which actually successfully helps people with BPD. It's still a novelty. It was introduced to Ireland only in 2010 (Cork) and 2 years ago in Dublin. There results are very promising

Roquentin · 12-09-2014 8:57pm

catrin11 wrote: »

Hi
My husband hasn't been officially diagnosed having BPD but he is such a classical example that there is no way it can be anything else. He is currently on anti-depressants which help him a bit in being calmer and more focused. He is having a therapy (luckily a very good friend of ours stepped in and proposed a very holistic treatment, similar to DBT - fingers crossed! it works). I searched internet as I was interested in getting in touch with people who have similar situation but in vain. I needed badly help as the things started getting out of control - verbal abuse, aggressive behaviour, accusations, financial problems, his drinking, self-harming and suicidal moods, etc. It was too much for me to deal with on my own. I am grateful to have good GP who helped me tremendously - putting me on anti-depressants, his priceless advice regarding bringing myself to some sort of order. A few true friends who helped me get through the darkest moments are vene more dear to me now. Recently however, I have found a book OVERCOMING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER A Family Guide for Healing and Change by Valerie Porr. It's a eyes-opening. I find it extremely helpful. It gives fantastic insight into the cause and what families dealing on daily basis with BPD sufferers. I recommend it to everyone whose loved one has this condition.

sounds exactly like me when i am in a spell. i start arguing with everyone.

catrin11 · 13-09-2014 7:13pm

Roquentin, it is possible you may have it. But it still needs to be officially diagnosed. However, it is important to remember that these mood changes can happen very frequently within very short time (I hard about even 20-30 different mood a day!). The changes are very sudden and can be triggered by anything (something really unimportant for non-BPD people but having usually very negative meaning for its sufferers). So it would be good to think of that as well beforehand as it may be useful while being diagnosed. :-)

catrin11 · 13-09-2014 7:18pm

I was wondering if there is anyone whose loved one suffers from BPD and who lives/works in Dublin (and surrounding). Maybe it would be a good idea to meet up for a coffee/tea and chat. There is no official support group but it doesn't mean we need to bottle up all that we've been going through. Sharing our experiences and finding understaing in other similarly affected by that condition people can help I think

triona1 · 16-09-2014 9:41pm

@catrin11.
We have tried cbt/dbt,The only answer is to heavily sedate him mainly at night.Some days are fine but they are rear.The self harm and suicide attempts are the worse.But he has a pattern he follows its normally between 2am- 3am at night when these happen and i can tell by his mood.So i do the night shift.He is on a controlled script normally i collect every 3 days and sometimes they need to be dispensed daily.Its constant go go go trying to be ten steps ahead all the time.He has a huge script of about 30 tabs a day.He is also on a small dose of Depixol as we thought at one stage it was our only hope to lessen his meds but the side effects were outrageous that's why he was left on a very small dose.Id be lost without my gp only for him over the years id have cracked myself.Pieta/Day care centres,He once had a brilliant dr that would take him into hospital when things got bad to give me a break for a few hours/days but he moved to somewhere else.We tried not to let him become institutionalised as he was in and out so much.over the last 4 years id say 2 off them were spent in a&e or hospital.Im the driver to all appointments and anywhere we need to go now really,plus trying to hide the attempts from the kids was near impossible.

chinacup · 17-09-2014 11:16am

Anyone know of meet ups for the BPD sufferers specifically?

catrin11 · 18-09-2014 11:55pm

chinacup wrote: »

Anyone know of meet ups for the BPD sufferers specifically?

Unfortunately I haven't heard of any. Perhaps The Cluain Mhuire Service can give you some info.

chinacup · 21-09-2014 10:19am

triona1 wrote: »

@catrin11.
We have tried cbt/dbt,The only answer is to heavily sedate him mainly at night.Some days are fine but they are rear.The self harm and suicide attempts are the worse.But he has a pattern he follows its normally between 2am- 3am at night when these happen and i can tell by his mood.So i do the night shift.He is on a controlled script normally i collect every 3 days and sometimes they need to be dispensed daily.Its constant go go go trying to be ten steps ahead all the time.He has a huge script of about 30 tabs a day.He is also on a small dose of Depixol as we thought at one stage it was our only hope to lessen his meds but the side effects were outrageous that's why he was left on a very small dose.Id be lost without my gp only for him over the years id have cracked myself.Pieta/Day care centres,He once had a brilliant dr that would take him into hospital when things got bad to give me a break for a few hours/days but he moved to somewhere else.We tried not to let him become institutionalised as he was in and out so much.over the last 4 years id say 2 off them were spent in a&e or hospital.Im the driver to all appointments and anywhere we need to go now really,plus trying to hide the attempts from the kids was near impossible.

There is a lot of research to say that medication actually doesn't work for BPD, that's pretty widely accepted now so I'm surprised that he is literally being sedated like that. It seems barbaric to me. Can I ask where he received the dbt? Did he complete it, was it properly run etc? Is his diagnosis definitely correct? Sorry if that seems intrusive to ask but your situation seems very extreme, something is not right there. Have you told your story to Jim Lyng? He may be able to do something for you.

catrin11 · 21-09-2014 5:00pm

chinacup wrote: »

There is a lot of research to say that medication actually doesn't work for BPD, that's pretty widely accepted now so I'm surprised that he is literally being sedated like that. It seems barbaric to me. Can I ask where he received the dbt? Did he complete it, was it properly run etc? Is his diagnosis definitely correct? Sorry if that seems intrusive to ask but your situation seems very extreme, something is not right there. Have you told your story to Jim Lyng? He may be able to do something for you.

Yes, I agree with you chinacup. It looks a bit extreme. The medication is recommended in difficult cases in the first phase of treatment when there is a real danger for the patient of suicide/self-harm. But that's only in the very beginning. Later on it's all the therapy. One only can't forget that DBT doesn't work for everyone. Maybe that's how it is in this case There are another treatments called: mentalisation, transference-focused psychotherapy and schema therapy and perhaps it would be good to try to find out more about them. Who knows, they may the answer.... I'm really sorry triona1 to hear what all your family has been going through. And it's true there is very little support for the bpd sufferers and their families. There is the Cluain Mhuire Service - not covering even Dublin or the HSE programme with Daniel Flynn for Cork only. But what about the rest of Ireland? The doctors sometimes even don't know what bpd is (yes, we experienced that with my husband's ex-gp). There are thousands of people with bpd who receive literally no help. It's hardly surprising that Ireland has one of the highest numbers of suicides in Europe. I can try and guess many were committed by bpd sufferers... Triona1, chinacup is right. Go to the top and contact Jim Lyng. He may be of some sort of help, may guide to get as much heelep for your husband as possible. And stay strong.

catrin11 · 21-09-2014 5:08pm

chinacup wrote: »

There is a lot of research to say that medication actually doesn't work for BPD, that's pretty widely accepted now so I'm surprised that he is literally being sedated like that. It seems barbaric to me. Can I ask where he received the dbt? Did he complete it, was it properly run etc? Is his diagnosis definitely correct? Sorry if that seems intrusive to ask but your situation seems very extreme, something is not right there. Have you told your story to Jim Lyng? He may be able to do something for you.

Yes, I agree with you chinacup. It looks a bit extreme. The medication is recommended in difficult cases in the first phase of treatment when there is a real danger for the patient of suicide/self-harm. But that's only in the very beginning. Later on it's all the therapy. One only can't forget that DBT doesn't work for everyone. Maybe that's how it is in this case There are another treatments called: mentalisation, transference-focused psychotherapy and schema therapy and perhaps it would be good to try to find out more about them. Who knows, they may the answer.... I'm really sorry triona1 to hear what all your family has been going through. And it's true there is very little support for the bpd sufferers and their families. There is the Cluain Mhuire Service - not covering even Dublin or the HSE programme with Daniel Flynn for Cork only. But what about the rest of Ireland? The doctors sometimes even don't know what bpd is (yes, we experienced that with my husband's ex-gp). There are thousands of people with bpd who receive literally no help. It's hardly surprising that Ireland has one of the highest numbers of suicides in Europe. I can try and guess many were committed by bpd sufferers... Triona1, chinacup is right. Go to the top and contact Jim Lyng. He may be of some sort of help, may guide you to get as much help for your husband as possible. And stay strong.

triona1 · 22-09-2014 3:36pm

He also has ptsd and and other back ground stuff that does not help as i said he is on the chronic scale,everything has been done from start to finish he nearly ended up in high risk in port Laois last year.for he own safety its the only way,now he has some good days and some not to good.I spoke to my gp and explained to him its like living in a psych hospital 24/7.Diagnosis is correct,I showed my gp his script and he is shocked at it also.We(me and kids)just live around it and try get on the best we can.we truly exhausted every avenue.He has private health insurance (his parents have a family policy)and he has his medical card.I think its true when people say patients die and doctors differ.I cant see how much longer it can go on for.But i live in hope.

catrin11 · 22-09-2014 10:45pm

triona1 wrote: »

He also has ptsd and and other back ground stuff that does not help as i said he is on the chronic scale,everything has been done from start to finish he nearly ended up in high risk in port Laois last year.for he own safety its the only way,now he has some good days and some not to good.I spoke to my gp and explained to him its like living in a psych hospital 24/7.Diagnosis is correct,I showed my gp his script and he is shocked at it also.We(me and kids)just live around it and try get on the best we can.we truly exhausted every avenue.He has private health insurance (his parents have a family policy)and he has his medical card.I think its true when people say patients die and doctors differ.I cant see how much longer it can go on for.But i live in hope.

That's so complicated! I try to only imagine how huge impact it must have on you and your children. You must remarkable woman!... My husband has BPD with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (apparently one of the worst combinations) and PTSD. And just recently his epilepsy has relapsed - after over 20 yrs! Apart from the typical seizures he has also huge problems with speech (he stutters for hrs sometimes). For a talker it's incredibly annoying for him and makes him feeling even more embarrassed. It's so difficult sometimes. Luckily for us we don't have children. His family has turned their backs to us, my family lives in different part of Europe (I'm not Irish) so basically it's all falls up on me and few good friends. On top of that, my husband is very suspicious toward doctors or traditional medicine. He is more into alternative and holistic way of healing. It doesn't make anything easier though. He is having now worse days (thanks to the epilepsy).... Yes, I know what you mean by saying that you live in hope.....

RachelDDD · 25-09-2014 11:29am

Hi, I originally posted this thread but somehow hadn't received notifications that people had been responding, so apologies for my lack of input. My heart goes out to Catrin and Triona having to cope with your husbands problems. I know what a roller coaster ride it can be dealing with a loved one suffering from BPD. My 16 year old daughter has been having issues for over 4 years now and was only just diagnosed 6 months ago after her 5th Admission (2nd long term) to Psychiatric Services. I actually was the one who diagnosed her condition as all the 'experts' were reluctant to say anything serious was going on, despite 4 serious overdose attempts and continuous self harm. I am appalled at the lack of support for both the patients and their families. I have I guess been lucky that my daughter falls under CAMHS until age 18 and have been told the services are far more limited for Adult services. CAMHS are rolling out DBT training from January next but it will be limited. Ireland is in the dark ages when it comes to mental health services full stop, particularly treatment for BPD. I have a friend who attended St. Patricks Hospital in Dublin and they offer treatment for BPD and also some DBT, but I believe this is for over 18's. This could be worth looking into for your husbands. I know it is a 'Private' hospital and you would need medical insurance to cover the costs (something I unfortunately don't have due). I have also read a lot about Daniel Flynn in Cork who seems to have a fantastic programme for over 18's. I would definitely try to contact him and see if he could get your partners on a programme. I have found with my daughter that once she starts to get into a depression, it just spirals out of control and before we know it we are back in A&E in despair. I really would love to try to set up some sort of support groups for both the BPD patients to get together to share their experiences, & also for the families/friends of the patients to support each other through crisis etc. from learned experiences. If anyone has any ideas it would be great to share.

RachelDDD · 25-09-2014 11:30am

Hi, I originally posted this thread but somehow hadn't received notifications that people had been responding, so apologies for my lack of input. My heart goes out to Catrin and Triona having to cope with your husbands problems. I know what a roller coaster ride it can be dealing with a loved one suffering from BPD. My 16 year old daughter has been having issues for over 4 years now and was only just diagnosed 6 months ago after her 5th Admission (2nd long term) to Psychiatric Services. I actually was the one who diagnosed her condition as all the 'experts' were reluctant to say anything serious was going on, despite 4 serious overdose attempts and continuous self harm. I am appalled at the lack of support for both the patients and their families. I have I guess been lucky that my daughter falls under CAMHS until age 18 and have been told the services are far more limited for Adult services. CAMHS are rolling out DBT training from January next but it will be limited. Ireland is in the dark ages when it comes to mental health services full stop, particularly treatment for BPD. I have a friend who attended St. Patricks Hospital in Dublin and they offer treatment for BPD and also some DBT, but I believe this is for over 18's. This could be worth looking into for your husbands. I know it is a 'Private' hospital and you would need medical insurance to cover the costs (something I unfortunately don't have). I have also read a lot about Daniel Flynn in Cork who seems to have a fantastic programme for over 18's. I would definitely try to contact him and see if he could get your partners on a programme. I have found with my daughter that once she starts to get into a depression, it just spirals out of control and before we know it we are back in A&E in despair. I really would love to try to set up some sort of support groups for both the BPD patients to get together to share their experiences, & also for the families/friends of the patients to support each other through crisis etc. from learned experiences. If anyone has any ideas it would be great to share.

RachelDDD · 25-09-2014 11:34am

Just wanted to post contact info for Daniel Flynn if anyone is interested in his programme - Daniel Flynn, Senior Clinical Psychologist, The Endeavour Programme on tel. 021 492 1636.

catrin11 · 27-09-2014 11:49am

RachelDDD wrote: »

Hi, I originally posted this thread but somehow hadn't received notifications that people had been responding, so apologies for my lack of input. My heart goes out to Catrin and Triona having to cope with your husbands problems. I know what a roller coaster ride it can be dealing with a loved one suffering from BPD. My 16 year old daughter has been having issues for over 4 years now and was only just diagnosed 6 months ago after her 5th Admission (2nd long term) to Psychiatric Services. I actually was the one who diagnosed her condition as all the 'experts' were reluctant to say anything serious was going on, despite 4 serious overdose attempts and continuous self harm. I am appalled at the lack of support for both the patients and their families. I have I guess been lucky that my daughter falls under CAMHS until age 18 and have been told the services are far more limited for Adult services. CAMHS are rolling out DBT training from January next but it will be limited. Ireland is in the dark ages when it comes to mental health services full stop, particularly treatment for BPD. I have a friend who attended St. Patricks Hospital in Dublin and they offer treatment for BPD and also some DBT, but I believe this is for over 18's. This could be worth looking into for your husbands. I know it is a 'Private' hospital and you would need medical insurance to cover the costs (something I unfortunately don't have). I have also read a lot about Daniel Flynn in Cork who seems to have a fantastic programme for over 18's. I would definitely try to contact him and see if he could get your partners on a programme. I have found with my daughter that once she starts to get into a depression, it just spirals out of control and before we know it we are back in A&E in despair. I really would love to try to set up some sort of support groups for both the BPD patients to get together to share their experiences, & also for the families/friends of the patients to support each other through crisis etc. from learned experiences. If anyone has any ideas it would be great to share.

Thank you for advice about Daniel Flynn. He was the one who started DBT in Ireland so he seems to be a real specialist. I remember I talked to some people from st. Patrick's and they told me there was a limited number of patients with Medical Card who were admitted and treated by them. I don't know if that's the way it is now but maybe it would be good to check that with them.... It must be extremely hard for you to watch your daughter going through hell and being helpless. The 'professionals' can do so much more damage and for someone who has serious trust issue - and it's the rule for patients with BPD - it can cause even more severe problems. Good your daughter has determined mother as I know of some who would blindly believe what they were told by 'spcialists'. Fingers crossed for your girl! And for you, to have strength to deal with it each day.... RachelDDD I am absolutely into any support group! I'm speaking now as a wife of the BPD sufferer. I find it sometimes very difficult to be understood by anyone who doesn't know what it means to deal each day with BPD. I have few friends but neither of them can fully imagine what it is like as neither of them thankfully has partner/child/sibling having BPD. I have already started to educate them so they know in general how abnormal my life has become, how exhausting and burning out it can be sometimes. But one would like to have the opportunity to let all of that out of the system without constant explanation. And only someone who has similar experiences is capable of understanding that immediately. So yes, I am definitely in....

RachelDDD · 30-09-2014 8:56pm

Hi Catrin,

Thanks for your messages, I just responded to you by PM. I am delighted you are interested in a support group. We will definitely chat on the phone and hopefully meet up with some ideas to go forward. I really feel there is a huge void for BPD patients and their loved ones and we really need to get support groups going for both. Any ideas from anyone out there would be gratefully received. It would be fantastic to have weekly meetings going on in the city centre or even monthly to start off.

triona1 · 01-10-2014 1:22am

Hi Girls.
We spent 15k for my husband as an in patient in st pats.And believe me he came out worse,most meds were stopped and then they sent him home with a full month script on his own,they never rang me to sign him out or anything and im sure you can guess the rest.That was one of the 2nd psych hospitals he was in.i swear it must be 4 years since ive slept a whole night always waiting for him to stir in the bed then im up like a bullet.Im no use to you girls at all.i cant even offer dr hope its been going on so long,But i did hear they can normally only diagnose aged 18 and over.
Im to worn out to come up with any ideas and then add in 4 kids ages 10-18.

And to add most attempts he has happen whilst in hospital.even when i tell them the warning signs are there when im leaving.

RachelDDD · 01-10-2014 12:43pm

Hi Triona,

My heart goes out to you and to your poor husband. I can't believe the stupidity of those 'professionals' sending your husband out on the streets after a psychiatric admission and not even calling you to pick him up. I am totally stunned at them giving him a prescription to get a full months worth of drugs. They may as well have thrown a noose at him and pointed him in the direction of the nearest park. I would have had my solicitor on them like a tonne of bricks and asses fired for their negligence. You could have lost her husband as a result. I think that is the huge problem in Ireland, BPD is not taken seriously enough. I think the huge suicide statistics are more than likely a lot of undiagnosed BPD patients. There are deemed as 'attention seekers' because of their history of deliberate self harm and multiple overdose attempts.

I also know how you feel lying awake in bed at night worried sick they might get up and do something awful. I dread opening my daughters bedroom door every morning because I have had so many horrific dreams with images of what she could do to herself. My biggest fear is that my younger daughter would walk in there and find her first. I make it my mission every morning to check on her before anyone else gets up and breathe a massive sigh of relief when she wakes up & I know she is 'normal'. As bad as things are for me having my daughter, it must be so much harder when its an equal adult. You can't control them with the same ease you can a child. We lock all medication including vitamins, Vicks vaporub! etc. in a safe as we can't trust her with anything. The worst times are when she is discharged from hospital after yet another unsuccessful overdose, I have to lock every door in the house and take all the keys to bed with me so she can't get out. One of her suicidal thoughts was to walk into the sea. We live opposite Dublin Bay so she could be in the water in 5 minutes if she set her mind to it. My husband and I both said last time that we know that we have done EVERYTHING in our power to get her help over the years and that we realise that some day she may succeed in her attempt to end her life. I had hoped that Adult services would have a lot more to offer her once she gets past that 18 milestone, but from what I have read here it seems not the case. I really think that I would contact Daniel Flynn if I were anyone over 18 as his programme has a huge success rate. The figures for his re-admissions and ongoing self harm/OD's are dramatically reduced. I know once my daughter reaches that age I will definitely be trying my best to get her on his course even if it means selling my house to fund it, and moving to Cork if necessary!

If we manage to get a support group up and running, definitely come along. I met a lovely lady on these Boards and she also has a daughter with BPD. We email each other every other day with our ongoing dramas & stresses. It is so therapeutic to offload on someone who truly understands the horrors of our everyday lives. For the first time in my life, I am actually listening to someones advice and acting on it because I know she has been in my shoes and got through it. That is why I know my experiences and others too could help each other get through this nightmare. It would be so good to be able to call someone when you are sitting in A&E in a crisis situation. Just to have that support you don't get from medics or immediate family.

Hang in there Triona, you are doing a great job x

triona1 · 02-10-2014 11:10am

I know it was an awful stupid thing for them to do,i can only collect his scripts,and on the of chance i cant i ring the pharmacy to let them no he will be in too collect,they will give him one day but i have to collect the rest that evening as they have rules about meds having to be given out on time,we have a safe also,My youngest son is type1 diabetic,and god for give my husband he has used insulin also.Many a time i stood at the end of his hospital bed and thought this is it,so in a way im prepared for when it does happen.I had to food shop online for years so as not to leave him home alone,drive him everywhere cause of his meds and numerous check ups.I will always enter the house first just in case!my gp is looking into Daniel Flynn for me.husband and i have different gps.Ive boxes of sterri strips most harms i can patch myself now and go to his gp instead of sitting for hours with people staring in a&e,i only ever twice called an ambulance as it takes so long to get here,its a run to the car and a shout to my eldest that ill be back by 7am for school.i dont give him details i just make up random stuff for him to tell the kids why im out.I do have to lock my bedroom door because of the aftermath and not enough time to clean it till im back.I do have to say now ill jinx myself we have had a calm few weeks.but you just never no.i have high blood pressure from it all and on 2 blood pressure tablets & anti d's myself and he will giggle when he is admitted and say look my pressure is perfect!.like its a dream/game its unreal.I was never ill a day in my life.
Well chin up everyone.we have each other.

RachelDDD · 02-10-2014 1:05pm

Your story is so familiar and heartbreaking to read because I really do feel its worse having a partner with this illness. While it is bad having my daughter suffer, at least I have another adult (my husband) to shoulder half the responsibility (sometimes!). I think I would just crack up if I had to deal with it on my own. At least when we call ambulances in a crisis, one of us can stay behind to make sure our other daughter is ok. I am not surprised your own health is suffering and I have been diagnosed with anti-depressants myself various times and gladly taken them. You need all the help you can get in this movie! I can relate to your story about your husband in the hospital bed laughing about his perfect blood pressure while yours is through the roof. I remember one time my daughter had just come around after 5 days of being off her head because she took so much medication. She had been totally delirious and hallucinating in the hospital bed and beating & scratching me non stop. I had barely slept during those 5 days as she needed a 'special' nurse and they couldn't provide one as it was a regular kids hospital. She sat up in the bed like Marilyn Monroe worried about her hair and laughing with the nurses. I lost the plot and told the nurse to order her a coffin brochure because I had had enough and stormed out. The nurse and my daughter were horrified but I was so angry at her selfishness and lack of empathy for what she had put me through. I had watched her nearly die twice from seizures caused by the overdose and she hadn't a care in the world. I think thats whats hardest about this illness, that the patient can seem self centred and at times unloving towards their carer. My daughter also has Narcissistic Disorder which often accompanies BPD.

Like you say, at least we have each other on forums like this. It is a great way to get advice and to offload if you are having a bad day. Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk.

triona1 · 03-10-2014 1:41pm

The hospital is so used to us now when he od's they send me home once his stats are ok and say ah he will sleep for a day or 2 and we will ring you when he wakes.the last attempt he had harming himself was so bad the gardi had to come,lucky we only have a little sub station but i had went up on the Sunday afternoon and asked the garda on duty for help and they done nothing.I warned them he was having a bad episode and knew what was coming,well didn't i doze off on the night shift on the sofa and i heard a bang well it was like a massacre,i dialled 999 and was kept talking while waiting for an ambulance as i knew i could not get him to the car for this one.999 rang the station and the garda i had spoken to walked in handed me a cig and we went upstairs,He got some fright but calmly sat with me we waited an hour for ambulance to come even with the gardi ringing to rush them.so now if i ever ring for help they are dispatched immediately.Ill never forget the garda's face,and he was amazed as i was just tying up and dealing with it all real calm,i said to the garda its just another day to me.he rings often now to hear how things are and for a chat.

My Husband did have a brilliant Psych his name was Dr Michael Doran he works with the hse in kildare,but has moved onto children with addictions,He might still deal with BPD im unsure.but ill tell you he is an amazing man.

Human Resources
HR Manager
Michael Doran
Tel (01) 274 4255

Anything is worth a try a phone call wont hurt.

http://www.lenus.ie/hse/bitstream/10147/44948/1/635.pdf

+Actually just thinking back which i should not do,After that particular episode his psych rang me 3 days later to let me know he was ready to leave and would be at the hospital doors at 2pm,i went mad said no way is he coming home he was still way to unwell and he had just had a 3rd transfusion.she said grand she will book him into to a hostel.I explained i meant he was way to sick and she said nope im signing him out.I rang his mam asap to make sure she said no also and she totally agreed with me.Psych rang back again and asked what would they like me to do with him!!!!.Well i said not sign him out and leave a psych patient on the steps of the hospital who is a danger to himself,and that i would like to wait 2-3 more days as he was still dying looking.Grand she said and bye.He then needed a 4th transfusion and she went and told him me nor any family member wanted him!!,Then he ended up with e.coli to make matters worse and was in quarantine.I could not visit as my son with diabetes would be high risk.so he would not speak to me for 3 weeks because she told him he was not wanted.

LegacyUser · 03-10-2014 2:15pm

I am going un-reg for this for obvious reasons, but I have a diagnosis of BPD. I suppose I’m lucky in that I don’t appear to be as badly off as the people spoken of here, but I’m going to try and voice what goes on in my head. I apologise if this is disjointed – I’ll try keep it as organized and concise as possible.

Anyway, bit of history. I began self harming when I was 8. Scratching at myself mainly. I guess my family may have noticed but I was a very active kid and a tomboy who climbed trees and stuff, so they probably just assumed that’s where the marks came from. I never really stopped. I progressed to cutting when I was around 12 or so, but, again, I managed to keep it hidden from my family. I’m too scared of blood and too much of a wimp pain-wise to do anything too serious – over the course of my time on this planet I’ve only needed stitches twice.

I live in constant fear that people are going to abandon me. I try to please people so much and keep them happy so that they will want to be my friend and never want to leave me. Ironically, I put so much effort into not letting them leave that they normally do because it’s too intense for them. This, obviously, leads to many, many, many ruined relationships – be it friendship, colleagues, sexual – I cannot have a “normal” relationship with anyone. I constantly feel like I’m a burden to those who have stuck around, and I end up irritating the crap out of them by looking for constant reassurance that they still like me and still want to be my friend. Their “bad days” immediately become bad days for me, because I assume that they’re angry at me.

Self destruction is a major factor. I’m “lucky” in the sense that I’ve managed to rein in the cutting and scratching, and I’m currently over a year free from cutting myself. However, I’m still fighting those urges every single day. Genuinely not a day goes by that I don’t want to scratch the arms off myself. Destruction comes from other forms. I’m entirely reckless – I’ll speed, I’ll drive without my seatbelt, I’ll drive erratically, I’ll have unsafe sex, I binge eat, I purge, I run out in front of buses and cars without giving a second thought, I walk on the edge of roads, I play sports and have no regard for my personal safety… I could continue.

I’ve had two suicide attempts. Both unsuccessful (I couldn’t even do THAT right

) – they were attempted overdoses but I made myself sick before anything bad happened. In the aftermath, I was consumed with guilt for who would find me so I made myself sick. I am currently preoccupied with the thought of hanging myself and every tree / structure I walk past, I imagine myself hanging from it and look at what my last view would be. I have a “top 10” list of places I’d like to do it for my final view alone. Not a day goes by that I don’t consider ending my life. Some days are worse than others. Today is an okay day – I’ve only contemplated suicide once, and that was because I was challenged in therapy. I don’t take criticism very well.

I become easily attached to anyone who shows any sort of interest in me, and ultimately drive them away. I place certain people on pedestals because of this. In my eyes they can do no wrong. I worry that I will become dependant on them.

My fear of abandonment is so strong that I will often prematurely end a relationship so that I won’t be the one left wondering if I did something wrong. For example, the last counselor that I worked with I ended up cancelling my last appointment before it went ahead so that I wouldn’t feel abandoned by her.

I’ve no idea who I am, and what I want to do with my life. I flip flop so much on EVERYTHING. From whether I want to go back to college, stay in my current job, get an entirely new job… I’m not sure whether I like girls or boys – which makes the possibility of a relationship very difficult. But hey, it doubles the amount of people I can be promiscuous with :P

I can swing from being the happiest person on earth to being suicidal within a minute or two.

I’m consumed by anxiety over every single thing. No decision is easy – I immediately in my head go over every possible outcome of every single decision I make. It may sound stupid, but it’s really, really disruptive, and I know it irritates my friends.

I’m afraid to be happy because bitter experience has taught me to never trust happiness as it is going to get immediately ripped away from me.

I constantly judge myself and compare myself to others. I constantly wonder what bad things they must be thinking about me in every scenario.

I entirely lack boundaries and this makes every single interaction with every single human being difficult. I’ve no idea what is socially appropriate to discuss / do, and I’ll agonise over ever single interaction afterwards until I’m blue in the face, wondering if I did something wrong.

I have difficulty controlling urges in terms of anger and stuff. I won’t ever lash out at anyone, but if I get really angry I will break something. Stupid things annoy me beyond belief and I get urges to lash out at people for annoying me for stupid reasons – like people standing in doorways or something. I get an urge to smack them, but I don’t, instead I store it up and take out the frustration and anger on myself at a later stage.

When I’m stressed I become even worse, however my BPD is then accompanied by paranoid behavior, hallucinations and delusions. I am convinced that my life is a television show and that I’m the main character, and that everyone in my life is hired to be there and make things as hard as possible for me. I carry a change of clothes with me everywhere so that I can change if I’m feeling like I’m being followed so as to make it harder for people to follow me. I can’t accept that certain things are coincidences and I believe that people can read my thoughts and act based on them. I had to leave a social occasion the other day because I was convinced that someone could hear what I was thinking.

It is exhausting. Absolutely utterly exhausting.

Therapy… Hmmm. Mixed bag. Been in and out of counseling / therapy for the past 10 years. Some better than others. I’m desperately seeking DBT, however its as rare as hens teeth in this country. I have tried EVERYONE and EVERYWHERE, however I’m outside of the catchment area for the two main places that offer it. I’m on the waiting list through my psych to get psychotherapy, but that could be six months.

I’ve emailed a few private therapists but they won’t take on clients with BPD because of the difficulty in dealing with the suicidal ideation and self harm. I understand that if I go in and sit down and say “I want to kill myself” they will freak out and panic and want to contact my next of kin, but I’m a firm believer that I could excel (?) with the right therapist. It’s just a case of finding one. I clicked with my last proper therapist and it went well, but that was going public so we only had a limited number of sessions and my cutting had stopped so her “job” was done.

Meds… Nothing. Well according to my psych, nothing. I’m too overweight to take the antipsychotic and antidepressant medications. I did try to say to him that it doesn’t matter how fat I am when I eventually kill myself because of these thoughts. He also said that because I’m highly functioning (I get out of bed and go to work every day), that I can’t be clinically depressed and that, essentially, I need to fly solo until I get therapy…

Thankfully my GP is of more sound mind and thinks that I need a little bit of help, so I have some meds at my disposal to help with sleeping, bad anxiety moments, and paranoid moments. Not too many meds though – she’s aware of my history when I had full access to medications. She’s been a great support, but I feel like a waste of space when talking to her because she always makes time to make sure that I’m okay, and I feel like I’m wasting her time because she’s a busy doctor and has other patients to see and I don’t feel like I’m deserving of her care. She has never given me that impression, in fact she has genuinely been superb, but I feel like such a drain on her resources.

My family know nothing of my diagnosis. I suppose they just assumed I was a moody teenager, and then when I got older I got better at hiding my true emotion. I’m just not strong enough to do it 24/7. When I’m alone, I destruct and my mind takes over. This also happens around some of my friends who I am comfortable around – I am able to let my guard down and tell them what I’m thinking.

I know I’m not in as bad a state as the people discussed here. It makes me feel like a bit of a fraud tbh to see how much some people suffer. I know this won’t be a comfort to anyone who has to deal with a BPD patient, and I don’t want to take the liberty of speaking for all BPD patients, but stick with us / them: we really appreciate it.

RachelDDD · 04-10-2014 5:02pm

triona1 wrote: »

The hospital is so used to us now when he od's they send me home once his stats are ok and say ah he will sleep for a day or 2 and we will ring you when he wakes.the last attempt he had harming himself was so bad the gardi had to come,lucky we only have a little sub station but i had went up on the Sunday afternoon and asked the garda on duty for help and they done nothing.I warned them he was having a bad episode and knew what was coming,well didn't i doze off on the night shift on the sofa and i heard a bang well it was like a massacre,i dialled 999 and was kept talking while waiting for an ambulance as i knew i could not get him to the car for this one.999 rang the station and the garda i had spoken to walked in handed me a cig and we went upstairs,He got some fright but calmly sat with me we waited an hour for ambulance to come even with the gardi ringing to rush them.so now if i ever ring for help they are dispatched immediately.Ill never forget the garda's face,and he was amazed as i was just tying up and dealing with it all real calm,i said to the garda its just another day to me.he rings often now to hear how things are and for a chat

That is such a horrific situation to be in. I can't believe the stupidity of these people who are supposed to be 'experts'! Your husbands case seems so extreme that he is such a serious risk to himself. You would think that he could get a long term placement in a specialist unit - even Dundrum. You really can't be expected to provide such a high level of care for him and try to be a full time mother to your kids on top (especially with a sick kid too). I would go to your husbands GP or back to that Pyscyhiatrist and see if there is anything they can do for you in terms of having him committed. I know it sounds an awful thing to do but really it would be for the best for all of you. Maybe then they would pay attention and give him the high level support he needs. You really deserve some time out from all this madness before you crack up yourself. In a way I can imagine when he is in hospital you probably get some decent sleep and can relax more. I know I do when my daughter is in a secure unit. I had a similar issue with the last hospital my daughter was in. They wanted to discharge her the day after another OD. I went ballistic and phoned my solicitor who was also appalled that they could be so cold & clinical. They really don't give a sh1t about lives, patients are just statistics to them and they focus on Beds, Discharge & Bonuses. From the moment you get admitted they are already planning a Discharge Meeting to send you on your not so merry way. They don't care that they give crap treatment (for BPD) and just don't want you topping yourself on their watch so send you home to do it there. The Mental Health Services in Ireland make me sick and the so-called professionals making money out of it should be ashamed of themselves knowing that people like you are carrying the can for their inadequacies at treatment programmes. To cut a long story short, I had to take legal action against the hospital to stop my daughter being discharged. It worked and she ended up staying for many months however, little treatment for BPD but her mood lifted and she is doing a lot better at the moment (touch wood). As you know, you can have a good run for a few weeks/months and then all hell breaks loose again and you have months of misery ahead.

I really hope you can get some support from your husbands GP or Psychiatrist and get some space for your own head too.

RachelDDD · 04-10-2014 5:13pm

BPD_Patient wrote: »

I know I’m not in as bad a state as the people discussed here. It makes me feel like a bit of a fraud tbh to see how much some people suffer. I know this won’t be a comfort to anyone who has to deal with a BPD patient, and I don’t want to take the liberty of speaking for all BPD patients, but stick with us / them: we really appreciate it.

Hi, I am so glad you posted in this forum and would give anything to give you a huge hug right now. You sound so like my daughter in every way you describe and a classic BPD patient if ever I saw one. Don't feel like you are alone with this, there are so many others who feel exactly the same way. That's why I really feel that a support group is so important to both the BPD patients and the families. It would be great for you guys to identify with people who have exactly the same issues going on and hopefully learn coping skills. You have done fantastically well to not self harm in over a year - well done. It is a huge temptation I know but you are beating it. Your GP sounds fantastic and very supportive. I really do think you should take anti-depressants though because your mood sounds very low, particularly if you are having constant suicidal thoughts. My daughter has been on several different types and there will be something that will suit your metabolism and hopefully not aggravate your weight. Definitely make the decision to go to your doctor next week and be as open as possible. Tell her how bad you are feeling, about the paranoia and the suicidal ideation being constant. Just because you are "high functioning" doesn't mean you are not high risk and she will see that from listening to you. Best of luck and let us know how you get on. I will be thinking of you.

BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder

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