Addiction

mr.jingle · 13-01-2013 11:58pm #1

I don't know if this belongs here but it's really one of the few places i go on boards and enjoy the banter and debate's on here and it's one of the few things that i know a bit about even if i can't keep it in check.

But anyway I'm addicted to gambling.
I've tried giving my bank card to people, tried getting myself banned from shops, opened but now have myself banned from online betting from most firms.

Today though was the last straw i was out watching the big football games in the local with a few of my friends, go in to do a bet on the 2nd match. 1 and a half hours later a missed call a couple of texts of where are you? what are you doing? and i'm still in there backing cartoon racing! Cartoon racing what the hell is wrong with me if it was on the screen i was backing it was horrible the very last stage i went up with a €1 coin scraping the barrel to do a bet that is just ****ing ridiculous and it's not the first time it's happened.

Go out with friends to have a good time and ruin it by trying to be the big man winning tonnes of cash but instead lose all I have to my name by being an idiot. I walked home in pure embarrassment i didn't even grab my coat I walked literally 30 mins home in the freezing cold shivering when i got in the door with a look from my dad as if he knew what i'd done.

It's the lowest of the low this feeling. I just can't do this gambling thing anymore I haven't got the right head on my shoulders for it. It's time to stop as I just get myself down and get in bad moods and i change and that means people change there ways around me. I've missed too many engagements(Friends band playing gigs,Euro 2012 finals in the local, I've missed parties/meeting up of friends and even worse family things there's loads of these days I've missed through this) to keep this going coming up with excuse after excuse but no longer can i do this and it is time to come clean.

I'm a nice guy, I've never once hurt anyone and only want to go out and have a good time enjoy myself and be normal. I love horse racing and i'd sit and watch racing all day long but without having a few quid on it just isn't the same and I always want to go up and do something 'just so i can have an interest' my excuse to do a bet. All i wanted was to be like them old fella's do a 50 cent lucky 63 and sit there and be happy and enjoy the racing but i just couldn't do it.

I'm not looking for attention i'm not looking for people to feel sorry for me I just needed to get this off my chest as everyday that passes this disease thats eating me alive takes another little chunk of my life and takes another piece out of me and I for one am sick of it. I'm 28 now and it's time to cop on.

This could well be the most embarrassing thing I've ever wrote on this but I hope it's the best thing I put up and shows to people that life isn't always as it seems on the outside and bottling stuff in makes things ten times worse I've always tried bottling it up but now I can barely type as i can't keep it in anymore so no more bookies no more gambling and no more losing money i don't have anymore.

Sorry for taking your time from you but I just had to do this I had to start somewhere but if you've got this far i appreciate that you've looked at what this disease does and has done to me and hopefully i can keep it up and stay away from gambling

Thank you mr.jingle

ste2010 · 14-01-2013 12:19am

Fair play to you jingle..I'm sure if its change your seeking you've just done the first thing in getting wherever it is you want to go..speak to a hypnotist..they're only around 80euro.
You'll prob only need to go once and the good thing is they'll find te source of your addiction and remove it unlike therapists who'll drag the experience out for hours and charge you a fortune

Juwwi · 14-01-2013 12:30am

Nothing embarrassing about what you wrote mr jingle.

Im sure its tough today but Im pretty sure in a few days it wont seem half as bad especially when pay day comes.

Keep the head up and good luck in beating the habit.

14-01-2013 12:41am

Well done for posting that dude. And well done too for already trying a few strategies. I suppose the most important steps are recognising there is a problem and wanting to do something about it

I can't really offer any thoughts on where to go from here based on experience but I would think GA are well worth chatting to. A few lads I know have gone there and it's worked well for some.

You have a family and network of friends to help you, you're not thinking you can make money from betting, you know you can't, this is no doubt good.

It's no joke at all, I have know one or two lads who we all think ended their lives over gambling, I also know one or two who were involved in dangerous businesses that combined with gambling issues got them in awful positions due to lumps of cash being lost.

Like anything else talking about the issue can be great so don't bottle anything up, if you can confide in your close friends that you are trying to stop betting they can help when you are out and about and feel the urge to have a bet, I emphasise close as we all have acquaintances that are utter w@nkers

The very best of luck with it, you're missing nothing by giving it up as you know, betting for all to many is a negative in their lives.

Slattsy · 14-01-2013 12:57am

Fair play to getting that up.
Some weight off your shoulders there already right? Good stuff.

I'd a mate in the same boat. Very similar story.
Here's what we did.

Cancelled everything he'd set up online. Cancelled credit card. Cancelled lazer. That meant he couldn't do anything online.

Second thing was to stop watching racing. And sport mostly. Apart from Liverpool that was all he watched. Less chance to get tempted by doing this.

Thirdly is where you'll rely on your buddies. When we're out we NEVER leave to go to the bookies next door. We never mention bets, odds anything to do with racing, first goal scorer etc. We just drank and watch the football. No talk of gambling whatsoever.

That worked for him. Been about 2 years since he placed a bet.

Good luck.

Yakuza42 · 14-01-2013 1:04am

Fair play man hope all goes well for you from here on in.

mr.jingle · 14-01-2013 1:10am

It's certainly been a weight off the shoulders as I know some people on this who know who i am but i even came out and told my manager in work about it tonight and he was very supportive now it's onto the family tomorrow and see what they say.

I don't know if i could give up watching racing though as it's a sport i love! It will be hard but sure it was never going to be easy.

The one thing i'll never live down though was my last bet was on a €1 on a Glenlow Park race on a 16/1 shot! It actually gets worse the more i think about it :rolleyes:

UrbanSea · 14-01-2013 1:38am

All the best jingle. First and biggest step is admitting it. That was the hardest part, best of luck, I always thought you seemed like a sound fella from your posts

thesandeman · 14-01-2013 2:31am

I think (but not certain) there may be a Forum on Boards for people with problems like yours. I can't find it as I'm on mobile but maybe Urban or someone else might be able to dig it up.
Hope everything works out for you.

And +1 on Gamblers Anonymous if you are serious about things.

UrbanSea · 14-01-2013 2:43am

That would be personal issues. Jingle I could move it there if you wanted opinions from other people, wasn't sure if you just wanted it left here to let us know

Cavehill Red · 14-01-2013 2:48am

Fair play, mate. I've known a lot of people in your position, and very few able to admit it to themselves never mind anyone else.

Now you know a truth, and you've paid for it, so it's yours and you need to own it - gambling is not for you. There are those who can gamble for enjoyment. That's not you. There are those who can take it or leave it. That's not you either. There are those with the discipline to only gamble on what they know, or only on things they're interested in watching. That's not you either.

First things first: as people have said, you need to break the habit, change your behaviour so that it sticks. You might need help with this, from professionals, or a support group like GA, or from your friends. All the strategies suggested so far are worth considering, but only you know whether you're the support group type, or whether you feel comfortable telling your mates about this or whatever.

It might be you look to go 'cold turkey' all by yourself, the hardest way and least likely of success. I don't know what you'll do, but you know you need to do something, so have a think about what you feel most comfortable with and progress from there.

Very importantly, remove the opportunity for betting on a whim. Eradicate all your online options and do not register any new bank cards ever in future. Perhaps you might even consider emailing the main online bookies and asking them to bar you online.

Make a promise to yourself not to enter a betting shop, ever. There's nothing in there of interest for you. Who wants to be among those toothless, smelly old men and the sad-eyed unemployed immigrants all day long, losing money you can ill afford? Stay out in the sunshine and live your life. You're a young man. That place holds nothing for you and never did.

Start saving for something. Put money aside every week, somewhere inaccessible, like in your Da's hands. Save for something big, like a car or a blow-out holiday, or an engagement ring. Something that yells 'NEW EXCITING NON-GAMBLING LIFE!' to you. Save what you can, but save the same amount every week, and monitor how it grows, paying attention to how to truly accumulate wealth.

Good luck with the rest of your life. May it be a rewarding and fulfilling one in which the spectre of compulsive gambling never darkens your mind or mars your behaviour or spoils your relationships or fouls your future ever again.

Motivator · 14-01-2013 2:50am

Fair play to you. First thing tomorow is get the family involved, they'll support you & help you out no question about that. Get yourself down to the bookies in your area & fill out the self exclusion forms, make sure to bring a friend or a family member with you when you do it. Find out where GA meetings are held in your area & make sure you go every week. Don't worry, things will sort themselves out but only if you're 100% serious about giving up. I'm sure it took a lot for you to open up about it, but as others have said admitting it is the first step.

I wish you well, give us some feedback once you get yourself sorted out. You will be fine.

ft9 · 14-01-2013 2:51am

Well done Jingles, Everyone makes mistakes, you just have to be sure to learn from them.
You seem like a wise chap. I don't really have any advice to offer, but plenty of encouragement.

I hope you have success in erasing gambling from your life, I know from that post you will.

nocoverart · 14-01-2013 3:06am

5/1 says you'll quit. Ah no, sorry! bad joke. On a serious note that's a good thing you've done by admitting it. You definitely seem to have the right attitude to stop gambling. My brother had major problems with gambling but came out the other side. If he can do it, anybody can

mdwexford · 14-01-2013 3:52am

When I started my first job and started gambling I often went to the bookies for evening racing after work on a Friday and blew my weeks wages. I learned very quickly this wasn't what I wanted to be doing with my money.

Couple of guys I know are similar and they constantly have a bet running and are on Flashscore checking Iran football results or other such tripe. Even backing small it adds up at the end of the week.

You really have to want to stop and it seems to be a very hard thing to do for some people.

Hope you have to sense and willpower to do it.

rossom · 14-01-2013 4:02am

I'm sure it took an awful lot of bottle to come out with all of that on here Mr. Jingle but absolutely fair play. You've clearly come to the stark realisation that you have a serious problem and are suffering from addiction and fully understanding it and admitting it is a massive step on the road to eradicating gambling from your life.

Like the others on here have said, make sure to fully confide in your family and close friends who will no doubt be 100% supportive of you and who will understand the severity of your plight. Although you probably are, its nothing to be embarrassed about as it is something that has completely taken over your life and now you are taking active steps to remove it that demon will have lifted a great deal off your shoulders. I echo the sentiments highlighted earlier to impose a self ban by contacting online bookmakers you have an account with (and those who you don't) to prevent that aspect of temptation whilst I would also go into all of your local bookmakers and inquire about self-exclusion as well. You should definitely contact GA (http://www.gamblersanonymous.ie/) to see what options are open to you and after having a quick look you may also find it very helpful to listen to the testimonies of individuals who have similar issues with gambling as you do.

With regards to continuing watching horse racing, I have absolutely no idea whether or not you'll be able to continue watching it without a bet but I certainly would give it a go if you love the sport so much. I'd attempt to watch it in the company of family or friends (who will prevent you from betting and reassure you if you get an urge) and be sure to go nowhere near checking a horses form - as a situation could easily arise where you get really annoyed if a horse you fancied to win does and you didn't have a bet on. Its clear that you want to continue to watch horse racing and if that is the case make sure you make plans to be kept under lock and key for the Cheltenham Festival as I am sure your cravings will be at their strongest then.

You've taken a major step by admitting to yourself that you have a problem and now you have equipped yourself with the tools to hopefully kick the addiction. Every individual is different and normal practices may not work for you but if you find one way isn't successful be sure to explore other avenues until you find the key. Talking through issues (be it with family, friends or online) helps put the entire situation into perspective and you seemed a clued-in individual who is ready to own his addiction.

Given the response you have received on here, if you find it easier to help alleviate your issues by posting on here then I am sure I and many others will be able to help you through your issues.

All the best mate in what is clearly going to be a very difficult battle but with a support network in place I am sure you will be able to eradicate your addiction.

Lapin · 14-01-2013 5:15am

mr.jingle wrote: »

The one thing i'll never live down though was my last bet was on a €1 on a Glenlow Park race on a 16/1 shot! It actually gets worse the more i think about it :rolleyes:

Keep that fresh in your mind as motivation not to do it again.

The worst thing you can ever do is try to win that Euro back.

It will cost you a lot more in the long run.

mr.jingle wrote: »

Go out with friends to have a good time and ruin it by trying to be the big man winning tonnes of cash but instead lose all I have to my name by being an idiot. I walked home in pure embarrassment i didn't even grab my coat I walked literally 30 mins home in the freezing cold shivering when i got in the door with a look from my dad as if he knew what i'd done.

Rock bottom. This is a perfect example of the misery gambling is causing you, and more motivation to keep you focused in the coming weeks and months.

As you said, your Dad probably suspects what is happening. Tell him everything. He's on your side. As others have suggested, it may be a good thing to surrender your income to someone you trust as soon as you get it. He may be able to help you here. Put your money in a post office account and ask him to keep hold of the savings book, allowing you only the minimum you need to spend on yourself.

This may require swallowing some pride, but those who care for you and want to help you won't see it that way. It may take a bit of time but at 28 you have plenty of that on your side.

The fact that you realise you have a problem and are taking steps to address it now will save you a long future of the miserable hold your addiction has over you.

Give yourself a chance and don't be too hard on youself either. You'll need to make some sacrifices over the coming weeks but think of these as alterations to your lifestyle rather than see them as some kind of punishment to yourself. Watching the football down the pub on a Sunday may have to be put on hold for a while if the temptation to nip out to the betting shop remains, but this doesn't mean an end to your social life. Maybe watch the games with your friends taking turns in each others houses for a while. If you go out for a drink, do so in the evenings when the betting shops are closed.

There is some priceless advice offered by the others already on this thread and everyone here encourages you all the way and will continue to do so.

You've taken the first step by asking for help and there is nothing embarrassing about that at all. It takes guts.

The day will come when you will be in a position to offer advice of your own. And nobody's advice is better than those who speak from personal experience. Keep in touch with us here and let us know how you're doing (but avoid the other threads in this forum). Best of luck mate.

Don't go chasing any losses you made in the past - Your future is worth a lot more.

Cavehill Red · 14-01-2013 6:28am

Lapin wrote: »

Don't go chasing any losses you made in the past - Your future is worth a lot more.

Absolutely crucial point. This is a major failure of logic with most gamblers, including all gamblers who have a problem. What's lost is lost and not coming back. Forget it. It's a bad memory that will soon fade, and nothing more, unless you let it haunt your present and guide your future actions.

12gauge dave · 14-01-2013 7:04am

I had a gambling problem last year my lowest point was putting €500 on red in roulette online at like 5am and losing was so low! What i did was started exercising and working out and it took my mind off it and im fine now!

My advice is take up a new hobbie start join a boxing club start playing football for a team? Do something to fill the spare time in which u were gambling!

Society never sees gambling addiction as a major problem it should be made more aware!

Good luck anyway mate i sincerely wish you the best:)

Let us know how u get on

Colonel Sanders · 14-01-2013 10:30am

Best of luck Mr Jingle

Biggest step was admitting it to yourself & having the balls to say it out loud.

Nulty · 14-01-2013 11:22am

It's strange how we are so familiar with the the names who post on here but we often realise that we know nothing about the people behind the username. I would recognize your username in a flash mr. jingle and from my experience of you you are a very affable guy. I'm sorry to hear you've had such a weight to carry around with you for all this time. If your offline personality is anything like your online one I'm sure you have the friends and family to help you through this.

It's far more common than we think. Addiction of gambling, alcohol, you name it. There is nothing to be ashamed of. We forget that this stuff is designed to get us as people. Your just unfortunate as to be succeptable to gambling - like your Achilles heel. We all have at least one.

All the best mr. jingle and if your situation allows, it would be great to have you post here in the future..

Squ · 14-01-2013 11:39am

I helped my mate through this. He tried to go to his family, but his folks were to caught up in worrying if the parish found out, so just buried their head in the sand and distanced themselves from him.

The formula that finally worked, was he'd keep a daily diary of how he felt during the day, times he felt vulnerable, then compiled that into a daily email to me.

The act of compiling the days events into the email helped him to see his weaknesses from a third person. It also meant nothing was bottled up, everything was on the table.

We reviewed the emails weekly for three months, now monthly for the past year.

Seems to be working.

Squ · 14-01-2013 11:56am

mr.jingle wrote: »

This could well be the most embarrassing thing I've ever wrote

Folks will tell you not to be embarrassed. Easier said than done. The best way to get over the embarrassment (and you've already taken the biggest step) is to see peoples reactions. Chatting with friends/family and seeing their warm reactions will encourage you to beat this.

Good man.

meriwether · 14-01-2013 12:28pm

I don't think you can watch horse racing without the urge to bet if you have a gambling addiction. Everythign revolves around the odds, something which is not as prevalent in other sports coverage.

Good luck to you.

I got interested in horses when I got a summer job in a bookies.
If there's one thing that teaches you to gamble responsibly, its working behind the counter of a bookies.

If I was in charge, cartoon racing and football would be outlawed, and FOTB's would not be permitted in the shops.

mr.jingle · 14-01-2013 12:35pm

UrbanSea wrote: »

That would be personal issues. Jingle I could move it there if you wanted opinions from other people, wasn't sure if you just wanted it left here to let us know

Thats entirely up to you Urban as your the boss around here! As I said I wasn't sure where to post this I just had this safe guard way of thinking that you guys in here would understand the situation and I think it is safe to say with the reaction from people on here Im delighted I did it.

Thanks to all of you I was up most of the night just wondering how to approach this and what steps to do. Ive an appointment with my Gp today just to see if ive any other underlying problems or if it is just this that has been holding me back. Ive my first GA meeting hopefully by the end of the week and Im just about to ring sky to see if they can cut atr from my list of channels as its like a natural reaction when I have the remote in my hand to press 415!

Thanks again for the messages of support its greatly appreciated considering I dont even know anyone here personally it feels great to know people care

Thanks again Mr.jingle

14-01-2013 1:35pm

Just to add, there's nothing to be ashamed about Mr J, I reckon a gambling problem is an illness that some people get. You're getting the ball rolling in dealing with it, the majority don't, again, well done

Overthelast · 14-01-2013 1:52pm

Well done Mr Jingle. Its clear you want to break an addiction, which clearly has become destructive. If you want something bad enough, you will succeed - that I have no doubt about. I have friends who have successfully cracked destructive addictions - and some who are still struggling (drink/gambling/ciggerattes etc).

The ones who succeed have 2 common traits:

1. Admitting there is a problem.
2. Wanting to break it bad enough.

From your op, I've no doubt you want to break the addiction and as a consequence, will ultimately succeed.

ft9 · 14-01-2013 2:46pm

Closing my online accounts has been on my mind for a while. I find I play for higher stakes online as compared to in shop as it's a lot easier to type a number than hand over your money. I would never have said I have a problem with gambling, and I often thought about it and asked myself do I have a problem.

Anyway, after reading this thread last night, it saddened me to think that a regular on here was having such issues and got me thinking about my own gambling. I decided to close all my accounts today, in order to be more responsible with my money. I am not erasing gambling from my life as I feel in control, I love racing, am involved in racing, and the only fear I had was getting out of control online in the future.

I went to live chat on all the bookies websites with whom I have accounts and asked to close my account. They all asked why I wanted to close. This is what I said.
"I'm not overly concerned. This is more of a preventative measure as I have seen what gambling can do to peoples lives While i feel I am totally in control now I could not be 100 percent sure that in the future I will remain in control. I want to respect my money more than I have in the past."

I thought they wouldn't want me to close my account without a fight, which was not the case in fairness.
PaddyPower said from the reasons I gave they recommended I self exclude for good, I can never open an account with them ever again. Which I agreed to.
Bet 365, William Hill and StanJames advised I self exclude for a period ranging from a minimum 6 months to 5 years. So those accounts are gone for 5 years.

I tried to log in to Coral to close that account only to be informed I was no longer allowed to place bets with them, whatever thats about I don't know because I don't think I ever won a bet with them.

Anyway, thanks Jingles, you potentially saved me a lot of hassle in the future. I genuinely feel like a weight has been lifted off me, which is strange because I don't think I have a gambling problem. Best of luck in your quest.

Howjoe1 · 14-01-2013 3:04pm

meriwether wrote: »

I don't think you can watch horse racing without the urge to bet if you have a gambling addiction. Everythign revolves around the odds, something which is not as prevalent in other sports coverage.

Good luck to you.

I got interested in horses when I got a summer job in a bookies.
If there's one thing that teaches you to gamble responsibly, its working behind the counter of a bookies.

If I was in charge, cartoon racing and football would be outlawed, and FOTB's would not be permitted in the shops.

Interesting you say you would ban football. I never had that on the list of "high risk" for addictiveness ? I say that has a football man but maybe I'm losing more on it than I relealise.

Getting back to OP, Good luck Mr Jingle and hope you get through this. It really is a case of taking one day at a time and closing all accounts & unsubsribing to email offers. Sign a form in your local bookies to self ban. It's the brave thing to do. Act now and don't let excuses get in the way.

ft9 · 14-01-2013 3:05pm

Howjoe1 wrote: »

Interesting you say you would ban football. I never had that on the list of "high risk" for addictiveness ? I say that has a football man but maybe I'm losing more on it than I relealise.

Getting back to OP, Good luck Mr Jingle and hope you get through this. It really is a case of taking one day at a time and closing all accounts & unsubsribing to email offers. Sign a form in your local bookies to self ban. It's the brave thing to do. Act now and don't let excuses get in the way.

I'd say he meant cartoon football.

anuprising · 14-01-2013 4:44pm

been through this with a mate . you have to realise you have an addiction .your addiction is gambling .same principle as all addictions . first thing you should do is gain the support of your friends and family . alcohol while not your primary addiction ,leads to a weakness causing you to gamble so try stay off it for the moment .

what you can try to do in the early days is transfer your addiction away from gambling . a lot of addicts transfer addictions to sport or fitness ,gym etc .you will have an addiction for the rest of your life but you can choose what your addicted to with the help of qualified professionals ,a less harmful addiction ,while you learn how to combat addictions in general.

you sound like you want it to work ,so i wish you all the best and am confident anyone can beat this with the right support network and encouragement from those nearest and dearest to you .

Addiction

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