How can a gay person not know or not be sure that they are gay

John2136 · 21-04-2019 2:08am #1

I don't understand it at all, people in their 20s only discovering that they are gay how is it possible? You look at a girl feel sexually attracted to her or you look at a man and feel sexually attracted to her how the f could you not know? <Snip>

Mod Note: The use of the R word in any context is completely unacceptable.

SmartinMartin · 21-04-2019 2:16am

You look at a girl feel sexually attracted to her or you look at a man and feel sexually attracted to her

Classic Freudian slip.

Atlantic Dawn · 21-04-2019 2:16am

A horn test would indicate what they are attracted to, if it's both male and female they would be bi.

Qrt · 21-04-2019 2:19am

People figure things out at different times, whether it be due to upbringing, religion, or just personality.

But I’m guessing you’re not really interested in a proper answer judging by that last remark.

John2136 · 21-04-2019 2:19am

Atlantic Dawn wrote: »

A horn test would indicate what they are attracted to, if it's both male and female they would be bi.

Exactly so how would you know not be sure or not know, tbh I think being gay is a lifestyle choice a lot of the time.

Qrt · 21-04-2019 2:20am

John2136 wrote: »

tbh I think being gay is a lifestyle choice a lot of the time.

Oh jaysus, yes I definitely chose to disadvantage myself of course!!!:):):)

John2136 · 21-04-2019 2:23am

Qrt wrote: »

Oh jaysus, yes I definitely chose to disadvantage myself of course!!!:):):)

Did I say everyone?

Ten of Swords · 21-04-2019 2:24am

John2136 wrote: »

Are they retarded?

John2136 wrote: »

tbh I think being gay is a lifestyle choice a lot of the time.

Mod - Any further comments along these lines and cards will be handed out.

John2136 think long and hard before your next post in this forum

John2136 · 21-04-2019 2:25am

Qrt wrote: »

People figure things out at different times, whether it be due to upbringing, religion, or just personality.

But I’m guessing you’re not really interested in a proper answer judging by that last remark.

As someone else said a horn test, you look at a man feel sexually attracted to him or you look at a woman feel sexually attracted to her.

What are you talking about figuring out things at different times you would want to be very slow to not know.

Mod edit

Red carded. You were warned.

Rick_ · 21-04-2019 8:46am

Everyone has different lives and experiences John and it isn't up to you or anyone else to judge them on how they feel or when they feel it. It's never as simple and clean cut as you would like it to be.

Fiery mutant · 21-04-2019 8:58am

Well John, perhaps you should look at your own attitude and think, “will my children feel comfortable talking to me about something like this?”

When some sections of society still feel the need to label people (like your retarded remark) those people who are having a hard time trying to find their way in life, it does not make things any easier for them, it makes it harder.

spurious · 21-04-2019 9:04am

People tell us 'it's a phase'.

eviltwin · 21-04-2019 9:31am

Don't underestimate the power of social conditioning.

I'm bi, my first sexual relationships were with women, and I was told it wasn't really how I felt, I was just experimenting etc

When I eventually settled down with a man there were a few "I told you so" reactions because obviously if a woman ends up with a man she has to be straight

I've always fancied women though and it's only in the last few years I've fully identified as bisexual and I'm now in my 40's

And it's not something I choose. I can't help who I am attracted to and it's not a big deal anyway.

John2136 · 21-04-2019 1:19pm

PFMC84 wrote: »

Everyone has different lives and experiences John and it isn't up to you or anyone else to judge them on how they feel or when they feel it. It's never as simple and clean cut as you would like it to be.

Still no one is giving me an explanation as it defies logic.

John2136 · 21-04-2019 1:22pm

Fiery mutant wrote: »

Well John, perhaps you should look at your own attitude and think, “will my children feel comfortable talking to me about something like this?”

When some sections of society still feel the need to label people (like your retarded remark) those people who are having a hard time trying to find their way in life, it does not make things any easier for them, it makes it harder.

If my son came to me at 20 years old asking am I gay I would be seriously disappointed, surely he could figure that out himself.

I would show him a picture of a woman and a picture of a man and that should answer his question.

John2136 · 21-04-2019 1:23pm

eviltwin wrote: »

Don't underestimate the power of social conditioning.

I'm bi, my first sexual relationships were with women, and I was told it wasn't really how I felt, I was just experimenting etc

When I eventually settled down with a man there were a few "I told you so" reactions because obviously if a woman ends up with a man she has to be straight

I've always fancied women though and it's only in the last few years I've fully identified as bisexual and I'm now in my 40's

And it's not something I choose. I can't help who I am attracted to and it's not a big deal anyway.

I was more referring to actual gay people as maybe you could only start feeling attracted to men later in life.

21-04-2019 1:32pm

In my early teens I used look at boys that I felt were better looking than me with pangs of jealousy, as I wanted to be more like them. I also wanted a girlfriend and used to look at girls who I thought were good looking. In my late teens, romantic attraction to women was still there but it hadn't developed into any sexual attraction, whereupon I realised that those feelings of jealousy I had towards guys wasn't just wanting to be more like them; it was wanting to be with them (or someone like them).

I no longer identify as bisexual as I realised my feelings for women aren't sexual, but I still have had romantic attractions to women and don't rule out that possibility happening again. But it took me until my late teens/early twenties to figure any of this out. I was a slow developer in some respects sexually (I was 16 before I ever masturbated, for example!

); I can't say why, because my family is not homophobic or strongly religious or anything. Whatever brain chemistry I have just led things to happen the way they did.

People are different, they develop differently and figure things out at different paces. Some people always knew they were gay from a very early age, others don't. It's just human nature.

Annasopra · 21-04-2019 1:46pm

Op banned for a day from the forum for continuous trolling

Its an interesting discussion though so please feel free to continue contributions

Heebie · 21-04-2019 6:11pm

My first memory of finding another male attractive was when I was 4.5 years old. He was 6. I had no idea what the emotions I was feeling were. I was in my 30's and out of the closet 15-20 years by the time I realised what it was that I'd felt about them.

I was about 13 when I began to realise I liked other guys.
I was 17 before I allowed myself to believe it. In the interim I dated a few girls just to try and prove to myself and others that I wasn't the "f" word people had been calling me for years already. I wasn't "pretending" to be straight. I was lying, very effectively, to everyone around me, including myself. For the most part I believed that lie while refusing to believe there truth... until one day when I woke up, looked at myself in the mirror, and said out loud to myself: "you're gay and you need to deal with that fact"

As humans, we often try to control what we believe by intellectual means, rather than accept what we actually believe. Maybe it seems more comfortable to "look normal" than to be oneself?

John2136 · 22-04-2019 4:07pm

Heebie wrote: »

My first memory of finding another male attractive was when I was 4.5 years old. He was 6. I had no idea what the emotions I was feeling were. I was in my 30's and out of the closet 15-20 years by the time I realised what it was that I'd felt about them.

I was about 13 when I began to realise I liked other guys.
I was 17 before I allowed myself to believe it. In the interim I dated a few girls just to try and prove to myself and others that I wasn't the "f" word people had been calling me for years already. I wasn't "pretending" to be straight. I was lying, very effectively, to everyone around me, including myself. For the most part I believed that lie while refusing to believe there truth... until one day when I woke up, looked at myself in the mirror, and said out loud to myself: "you're gay and you need to deal with that fact"

As humans, we often try to control what we believe by intellectual means, rather than accept what we actually believe. Maybe it seems more comfortable to "look normal" than to be oneself?

I still don't understand, maybe romantic attraction would be easy to explain my question but surely sexual attraction would give it away?

Or did you not feel sexual attraction until your late teens?

John2136 · 22-04-2019 4:11pm

Heebie wrote: »

My first memory of finding another male attractive was when I was 4.5 years old. He was 6. I had no idea what the emotions I was feeling were. I was in my 30's and out of the closet 15-20 years by the time I realised what it was that I'd felt about them.

I was about 13 when I began to realise I liked other guys.
I was 17 before I allowed myself to believe it. In the interim I dated a few girls just to try and prove to myself and others that I wasn't the "f" word people had been calling me for years already. I wasn't "pretending" to be straight. I was lying, very effectively, to everyone around me, including myself. For the most part I believed that lie while refusing to believe there truth... until one day when I woke up, looked at myself in the mirror, and said out loud to myself: "you're gay and you need to deal with that fact"

As humans, we often try to control what we believe by intellectual means, rather than accept what we actually believe. Maybe it seems more comfortable to "look normal" than to be oneself?

Maybe I'm getting a better understanding am I right to say gay people don't feel sexual attraction the same way as straight people do?

They feel attraction more like women as in you don't really feel sexual attraction until you start to really like someone?

Mr.Frame · 22-04-2019 4:57pm

John2136 wrote: »

Exactly so how would you know not be sure or not know, tbh I think being gay is a lifestyle choice a lot of the time.

Eh, NO, it is not.

John2136 · 22-04-2019 5:02pm

Mr.Frame wrote: »

Eh, NO, it is not.

I said a lot of the time not all

Mr.Frame · 22-04-2019 5:02pm

John2136 wrote: »

Maybe I'm getting a better understanding am I right to say gay people don't feel sexual attraction the same way as straight people do?

What kind of a comment is that ??
So please tell us in what way is sexual attraction different for straight people versus gay people.

John2136 wrote: »

They feel attraction more like women as in you don't really feel sexual attraction until you start to really like someone?

Another bizarre comment,
I smell a troll

John2136 · 22-04-2019 5:04pm

Mr.Frame wrote: »

What kind of a comment is that ??
So please tell us in what way is sexual attraction different for straight people versus gay people.

Another bizarre comment,
I smell a troll

I'm not trolling I am trying to under how someone could not know they are gay as a horn test would surely tell you if you are gay or straight.

Mr.Frame · 22-04-2019 5:04pm

John2136 wrote: »

I said a lot of the time not all

And youre wrong.

John2136 · 22-04-2019 5:04pm

Mr.Frame wrote: »

And youre wrong.

How can you be so sure?

John2136 · 22-04-2019 5:05pm

Mr.Frame wrote: »

And youre wrong.

Just like people who pretend to be straight there are probably gay people who pretend to be gay.

eviltwin · 22-04-2019 5:05pm

John2136 wrote: »

I'm not trolling I am trying to under how someone could not know they are gay as a horn test would surely tell you if you are gay or straight.

The horn test?

Ten of Swords · 22-04-2019 5:06pm

Mod - John2136 do not post in this thread anymore. Your question has been answered, see below.

If you wish to continue posting in this forum please read the charter and be respectful, the same as we'd ask of anybody. But as of right now, you're done.

Deleted User wrote: »

People are different, they develop differently and figure things out at different paces. Some people always knew they were gay from a very early age, others don't. It's just human nature.

Fiery mutant · 22-04-2019 5:06pm

John2136 wrote: »

Maybe I'm getting a better understanding am I right to say gay people don't feel sexual attraction the same way as straight people do?

I don’t know how someone is supposed to answer that question. As I am straight, I couldn’t say how gay people feel attraction, and i’m Pretty sure a gay person would probably say the same thing.

People find attraction in different ways, it could be through a physical liking, or an attraction to a particular trait in a person, or any multitude of things.

I guess if your talking just about physical sexual attraction, then i’d guess it is the same for anyone, gay or straight.

How can a gay person not know or not be sure that they are gay

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