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Why is the line between flirting and being friendly so thin for many women?

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24

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    #32
    Widdershins
    Registered Users Posts: 10,633 ✭✭✭✭Widdershins


    ToBeFrank123 wrote: »
    In what way?

    I think modern society has put a strain on men-women relationships, for both good and bad. There is no longer the power imbalance which is good. But many men are afraid to even say hello to women at this stage for fear of saying the wrong thing.

    I'm afraid of saying what I think for fear of seeming like a 'village bike ' , will we swap?


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    #33
    Plopsu
    Registered Users Posts: 671 ✭✭✭Plopsu


    Fusitive wrote: »
    . I'm no Casanova but you have to make your intentions clear early because if you don't, everyone is confused.

    Sometimes intentions change along the way.


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    #34
    s7ryf3925pivug
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,007 ✭✭✭s7ryf3925pivug


    Another "women are bitches" versus "women are people" thread. Should just make a megathread with a poll.


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    #35
    Widdershins
    Registered Users Posts: 10,633 ✭✭✭✭Widdershins


    Jillian Proud Waste wrote: »
    Another "women are bitches" versus "women are people" thread. Should just make a megathread with a poll.

    I have been a vicious bitch when approached though ... I'll admit that . Hard to explain and there's no excuse.


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    #36
    IAMAMORON
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,078 ✭✭✭IAMAMORON


    Deleted User wrote: »
    There's a woman in work like this. Get on with her great but she's started touching my arm a lot and being flirty in general. Pirouetting in front of me asking if I thought she looked good.. Things like that.

    I'm in a relationship so it's irrelevant but I wonder if she's just being friendly. She probably is.

    I would tap that if I were you, Don't tell your girlfriend however, it will probably piss her off.


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    #37
    ToBeFrank123
    Users Awaiting Email Confirmation Posts: 2,176 ✭✭✭ToBeFrank123


    Jillian Proud Waste wrote: »
    Another "women are bitches" versus "women are people" thread. Should just make a megathread with a poll.

    No-one said women are bitches. Where are you getting this from?? :confused:


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    #38
    Lux23
    Registered Users Posts: 7,134 ✭✭✭Lux23


    ToBeFrank123 wrote: »
    In what way?

    I think modern society has put a strain on men-women relationships, for both good and bad. There is no longer the power imbalance which is good. But many men are afraid to even say hello to women at this stage for fear of saying the wrong thing.

    At least you're not scared of us raping you.


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    #39
    ToBeFrank123
    Users Awaiting Email Confirmation Posts: 2,176 ✭✭✭ToBeFrank123


    Lux23 wrote: »
    At least you're not scared of us raping you.

    Bit of an over-reaction I feel. ie that if a man says hello he must have one thing on his mind. But anyways.


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    #40
    Vita nova
    Registered Users Posts: 731 ✭✭✭Vita nova


    noubliezjamais wrote: »
    Just potentially ruined an acquiantancship by asking a girl whether we'd date when she came to visit me in the hospital. She's from the same country as me and was quite "touchy feely" but like I feared, it was just her being polite.

    Hear this is why lads never approach women. Irish or otherwise. One womans flirting is anothers politness. This isn't the first time as well, a married woman started chatting about personal stuff back when I was in NY. Asked her out for a date but she said she was married :D

    I know it sounds like a cliché but it's generally the things you didn't do in life that you regret not what you did, so don't regret trying to find out if someone is interested in you, although there are probably subtle ways of doing it without leaving residual damage if the answer is no.


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    #41
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users Posts: 23,656 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    Jillian Proud Waste wrote: »
    Another "women are bitches" versus "women are people" thread. Should just make a megathread with a poll.

    Lux23 wrote: »
    At least you're not scared of us raping you.


    Escalated quickly :eek:


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    #42
    Korvanica
    Registered Users Posts: 3,992 ✭✭✭Korvanica


    ToBeFrank123 wrote: »
    No-one said women are bitches. Where are you getting this from?? :confused:

    They're trying to start it.


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    #43
    ToBeFrank123
    Users Awaiting Email Confirmation Posts: 2,176 ✭✭✭ToBeFrank123


    Anyways to avoid any more conflict, I'm going to hop off this thread!

    OP, don't live your life wondering what if, but at the same time respect some boundaries.

    As for men being afraid to say hello these days, maybe that's an over-statement but women such as Josepha Maddigan at the weekend commented that men are more reluctant to hug or put their arms around women these days even for a photograph.


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    #44
    Always Tired
    Closed Accounts Posts: 945 ✭✭✭Always Tired


    'Hear this is why lads don't approach women.'

    Yeah women, if you don't stop touching our arms and then rejecting us when we jump to the conclusion that you must be dying for us to ride you, well then we're all gonna just stop going near you altogether! Then what u gonna do, huh?

    Good Lord. Not even noon and the prize for dumbest thread of the day has already been won. Btw, hospital visits are not generally a great time to try for some amorous activity, regardless of the ease of access the gowns provide.


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    #45
    Deebles McBeebles
    Registered Users Posts: 5,748 ✭✭✭Deebles McBeebles


    I like this thread. It brings out the crazy.


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    #46
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,527 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    ToBeFrank123 wrote: »
    As for men being afraid to say hello these days, maybe that's an over-statement but women such as Josepha Maddigan at the weekend commented that men are more reluctant to hug or put their arms around women these days even for a photograph.

    Any bloke who’s afraid of saying “hello” to a girl must have some guilty conscience.

    I don’t see anything wrong with being reluctant to hug or put an arm around someone for a photo. I’ve no problem if it’s family members, my partner or close friends but outside of those circles I wouldn’t be keen on doing it just the same as I’d be reluctant to do it to a man.

    The tide is turning…



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    #47
    Grayson
    Registered Users Posts: 16,126 ✭✭✭✭Grayson


    Widdershins wrote: »
    I have been a vicious bitch when approached though ... I'll admit that . Hard to explain and there's no excuse.

    I'd think it's fair enough. It's got to be tiring after a while. Especially when you're in a pub. Drunk guy after drunk guy.


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    #48
    Grayson
    Registered Users Posts: 16,126 ✭✭✭✭Grayson


    EmmetSpiceland wrote: »
    Any bloke who’s afraid of saying “hello” to a girl must have some guilty conscience.

    I don’t see anything wrong with being reluctant to hug or put an arm around someone for a photo. I’ve no problem if it’s family members, my partner or close friends but outside of those circles I wouldn’t be keen on doing it just the same as I’d be reluctant to do it to a man.

    Think of Joe Biden. I'm sure there was nothing sexual about his actions. And he thought he was being friendly. What he was doing was well intentioned but he made people uncomfortable.


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    #49
    Feisar
    Registered Users Posts: 6,597 ✭✭✭Feisar


    In the past women have taken my easy going chatting as flirting. After saying no I have a GF or whatever some have gotten bitchy and say stuff like "well you were flirting with your eyes" or some crap like that. Apologies if the baby blues are that intoxicating!

    Some people (not on the internet) are friendly to other human beings. Has happened me in the past, misread signals, asked a girl out, got a no or whatever and just jogged on, no harm done.

    First they came for the socialists...



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    #50
    Edgware
    Registered Users Posts: 5,875 ✭✭✭Edgware


    I am all for women standing up for themselves. Thats why I will always give them the "thumbs up" and a "beep beep" when I pass them as they try to change a tyre or are broken down on the road.


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    #51
    Lux23
    Registered Users Posts: 7,134 ✭✭✭Lux23


    ToBeFrank123 wrote: »
    Bit of an over-reaction I feel. ie that if a man says hello he must have one thing on his mind. But anyways.

    I was only pointing out that being afraid to say the wrong thing is not much of a complaint in the scheme of things.


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    #52
    PhiloCypher
    Registered Users Posts: 2,388 ✭✭✭PhiloCypher


    I think you have to use a larger sample size then one interaction before you risk a friendship by jumping in and asking them out OP. You need to look at the context in which the touching occurred, you were in hospital and she was likely just showing concern. Even if she was always touchy freely with you you have to look at how she interacts with others, male or female, she might just be a very tactile person.


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    #53
    Ray Palmer
    Registered Users Posts: 8,352 ✭✭✭Ray Palmer


    Just plain weird what the OP has said. I don't think I have ever misunderstood being friendly with being flirted with. I have had female friends all my life and thought a lot of guys and girls didn't understand how that was possible.
    On occasion friendships turned into attraction but generally not pursued due to wanting not to lose the friendship.
    What I did find strange was the things female friends would tell me. Lots of what I thought were normal guys went very creepy and inappropriate with friends of mine. Women do put up with some strange behaviour.
    Dont get me wrong some women are equally creepy and inappropriate but I dont think they seem normal nor blend in. Basically you can spot the creepy women over them men is my experience. It could be that I am not the object of affection so don't see it.


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    #54
    Lux23
    Registered Users Posts: 7,134 ✭✭✭Lux23


    You can't blame blokes for being confused though. If we were to believe Hollywood and TV, if someone acts as if they hate you when you first meet them, then that means you love them!


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    #55
    ArchXStanton
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,912 ✭✭✭ArchXStanton


    Lux23 wrote: »
    You can't blame blokes for being confused though. If we were to believe Hollywood and TV, if someone acts as if they hate you when you first meet them, then that means you love them!

    Approaching and all that jazz should be left up to women nowadays, unfortunately a lot of women would rather eat dog excrement than put their egos on the line


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    #56
    FishOnABike
    Registered Users Posts: 4,353 ✭✭✭FishOnABike


    Always Tired wrote: »
    'Btw, hospital visits are not generally a great time to try for some amorous activity, regardless of the ease of access the gowns provide.
    You mean all those internet documentaries are fake? ;-)


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    #57
    Fusitive
    Closed Accounts Posts: 106 ✭✭Fusitive


    ArchXStanton wrote: »
    Approaching and all that jazz should be left up to women nowadays, unfortunately a lot of women would rather eat dog excrement than put their egos on the line

    To be fair, women do approach but you can't expect them to do it all the time as there is huge societal pressure on them to not be 'sluts'.

    And anyway, we should be glad that it works that way because just having the balls to do so cuts out a huge majority of the others who don't dare approach a woman. You've seperated yourself from a lot of men just by doing so.


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    #58
    ArchXStanton
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,912 ✭✭✭ArchXStanton


    Fusitive wrote: »
    To be fair, women do approach but you can't expect them to do it all the time as there is huge societal pressure on them to not be 'sluts'.

    And anyway, we should be glad that it works that way because just having the balls to do so cuts out a huge majority of the others who don't dare approach a woman. You've seperated yourself from a lot of men just by doing so.

    It needs to change, it's outdated and not compatible with a modern equal society, about time men enjoyed some of the fruits of equality too


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    #59
    Widdershins
    Registered Users Posts: 10,633 ✭✭✭✭Widdershins


    Grayson wrote: »
    I'd think it's fair enough. It's got to be tiring after a while. Especially when you're in a pub. Drunk guy after drunk guy.

    It wasn't a drunk one I had an outburst at, but thanks . It really does .


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    #60
    Ray Palmer
    Registered Users Posts: 8,352 ✭✭✭Ray Palmer


    Lux23 wrote: »
    You can't blame blokes for being confused though. If we were to believe Hollywood and TV, if someone acts as if they hate you when you first meet them, then that means you love them!
    The fact it is entertainment shows and not reality should make it very clear and nothing to be confused about. If you can't distinguish between movies and real life then you are going to have a lot of other problems than "dating"


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    #61
    s7ryf3925pivug
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,007 ✭✭✭s7ryf3925pivug


    Women approach quite a lot. Asking someone if they want to get a coffee isn't risking anybody's reputation.

    Most successful connections are initiated by women. Men's approaches are very often in response to cues by women. I think women are more likely to approach "cold", or at least more likely to be welcomed approaching when not in response to cues.


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