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Worried about going on a hen - overreacting?

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Comments

  • #62
    freshpopcorn
    Registered Users Posts: 30,173 ✭✭✭✭freshpopcorn


    Just one to consider OP.
    If it is cancelled or whatever the bride might decide to do something instead of it either the date it was meant to be on or when the county lockdown thing is lifted.
    So, just be prepared for that also.


  • #63
    Tork
    Registered Users Posts: 3,258 ✭✭✭Tork


    It wouldn't surprise me if this hen party goes ahead anyway. There are plenty of people out there who don't believe the Coronavirus measures apply to them. If the women living in the lockdown counties still want to travel to the hen party, they'll make it to the venue without any problems. We've yet to the full impact of these meat factory-related cases in the lockdown counties but I'm sure you'll see plenty of spin to justify the hen going ahead anyway. It's a real shame that it isn't OK for someone to say they'd rather not attend a gathering like this. We all know that once the craic starts up and the drink flows, social distancing will go out the window. If you still feel you can't just say you'd prefer not to go, invent an illness on the day and back out.


  • #64
    1hnr79jr65
    Registered Users Posts: 916 ✭✭✭1hnr79jr65


    Tell them you tested positive for covid and you cant go. Then after the party is over tell them you received a call from the hospital to say it was a false positive and you are actually clear.


  • #65
    Tork
    Registered Users Posts: 3,258 ✭✭✭Tork


    That false positive scenario is needlessly dramatic and a bit improbable. How many people are really being told they've Covid, then whoops, sorry the lab got it wrong, you're grand after all? I have some family who've been referred for testing and it took place over 3 days. Day 1, the GP referred them for testing. Day 2, the test. Day 3, the result. If you want to go down that route, you'd want to get your facts right because you could have someone being curious and asking what's it like? If you want to invent an illness, go for something safe like the runs. Personally, I'd rather just come clean and say the virus is now getting too close to home for my liking.


  • #66
    charlietheminxx
    Registered Users Posts: 2,579 ✭✭✭charlietheminxx


    I think honesty in this type of situation is always the best policy. It's so much easier and cleaner than fabricating illnesses and covid tests etc. It's unnecessary.

    You just post a brief message in the group chat like "Hey girls, I know maybe this is just myself but I'm really stressing over attending with the way things are. I would love to come and celebrate bride's hen with you all, but I know I won't be able to relax and put my anxiety aside. I'm so sad I won't be a part of it but I just have to go with my gut at the moment. I really hope you all have a wonderful time, especially bride and I can't wait to see the photos."

    Nobody can put a gun to your head and force you to go. Nobody can tell you it's totally safe and your concerns are unfounded. If it doesn't feel right, don't go, I know it's hard to be the one in the group saying no but be honest about why, and if they are really your friends, they should understand.


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  • #67
    HildaOgdenx
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,422 Mod ✭✭✭✭HildaOgdenx


    I know I said it earlier on the thread, but I would just be upfront about it, OP. It's perfectly natural to have concerns. We are in an unprecedented situation, and many things are not going ahead.

    In this particular scenario, I wouldn't advocate inventing excuses of any sort.


  • #68
    sunshinew
    Registered Users Posts: 111 ✭✭sunshinew


    meh - I still have my doubts on being fully honest for this one. People are so divided on their reaction to the pandemic and quick to take sides - it really depends on the next few days of reports.

    I think with the number of infections going up, people will be a bit more understanding if you don't go - however if the bride is adamant it goes ahead, and the majority of the other girls show up, then I don't know how understanding the bride will be if your excuse is that you are uncomfortable/anxious about the situation when you are all in the same boat. (I fully support your decision not to go and wish people would have more cop on to make some sacrifices for the greater good!)

    Obviously you know the bride best and maybe she'll be cool with it - but the fact she's still pushing to go ahead with her hen makes me think she won't react well to her bridesmaid not going without an extra reason other than the pandemic. I would normally advocate being totally upfront and honest about your anxieties but I learned the hard way, especially where weddings are concerned, it's sometimes better to "massage the truth" a bit. You don't need an elaborate lie. Just say you're not feeling great and think it best you lay low for a couple of days...but you'll treat her to brunch, manicure, whatever...to celebrate in style just the two of you when you're better...


  • #69
    sunshinew
    Registered Users Posts: 111 ✭✭sunshinew


    charlietheminxx wrote: »

    You just post a brief message in the group chat like "Hey girls, I know maybe this is just myself but I'm really stressing over attending with the way things are. I would love to come and celebrate bride's hen with you all, but I know I won't be able to relax and put my anxiety aside. I'm so sad I won't be a part of it but I just have to go with my gut at the moment. I really hope you all have a wonderful time, especially bride and I can't wait to see the photos."

    I'd think about whether you text the whole group or just the bride with whatever reason you say you are not going. If you text the whole group, you may open it up for others to cancel - which might be a good or bad thing for you - depending on how the bride sees it...

    Again it really depends on what type of friends they are. I lost a group of friends over not going to a wedding in my 20s by being honest with my reasons. I've seen so much drama around weddings and hens and long held grudges. Saying that, maybe it was for the best - Have a much more understanding group of friends now that would never have an issue with me cancelling something for the reasons you have.


  • #70
    wildwillow
    Registered Users Posts: 1,110 ✭✭✭wildwillow


    I wouldn't dream of going. The lockdown is likely to be extended anyway.

    Tell the whole group that you consider it too risky and wish them the best. What you are planning is against so many regulations that you should have no qualms in cancelling. You will find that several of them are secretly deciding not to go and come up with a last minute excuse.

    Your health and that of your family is more important than any bride.


  • #71
    waxmelts2000
    Registered Users Posts: 603 ✭✭✭waxmelts2000


    As above I would not go, seriously.. is the bride a "bridezilla"!!


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  • #72
    Fakediamond
    Registered Users Posts: 1,054 ✭✭✭Fakediamond


    You could also go with the argument that, as the organizer, you have an obligation to keep everyone safe and you’re not comfortable with proceeding on that basis. I’d say some of the others don’t want to go and would breathe a huge sigh of relief if it was cancelled.

    How about discussing with the bride whether the group should be polled for their views?


  • #73
    rainbowtrout
    Registered Users Posts: 15,381 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    votecounts wrote: »
    Aren't places supposed to cancel bookings from people that are resident in LOK, sure I seen hotels refusing bookings from people coming from these places. I was supposed to be in westport tonight and they rang to cancel as I am technically resident in Laois

    Yes, there is a zipline activity place near where I live (Roscommon) and they are cancelling any bookings if the person booking gave an address in LOK. The booking is cancelled for the whole group regardless of where they are from.


  • #74
    rainbowtrout
    Registered Users Posts: 15,381 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »
    I'm following this with interest as I'm in a similar situation with my best friend's hen. It's in two weeks and her sister and mum are organising it. I've just heard that it's apparently going to include a pub crawl and that people are coming over from the UK for it and I'm getting really uncomfortable. I'm not at risk but do have health issues and bad anxiety. Problem is that this girl is my best friend and my own maid of honour and it would kill me to miss her day.

    Would love to know what you decide to do in the end!

    That's bonkers. I'm sure there are some pubs flouting the rules, but if say 15 women land in for a hen, will pubs even have the space to accommodate a group of that size at short notice and are they planning on having food in every pub?

    It might be your best friend, but she's being very selfish, I'd be giving it a miss.


  • #75
    rainbowtrout
    Registered Users Posts: 15,381 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    OP, did you make the booking as maid of honour? Are you living in one of the three counties? You could ring the accommodation and ask them if your booking is still valid as you are coming from LOK, might be taken out of your hands then.


  • #76
    wirelessdude01
    Registered Users Posts: 8,417 ✭✭✭wirelessdude01


    rainbowtrout wrote: »
    Yes, there is a zipline activity place near where I live (Roscommon) and they are cancelling any bookings if the person booking gave an address in LOK. The booking is cancelled for the whole group regardless of where they are from.

    Heard that bike races last weekend and next weekend refunded entries from those that have addresses from LOK on their licences.


  • #77
    JustAThought
    Registered Users Posts: 5,323 ✭✭✭JustAThought


    OP, 1,772 people in Ireland have died from it already. There is no cure. It can cause long term lung damage, exhaustion lasting months, blood clots and there have been cases of Lou Ghering disease that it has triggered, and 45 cases of dementia like symptoms in people who caught it age 25-40. How many reasons do you need not to gi? Sure your friend will be hysterical and unreasonable but will she oay your medical bills, or lost income, or inability to earn a living in the future? Im sure ahe will be very sorry but if you catch it or carry it hime to others, you will be a lot sorrier.

    A friend of mine abroad caught it though work - 3 months in she is riddled with blood clots, cant use contraception, cant exercise properly, has lost her career, cannot fly and may never be right again. She is now on blood thinners and in constant fear of having a stroke caused by the hundreds of blood clots around her body - which they cannot fix. Is a pissup with people from a high risk area worth it? Tell her you’re frightened you’ll catch it and the consequences are too high but you will ziom/skype her on the night & be involved that way and have everything organised. Being a chief bridesmaid does not include catching a plague in a high risk and illegal meetup with people from high risk lickdown counties, this is not something you can get a prescription for - it has no cure.


  • #78
    Caranica
    Registered Users Posts: 10,000 ✭✭✭✭Caranica


    JustAThought wrote: »
    there have been cases of Lou Ghering disease that it has triggered

    Sorry to go off topic but do you have a source for this? Lou Gehrig's disease is Motor Neurone Disease and I have a particular interest in this.


  • #79
    XxMCRxBabyxX
    Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 7,439 Mod ✭✭✭✭XxMCRxBabyxX


    rainbowtrout wrote: »
    That's bonkers. I'm sure there are some pubs flouting the rules, but if say 15 women land in for a hen, will pubs even have the space to accommodate a group of that size at short notice and are they planning on having food in every pub?

    It might be your best friend, but she's being very selfish, I'd be giving it a miss.

    Just to give an update on my situation: my friend wasn't aware of the full plan. It has been also been changed since thankfully. The people in the UK have been told to stay away and the pub crawl is now drinks in a private hotel (as in we're the only ones staying). I'm still not feeling 100% comfortable but it's better than before. I've messaged the sister to tell her that I may have to remove myself from situations I'm uncomfortable during and my fiancé has offered to be on standby to pick me up if it gets too much for me.


  • #80
    rainbowtrout
    Registered Users Posts: 15,381 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    It was reported on the news this morning that LOK might be under lockdown for 6 weeks


  • #81
    pennydreadful
    Registered Users Posts: 59 ✭✭pennydreadful


    Thank you all so much for all your very good advice and opinions. I agree with all of you that the risk is entirely needless and if it was my hen, I'd say leave it...but it's not so things are going ahead albeit in a safer way.
    The accomodation cancelled the booking which was a blessing, took the entire situation out of our hands.
    The party is now happening outdoors, weather permitting (in a large marquee otherwise).
    There is less than 15 people so technically it's allowed.

    The bride was pretty adamant it went ahead on this date even though people will be travelling from outside the county, from other locked down counties and further afield. I made it very clear that nobody was obliged to go and not to feel pressured, two people understandably opted out.
    People will be staying over in the house, I won't be. It's risky and doesnt allow for social distancing so they can do it if they want but I'll be coming home.
    There will obviously be drink involved, but I'll be staying away from it. For my own sake and to keep a clear head so that I can try make the whole thing as safe as possible.

    It isn't ideal but I really just let the bride lead the way on it and will be attending in a way that feels safe for me, only staying for a while and coming home.

    For those that mentioned how weddings can be like this crazy test of friendship- how right you all are. It just seems so blown out of proportion given the current circumstances but at least it is (somewhat) resolved.


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  • #82
    wirelessdude01
    Registered Users Posts: 8,417 ✭✭✭wirelessdude01


    pennydreadful wrote: »
    There will obviously be drink involved, but I'll be staying away from it. For my own sake and to keep a clear head so that I can try make the whole thing as safe as possible.

    I wouldn't bother even trying to make it safe. Once drink is involved the hair gets let down and people forget/don't care. Keep yourself safe is your objective, feck the others would be my attitude


  • #83
    Purple Mountain
    Registered Users Posts: 12,993 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    Someone up thread said others would pull out, they were right. So you weren't the only worried one OP.
    I know it must be so disappointing for brides and grooms to see their plans go to pieces but in these very worrying and unprecedented times, I think any couple expecting their friends and family to take risks or cause them stress and worry is a see you next tuesday and I think your friend falls right into that category, OP.

    To thine own self be true



  • #84
    Pistachio19
    Registered Users Posts: 472 ✭✭Pistachio19


    She must be some princess! You'd think given the fact the accommodation cancelled that it would be a big enough hint that she shouldn't go ahead with her precious hen night. I wouldn't be surprised if others pulled out nearer the day/on the day. Make sure you stick to what you are happy with - not what bridezilla expects you to do.


  • #85
    pennydreadful
    Registered Users Posts: 59 ✭✭pennydreadful


    All the above are absolutely right, I still think it is madness we are at this stage. I should have pointed out that I have made it clear that I probably won't 100% confirm if I'm going until nearer the time. I'm happy to plan it but if I things develop any further, I probably won't go. I should also say that I actually live in the same county so at least I'm not having to cross any borders.


  • #86
    Cash_Q
    Registered Users Posts: 1,920 ✭✭✭Cash_Q


    I'd say a few of those living in locked down counties will be telling her they were "stopped by a Garda" either genuinely or as their last ditch excuse as they feel cornered like you do. This bride is clutching at straws to have it go ahead, it'll likely be fairly miserable if loads can't actually make it on the day.

    When is the actual wedding? Could the hen not be postponed? If the wedding is soon numbers are obviously capped so will all these hen attendees even be invited to the wedding? Mind boggling to insist on it going ahead


  • #87
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    More people will drop out closer to the time. Guaranteed. There will be invented emergencies and they will simply not go. There will be tummy bugs, childcare issues, car breakdowns etc.



    I was supposed to be a 2020 bride too. Anyone who is trying to have a wedding with anything other than two witnesses & celebrant present are putting unfair pressure on the people closest to them. There are people I very much want to share my day with, so that's why I've moved it to next year. Because they are important to me, I won't risk their health.



    I get she's disappointed (or will be when people fail to show for both her hen and her wedding) but that's on her head, not anyone else's. That's the risk she took when she doggedly decided to ignore a global pandemic that's killed hundreds of thousands and tanked pretty much every economy in the word.


  • #88
    bitofabind
    Registered Users Posts: 939 ✭✭✭bitofabind


    Sorry if I missed this part, but OP have you tried to actually have a conversation with the bride using logic and reason?

    I live in London and will be back in Ireland quarantining in an Airbnb from next week. I have a sister very insistent on me travelling to the west to attend a surprise baby shower for a cousin. The usual guilt trip. She'll be so disappointed if she knows you're back and don't make it, blah blah. I called her and spelled it out for her in no uncertain terms. This baby shower is illegal. The mother-to-be is high risk. I'm coming from one of the biggest Covid hotspots in the world. I care deeply about everyone here and that's why it's my duty to not attend and call the situation for what it is.

    These conversations are uncomfortable, especially when it's the people closest to you. But a lot of people are either ignorant to the facts, not following the news or letting emotions get in the way. Your bride might be all three. I consider it my responsibility to have these conversations when I'm pushed to do something that's unsafe and a flagrant violation of the rules. We are all suffering. We've all had cancelled plans, financial loss, the grief of it all. Your bride is not a special snowflake immune to the rules the rest of us have to follow. She needs a wakeup call tbh.


  • #89
    bee06
    Registered Users Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    bitofabind wrote: »
    Sorry if I missed this part, but OP have you tried to actually have a conversation with the bride using logic and reason?

    I live in London and will be back in Ireland quarantining in an Airbnb from next week. I have a sister very insistent on me travelling to the west to attend a surprise baby shower for a cousin. The usual guilt trip. She'll be so disappointed if she knows you're back and don't make it, blah blah. I called her and spelled it out for her in no uncertain terms. This baby shower is illegal. The mother-to-be is high risk. I'm coming from one of the biggest Covid hotspots in the world. I care deeply about everyone here and that's why it's my duty to not attend and call the situation for what it is.

    A surprise baby shower, if I was that mother to be I’d be the one surprising them and telling them to f*ck right off.

    The OP said she has been raising concerns since the start but they’ve fallen on deaf ears.


  • #90
    Pistachio19
    Registered Users Posts: 472 ✭✭Pistachio19


    bee06 wrote: »
    A surprise baby shower, if I was that mother to be I’d be the one surprising them and telling them to f*ck right off.

    The OP said she has been raising concerns since the start but they’ve fallen on deaf ears.


    Good point. If the mother-to-be doesn't know about it then it's extremely irresponsible of whoever is organising it.


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