Need to move out but scared of being lonely

LegacyUser · 28-07-2020 11:00pm #1

Hi,

So I guess the title sums it up really. I’m 25 from Dublin , work in Dublin and I live at home with my parents and younger brother. Basically I’m sick of living at home, I love my family but I just feel like it’s time for me to move out and get some independence. I have a stable enough job earning a decent income for my age so I would still be able to save a bit while renting. I also live about 1 hours commute from work (pre covid) thankfully the traffic is much better now but I would still like to live closer to work and the city centre.

I have struggled with an eating disorder and depression over the past 6-7 years and this has affected my confidence and I suppose I haven’t made as many friends or been as sociable generally as you might expect your average 25 year old to be. Mentally I am in a much better place right now and I feel like it is the right time to consider moving out.

My biggest concern is that I’ll be really lonely. I don’t have a large circle of friends, I used to have quite a few but one by one they’ve moved out of Dublin or out of Ireland. And although I’m still in touch with them they aren’t around obviously at the weekends or in the evenings to do things. I do have 2 very good friends who live near my ‘home’ house and one friend that I’m less close to but would still see on occasion and she lives in the general area I would like to move to.

I don’t really have any social hobbies (which I know needs to change), I’m not really into team sports, I used to play tennis but have a knee injury which has left me unable to play for 6-8 months, eventually I hope to get back to it. I’ve looked at volunteering but I can’t see anything that is going ahead at the moment due to covid.

Essentially I just worry that I’ll move into a house share and be really lonely there and have no one to talk to on a day to day basis outside of work.

Does anyone have any advice about what I should do? Or even any suggestions as to how to join things at the moment or any volunteering opportunities that are actually going ahead in person right now.

Thanks and sorry for such a long post.

[Deleted User] · 29-07-2020 9:49am

I'd recommend you move out as soon as you can. It'll do wonders for you and give you more control in your life. Give it at least a year. On the teeny tiny chance it doesn't go well, I'm sure your parents will have you back. This is a great time for you to make the move as you're financially independent but you still have a family home as a safety net.

Regarding the volunteering etc., I don't think you should worry about that right now. Give yourself some proper time to adjust to living independently. If you're working during the week and then volunteering at the weekend, you might get a tiny bit overwhelmed trying to move into a new place and looking after all your household stuff while also trying to make time for new activities you haven't done before. Just do the move first, settle in, and then start thinking about taking on more.

Good luck!

Psychiatric Patrick · 29-07-2020 11:04am

Sarah432 wrote: »

Hi,

So I guess the title sums it up really. I’m 25 from Dublin , work in Dublin and I live at home with my parents and younger brother. Basically I’m sick of living at home, I love my family but I just feel like it’s time for me to move out and get some independence. I have a stable enough job earning a decent income for my age so I would still be able to save a bit while renting. I also live about 1 hours commute from work (pre covid) thankfully the traffic is much better now but I would still like to live closer to work and the city centre.

I have struggled with an eating disorder and depression over the past 6-7 years and this has affected my confidence and I suppose I haven’t made as many friends or been as sociable generally as you might expect your average 25 year old to be. Mentally I am in a much better place right now and I feel like it is the right time to consider moving out.

My biggest concern is that I’ll be really lonely. I don’t have a large circle of friends, I used to have quite a few but one by one they’ve moved out of Dublin or out of Ireland. And although I’m still in touch with them they aren’t around obviously at the weekends or in the evenings to do things. I do have 2 very good friends who live near my ‘home’ house and one friend that I’m less close to but would still see on occasion and she lives in the general area I would like to move to.

I don’t really have any social hobbies (which I know needs to change), I’m not really into team sports, I used to play tennis but have a knee injury which has left me unable to play for 6-8 months, eventually I hope to get back to it. I’ve looked at volunteering but I can’t see anything that is going ahead at the moment due to covid.

Essentially I just worry that I’ll move into a house share and be really lonely there and have no one to talk to on a day to day basis outside of work.

Does anyone have any advice about what I should do? Or even any suggestions as to how to join things at the moment or any volunteering opportunities that are actually going ahead in person right now.

Thanks and sorry for such a long post.

What about your two friends that live close to your parent’s house?

Could you get a place with one or both of them?

What is their circumstances? They living with parents too?

No need for apologies. Posts can be as long as you like.

80j2lc5y7u6qs9 · 29-07-2020 2:13pm

You probably wouls be lonely for a while,it would be normal to miss your family. Make some friend or join clubs before you move out so you will have a circle of friends already .maybe they would help you move

Church on Tuesday · 29-07-2020 2:25pm

Absolutely do it, yeah it will be a bit odd at first but you will come to love your independence, good things come into your life when you are independent.

As someone who struggled with crippling anxiety during my early 20s and was in a similar situation, make sure you keep an eye on your mental health as well and communicate if you are feeling lonely or down.

Febreeze · 29-07-2020 2:32pm

Before I moved in with my partner who I had already known years previously, I lived on my own in an apartment closer to my job. I moved out at 25, like you are now and I suffer with my mental health at the best of times.

When I moved out, I was in the mist off attending both councilling and a psychologist and honestly I think it was the best thing for me. Not only could I prove that I could pay towards society, hold my own, do my own thing, like you, I didn't have many friends and I still dont have a wild range of friends. You don't need too. It's about being in content with yourself. I've 3 best friends that I wouldn't see from one end of the month to the other and I'm quiet happy with that. No one is going to be able to suit everyone. Life happens.

If you want to regret it later on in life and wounder why you never made the choice to move out when you wanted too, then that's on you. Life is way to short for regrets. Trust me. I've been through my fair share of life's problems and I often wondered the whys and the How's and eventually I just said "fuuk this I'll do what I feel is best". Now in saying that, I've disappointed many of people in the process of my life and choices and now, I'm in a happier place than I ever have been mentally. Life isn't supposed to be easy.

Move out. Experience it all. It will either make you value life a lot better, or you will realise that you had it easy at home (which I will admit everyone will agree that if we could live the life we wanted and still live with our parents, no one would be complaining)

Itll either be the making of you or it'll distroy you. Live and learn. That's what I say. Believe me, my life isn't a fairy tale but I wouldn't change it for love nor money. I work. I pay rent. I've a partner who I sometimes would love to murder but I love him dearly. I've parents who support me. I've friends who I can lean on. After that, I worry about that when it comes to it.

Get yourself the independence. Give yourself time to adjust to new surroundings. It's not easy at first but belive me, you'll value the "loneliness". You'll value your own routine and ways of living. You'll grow up a lot more, experience wise. There's so much out there to do. Do it. So what if it goes arsed up. Dust yourself down, laugh and move on because the older you get, the less you'll honestly give a crap about and you'll be proud of your achievements.

You've come this fair, mentally and emotionally. With a disorder or no disorder, you should be proud of yourself.

I will say one thing, keep receiving the help you're getting along the way. Medically wise. It's good to have that in the background and you're not completly isolated. You still need to recieve the help. I still attend counselling and I won't give it up because it's MY thing.

You'll get there OP.

LegacyUser · 29-07-2020 8:15pm

Hi,

Thanks so much for all the replies, the overwhelming response seems to be go for it! And I think I will. And thank you to each of you that reassured my that I'm not the only one to have felt this way before.

In relation to my 2 friends that live near my family home both live at home too and don't really have any intention of moving out soon. One is a nurse and wants to save for while longer and the other is thinking about buying somewhere with her boyfriend within the next year.

Coming from someone who has never moved out before, is there anything I should be saying/ not saying when I respond to house share ads? Should you mention hobbies or interests or just keep it at the bare minimum?

Church on Tuesday · 29-07-2020 9:10pm

Sarah432 wrote: »

Hi,

Thanks so much for all the replies, the overwhelming response seems to be go for it! And I think I will. And thank you to each of you that reassured my that I'm not the only one to have felt this way before.

In relation to my 2 friends that live near my family home both live at home too and don't really have any intention of moving out soon. One is a nurse and wants to save for while longer and the other is thinking about buying somewhere with her boyfriend within the next year.

Coming from someone who has never moved out before, is there anything I should be saying/ not saying when I respond to house share ads? Should you mention hobbies or interests or just keep it at the bare minimum?

Depends on the ad, I find as long as you say you're a working professional and have references (they don't need to be previous LL ones work ones will do) and give your age you should be grand.

Tork · 30-07-2020 9:30am

Sometimes house shares can be a gateway to meeting new people. I have friends who I met in house shares or who were friends with my housemates. It really depends on the sort of house share it is though. Some are friendly and maybe socialise a bit. Others have people in them who have no interest in mixing with their housemates and will live in their bedrooms. If you choose to move out, try to gauge what the people in the house are like.

corwill · 30-07-2020 9:44am

Febreeze wrote: »

Itll either be the making of you or it'll distroy you.

@OP - Whatever else it'll do, unless you move in to a crack house or with a terrorist cell, it won't destroy you! It'll either be the making of you, or it won't work out and you'll move home for a while before trying again, which will then be the making of you

You have the financial wherewithal at 25 to be considering this practically, which tells me that you have your sh!t together. And you have your sh!t together in spite of what life has thrown at you over the last several years, in the face of which you're still brave enough to want to fly the nest. Sounds to me like you're tough and pretty awesome, but you don't even know it! Seriously, give yourself some credit and back yourself. You'll fly it.

Psychiatric Patrick · 01-08-2020 4:32pm

OP

What corwill said.

It will be an adventure no matter what and anything "bad" will be a funny story down the line.

I was nervous about leaving the country a few years back but the mother pushed me out of the car at the airport. I had more downs than ups but met the best friend that anyone could possibly have and every down was worth that - and most of the downs are now those funny stories. Most...

TheW1zard · 01-08-2020 4:35pm

Living on my own was better than living with disgusting lads in my opinion. It made me go out a lot too so it actually helped my social life. I enjoyed my own little space

Moonbeams8 · 01-08-2020 9:38pm

Best of luck OP, think of all the things that could go right for you!

Like many things, it will take time to adapt but you'll get used to your new living arrangements.

Need to move out but scared of being lonely

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