Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi all,
Vanilla are planning an update to the site on April 24th (next Wednesday). It is a major PHP8 update which is expected to boost performance across the site. The site will be down from 7pm and it is expected to take about an hour to complete. We appreciate your patience during the update.
Thanks all.

Lame or embarrassing things you fapped to before you had internet porn

Options
12467…41

Comments

  • Options
    #92
    Acacia
    Registered Users Posts: 2,816 ✭✭✭Acacia


    MetalDog wrote: »
    The tribeswomen in National Geographic. :D

    The titties were always a little too saggy for my taste! They should've sorted them out with a few Wonderbras before taking the tit shot!:p


  • Options
    #93
    sunflower27
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,822 ✭✭✭sunflower27


    A friend of mine had a brother a few years younger than her and one day herself and her friend were snooping in his room and found a few porn magazines.

    They were horrified :D so got black markers and drew bras and underpants on all of the women and put the magazines back where they found them.

    Later that night he found them and barged into her room raging and she smiled sweetly and said 'what are you gonna do about it, tell mum? ' :D:D:D


  • Options
    #94
    Squ
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,082 ✭✭✭Squ


    I had my first peddle to Yvette Fielding when she presented Whats Up Doc on Saturday mornings on ITV.

    Still remember she had a jumper with a loose enough neck you could see her shoulder..




    It didn't take long.


  • Options
    #95
    Squ
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,082 ✭✭✭Squ


    Fizman wrote: »
    Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
    Teyla Emmagan wrote: »
    Dear lord!!! :eek:

    Aul Zelda knew how to turn it on for the lads..


  • Options
    #96
    skyhighflyer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,149 ✭✭✭skyhighflyer


    Guill wrote: »
    Emmanuel was always on Channel 4, along with Eurotrash and sometimes even the Word had good boobage. If you were lucky they would show somw late night Anime which was bound the show at least some side boob repeatidly.

    Ah Eurotrash, where sometimes you'd have to sit through an entire show of fat middle-aged German naturist couples on the off-chance of seeing a half-decent looking naked woman.

    Emmanuel was pretty good though, can't beat the 70's porn star bush :cool:


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #97
    44leto
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,137 ✭✭✭44leto


    The horse and the hound.


  • Options
    #98
    Vain
    Registered Users Posts: 2,689 ✭✭✭Vain


    Modified Car Mags were good for pics of boobies:D


  • Options
    #99
    dr.bollocko
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 35,943 Mod ✭✭✭✭dr.bollocko


    DarkJager wrote: »
    Bravo never failed to bring the good ****. Beverley hills bordello being one and then there was those awesome Italian lesbian vampire movies :)

    Vampiros lesbos promised so much and yet delivered so little. It was a think piece about the plight of lesbian vampires in a society which rejected them.


  • Options
    #100
    4zn76tysfajdxp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,944 ✭✭✭✭4zn76tysfajdxp


    dr.bollocko wrote: »
    Vampiros lesbos promised so much and yet delivered so little. It was a think piece about the plight of lesbian vampires in a society which rejected them.

    The less said about the risible Horne and Corden flop Lesbian Vampire Killers, the better.


  • Options
    #101
    thegreengoblin
    Registered Users Posts: 2,091 ✭✭✭thegreengoblin


    I always remember some Paddy's day parade from the 80s when my pre-teen self decided I was too old to go to it with my family and so I moodily sat at home on my own watching it on RTE1. Was just about to switch it off when those chubby American majorettes appeared on it. I kept watching them in those sheer brown tights and suddenly things became very interesting indeed. ;)


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #102
    DUBACC
    Registered Users Posts: 486 ✭✭DUBACC


    Anyone remember that 30 min horror show thingy that used to be on Sky One in the late 80's. It was presented by a guy dressed as a vampire and his 'lovely assistant'. Said assistant had this red slinky dress cut so high you could see her knickers! :D


  • Options
    #103
    pappyodaniel
    Registered Users Posts: 5,717 ✭✭✭pappyodaniel


    I has this discussion with some friends a few years back. My one was that I used to pause Street Fighter II when Chun Li would be doing a high kick and her skirt would hitch all the way up to her fanny. That was enough for me back then.

    A friend of mine was jerking off to Ricki Lake, well a busty guest on the show he tells me, when a commercial break put a stop to it. He flicked through the channels and got to Sky News, a plane had crashed into a skyscraper in New York. He went back to Ricki Lake and finished up what he had started. He then went back to Sky News to see that another plane had hit an adjoining scraper. He will always What he was doing when the attacks happened.

    The worst one was a mate of mine, let's call him Peter. He was at home one day and going through a few leaflets that came through the letterbox. They were from the Health Board. One of them was an instructional leaflet for women on how to check their breasts for lumps. Peter found the pictures arousing and so he cracked one off fair play to him. What made this not only wrong but also kind of sad was that the pictures weren't photographic, they were sketches. Fair play to him.


  • Options
    #104
    Skerries
    Registered Users Posts: 12,303 ✭✭✭✭Skerries


    Luxury! when I were a lad we used t'dream bout having t'**** but were too poor!

    for some reason discarded jizz mags in fields and alleys were more prevalent than they are today, probably because of the net
    Untitled Image




  • Options
    #105
    Squ
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,082 ✭✭✭Squ


    Skerries wrote: »
    Luxury! when I were a lad we used t'dream bout having t'**** but were too poor!
    If you were that poor, you should have been **** 3 times a day, and swallowed the jissum, full of protein so it is..

    At least that what I tell the missus


  • Options
    #106
    Intensive Care Bear
    Registered Users Posts: 661 ✭✭✭Intensive Care Bear


    When i was really young i was fascinated with motorbikes, one saturday while in a newsagent with my mother i saw a motorbike magazine and begged her to buy it for me. Little did i know that those magazines were full of topless women. Yes folks my first w*ank mag was bought for me by my ma.


  • Options
    #107
    Mindkiller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,200 ✭✭✭Mindkiller


    That music video with Jenifer Lopez stripping on the beach.

    I actually didn't fap to it. That didn't come natural to me at the time. Just thought it was great stuff altogether.


  • Options
    #108
    Our man in Havana
    Closed Accounts Posts: 29,476 ✭✭✭✭Our man in Havana


    1210m5g wrote: »
    When i was really young i was fascinated with motorbikes, one saturday while in a newsagent with my mother i saw a motorbike magazine and begged her to buy it for me. Little did i know that those magazines were full of topless women. Yes folks my first w*ank mag was bought for me by my ma.
    That is epic! Well done!


  • Options
    #109
    some random drunk
    Registered Users Posts: 967 ✭✭✭some random drunk


    wyndham wrote: »
    I found what did it for you op at 2.51 in the video: Have a nostalgia fap.
    Guill wrote: »
    How the hell did he fap to that?? :confused:
    cml387 wrote: »
    Fapping to Noel Edmonds in drag. Gentlemen, we have a winner.

    Eh...just to clarify I've never fapped to Noel Edmonds in drag. I'm not quite that bad :D. The video I fapped to was of the Spice Girls singing "2 become 1", possibly from another time they were on the show. I used to pause it on a shot of Mel B's sideboob. I'll have a look on youtube to see if I can find it....

    EDIT : Found it! Wow this brings back memories....2:26...that's the good stuff!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8Bz0-q4ei0



    Acacia wrote: »
    Also way up there in the sad stakes is sneaking downstairs late one night to watch a re-run of American Pie 2 for the lesbian scene which lasted all of two minutes! Also, why all the porn threads of late in AH? I should probably stop posting in them, I think I'm coming off as a bit of a pervert! :P

    Nah you're coming off as kinda cool. I love when girls tell stories of fapping.
    pappyodaniel wrote: »
    . My one was that I used to pause Street Fighter II when Chun Li would be doing a high kick and her skirt would hitch all the way up to her fanny.

    I used to do the same but with Cammy and her thong-back leotard :).

    Just remembered another one. I once jerked off to the cover of one of my sister's TLC singles.

    Edit: Found it, I imagined they were naked under the burlap sack:
    http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41USCp57O6L.jpg


  • Options
    #110
    Acacia
    Registered Users Posts: 2,816 ✭✭✭Acacia


    Honourable mention to the 'Lady Marmalade' video with Christina Aguilera, Lil Kim, etc!


  • Options
    #111
    MyKeyG
    Registered Users Posts: 2,282 ✭✭✭MyKeyG


    Well I was in my awkward years before TG4 came along but RTE used to have a foreign flick on late every Thursday and you usually got an oul scene in one of them. It could be hit or miss though. What we did have in my day though before it was banned and later released was 'The Daily Sport'. That was some serious stuff. Used to bash off to that shít till we were dry. Before that the RTE Guide would have the odd picture of Bibi Baskin or Twink.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #112
    enfant terrible
    Registered Users Posts: 4,550 ✭✭✭enfant terrible


    Fizman wrote: »
    Actually Will Smiths two sexy cousins in Fresh Prince of Bel Air got a few shots at the title too.

    Carlton and ...?


  • Options
    #113
    cassElliot
    Registered Users Posts: 158 ✭✭cassElliot


    Paparazzo wrote: »
    Worst thing that could possibly happen to you back then:
    Film on channel 4 looks promising. Make at attempt at the early sex scene, then you think it's not that great, you'll wait for the next one. But that was the only sex scene in the movie. So you spent your entire saturday night watching a crap french arthouse movie with a floppy willy in your hand.



    greatest post I have ever read. :pac:


  • Options
    #114
    Squ
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,082 ✭✭✭Squ


    cassElliot wrote: »
    greatest post I have ever read. :pac:

    Tis a rare thing these days.. a post where you actually laugh out loud..

    Though, more out of memory, truth be known.


  • Options
    #115
    Mint Sauce
    Registered Users Posts: 29,294 ✭✭✭✭Mint Sauce


    FHM or Loaded magazine.


  • Options
    #116
    MyKeyG
    Registered Users Posts: 2,282 ✭✭✭MyKeyG


    Squ wrote: »
    Tis a rare thing these days.. a post where you actually laugh out loud..

    Though, more out of memory, truth be known.
    Fond memories. It was frustrating at the time but in fairness that post described my entire puberty.

    Although to be fair I shared a room with my older brother who left school after the Junior Cert. He bought a TV/video combi when I was about 11. The bloke in the local video shop had seriously NO morals and would rent me out all sorts of 18's movies. That was me sorted after the Daily Sport.


  • Options
    #117
    Dave!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,857 ✭✭✭✭Dave!


    The first thing I can remember spanking it to was... wait for it...

    She-Ra

    She'd still get it tbh, with that little skirt on... She know what she be doin'...


  • Options
    #118
    PK2008
    Registered Users Posts: 2,219 ✭✭✭PK2008


    Fapping to this thread.....


  • Options
    #119
    BrianD3
    Registered Users Posts: 8,277 ✭✭✭BrianD3


    A friend of mine wanked to Teletext, specifically to a sex/dirty stories section that only came on air after midnight. The name of this section was After Hours :D

    It's true.
    http://teletext.mb21.co.uk/gallery/TeletextLtd/teletext-itv-380a-19930123-bg.jpg
    http://teletext.mb21.co.uk/gallery/TeletextLtd/teletext-itv-380b-19930123-bg.jpg
    http://teletext.mb21.co.uk/gallery/TeletextLtd/teletext-itv-380c-19930123-bg.jpg
    (Links are SFW in case anyone's worried)


  • Options
    #120
    Guill
    Registered Users Posts: 3,331 ✭✭✭Guill


    Red shoe Diaries was another classic.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #121
    Intensive Care Bear
    Registered Users Posts: 661 ✭✭✭Intensive Care Bear


    Ha ha the good old days when someone managed to rob a dodgy old vhs from their dad or older brother, finally the days comes that you get to bring it home and 4 o clock cant come quick enough. You would be almost running home from school with a semi, in fact one of my mate told me that he would often get so worked up about the though of this new video that he would be having a w*nk thinking about having a w*ank ha ha


Advertisement