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What's the etiquette here??

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  • Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    Speaking of sh1tes, we are lucky here , we have 2 toilets with 2 cubicles each - but they are properly sealed off rooms, no gaps on the floor and ceiling between them.

    Just managed to block one actually, nothing a 2nd and 3rd flush didn't sort out, but it did leave a stench in there that would have knocked out a Bombay sewage worker.


  • Registered Users Posts: 786 ✭✭✭ArrBee


    How are you meant to play battle****s if you won't allow the next stall to be used at the same time?


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,913 ✭✭✭Pintman Paddy Losty


    TomasMacR wrote: »
    with a username like yours, it's probably for the best that you are heading over to tesco's.

    ...genuine question, is this civil service toileting priority given according to seniority a real thing or is it some kind of urban myth? and if so, is there actual provision made for this where it is explicitly written in some kind of office rule or is just the usual hierarchical nonsense that still exists in the civil service to a large extent and thus just etiquette that you'd step aside for your senior?

    It's still very much in practice in traditional departments like DFA, Department of Finance, Dept of Justice and Dept of Agriculture. Can't speak as to whether places like DPER and other newer departments have adopted the practice.

    It's not written down anywhere explicitly however any time I've heard the issue raised people normally refer to Standing Orders relating to discipline which call on subordinates to defer to their superior officers and other general rules regarding interpersonal relations.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,913 ✭✭✭Pintman Paddy Losty


    Speaking of sh1tes, we are lucky here , we have 2 toilets with 2 cubicles each - but they are properly sealed off rooms, no gaps on the floor and ceiling between them.

    Just managed to block one actually, nothing a 2nd and 3rd flush didn't sort out, but it did leave a stench in there that would have knocked out a Bombay sewage worker.

    That's the way a toiled should be designed. Ceiling to floor walls with no gap under the door either. A properly installed Armitage Shanks with a sufficiently large cistern - preferably mounted high on the wall and with a pull chain flush. A black seat is an nice optional extra.


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,931 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    A highly dubious claim. The pipe system in Greece is ancient and can’t handle bog roll.

    Even in the remotest parts of Ireland you’d be met with a toilet that won’t get blocked. It may have newspaper cut into squares hanging from a nail in the wall and require a small shovel of sawdust followed by a shovel of ash but you won’t be met with water spilling over the top or a bin full of ****ty tissue.

    I’m afraid it not only the Greeks have blockage issues Emmett.

    On a recent visit to New York I stayed out on LI near MacArthur airport.

    I was rooming with a very senior partner in the firm and after getting loads of rich food in me and drink on the way over was greatly relieved when my roommate says he’ll take a stroll around the area while I unpack.

    I was holding a large load ‘on the clutch’and as soon as he left I dropped the kex and exploded into the pan.

    Now as we all know in the States they go in for these huge amounts of water in the pan, your nutbag would be sometimes semi immersed.

    Why the fcuk I don’t know, anyway cleaned up and flushed and to my horror all that happened was a bit well up of water and ,well ‘stewing beef’ and nothing moved!!

    Tried again but same result only broke up the ‘matter’ in fact.

    Anxious to get the issue resolved before the main man returned, I had to go to reception and report a problem in room 368.

    They asked what, Plumbing,says,I ...erm...guest won’t leave!

    Anyway to cut a long story short janitor type arrived and took a look and sucked in his teeth “That’s one real bad boy” he says but in fairness he got the load out and earned himself 20 bucks.

    Point being that Ireland would be well up in the hierarchy when it comes to shyyters.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 24,211 ✭✭✭✭lawred2


    The weekend lads in our office are nothing short of sub human... every single one of the the toilets will be blocked and have multiple turds just sitting there.. So some lad has come in - seen a blocked toilet with someone else's turd and has freely decided to sit down and add his own...

    And so on.

    This is in the IFSC before someone thinks it's a warehouse...

    It's a no go area on Monday mornings.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,760 ✭✭✭Aglomerado


    lawred2 wrote: »
    The weekend lads in our office are nothing short of sub human... every single one of the the toilets will be blocked and have multiple turds just sitting there.. So some lad has come in - seen a blocked toilet with someone else's turd and has freely decided to sit down and add his own...

    And so on.

    This is in the IFSC before someone thinks it's a warehouse...

    It's a no go area on Monday mornings.

    Irish Faecal Supply Centre?


  • Registered Users Posts: 24,211 ✭✭✭✭lawred2


    I’m afraid it not only the Greeks have blockage issues Emmett.

    On a recent visit to New York I stayed out on LI near MacArthur airport.

    I was rooming with a very senior partner in the firm and after getting loads of rich food in me and drink on the way over was greatly relieved when my roommate says he’ll take a stroll around the area while I unpack.

    I was holding a large load ‘on the clutch’and as soon as he left I dropped the kex and exploded into the pan.

    Now as we all know in the States they go in for these huge amounts of water in the pan, your nutbag would be sometimes semi immersed.

    Why the fcuk I don’t know, anyway cleaned up and flushed and to my horror all that happened was a bit well up of water and ,well ‘stewing beef’ and nothing moved!!

    Tried again but same result only broke up the ‘matter’ in fact.

    Anxious to get the issue resolved before the main man returned, I had to go to reception and report a problem in room 368.

    They asked what, Plumbing,says,I ...erm...guest won’t leave!

    Anyway to cut a long story short janitor type arrived and took a look and sucked in his teeth “That’s one real bad boy” he says but in fairness he got the load out and earned himself 20 bucks.

    Point being that Ireland would be well up in the hierarchy when it comes to shyyters.

    What I found worse in the states when working over there was the stall walls that barely came down to knee level...

    You could be sitting in one stall and pretty much everything from the knee down was on show.. I hated it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,204 ✭✭✭partyguinness


    I remember an incident on holiday 20 years in Mexico. Myself and buddy went on a lad's break at short notice and shared a hotel room between us.

    Anyway, one morning I had to drop anchor in the en suite and flushed but to my absolute horror the water and contents starting rising and overflowed on to the floor.

    My buddy was still fast asleep in his bed. To my eternal shame I legged it out the door down to the pool- I could hear the cleaning staff out in the corridor.

    An hour or so later my buddy appeared at the poolside asking what the fcuk had I done. Basically he let in the cleaning lady and went back to bed. She came out of the bathroom screaming and ranting at him in Spanish and he could not make any sense of what the problem was...until she made him come over and look at the mess on the floor. Obviously he had to stand there and take the blame. He took it well actually.

    The horror of watching it slowly rising still brings the sweats on.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,942 ✭✭✭topper75


    Ah the old bangers and mash.

    A cumulative problem.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 11,460 ✭✭✭✭Ush1


    I’m afraid it not only the Greeks have blockage issues Emmett.

    On a recent visit to New York I stayed out on LI near MacArthur airport.

    I was rooming with a very senior partner in the firm and after getting loads of rich food in me and drink on the way over was greatly relieved when my roommate says he’ll take a stroll around the area while I unpack.

    I was holding a large load ‘on the clutch’and as soon as he left I dropped the kex and exploded into the pan.

    Now as we all know in the States they go in for these huge amounts of water in the pan, your nutbag would be sometimes semi immersed.

    Why the fcuk I don’t know, anyway cleaned up and flushed and to my horror all that happened was a bit well up of water and ,well ‘stewing beef’ and nothing moved!!

    Tried again but same result only broke up the ‘matter’ in fact.

    Anxious to get the issue resolved before the main man returned, I had to go to reception and report a problem in room 368.

    They asked what, Plumbing,says,I ...erm...guest won’t leave!

    Anyway to cut a long story short janitor type arrived and took a look and sucked in his teeth “That’s one real bad boy” he says but in fairness he got the load out and earned himself 20 bucks.

    Point being that Ireland would be well up in the hierarchy when it comes to shyyters.

    Very accurate, same in Mexico. It's not so much of a flush as it just shreds the sh*te up into dirty, brown, watery newspaper with a bang that would make your eyes water.


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,460 ✭✭✭✭Ush1


    lawred2 wrote: »
    The weekend lads in our office are nothing short of sub human... every single one of the the toilets will be blocked and have multiple turds just sitting there.. So some lad has come in - seen a blocked toilet with someone else's turd and has freely decided to sit down and add his own...

    And so on.

    This is in the IFSC before someone thinks it's a warehouse...

    It's a no go area on Monday mornings.

    Weekend staff often have very poor diets and abuse class A drugs and alcohol. They are also known to resent the more successful standard hours staff so that could explain the "double teaming" going on in some of the pans you've seen. Looks(and smells) like a vendetta.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    That's the way a toiled should be designed. Ceiling to floor walls with no gap under the door either. A properly installed Armitage Shanks with a sufficiently large cistern - preferably mounted high on the wall and with a pull chain flush. A black seat is an nice optional extra.

    You given this a lot of though, Paddy, and described the perfect shítter. Unfortunately the Armie Shanks is becoming an increasingly rare site in public conveniences, and now you have to deal with substandard designs and builds from the continent. Those ones with about a teacup sized area of water to aim for. End up 'walling' most of the discharge, and requires a huge amount of brush work - if you could be bothered.

    As a plumber friend remarked to us one evening in the pub, 'you can't get a 8 inch shíte down a 4 inch hole'.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    I remember an incident on holiday 20 years in Mexico. Myself and buddy went on a lad's break at short notice and shared a hotel room between us.

    Anyway, one morning I had to drop anchor in the en suite and flushed but to my absolute horror the water and contents starting rising and overflowed on to the floor.

    My buddy was still fast asleep in his bed. To my eternal shame I legged it out the door down to the pool- I could hear the cleaning staff out in the corridor.

    An hour or so later my buddy appeared at the poolside asking what the fcuk had I done. Basically he let in the cleaning lady and went back to bed. She came out of the bathroom screaming and ranting at him in Spanish and he could not make any sense of what the problem was...until she made him come over and look at the mess on the floor. Obviously he had to stand there and take the blame. He took it well actually.

    The horror of watching it slowly rising still brings the sweats on.

    Reminds me of a time I was living in the USA and myself and my college flat mate were high as ****, we ate 2 massive homemade hash cakes and way underestimated the dose.

    Anyway, I blocked the jacks and flushed the toilet - the fear that arose in me as I saw the water rising ... coupled with the stonedness in me ... it was surreal.

    Panick hit and I shot my arm into the jacks and manually broke up the blockage :( disgusting ... but the RELIEF ... as I saw the waters receding milimeters from the edge to avoid a spillage.

    Must have spent the next hour washing my hands.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Reminds me of a time I was living in the USA and myself and my college flat mate were high as ****, we ate 2 massive homemade hash cakes and way underestimated the dose.

    Anyway, I blocked the jacks and flushed the toilet - the fear that arose in me as I saw the water rising ... coupled with the stonedness in me ... it was surreal.

    Panick hit and I shot my arm into the jacks and manually broke up the blockage :( disgusting ... but the RELIEF ... as I saw the waters receding milimeters from the edge to avoid a spillage.

    Must have spent the next hour washing my hands.

    And they say weed is harmless......


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 689 ✭✭✭Ray Bloody Purchase


    Reminds me of a time I was living in the USA and myself and my college flat mate were high as ****, we ate 2 massive homemade hash cakes and way underestimated the dose.

    Anyway, I blocked the jacks and flushed the toilet - the fear that arose in me as I saw the water rising ... coupled with the stonedness in me ... it was surreal.

    Panick hit and I shot my arm into the jacks and manually broke up the blockage :( disgusting ... but the RELIEF ... as I saw the waters receding milimeters from the edge to avoid a spillage.

    Must have spent the next hour washing my hands.

    If the water hits the high tide mark and it's not your humble abode, hit the fcuking road ASAP and blame it on some other cnut.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    And they say weed is harmless......

    Jaysus Johnny I'll never forget it, I was convinced I was going to have my mind permanently in that state - this from a guy that never got stoned before and never has since.

    I remember the pair of us later that night playing rock,paper,scissors (loser had to call for a pizza- both of us weren;t exactly confident of the communication abilities)
    We probably both did rock 20 times in a row - eventually I lost and had to call for the pizza.
    I needed to reherse the call just to say "A large Pepperoni pizza".
    Called them up and ran the script
    ME: " a laaaarrrggee Pepppperonniiii pizzzzza" ....
    PizzaShop: <Inaudible/couldn't understand being stoned>
    ME: " a laaaarrrggee Pepppperonniiii pizzzzza" ....
    PizzaShop: <Inaudible/couldn't understand being stoned>
    ME: " a laaaarrrggee Pepppperonniiii pizzzzza" ....
    PizzaShop: <Inaudible/couldn't understand being stoned>
    ME: " a laaaarrrggee Pepppperonniiii pizzzzza" ....
    PizzaShop: <Inaudible/couldn't understand being stoned>
    ME: " a laaaarrrggee Pepppperonniiii pizzzzza" ....
    PizzaShop: <Inaudible/couldn't understand being stoned>
    ME: " a laaaarrrggee Pepppperonniiii pizzzzza" ....
    PizzaShop: <Inaudible/couldn't understand being stoned>
    ME: " a laaaarrrggee Pepppperonniiii pizzzzza" ....
    PizzaShop: <finally understood> "WE'RE CLOSED"




    ****ing stoner.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,204 ✭✭✭partyguinness




  • Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    If the water hits the high tide mark and it's not your humble abode, hit the fcuking road ASAP and blame it on some other cnut.

    They can’t exactly dust the thing for fingerprints. You’re right - get the hell out of Dodge, rapido. Especially if wearing runners or suede boots.


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,428 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    Reminds me of a time I was living in the USA and myself and my college flat mate were high as ****, we ate 2 massive homemade hash cakes and way underestimated the dose.

    Anyway, I blocked the jacks and flushed the toilet - the fear that arose in me as I saw the water rising ... coupled with the stonedness in me ... it was surreal.

    Panick hit and I shot my arm into the jacks and manually broke up the blockage :( disgusting ... but the RELIEF ... as I saw the waters receding milimeters from the edge to avoid a spillage.

    Must have spent the next hour washing my hands.

    While I admire your quick thinking and courage I think you went above and beyond there. Especially for somewhere that wasn’t your home.

    I think you can take solace in the fact that it was your own mess you had to handle and mush up between your fingers.

    If it happens again, let it flow, go get a bin bag and “trainspot” the bowl. Just don’t go past the elbow.

    The tide is turning…



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  • Registered Users Posts: 8,204 ✭✭✭partyguinness


    Reminds me of a time I was living in the USA and myself and my college flat mate were high as ****, we ate 2 massive homemade hash cakes and way underestimated the dose.

    Anyway, I blocked the jacks and flushed the toilet - the fear that arose in me as I saw the water rising ... coupled with the stonedness in me ... it was surreal.

    Panick hit and I shot my arm into the jacks and manually broke up the blockage :( disgusting ... but the RELIEF ... as I saw the waters receding milimeters from the edge to avoid a spillage.

    Must have spent the next hour washing my hands.


    All I can do is stand up and applaud.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    While I admire your quick thinking and courage but think you went above and beyond there. Especially for somewhere that wasn’t your home.

    I think you can take solace in the fact that it was your own mess you had to handle and mush up between your fingers.

    If it happens again, let it flow, go get a bin bag and “trainspot” the bowl. Just don’t go past the elbow.

    Thank you Emmet, but remember, I was in a state where I had to rehearse "one large pepperoni pizza" for about 10 minutes half an hour beforehand, "quick thinking" is not a fair description of my mental capabilities at that time.


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,265 ✭✭✭✭bodhrandude


    I remember a legendary wedding post about an amazing sh1tting man, can't find it at the moment, but some of you on Boards will probably remember it, a trail of logs from the bathroom, through the bride and grooms bedroom, the hotel hallway and a lot of other places. You could say as far as etiquette went, it definitely went out the window in that one :)

    If you want to get into it, you got to get out of it. (Hawkwind 1982)



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    I remember a legendary wedding post about an amazing sh1tting man, can't find it at the moment, but some of you on Boards will probably remember it, a trail of logs from the bathroom, through the bride and grooms bedroom, the hotel hallway and a lot of other places. You could say as far as etiquette went, it definitely went out the window in that one :)

    The Brown Wedding?


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,265 ✭✭✭✭bodhrandude


    The Brown Wedding?

    I can't remember now, but an absolute classic, was in stitches laughing.

    If you want to get into it, you got to get out of it. (Hawkwind 1982)



  • Registered Users Posts: 12,235 ✭✭✭✭Cee-Jay-Cee


    Obviously I don’t want them to sh themselves. However waiting a minute or two for me to finish up is surely less awkward than popping into the cubicle beside me and unloading a few pints of toxic arse gravy. I heard everything and I find the whole encounter awkward is all. It crossed my mind to fire him to be honest.

    Given your description of your own toilet experience, I don't see why your so shocked at someone else doing the exact same as you.

    It sounds like you are both smelly fcukers.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    please someone post the link to that brown wedding post !

    I think I remember JohhnyFlash or pintman posted a story about some lad that passed out in the jacks at a wedding, toilet door left open, sitting atop o bowl of pebbledash scutter ?


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,428 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    I remember a legendary wedding post about an amazing sh1tting man, can't find it at the moment, but some of you on Boards will probably remember it, a trail of logs from the bathroom, through the bride and grooms bedroom, the hotel hallway and a lot of other places. You could say as far as etiquette went, it definitely went out the window in that one :)

    How on earth did he do that? A trail of logs.

    Was he naked or did he just shake them out his trouser leg like you might see someone with special needs do on an aisle of a SuperValu store?

    The tide is turning…



  • Registered Users Posts: 10,428 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    This. And in almost every one of his posts on this website too. It's his predictable, creatively challenged trademark for at least ten years now eh, fluttering, around here. There's even a word for his obsession: scatalogical

    Here, speaking of dry shítes, I passed a nasty piece of work the other day. I’d gotten a bit “backed up” after a few too many Doritos Cool Original.

    Was incredibly hard and very dry, like giving birth to a sock full of Cream Crackers. Desperate times. Left me with a hole like the Jack Lynch Tunnel so it did.

    The tide is turning…



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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 689 ✭✭✭Ray Bloody Purchase


    Here, speaking of dry shítes, I passed a nasty piece of work the other day. I’d gotten a bit “backed up” after a few too many Doritos Cool Original.

    Was incredibly hard and very dry, like giving birth to a sock full of Cream Crackers. Desperate times. Left me with a hole like the Jack Lynch Tunnel so it did.

    Need to put the toilet roll in the freezer prior to bunting out that saw dust.


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