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Are you any good at eye contact?

2

Comments

  • #32
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,712 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    I’m not great at it, but I can give the odd glance to try not be rude. If I don’t look at you at all it means I hate your guts.


  • #33
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    OP you are one of my fav characters from Hook :)

    I look at different parts of the person ...the hands the body the face the eyes etc...I smile i look at their smile etc ...i think of that as eye contact. I read them and react bounce my eyes slowly around ..i don't eyeball em.

    :)


  • #34
    BBDBB
    Registered Users Posts: 26,899 ✭✭✭✭BBDBB


    If listening to someone mix up the eye contact with looking at their mouth as they talk
    If talking to someone look at the bridge of their nose, it appears to them that you have eye contact, even if you actually dont


  • #35
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    BBDBB wrote: »
    If listening to someone mix up the eye contact with looking at their mouth as they talk
    If talking to someone look at the bridge of their nose, it appears to them that you have eye contact, even if you actually dont

    Depends on their face shape ..sometimes their forehead is better.

    Really its about the unspoken communication. If you call it eye contact ...it might be working.

    Its about making people feel at ease etc.

    And different cultures do it differently. Americans smile much more ...Irish people use tone of voice more.

    The best way is to just listen genuinely :) That's the best thing.


  • #36
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    Look into my eyyyyyyyes


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  • #37
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    bluewolf wrote: »
    Look into my eyyyyyyyes





  • #38
    JoChervil
    Registered Users Posts: 2,001 ✭✭✭JoChervil


    When I was a kid I thought that you had to look at someone, when you are approaching them in the streets. And one day I made an effort and looked aside. It was such a relief, that I can do it. I thought that by not looking I was rude like ignoring someone.

    Then 20 years ago I went to States and there I became invisible. My American friend told me that it was rude to look at people, so when you get 8 meters from them, you should look away to give them privacy. I think he was right because when I returned to Europe I felt being visible again and I liked it. But maybe it was only South American small town thing?


  • #39
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    JoChervil wrote: »
    When I was a kid I thought that you had to look at someone, when you are approaching them in the streets. And one day I made an effort and look aside. It was such a relief, that I can do it. I thought that by not looking I was rude like ignoring someone.

    Then 20 years ago I went to States and there I become invisible. My American friend told me that it is rude to look at people, so when you get 8 meters from them, you should look away to give them privacy. I think he was right because when I returned to Europe I felt being visible again and I liked it.

    Not sure what you mean. I never think about eye contact with people i don't know. That would be weird.


  • #40
    JoChervil
    Registered Users Posts: 2,001 ✭✭✭JoChervil


    Few years ago it was such theory running around that it is enough to ask another person 20 question (as I remember) and stare at them for 11 minutes to make both of you fall in love.

    I never tried it. 11 minutes is a lot of time!


  • #41
    JoChervil
    Registered Users Posts: 2,001 ✭✭✭JoChervil


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    Not sure what you mean. I never think about eye contact with people i don't know. That would be weird.

    I mean, when you are passing by. Are you American maybe?

    I feel giving people a quick look, when passing them by is like acknowledging their existence...


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  • #42
    Sardonicat
    Registered Users Posts: 12,378 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    JoChervil wrote: »
    Few years ago it was such theory running around that it is enough to ask another person 20 question (as I remember) and stare at them for 11 minutes to make both of you fall in love.

    I never tried it. 11 minutes is a lot of time!

    How would you make them stare back at you for 11 minutes though? I mean, if you're in a situation where you are staring at each other for 11 minutes you're probably falling for each other naturally. If, on the other hand, you're staring intently at them and firing 20 questions at them without any reciprocal feelings on their part, you're just gonna creep them out.


  • #43
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    JoChervil wrote: »
    I mean, when you are passing by. Are you American maybe?

    I feel giving people a quick look, when passing them by is like acknowledging their existence...

    No not American at all. Its just something I would never do to a stranger. If its a neighbor or someone i have been introduced to that's another matter.

    But a stranger I don't really want to acknowledge their presence. I don't know them they could be someone you are unsafe with etc. Or just someone you don't want to attract the attention of.

    Dont talk to strangers ..even non verbally.


  • #44
    JoChervil
    Registered Users Posts: 2,001 ✭✭✭JoChervil


    Sardonicat wrote: »
    How would you make them stare back at you for 11 minutes though? I mean, if you're in a situation where you are staring at each other for 11 minutes you're probably falling for each other naturally. If, on the other hand, you're staring intently at them and firing 20 questions at them without any reciprocal feelings on their part, you're just gonna creep them out.

    This theory was about two people, who would like to fall in love. So questions were invented for it (they were not random questions) and the stare was to be agreed by both sides


  • #45
    Sardonicat
    Registered Users Posts: 12,378 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    JoChervil wrote: »
    This theory was about two people, who would like to fall in love. So questions were invented for it (they were not random questions) and the stare was to be agreed by both sides

    If two people 'want to fall in love' are they not actually in love? Or is this a scenario of two strangers who would like to fall in love with someone?


  • #46
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,712 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    Sardonicat wrote: »
    If two people 'want to fall in love' are they not actually in love? Or is this a scenario of two strangers who would like to fall in love with someone?

    It’s just an experiment.


  • #47
    JoChervil
    Registered Users Posts: 2,001 ✭✭✭JoChervil


    "I don't know them they could be someone you are unsafe with etc. Or just someone you don't want to attract the attention of.

    Dont talk to strangers ..even non verbally.[/QUOTE]"



    Once I did Crav Maga course and they said that people, who don't want to attract attention attract attention the most of "baddies" out there. There was a survey done in prisons. They showed footage of the street. Just random people passing by and asked criminals to point a person they would most likely pick. And guess, whom they chose the most often....


  • #48
    _Brian
    Registered Users Posts: 18,468 ✭✭✭✭_Brian


    It depends.

    In a casual setting it’s actually really weird if someone is giving you the death stare. Casual should be a mix or eye contact and body language.

    For a presentation, interview or formal work situations it’s important to focus on direct eye contact to quickly build rapport and gravity in the situation. That has to be a conscious act to do it correctly.


  • #49
    Redneck Reject71
    Closed Accounts Posts: 586 ✭✭✭Redneck Reject71


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    No not American at all. Its just something I would never do to a stranger. If its a neighbor or someone i have been introduced to that's another matter.

    But a stranger I don't really want to acknowledge their presence. I don't know them they could be someone you are unsafe with etc. Or just someone you don't want to attract the attention of.

    Dont talk to strangers ..even non verbally.

    I find that sad for some reason.


  • #50
    JoChervil
    Registered Users Posts: 2,001 ✭✭✭JoChervil


    Sometimes, when people feel someone lies, they say: "look into my eyes and repeat it". And from my experience liars usually give you this bold stare, while I would expect avoiding eye contact would be prevailing...


  • #51
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Redneck Reject71 wrote: »
    I find that sad for some reason.


    Yes I think its sad too. But it's the real world.

    Its what my life has taught me. :) If its different for you where you grew up that is happy no :) ?

    Its a wisdom i was gifted.

    Good people will understand and not hold it against you later.


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  • #52
    xzanti
    Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 10,434 Mod ✭✭✭✭xzanti


    This is something that gives me terrible anxiety.

    It's one thing that I really overthink and therefore am bad at.

    It's part of the curriculum in school now, in their social development studies; "make eye contact when speaking to people". :mad:

    Why would you draw a child's attention to something that comes naturally to them. Most children make eye contact instinctively. Once you draw attention to it it's now a chore, or something they're aware of having to do.

    I'm pretty sure that once upon a time, I was great at making eye contact, til some halfwit adult made a song and dance about eye contact.

    Please, please just let your kids do what comes naturally to them :(

    /Rant


  • #53
    KilOit
    Registered Users Posts: 2,983 ✭✭✭KilOit


    If more than 5 feet away from me I can hold eye contact when directly talking to me. In a group meeting I never look at the person speaking, generally wander eyes


  • #54
    Redneck Reject71
    Closed Accounts Posts: 586 ✭✭✭Redneck Reject71


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    Yes I think its sad too. But it's the real world.

    Its what my life has taught me. :) If its different for you where you grew up that is happy no :) ?

    Its a wisdom i was gifted.

    Good people will understand and not hold it against you later.

    So if I acknowledge everyone on the street as a human being, that makes me not a good person? Please correct me if I am wrong, it's just sometimes your posts are vague.


  • #55
    Woofin_the_Cat
    Registered Users Posts: 1 ✭Woofin_the_Cat


    I stare at them only from a safe distance. Through the microscopic lense of a Samsung S20.


  • #56
    branie2
    Registered Users Posts: 10,288 ✭✭✭✭branie2


    Yes I am


  • #57
    Rufeo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 503 ✭✭✭Rufeo


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    OP you are one of my fav characters from Hook :)

    I look at different parts of the person ...the hands the body the face the eyes etc...I smile i look at their smile etc ...i think of that as eye contact. I read them and react bounce my eyes slowly around ..i don't eyeball em.

    :)
    Interesting.


  • #58
    Deja Boo
    Registered Users Posts: 13,405 ✭✭✭✭Deja Boo


    ReginaldSmythV wrote: »
    It’s just an experiment.
    :D


  • #59
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    I am good at it and I consider it very important. It can be a difficult thing for a lot of people. There is a vulnerability to it. I used to practice a type of mediation which involved softly gazing in to another person's eyes. As we did it we would think kind and compassionate thoughts for that person. It was about really seeing someone and acknowledging their humanity. Yes it was difficult but it helped me be comfortable with eye contact.

    When I encounter a person who struggles to make eye contact I do wonder about them. It's not in a negative way because again I do understand how hard it can be. I just wonder how they feel, are they very shy, struggling with low self esteem, is it my presence that is causing the difficulty etc.

    When I cross paths with a stranger I sometimes make eye contact. Its just a simple human to human interaction that says "I see you".


  • #60
    Rufeo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 503 ✭✭✭Rufeo


    Persepoly wrote: »
    I am good at it and I consider it very important. It can be a difficult thing for a lot of people. There is a vulnerability to it. I used to practice a type of mediation which involved softly gazing in to another person's eyes. As we did it we would think kind and compassionate thoughts for that person. It was about really seeing someone and acknowledging their humanity. Yes it was difficult but it helped me be comfortable with eye contact.

    When I encounter a person who struggles to make eye contact I do wonder about them. It's not in a negative way because again I do understand how hard it can be. I just wonder how they feel, are they very shy, struggling with low self esteem, is it my presence that is causing the difficulty etc.

    When I cross paths with a stranger I sometimes make eye contact. Its just a simple human to human interaction that says "I see you".

    Sometimes I think it can be more than I see you!


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  • #61
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    Rufeo wrote: »
    Sometimes I think it can be more than I see you!

    What do you think it can be?


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