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Why the Serious Fuss Over Weddings?

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  • Registered Users Posts: 4,825 ✭✭✭LirW


    I think there is strong wedding culture here and the norms are different. It's a flourishing industry, otherwise these poor selfie mirror sods wouldn't survive.
    I believe people should celebrate the way they want once they can afford but I feel a lot is dictated especially among women. You have to invite, you have to do X, you gotta to Y, keep in mind auntie Mary.
    I found a great example a while ago, it was about a bride that fell in love with the idea of having royal blue nails for her wedding. No big deal, right? No, she was put under so much pressure that a french manicure is the norm that she seriously doubted her decision as if she's gonna make a huge mistake.
    And this is it in a nutshell.

    I come from a background where weddings are small and only the closest people are invited do there is a healthy interaction between guests and the couple. Irish weddings are so big, that it feels like you're summoned to some conference with mediocre hotel food.
    It is the same hotel setting, the same church setting, the same food (people seem to have such notions about wedding food). And all because this is what you do to keep your friends as well as the aul relatives happy.
    Throw in the latest gimmicks and it often feels like an affair that's not representing the couple and what they want but everything that's expected to have a "good" wedding.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    are ye afraid to say that 99% of the daftness is driven by the women?

    ive never heard a single justification for the ****e that goes on and the money that gets spent, it all seems the greatest spoof going to me.

    thirty grand for "my big day", jesus its toddler mentality stuff really

    Women are way more gullible than men when it comes to marketing and advertising. They’ve been told the wedding is the most special day of their lives. End up spending a fortune on mediocre food, photos that no one wants to look at, and dresses for bridesmaids who don’t even like you.

    The only good thing about a wedding is sinking back a load of pints and hitting the dance floor for a boogie. And the cocktail sausages later, even though people are going fancy with that now as well and so you get served rubbery pulled pork rolls instead.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,566 ✭✭✭Trekker09


    Ha. The boom is deffo back. 4k to attend a wedding!!

    You realise you are not obligated to do anything in life?
    Not obligated to do 3 nights.
    Not obligated to stay in same hotel.
    Not obligated to even go.

    Couple lovely B&Bs in Adare, handy walk to Adare Manor. Mount Juilet same.

    My original point is that we didn't have a choice but I made the point because it put a massive strain on close family members to attend, some of them young with small kids etc. You're right, we are not obligated, and if it wasn't for my wife being so close to her family we wouldn't have gone. No option to stay elsewhere on 2 of the occasions as they were remote.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    Ugh. And the sexism starts.... Men have families and friends they want to invite. My husband invited about twice the number of people to our wedding than I did.

    Some people have absolutely no idea of the cost of things. You're buying dinner for 200 people for a start. How much do you think that costs?

    Say you take your family out to a slap up dinner to celebrate something... i dunno, a birthday, an anniversary, some achievement , maybe you won an award. How much do you think that costs? Both sides of your family... mums , dads, siblings and partners. Maybe a couple of aunts or neighbours. Include wine. Let's say 40 people. How much would that cost you? You won't get much change from 4k. Now, maybe you want to add a suit and a nice shirt to that, you nip down the tailors... 500 quid? A new dress, hair, shoes another 500. You're at 5k here already for a dinner out with a small group.

    Now, multiply that up by 5 (include suits and dresses for other bridal party members) to get to your 200 people. Look here, you're at 20k on just dinner, drinks and some outfits. None of that is frills.

    Think then of everything else that gets added. A wedding cake, wouldn't be outrageous to have one of those would it? Entertainment for hours, maybe music in the ceremony, and music after your dinner? The ceremony itself and registrars, they're not free. A photographer.
    All these things are thousands more, and none of this is yet a blingy wedding.
    Put yourself, your parents and the bridal party up in the hotel for the night? Another 2k.



    Now, you can of course go to the registry office, and then out for a bag of crisps and a pint after. That's fun too, and some couples do it. But if you want to buy dinner for 200 people, you're into big bucks straight away. And you cannot persuade me that every fella in the universe wants the crisps option, and every woman wants to treat her friends.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,875 ✭✭✭Edgware


    To much planning and thinking about it nowadays. God be with the good old shotgun wedding times. A dress with an elasticated waistband, a bit of a do, a couple of nights in a B and B in Salthill or maybe " he's got a job in London so they decided to bring the wedding forward" story.


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  • "sexism"?

    "the lads want it too"!

    "what if you took everyone you knew to dinner in a castle, what THEN huh"?

    will u shtopppp


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    "sexism"?


    You think this isn't sexism?
    Women are way more gullible than men

    Give me a break.


  • Registered Users Posts: 17,300 ✭✭✭✭razorblunt


    NIMAN wrote: »
    From reading reports of recent weddings in Ireland, it appears the boom is back.
    And people are back to spending small fortunes on them, some in the hope of impressing people or getting on social media.

    Probably taking dancing lessons again for the first dance, thinking up some wacky thing to do to get likes.

    I was in a Donegal hotel about 2 weeks ago. Was sitting having a pint when 2 young 'uns had a meeting with the hotel wedding planner. They were within earshot (ok so I was listening).

    I heard them chat about the band, thats fair enough. Most of us have had a band. But they also said they were getting a comedian and a comedy hypnotist for the evening do.
    I was at a wedding where they got the "Wedding Comedian" before the meal. The bald lad, think he used to do the warm up for RTE, flogs his "make a boyband" setup and "Dunnes, €5" jokes.

    He went down like a lead balloon.


  • Registered Users Posts: 17,300 ✭✭✭✭razorblunt


    Trekker09 wrote: »
    My original point is that we didn't have a choice but I made the point because it put a massive strain on close family members to attend, some of them young with small kids etc. You're right, we are not obligated, and if it wasn't for my wife being so close to her family we wouldn't have gone. No option to stay elsewhere on 2 of the occasions as they were remote.

    The ones with young children wouldn't need two rooms.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,026 ✭✭✭farmchoice


    pwurple wrote: »
    You think this isn't sexism?


    it isn't sexism, its stupidity. he didn't have more people there because he is a man he had more people there because you agreed to it even though you were unhappy with it.

    what you should have done is what practically every other couple in the country do, have a more or less 50/50 split.


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  • pwurple wrote: »
    You think this isn't sexism?



    Give me a break.

    heh ok look ill grant you that one


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,587 ✭✭✭Feisar


    Pinch Flat wrote: »
    Work colleague spent €40,000 on the wedding. €40k ffs! The boom is getting boomier

    It does add up though:

    Hotel Food
    Rings
    Wedding Dress
    Brides Maids
    Brides Maids Shoes
    Groom
    Grooms Men
    Car
    Photographer
    Camera Man
    Hair & Makeup
    Church
    Pre Wedding Crap
    Priest
    Alter Person
    Flowers
    Band
    Invites
    Stag
    Hen
    DJ
    Rooms for wedding party
    Honeymoon
    Wedding Cake
    Music in Church
    Registration
    Night Before Meal
    BBQ After

    First they came for the socialists...



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,066 ✭✭✭MarkY91


    My auntie had a famous comedian, band, big fancy dinner...the lot. They were crippled by it. 4 years later, they're separated and can't stand eachother.

    It was just a Facebook wedding to get loads of attention and loads of likes on their photoshoot posts.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,881 ✭✭✭terrydel


    Apart from the states, I've never seen a country where weddings are more materialistic, showy, look at us occasions than Ireland.
    Sure half the people invited to most of the ones Ive been to, would see the couple once a year at best, and are invited just to get the numbers up in my view. Make it look like you are popular. One of the first questions asked about a wedding is how many attended. Who cares.
    Ireland is a highly materialistic country imho, and there is no greater display of that than our attitude to weddings.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,761 ✭✭✭Pinch Flat


    Feisar wrote: »
    It does add up though:
    Night Before Meal
    BBQ After

    Could never understand this wankology. Bad enough filling people full of food and drink on the day, but the day before and the day after? Ah here.




  • Feisar wrote: »
    It does add up though:

    Hotel Food
    Rings
    Wedding Dress
    Brides Maids
    Brides Maids Shoes
    Groom
    Grooms Men
    Car
    Photographer
    Camera Man
    Hair & Makeup
    Church
    Pre Wedding Crap
    Priest
    Alter Person
    Flowers
    Band
    Invites
    Stag
    Hen
    DJ
    Rooms for wedding party
    Honeymoon
    Wedding Cake
    Music in Church
    Registration
    Night Before Meal
    BBQ After

    itemisation is not an argument nor a justification!


  • Registered Users Posts: 15,631 ✭✭✭✭whisky_galore


    Wedding invite = unwelcome bill coming through letterbox.

    I usually feign illness or death when I get one.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,498 ✭✭✭Hoboo


    Feisar wrote: »
    It does add up though:

    Hotel Food
    Rings
    Wedding Dress
    Brides Maids
    Brides Maids Shoes
    Groom
    Grooms Men
    Car
    Photographer
    Camera Man
    Hair & Makeup
    Church
    Pre Wedding Crap
    Priest
    Alter Person
    Flowers
    Band
    Invites
    Stag
    Hen
    DJ
    Rooms for wedding party
    Honeymoon
    Wedding Cake
    Music in Church
    Registration
    Night Before Meal
    BBQ After

    Sure thing Franc


  • Registered Users Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    nothing worse than a wedding invitation


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,512 ✭✭✭ Molly Prickly Mudslide


    pwurple wrote: »
    Ugh. And the sexism starts.... Men have families and friends they want to invite. My husband invited about twice the number of people to our wedding than I did.

    Some people have absolutely no idea of the cost of things. You're buying dinner for 200 people for a start. How much do you think that costs?

    Say you take your family out to a slap up dinner to celebrate something... i dunno, a birthday, an anniversary, some achievement , maybe you won an award. How much do you think that costs? Both sides of your family... mums , dads, siblings and partners. Maybe a couple of aunts or neighbours. Include wine. Let's say 40 people. How much would that cost you? You won't get much change from 4k. Now, maybe you want to add a suit and a nice shirt to that, you nip down the tailors... 500 quid? A new dress, hair, shoes another 500. You're at 5k here already for a dinner out with a small group.

    Now, multiply that up by 5 (include suits and dresses for other bridal party members) to get to your 200 people. Look here, you're at 20k on just dinner, drinks and some outfits. None of that is frills.

    Think then of everything else that gets added. A wedding cake, wouldn't be outrageous to have one of those would it? Entertainment for hours, maybe music in the ceremony, and music after your dinner? The ceremony itself and registrars, they're not free. A photographer.
    All these things are thousands more, and none of this is yet a blingy wedding.
    Put yourself, your parents and the bridal party up in the hotel for the night? Another 2k.



    Now, you can of course go to the registry office, and then out for a bag of crisps and a pint after. That's fun too, and some couples do it. But if you want to buy dinner for 200 people, you're into big bucks straight away. And you cannot persuade me that every fella in the universe wants the crisps option, and every woman wants to treat her friends.

    What you consider a basic wedding is all well over the top, and exactly what the OP was getting at. Why would you need 200 people there? Would you invite 200 people out for drinks on a Saturday night?

    What you consider a no-frills wedding ends up costing a guest hundreds - if not more. For the cost of going to one wedding, i could get 5 or 6 great nights out, doing what i want to do. Not sitting in a hotel beside some couple I barely know, listening to some dreary speeches which go on for an hour.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 6,587 ✭✭✭Feisar


    Pinch Flat wrote: »
    Could never understand this wankology. Bad enough filling people full of food and drink on the day, but the day before and the day after? Ah here.

    We had a few pints down the local the night after. The night before I brought the groomsmen out for dinner, hardly ostentatious.

    First they came for the socialists...



  • Registered Users Posts: 6,587 ✭✭✭Feisar


    Hoboo wrote: »
    Sure thing Franc

    ???

    First they came for the socialists...



  • Registered Users Posts: 3,462 ✭✭✭Bob Harris


    Wedding invite = unwelcome bill coming through letterbox.

    I usually feign illness or death when I get one.

    To the tune of Back to Black....Amy Winehouse

    "the wedding invite in the door,
    I died a hundred times


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,195 ✭✭✭maximoose


    itemisation is not an argument nor a justification!

    The items also don't need to go anywhere near €40k, daft amount to be spending. All of those could be done for a fraction of that.


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,587 ✭✭✭Feisar


    itemisation is not an argument nor a justification!

    I'm not trying to justify anything, we had a fairly plain wedding and it ran to 25K

    First they came for the socialists...



  • Registered Users Posts: 6,171 ✭✭✭Ubbquittious


    I was chatting to this fella who has his own private island (only a tiny thing less than 100m across and only a wooden shack built on it) and he was prepping the place for a wedding. I said to him "ahhh that's great that will save a pile of money on a hotel" he replies it was only for the second day and the first day of it was in a hotel. Crazy carry on. We'll be hearing on the news about how all this carry on was 'unsustainable' in a few years after they quadruple our property tax when the crash comes


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,512 ✭✭✭ Molly Prickly Mudslide


    Wedding invite = unwelcome bill coming through letterbox.

    I usually feign illness or death when I get one.
    nothing worse than a wedding invitation

    Prefer to receive a summons through the door - be cheaper too.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,907 ✭✭✭Stevieluvsye


    Feisar wrote: »
    Night Before Meal
    BBQ After

    FFS :rolleyes:

    Such bulsh!t


  • Registered Users Posts: 15,631 ✭✭✭✭whisky_galore


    "sexism"?

    "the lads want it too"!

    "what if you took everyone you knew to dinner in a castle, what THEN huh"?

    will u shtopppp

    Lads want it too me bollox. All the lads have to do is show up, in a clean suit, mostly under duress.

    Every wedding fair going is bride centric. A wedding is a woman's way of telling the world she's somehow made it.


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  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,316 ✭✭✭nthclare


    An aul fashioned pagan style summer wedding under a tree in The Burren, with an organic feel and close friends and family there.

    Head off for something to eat after and some music and dance into the evening.

    It's not about the cost, more about being in touch with reality...

    One has to start as they want to go on, different strokes for different folks


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