Did any of you ever get slapped as a child?

misterme123 wrote: »

In the environment I grew up in, the possibility of being hit was completely beyond the pale (and I'm way older than 20). It was simply not necessary. I can't imagine many people from this kind of background decide to do things differently and reintroduce slapping to the next generation. So it's hard not have biases. I can't help but view parents who need to slap their children as lacking some basic life skills or education, likely as a result of their own upbringing; just like you have a negative view of the McDonalds mother.

It’s actually incredibly easy not to have biases, and you nailed the remedy in your own post - biases are due to a lack of some basic life skills or education, and can be overcome by learning some life skills or educating oneself. Your own biases are due to the environment you grew up in and of course that’s not an inherently bad thing. I would have contempt for anyone too who tells their children they’re “retarded” (you’re old enough to know the negative connotations and associations of that word) and threatens their children that they would knock their teeth in. That’s not lacking some basic life skills or education, it’s just abuse.

Verbal, psychological and emotional abuse like that can be as damaging and in many cases even more so to a child as smacking or slapping. I’m sure you’ve often heard adults who have suffered physical and mental abuse as children say that while the physical wounds have healed, the mental and emotional wounds are still raw?

is_that_so wrote: »

Looks like you have a whole lot of contempt for a whole lot of people. For many generations it was another tool to help with child rearing, for many people it rarely occurred and they came out the other end just fine. These days parents would accept that it doesn't need to be part of parenting any longer. The kid in McDonalds is doing her best. Yes, she may be ill-equipped and doing it very poorly but very loud remonstration with children is not unusual at all.

Ahh here, telling a child they’re “retarded” and threatening to knock their teeth in isn’t by any stretch of the imagination doing their best? It actually is contemptible! I’ve known many parents who I could say were ill-equipped to raise their children, but ill-equipped doesn’t mean abusive, and to suggest that calling their child “retarded” and threatening to knock their teeth in is raising a child poorly, is something of an understatement.

is_that_so wrote: »

Yeah, I think I got all of this down in my post but I guess you wanted to put your own slant on it. Kid is doing her best even where her best is bloody awful. Needs help, intervention or whatever.

I’m genuinely perplexed as to how you can surmise that a parent who tells their child they’re “retarded” and threatens to knock their teeth in, is doing their best? Can you honestly be suggesting that they wouldn’t know better? I would suggest that they absolutely do know better, and that’s precisely why I disagree with you that they’re doing their best.

Gerry G wrote: »

It never did me an ounce of harm and on rare occasions I have reprimanded my own kids with a stinger to the back of the legs. Society nowadays will severely frown upon it and point to child abuse and teaching a child that violence is ok and blah blah blah. I honestly feel that if more children had received slaps as punishment for doing wrong when they were kids then society wouldnt be in such a sorry state with generations of young people running around with absolutely no fear of authority or repercussion for wrong doing.

This is a well worn train of thought that if more slaps were dished out we would get less of a backlash in behaviour.

So by hitting a child and them being your own child you're sending them the message that it's ok for those that love you most to hit you.

Violence of any level has never stopped resentment or retaliation. One of the major problems in society now is le non du pere. The lack of father figure roles modelling good behaviour in all walks of life. Doesn't have to be a male either that holds this role.

misterme123 wrote: »

In the environment I grew up in, the possibility of being hit was completely beyond the pale (and I'm way older than 20). It was simply not necessary. I can't imagine many people from this kind of background decide to do things differently and reintroduce slapping to the next generation. So it's hard not have biases. I can't help but view parents who need to slap their children as lacking some basic life skills or education, likely as a result of their own upbringing; just like you have a negative view of the McDonalds mother.

As I get older, I find it very difficult to justify a parent ever striking a child, no matter what the provocation or level of unruliness. It just looks terrible and like a violation of the child.

Yes, my parents took great pride on breaking a few wooden spoons on myself and my sister, though she was naughtier and got the brunt of it.


Also got belt and Sally rod. My sister has 2 kids now and is forever threatening to 'redden their ass' though I don't know how often age actually does. Both her and my mother are totally disgusted that I don't hit my 2 year old.

I remember one of the main reasons I got slapped was for being clumsy. I was forever falling and really hurting myself and their response was to hit me for it.

Think it's sad all the people on here who think they deserved it. I can guess that in the vast vast majority of cases that's just untrue.

jester77 wrote: »

The wooden spoon is where it was at, many a broken one in the process. Must have been good money in the wooden spoon business back in 70's & 80's

This. Always the wooden spoon. Memories of been chased around the kitchen table with it. Although I think I once got a clout of a rolling pin (yoke used for baking) when said wooden spoon was not near at hand (usually I hid it).

Slapped plenty. Done me no harm.
But nothing was worse to any child to hear than a mother saying
Wait till you father hears about this or wait till your father comes home.
That was scarier than any slap or spoon

Only once that I remember, and I remember thinking "yeah, probably deserved that" at the time. Can't remember what the crime was now.

My ma had a hand like a lazer though, and managed to get me right at the spot on the back of my knees between my socks and skirt.

I got a few wallops all right back in the 60's and I deserved them all no doubt loved both my parents to bits, but our home was one of love and fun. I gave a few slaps to my own kids as well and they are both very close to me these days and we sometimes have a good laugh at those times . The difference is I suppose it was a few slaps in my case no actual violence in the sense of being beaten senseless.Looking back it thought me there were consequeces to my bad behaviour so it was a good lesson to learn as i went on in life. By no means am I under playing the awful abuse that was dished in some homes and schools during the past 30 years . I was lucky with my schooling and my Family situations.

Iseedeadpixels wrote: »

Slapped across the head, arse, arms, legs etc....
Kicked across the legs if I didnt do as he asked quick enough....
Thrown around rooms like a ragdoll.....
Punched in the head, ribs or stomach if he really was angry....
Thick leather belt across the arms, legs, or arse....

I got the worst of it, one sibling never got touched, the others think they had it just as bad....they didnt, he had a deep hatred for me, I suffered in silence for years and only stopped when the Garda got involved, I still suffer anxiety and depression which I manage with medication and a horrible temper and tbh I've blocked a lot of it out, only found out years later that he suffered worse with his Father.

I have a child but could never lay a hand on them no matter how bad they can get.

There is a difference between getting a quick slap on the hand or arm to keep you away from a hot surface or slap on the bum if you're being obnoxious and being used as a physical or emotional punchbag for your parents. I was used an an emotional punchbag by both and a physical punchbag by one. Getting told "the beating you just got isn't nearly as much as you deserve you useless bloody b****". I really feel for the poster here. What happened to me never went outside my "respectable" family but being used as a punchbag leaves scars - the physical ones may heal but the emotional ones never do. When I mentioned it as an adult on the advice of a counsellor I was told there were others worse off than me i.e. those who were sexually abused, every kid got told off and beaten anyway and I wasn't beaten or told off enough otherwise I wouldn't be questioning what was done to me!

Some people don't realise how wrong the treatment they got was until they have children of their own which they would never treat the way they were treated as a child.

5 kids in a small house and I was the worst. I easily did a few things a day that deserved a slap or wooden spoon which duly arrived.
I resented every one of them and hated my mother for it. It was very seldom that my dad slapped me but as I became a difficult teenager my behaviour got worse and my acts of defiance and lashing out were causing serious trouble in the house and beyond. He lost patience with me and I got a clatter or 2 a few times. I deserved them all and more. I made my parents and siblings lives a misery. I stood up to him when I was 14 or 15 and it ended badly for us both. I got what I wanted and proved my manliness. I never once got slapped after that but sadly I lost his trust that day and it's never really been the same some 30 years later.
What I did I regret. I have apologized a hundred times but I fcuked up badly that day.
His dad left when he was a month old and I spat this out as a reason why he could never be a real father, why I thought he never knew how to be a father. I broke his heart while trying to break his nose and kick his head in.
He didn't deserve that.
Be careful about hitting your kids. I still believe the odd clip is acceptable but it kills me every time.

Its something I sincerely disagree with.
It teaches children that if someone is bigger and stronger than you, you can beat them into submission by using force to get them to do what you want. That violence is a reasonable reaction to anger and frustration. It perpetuates poor communication skills.

And its also confusing as hell, because we punish children for hitting/hurting each other, telling them its unacceptable. Which makes those who do it hypocrites - ie. its ok for someone bigger than you to hit you when they're angry, but its not ok for you to hit someone else when you're angry.
I wouldn't hit another adult, I wouldn't hit someone else's child, so why on earth would I hit my own, my flesh and blood?

I was hit as a child, nothing too excessive, but I remember it making me feel so frustrated...Particularly when I didn't feel I deserved it.
I was honestly the most passive child, I didn't have and still don't have a temper, I'd be the type to burst into tears when angry rather than lash out.
But I remember being sent to my room after getting a few slaps and the feelings of injustice and inner rage boiling up in me.
It made me so frustrated and resentful that I wasn't even sorry for what I was done, meaning the whole thing was pointless.

is_that_so wrote: »

In the context of their life I think they are and I'd expect them to say as much. I favour intervention and support over condemnation. Works better in the long term for everyone.

We don’t know anything about their life though? And we don’t need to know anything about their life to know that telling a three year old child they’re retarded and threatening to knock their teeth in, is contemptible behaviour. There’s no intervention necessary beyond simply telling the person to cop on to themselves. Usually that’s enough to have a person actually cop on to themselves. Works better in the long term for the child, who in that scenario is all I care about frankly.

I do at least get where you’re coming from now though, and it’s not unlike the story of the father who was convicted of assaulting his own child earlier in the thread - the Judge in spite of all the parents sob stories had no qualms in telling them that the victim impact statement prepared by the mother made no mention of the impact of the fathers actions upon the child. Same kinda thing you’re doing - interventions and all the rest of it for the parent instead of focusing on the impact of their behaviour on the child.

It’s wrong regardless of a persons background, and more and more the courts are acknowledging that if an adult does something wrong, any justification which suggests they didn’t know any better is no longer given the weight it once was, simply because it’s largely irrelevant. Consider if you will for example the number of people here who were themselves mistreated as children and as adults they now say that they would never harm their own children. It’s completely contradictory to the old chestnut that smacking a child teaches them that it’s acceptable to hit another person. They themselves are evidence that just isn’t true! In fact quite the opposite appears to be true - it completely turned them away from the idea of mistreating another person! You’re basically just perpetuating a myth.

What has been discovered though, is that victims of child abuse are more likely to be victims of domestic abuse as adults! I would prefer that you didn’t just take my word for it though -


People who were abused as children are more likely to be abused as an adult


Whereas the figures for the numbers of people who commit violence against another person because it’s believed that’s all they know? Well, it’s a myth, but again I would prefer you didn’t just take my word for it -


Intergenerational transmission of child abuse and neglect: Real or detection bias?


It’s also worth noting that the most common type of child abuse experienced by victims is psychological abuse, as opposed to physical abuse -


Prevalence of abuse during childhood by abuse category

The reported level of abuse experienced during childhood is broadly similar for each of the abuse types1measured (Figure 1). Psychological abuse was the most frequent type of abuse experienced in childhood with nearly 1 in 10 adults reporting psychological abuse as a child (9%), although similar levels of abuse were also reported in relation to witnessing domestic violence or abuse (8%) physical abuse (7%) and any sexual assault (7%).


It’s worth thinking about the next time you overhear similar sentiments expressed towards their children from anyone, whether it’s in McDonalds or I dunno “Chez Le Well Educated Upper Class” - the background of the perpetrator is the least relevant factor in protecting children from being abused and becoming victims of abuse in later life, and an intervention to protect the child or children can be as simple as telling the perpetrator to cop on to themselves.