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The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 114 ✭✭Alpha Romeo


    Oscar1978 wrote: »
    What do we want ?
    A cure for Alzheimer's....

    When do we want it ?
    When do we want what ?


    What do we want?
    A cure for Tourette's

    When do we want it?
    Cnuts


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,069 ✭✭✭✭fryup


    Pensioner's out protesting today were heard shouting....

    "what do we want?....the toilet!"

    "when do we want it?....now!!"


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,088 ✭✭✭byrner88


    my parents admitted that the night I was concieved they were pissed on cheap Australian lager,

    not nice finding out your a fosters child


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,462 ✭✭✭Bob Harris


    fryup wrote: »
    Pensioner's out protesting today were heard shouting....

    "what do we want?....the toilet!"

    "when do we want it?....now!!"

    I heard a few saying 'nevermind, it's too late'


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,088 ✭✭✭byrner88


    I left my wife because of her obsession with football,

    She crossed the line


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  • Registered Users Posts: 10,913 ✭✭✭✭castletownman


    everlast75 wrote: »
    The Patron Saint of copying people on email is St. Francis of A CC

    Not to be mistaken of course with the patron saint of surveillance.

    St. Francis of CCTV.

    Or indeed the patron saint of playgrounds

    St.Francis of a see-saw


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,065 ✭✭✭TheChevron


    Oscar1978 wrote: »
    The guy who wrote the Hokey Pokey song died recently. They had awful trouble getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in ......

    I used to be addicted to the Hokey Cokey but I'm glad to say I've turned myself around...and that's what its all about.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,065 ✭✭✭TheChevron


    The wife is not happy with the blinds I've hung in the sitting room.

    It could be curtains for us.


  • Registered Users Posts: 20,171 ✭✭✭✭jimgoose


    My sister is a smartarse. She insisted the other day that the onion is the only food that makes you cry.








    So I fast-bowled a coconut at her.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 436 ✭✭ Makai Melted Oak


    jimgoose wrote:
    My sister is a smartarse. She insisted the other day that the onion is the only food that makes you cry.


    My sister thought the same till she got a slap of a turnip :-)


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  • Registered Users Posts: 18,562 ✭✭✭✭The Princess Bride


    I can't remember how to write 1,1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numbers.
    IM LIVID


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,562 ✭✭✭patmac


    HELP NEEDED!
    I’m trying to remember the name of an 80’s American sitcom. Set in a Boston bar, where everybody knows your name.
    Does anyone know?
    Cheers in advance.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,831 ✭✭✭RayCon


    I've a bit of a phobia about a new speed bump on my road ..... but I'm slowing getting over it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 51,115 ✭✭✭✭tayto lover


    el_gaucho wrote: »
    Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
    He sold his soul to Santa.

    We should stop these jokes or the National Dyslexia Association (DNA) will be complaining.

    The big Dyslexia protest march to the Dail ended up badly when they all arrived at Aldi.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 7,466 ✭✭✭blinding


    Leo Varadkar .


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,831 ✭✭✭RobMc59


    If smoking marijuana causes short term memory loss,what does smoking marijuana do?


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,816 ✭✭✭BENDYBINN


    What does what do?


  • Registered Users Posts: 975 ✭✭✭decky1


    I love my job,went for a sh1t today and earned 7.50.


  • Registered Users Posts: 14,279 ✭✭✭✭M.T. Cranium


    There was a rock group called Aquarius, and they had a singer named Dawn. But she had to retire.

    It was the aging of the dawn of aquarius.


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,158 ✭✭✭frag420


    BENDYBINN wrote: »
    What does what do?

    What does memory loss do to your marijuana?


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  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,537 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    On the subject of genders, most of us have two sets of chromosomes xx if your female xy if you are male .

    However there are other variations.

    There is XYYsyndrome and Klinefelter syndrome XXY, Trisomy or triple X syndrome, and even a case in Australia of Tetrasomy where a child had 4 female chromosomes, they named her Castlemaine.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,809 ✭✭✭joe40


    byrner88 wrote: »
    I left my wife because of her obsession with football,

    She crossed the line

    My wife left me because of my obsession with football. I was quite surprised we had only been together for 6 seasons.


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,940 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    On the subject of genders, most of us have two sets of chromosomes xx if your female xy if you are male .

    However there are other variations.

    There is XYYsyndrome and Klinefelter syndrome XXY, Trisomy or triple X syndrome, and even a case in Australia of Tetrasomy where a child had 4 female chromosomes, they named her Castlemaine.
    You what now?

    To thine own self be true



  • Registered Users Posts: 21,886 ✭✭✭✭Roger_007


    On the subject of genders, most of us have two sets of chromosomes xx if your female xy if you are male .

    However there are other variations.

    There is XYYsyndrome and Klinefelter syndrome XXY, Trisomy or triple X syndrome, and even a case in Australia of Tetrasomy where a child had 4 female chromosomes, they named her Castlemaine.

    Then of course there was that Welsh girl with triple Y syndrome that Tom Jones had a song about: YYY Delilah.


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,215 ✭✭✭✭Suckit




  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,429 ✭✭✭Sheridan81


    I was going to join the debate team but someone talked me out of it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,831 ✭✭✭RobMc59


    To the b*stard who stole my glasses,
    I will find you..I do have contacts!...


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,562 ✭✭✭patmac


    joe40 wrote: »
    My wife left me because of my obsession with football. I was quite surprised we had only been together for 6 seasons.

    My wife left me because of my obsession with Fantasy Football, in my defence I had Shaw, Van Dyke, Robertson, La Porte and Alonso.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,324 ✭✭✭.red.


    patmac wrote: »
    My wife left me because of my obsession with Fantasy Football, in my defence I had Shaw, Van Dyke, Robertson, La Porte and Alonso.

    I'd have left you too for having a defence like that.
    3 left backs and 2 centre backs!


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,088 ✭✭✭byrner88


    The Big Issue would sell a lot more copies if they made their sellers smarten up a bit.

    Most of them look like tramps.


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