What's the etiquette here??

gerrybbadd · 04-01-2021 3:54pm

Things are beginning to look up for the new probiotics. Today was the first day I could speak of, that involved some "solidity" in movements. The fent though, that has not subsided one bit.

Have to admit, i'm testing every one of the billions of new bacteria that are entering my body however, with the dinners. Had pulled chicken burritos for the dinner last night. I'd say the young lads are dying as quick as they are going into my body

Gael23 · 04-01-2021 5:12pm

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Things are beginning to look up for the new probiotics. Today was the first day I could speak of, that involved some "solidity" in movements. The fent though, that has not subsided one bit.

Have to admit, i'm testing every one of the billions of new bacteria that are entering my body however, with the dinners. Had pulled chicken burritos for the dinner last night. I'd say the young lads are dying as quick as they are going into my body

What probiotic are you on?

[Deleted User] · 04-01-2021 5:53pm

Absolute scenes here chez Mike
Total "selection box' of egestions of late.

Moat recent, now in the throes of the effects of over indulging in spiced beef and horseradish.

What ever it is, it feels alive in the duds. Several attempts to force the bugger out have failed. Its like it senses the cold; as soon as I give a grunt & push it retracts its head. I imagine this is what labour feels like.

Juat after a cantaloupe melon to sluice the fcuker out. Shouldn't be long now.

Brendan Bendar · 04-01-2021 5:57pm

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

Absolute scenes here chez Mike
Total "selection box' of egestions of late.

Moat recent, now in the throes of the effects of over indulging in spiced beef and horseradish.

What ever it is, it feels alive in the duds. Several attempts to force the bugger out have failed. Its like it senses the cold; as soon as I give a grunt & push it retracts its head. I imagine this is what labour feels like.

Juat after a cantaloupe melon to sluice the fcuker out. Shouldn't be long now.

Fcukker ‘ell.... I’m on the horseradish mesel.

[Deleted User] · 04-01-2021 7:57pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Fcukker ‘ell.... I’m on the horseradish mesel.

I'd urge moderation Brendan
Not sure if it was the beef or the horseradish or a synergistic effect.

Gael23 · 04-01-2021 8:01pm

Lads my crack hair is full of dried brown crusty stuff

[Deleted User] · 04-01-2021 8:24pm

Gael23 wrote: »

Lads my crack hair is full of dried brown crusty stuff

Blood?

Jasis, not sure is this the forum for it

Gael23 · 04-01-2021 8:28pm

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

Blood?

Jasis, not sure is this the forum for it

Dried specimens of my finest waste product

You the man · 04-01-2021 9:09pm

Gael23 wrote: »

Dried specimens of my finest waste product

Nit comb compadre..

Hector Savage · 04-01-2021 9:11pm

Been spending a lot of this Christmas with the inlaws, they have their own bubble as we did, so having a quiet christmas with the kids - and there is still the 3 kings here (Jan 5th night) allthough a much reduced affair.
Anyway, they live in a village in the middle of catalunya and the countryside is stunning, really helping me a lot, getting up at 8 every morning and walking and seeing the sunrise etc etc .... however I am eating quite well and drinking lots of coffees as my father in law has a grand coffee machine.

Well jaysus I was caught out on Stephens'esesesesesssssss day morning , luckily was completely alone, not many locals choose to walk in these cold early mornings thanfully - felt the guts rumbling and dashed off the path and got the pants down just in time to unload a rancid pile of scutther ...
steaming away it was, some leaves nearby came in handy and just as well I had some hand sanitiser ...
Next day I did the same walk and was curious, there it was frozen, with a dash of frost on top - getting to -3, -4 here at night .... jaysus I looked at it with pride !!!

And since then as my exercise is increasing I have been bunting out solid long ropey logs - pure satisfaction ... surprised even with coffee they are remaining pretty solid - the fent though, jaysus would strip paint from on old massey ferguson.
I even have to cut short my shight-time reads ...

You the man · 05-01-2021 12:20am

Hector Savage wrote: »

Been spending a lot of this Christmas with the inlaws, they have their own bubble as we did, so having a quiet christmas with the kids - and there is still the 3 kings here (Jan 5th night) allthough a much reduced affair.
Anyway, they live in a village in the middle of catalunya and the countryside is stunning, really helping me a lot, getting up at 8 every morning and walking and seeing the sunrise etc etc .... however I am eating quite well and drinking lots of coffees as my father in law has a grand coffee machine.

Well jaysus I was caught out on Stephens'esesesesesssssss day morning , luckily was completely alone, not many locals choose to walk in these cold early mornings thanfully - felt the guts rumbling and dashed off the path and got the pants down just in time to unload a rancid pile of scutther ...
steaming away it was, some leaves nearby came in handy and just as well I had some hand sanitiser ...
Next day I did the same walk and was curious, there it was frozen, with a dash of frost on top - getting to -3, -4 here at night .... jaysus I looked at it with pride !!!

And since then as my exercise is increasing I have been bunting out solid long ropey logs - pure satisfaction ... surprised even with coffee they are remaining pretty solid - the fent though, jaysus would strip paint from on old massey ferguson.
I even have to cut short my shight-time reads ...

Setting bear traps in the Spanish countryside!

Aglomerado · 05-01-2021 8:17am

A living caganer!

Borderfox · 05-01-2021 4:23pm

A question for the more science based pooers

Can you catch covid-19 from Neptune's kiss?

It has me wondering as a friend of mine caught jaundice from a toilet seat

gerrybbadd · 05-01-2021 10:38pm

Gael23 wrote: »

What probiotic are you on?

Its Alflorex!

IAMAMORON · 05-01-2021 11:14pm

Borderfox wrote: »

A question for the more science based pooers

Can you catch covid-19 from Neptune's kiss?

It has me wondering as a friend of mine caught jaundice from a toilet seat

That's not the only virus you can catch up your arse. Be careful please.

So yes, most def, if any one with Covid sneezes up your hole, or puts anything else up there, you need to start self isolating.

Don't go too heavy on the hand sanitizer either, you don't want your arse getting drunk - then anything might happen to it.

Slideways · 06-01-2021 1:48am

Bad case of the sticky gicky.

Was in a public convenience having being caught short. It was pretty grim before I left my rather shameful mark.

Was squeezing out the brown toothpaste schits. Fûck it was like the never ending story. Full of false finishes. And the toilet paper was that single ply stuff that’s a closer relation to baking parchment than it is to Andrews.

About the fifth stand and wipe a swinging sticky clump of schit fell off one of my arse hairs and bouncing off the seam of my shorts landed smack bang in the middle of the toilet seat. A grim thing to happen to anyone, esp as I felt it’s 14th cousin reach for daylight. Quickly grabbed a handful of that awful toilet paper and all it did was smear the phucking thing all over the seat.

Only step I could do at that stage was lay a blanket over the mess and carry on. Finally the meat button stopped contracting and I made my escape as an elderly lad in a veterans shirt made his way in. Not to worry says i, he has been to ‘Nam, I’m sure he saw worse there :pac:

EmmetSpiceland · 06-01-2021 11:49am

IAMAMORON wrote: »

That's not the only virus you can catch up your arse. Be careful please.

So yes, most def, if any one with Covid sneezes up your hole, or puts anything else up there, you need to start self isolating.

Don't go too heavy on the hand sanitizer either, you don't want your arse getting drunk - then anything might happen to it.

I’m, certainly, no epidemiologist but I’m not sure if the virus will do much of it comes into “contact” with an anus. It is, after all, a respiratory virus. It’s a long way to the lungs from there.

Perhaps, if some infected person, were to have spat into the bowl right before you, yourself, sat down and dropped your logs. Once the virus is on your anus, I’m guessing it could be “transmitted” to the lungs via your hand, in a wipe. Obviously, this would be when you’d touch your mouth and nose before washing. A ghastly way to contract such a dangerous illness. The toilet strain.

Stay safe out there, folks. Wash your hands, use sanitiser and keep your distance. We’re in this together.

IAMAMORON · 06-01-2021 11:57am

Agreed Spice, you would be unlucky to catch the cove off a toilet seat. As long as you are not prone to sniffing or licking it too often. Fingers crossed ( and sanitized please ).

But I think if you are having sex with someone who is asymptomatic you are going to get it, make no mistake. Even practicing safe sex. Someone whispering love you nots in your ear, face, mouth and or eyes whilst simultaneously ramming the message home is bound to spread it handy enough, that is before the finger biting starts.

Johnnies will not be doing the trick in such a scenario.

Gael23 · 06-01-2021 12:02pm

Feeling a bit bunged up.
The sphincter was under pressure producing this mornings log

[Deleted User] · 06-01-2021 12:22pm

Borderfox wrote: »

A question for the more science based pooers

Can you catch covid-19 from Neptune's kiss?

It has me wondering as a friend of mine caught jaundice from a toilet seat

If I was to catch something from Neptune's kiss, 'the covid' would be the least of my worries.

Valresnick · 06-01-2021 11:42pm

Was in and out of work over the Christmas. Security guard in our place wears those type of shoes that are all snarled up at the toes. He has absolutely no problem spannering out a rotten log knowing full well you’re in the next trap alongside him. I got caught beside him in a mushy pea extravaganza on St Stephen’s Day. Threw my turkey and ham sandwiches in the bin after. Couldn’t get the smell out my head. I hate him, but also have some wired admiration for him.

Arthur Fent · 07-01-2021 12:34am

Have a neighbour who has two fluffy little white dogs. Fecker let's them out every morning and they ****e all over the place. Footpaths, peoples gardens etc. So, I've taken it upon myself to strike back. I've started ****eing in his garden under the cover of darkness. Chap is going out of his mind !

sligojoek · 07-01-2021 1:54am

Arthur Fent wrote: »

Have a neighbour who has two fluffy little white dogs. Fecker let's them out every morning and they ****e all over the place. Footpaths, peoples gardens etc. So, I've taken it upon myself to strike back. I've started ****eing in his garden under the cover of darkness. Chap is going out of his mind !

This problem happened in our estate. Two doors either side of me I have two women living alone. Anne 30ish and Mary a spritely 75ish. About a year ago Anne started letting her massive German Shepherd out the front for a sh1te around 12 to 1am while she'd have a fag. The fcukker was laying what can only be described as "sods of turf" in peoples' front lawns. Specially Mary's for some reason. Luckily I have gravel.

One morning about 5am Mary was up early and went out with a gardening trowel and a plastic bag and gathered up a few sods. She then tied the bag securely to Anne's door handle. After that she cleaned off the trowel with a kitchen roll and stuck it in the letterbox.

Problem solved.

*The names have been changed to protect the Innocent/Guilty.

Valresnick · 07-01-2021 9:28am

sligojoek wrote: »

This problem happened in our estate. Two doors either side of me I have two women living alone. Anne 30ish and Mary a spritely 75ish. About a year ago Anne started letting her massive German Shepherd out the front for a sh1te around 12 to 1am while she'd have a fag. The fcukker was laying what can only be described as "sods of turf" in peoples' front lawns. Specially Mary's for some reason. Luckily I have gravel.

One morning about 5am Mary was up early and went out with a gardening trowel and a plastic bag and gathered up a few sods. She then tied the bag securely to Anne's door handle. After that she cleaned off the trowel with a kitchen roll and stuck it in the letterbox.

Problem solved.

*The names have been changed to protect the Innocent/Guilty.

Should I leave a bagged log in the security guards quarters ?

Brendan Bendar · 07-01-2021 10:12am

Valresnick wrote: »

Should I leave a bagged log in the security guards quarters ?

No, you won’t win that one.

Any dude who wears shoes with the curled up toes won’t be phased by a bagged log.

You need a little more subtlety, make things awkward for him.

Get ‘high and loose ‘ in the traps, flood the pisspots with arse paper, that kind of stuff.

Keep him on his toes, probably contained cisterns so top decking out, an odd ‘plopper’in the middle of the bog floor and stuff.

Keep the Fcukker on his feet,like.

Nevin Parsnipp · 07-01-2021 5:33pm

Flashed out a spattery pancake of fresh runnel in the traps in Lidle this morn.

Felt the badge begin to growl as I passed the meat section...had to abandon trolley and hot step to the jax at top of store.

Was barely in situ when I released a cloud of loose midden...ochre coloured....with a bang that would stiff an African Pi Dog.

Bog roll was insufficient to clear the mess so I just had to blow out the muzzle dust and leave her there ...

Exited quickly and passed the key back to the check out guy.....carried on with shopping mightily relieved ......and was delighted to see an auld beuer fro the top of my road requesting the privvy key.

I had only the fruit loaves (recommended) and a packet of spring rolls checked thru when she exited at pace and practically flung the key at the store manager .

I could only assume she wasn't happy with the condition of the privvys .....

[Deleted User] · 07-01-2021 8:43pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

No, you won’t win that one.

Any dude who wears shoes with the curled up toes won’t be phased by a bagged log.

You need a little more subtlety, make things awkward for him.

Get ‘high and loose ‘ in the traps, flood the pisspots with arse paper, that kind of stuff.

Keep him on his toes, probably contained cisterns so top decking out, an odd ‘plopper’in the middle of the bog floor and stuff.

Keep the Fcukker on his feet,like.

You could condition that guy to bring his business elsewhere.

Probably drops his deuce at a regular time.
Monitor said times, and have all traps occupied bar one in advance, with two sheets of single ply hanging out of an otherwise empty bum fodder dispenser, in the vacant trap.
To or three times should sort him.

Brendan Bendar · 07-01-2021 9:51pm

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

You could condition that guy to bring his business elsewhere.

Probably drops his deuce at a regular time.
Monitor said times, and have all traps occupied bar one in advance, with two sheets of single ply hanging out of an otherwise empty bum fodder dispenser, in the vacant trap.
To or three times should sort him.

Hmmm...........

Looks like she comes out ‘ready plucked’ Meehaul , so the nipsy would be clean as a nuns gusset.

No.....doesn’t sound like a lad who would be worried about a dirty meat button in any event.

Best bet is to produce heat from above, like plunge a dead rat into the pot and report it to HR or two hefty logs under the seat of the pot, resting nicely for a bit of movement on arse contact.

EmmetSpiceland · 07-01-2021 9:58pm

Arthur Fent wrote: »

Have a neighbour who has two fluffy little white dogs. Fecker let's them out every morning and they ****e all over the place. Footpaths, peoples gardens etc. So, I've taken it upon myself to strike back. I've started ****eing in his garden under the cover of darkness. Chap is going out of his mind !

Just a word of warning, A. Lots of folks these days can pick up a security camera cheaply enough so you might want to start “launching” the mess from a discreet location so as to avoid any personal, and potentially legal, trouble.

gerrybbadd · 08-01-2021 12:58pm

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Flashed out a spattery pancake of fresh runnel in the traps in Lidle this morn.

Felt the badge begin to growl as I passed the meat section...had to abandon trolley and hot step to the jax at top of store.

Was barely in situ when I released a cloud of loose midden...ochre coloured....with a bang that would stiff an African Pi Dog.

Bog roll was insufficient to clear the mess so I just had to blow out the muzzle dust and leave her there ...

Exited quickly and passed the key back to the check out guy.....carried on with shopping mightily relieved ......and was delighted to see an auld beuer fro the top of my road requesting the privvy key.

I had only the fruit loaves (recommended) and a packet of spring rolls checked thru when she exited at pace and practically flung the key at the store manager .

I could only assume she wasn't happy with the condition of the privvys .....

It might have been the ghost cheeks, coupled with the absolute assault on the senses, that had her spooked. I'd say she was straight home to brush her teeth after it

What's the etiquette here??

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