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31-05-2021, 02:14   #91
I've had weightloss surgery, AMA
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Originally Posted by funky sausage View Post
hi,

oh my god how do you start this conversation with your GP??

I lost six stone on a strictly paleo diet with thirty minutes boxing and skipping every day. I was 41.

Now 50 i have put 8 stone back on, I hate my self, I can't do any exercise without falling to pieces. I don't eat with my family as I'm embarrassed. Can't go for walks around the village as I'm too self conscious. Avoiding work as I can't get suitable clothes to fit.

So, living on cereal, drinking to excess once the wife and kids are in bed, to feel anything pleasant, and then binge eating whatever is in the house, hiding the packets, replacing them the day after.

I've done everything, ww, paleo, keto, sw, omad, the bloody drinks, thermoburners…

I'm not lazy, ran a few 5k's a while ago, was meeting 10,000 steps, but I'm so stuck in this.

How did you broach this with your gp, I see you've already answered this before but I'm asking again so I can pick up the phone and repeat.

Thanks in advance.
The yo-yo of weight loss followed by big weight gain upset me so much and I had similar feelings of guilt and embarrassment. I really hated having to shop for clothes based on the sizes available, particularly back in the days before online shopping where sizes were fairly limited. It was soul crushing and I actually don't know how I did it for so long.

I have a good relationship with my GP so I was comfortable talking to him about it. I told him that I had been trying for over 20 years to lose weight and the number had only ever gone up and that I was feeling defeated. He said if I was curious about surgery he would give me a letter for a surgeon that would go through the options with me.

He handed me the referral letter and I sat on it for a couple of months then I just said flip it, I am not getting any younger or healthier so what's the harm in chatting to them about it? I was very nervous meeting the obesity team but they were brilliant and explained it all so well.

I think most GPs would be glad to help people get more info. The surgery is not for everyone but the only way to know if it's for you is to discuss it and get the details. It's your body and you only have one life, so don't feel bad about wanting to explore all the options.
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31-05-2021, 06:24   #92
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When you say people treat you differently now compared to before, do you think there's a difference depending in whether they know you've had bariatric surgery or not: do any of those who know about the surgery/knew you from before seem to feel like you've "cheated" a bit?

Or is it just the physical difference that seems to change their attitude?
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01-06-2021, 17:05   #93
Galbin
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For me personally, and this is where I'd like to put a question towards the AMA guest, I would characterise myself as having a sugar addiction of sorts, coupled with an ability to never feel full.

I can sit down to a massive takeaway, and although it may start to be uncomfortable, I will manage to eat it all, or of i do have to stop, within 15 minutes, I'll be back eating the remainder again.

I'd often have been in restaurants with people, and we'd order similar/same things, and everyone else would be busted after the dinner, some not finishing, whereas I'd be thinking "will i look bad if i get two desserts.. pretending i want to just see what they're like".

I've an insatiable appetite.
Hope the mods don't mind me putting this here, but your symptoms sound like classic insulin resistance. I have PCOS and when I first developed it I went from having a normal appetite to only being full if I was stuffed. In response, I developed an eating disorder and would starve all day so that when I would eat I could eat enough to feel full. Once I was finally diagnosed and put on metformin (which treats insulin resistance) the desperate hunger went away.

They used to think that weight gain caused insulin resistance/diabetes and so diabetes/IR was a person's fault. Now though more and more research is supporting my n=1 experience that inulin resistance happens first and then weight gain (followed by diabetes in the genetically susceptible). Unfortunately, for some reason, it's hard to get a fasting insulin test done here so I went through a UK lab.

Last edited by Galbin; 01-06-2021 at 21:46.
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07-06-2021, 13:57   #94
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The OP can correct me if I am wrong. But from reading the OP's posts there seems be a bit of confliction going on.

The OP admitted that they used to view obese people as purely lazy without taking into account their mental and physiological aspects. Which prevent some obese people from going the natural route to lose weight. As most people do let's be honest.

Also the OP seemed to have gone this surgery route for health reasons, to look better, and feel better about themselves.

Yet on the other hand the OP seems surprised that people treat them differently.
Surely it is because people see a person:

1) Making an effort and a successful one
2) Looks healthier and seems happier etc.

Yet the OP seems very irked by the fact that people now say 'you are looking well' and the OP's response is always 'I always looked well.' It seems like a bit of mental trick on behalf of the OP?

Surely this is,

1) A delusion on behalf of the OP that they always looked well - still a mental conflict there?

And

2) The 'you are looking well' comment from others is merely a nice way of saying 'you are looking much better than you were before' ? And people are pleased for the OP etc.

--

So I suppose my questions are:

Since the surgery does the OP feel better and happier in themselves? Both from a mental and physical viewpoint.

And is the OP merely annoyed about 'you are looking well' comments. As it is a reminder of how the OP was, and how the OP was viewed?

Last edited by gormdubhgorm; 07-06-2021 at 22:19.
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13-06-2021, 09:27   #95
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gormdubhgorm View Post
The OP can correct me if I am wrong. But from reading the OP's posts there seems be a bit of confliction going on.

The OP admitted that they used to view obese people as purely lazy without taking into account their mental and physiological aspects. Which prevent some obese people from going the natural route to lose weight. As most people do let's be honest.

Also the OP seemed to have gone this surgery route for health reasons, to look better, and feel better about themselves.

Yet on the other hand the OP seems surprised that people treat them differently.
Surely it is because people see a person:

1) Making an effort and a successful one
2) Looks healthier and seems happier etc.

Yet the OP seems very irked by the fact that people now say 'you are looking well' and the OP's response is always 'I always looked well.' It seems like a bit of mental trick on behalf of the OP?

Surely this is,

1) A delusion on behalf of the OP that they always looked well - still a mental conflict there?

And

2) The 'you are looking well' comment from others is merely a nice way of saying 'you are looking much better than you were before' ? And people are pleased for the OP etc.

--

So I suppose my questions are:

Since the surgery does the OP feel better and happier in themselves? Both from a mental and physical viewpoint.

And is the OP merely annoyed about 'you are looking well' comments. As it is a reminder of how the OP was, and how the OP was viewed?
The OP hasn't come back, so I'm going to give my reaction to this, as it's related to my own question.

I don't think he/she was complaining about people saying "you're looking well": it was more about being treated differently. As you said yourself.

IMO the question is whether it's ok to judge people negatively for being overweight, and seeing that as proof that they're "purely lazy". Would you judge someone negatively if their car wasn't cleaned regularly and if so, does it matter whether they clean it themselves or get it valeted? Or if their garden is a bit unkempt - and again, does it make a difference if your garden is lovely because someone else cuts your grass or if you need to do it yourself before people can think well of you for it?

There just seems to be a lot more personal judgment of people for their physical appearance than any other part of their lives, and also a feeling that it's fine to keep your belongings looking lovely by having someone else do the hard work of looking after them for you, but if you don't manage to keep your body perfect through your own efforts, they're a bad person. (I'm kind of guilty of this myself, though I try not to, but then as you say, the OP had the same reaction themselves. It's almost the norm.)

That's why I wondered whether people who knew the OP from before (work colleagues but also friends and family) and who know about the surgery, treat them differently to people who only see the "new" person in front of them, and don't know the back story.

Last edited by volchitsa; 13-06-2021 at 09:31.
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Yesterday, 23:29   #96
I've had weightloss surgery, AMA
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Originally Posted by volchitsa View Post
When you say people treat you differently now compared to before, do you think there's a difference depending in whether they know you've had bariatric surgery or not: do any of those who know about the surgery/knew you from before seem to feel like you've "cheated" a bit?

Or is it just the physical difference that seems to change their attitude?
Yes, a few people have mentioned that it feels like cheating. I understand that reaction because I used to feel that way. I usually deal with those remarks head on and chat through it with them. People are curious as it's often the first time they have spoken to someone who has had it and people respond positively when things are explained in more detail. Even people with weight problems have a lot of misconceptions and stigma about it, so we are all learning.
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Yesterday, 23:48   #97
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And do you think it’s important to talk about it or is it no longer a big thing in your life?

Like, could you forget you’ve had it done or do you remember every time you sit down to eat?
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Today, 00:09   #98
I've had weightloss surgery, AMA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gormdubhgorm View Post
The OP can correct me if I am wrong. But from reading the OP's posts there seems be a bit of confliction going on.

The OP admitted that they used to view obese people as purely lazy without taking into account their mental and physiological aspects. Which prevent some obese people from going the natural route to lose weight. As most people do let's be honest.

Also the OP seemed to have gone this surgery route for health reasons, to look better, and feel better about themselves.

Yet on the other hand the OP seems surprised that people treat them differently.
Surely it is because people see a person:

1) Making an effort and a successful one
2) Looks healthier and seems happier etc.

Yet the OP seems very irked by the fact that people now say 'you are looking well' and the OP's response is always 'I always looked well.' It seems like a bit of mental trick on behalf of the OP?

Surely this is,

1) A delusion on behalf of the OP that they always looked well - still a mental conflict there?

And

2) The 'you are looking well' comment from others is merely a nice way of saying 'you are looking much better than you were before' ? And people are pleased for the OP etc.

--

So I suppose my questions are:

Since the surgery does the OP feel better and happier in themselves? Both from a mental and physical viewpoint.

And is the OP merely annoyed about 'you are looking well' comments. As it is a reminder of how the OP was, and how the OP was viewed?
I'm not surprised that people treat me differently as I was expecting some changes, but I am surprised at the ways they treat me differently and the degree to which it changed my interactions. Things like how people stand closer to me, make more physical contact with me, smile at me more, etc. That goes for both people I knew before and new people I have met since. I don't blame people for doing it, it just feels odd.

I think you're right that some people feel that I'm making a bigger effort and they approve of that so they treat me better. One colleague did say that to me.

To answer your questions, yes I feel much better, much happier, and much healthier, both mentally and physically. My sex life has also improved, which is an important thing that I forgot to mention earlier. Weight can have a big impact on our relationships and we shouldn't be afraid to discuss that.

When people give me a compliment, I accept it and thank them, I certainly don't say anything cheeky or rude. I might think "I always looked well" in my head but that's because it's true, I always did think I looked well, I just look and feel even better now. If I hadn't been suitable for bariatric surgery I would have had to accept potentially being overweight/obese long term and part of that is having a positive self image. I look back at wedding photos and I think we both look fantastic and very happy, even in my XXXL clothes.

I don't feel irked by people's awkward comments, more surprised and amused. People do not spend their days thinking about me or my weight loss, so sometimes they make remarks off the cuff. I'm sure I do that as well about other things, we are all human, so I don't give people grief for it. It's just odd to experience such a difference based on the amount of adipose cells I happen to have under my skin.

All of these conversations were in the first few months after the surgery when people were seeing my major weight loss. For the past few years I have just been getting on with life. I can't even remember the last time I thought about these things, they are only in my head now because of the AMA.
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Today, 00:16   #99
I've had weightloss surgery, AMA
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And do you think it’s important to talk about it or is it no longer a big thing in your life?

Like, could you forget you’ve had it done or do you remember every time you sit down to eat?
I talked about it a fair bit at the beginning as it was coming up naturally and people were curious. I don't think about it when I eat except on the rare occasion that I try a new food and I'm not sure how much I will be able to manage.
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