The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Maybe "can i come too" went too to the same wedding. :P

But was he invited?

I was fired from the keyboard factory today. I wasn't putting in enough shifts

Q. What type of bee is never understood?

A. A Mumble Bee!

An American guy goes to Belfast and the taxi driver at the airport asks him his religion. The passenger says he's Jewish, and the cab driver says, oh I understand. A minute of silence passes and the driver asks, so are you a Protestant Jew or a Catholic Jew?

Lon.C wrote: »

What's the first thing Neil Armstrong said when he set foot on the moon?????

There's no fookin' way a cow jumped over this!!!!!

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous “One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind” statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky.”
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky” statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors’ bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, “Oral sex? Oral sex you want? I'll put that thing in my mouth when the kid next door walks on the moon!”

How do agnostic, dyslexic insomniacs spend their nights?

Lying awake wondering if there's a dog.

chewed wrote: »

Q. What type of bee is never understood?

A. A Mumble Bee!

Q. What type of Bee must never be Trusted?







A. A KGB

In Turkey, on holiday, I came across one of those Turkish bath houses.
They shave with a solid steel stoneground razor,
below the neckline,
inside the ears,
snipped out nose hairs,
waxed off chest hairs
AND
plucked all the hairs out of the ass crack finishing off with a moustache trim and alcohol rub
Honestly,
the wife's never looked so good!!!

The next time you enter a restaurant, choose a random stranger of your preference.
When you catch their eye, maintain eye contact for a while, look away, and act like nothing happened.
After a while, do so again, this time keeping contact for a longer period.
The stranger will most likely start paying more attention to you, but act normally.
Keep this up for a while, before walking up to them.
Greet, and ask them to close their eyes and picture a playing card.





Now, when they are doing this, eat as much of their food as you can and run away.

:pac:

Id love to tell everyone about my coconut joke,sadly i cant.

Loafing Oaf wrote: »

How do agnostic, dyslexic insomniacs spend their nights?

Lying awake wondering if there's a dog.

How did this brilliant gag only pick up two likes?:mad:

Maybe this one will be more up ye're alley, as it were:

Oral sex makes your day; anal sex makes your whole week.