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[Writing Contest] - THE ARENA

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  • Registered Users Posts: 12,746 ✭✭✭✭FewFew


    angelll wrote: »
    Coola boola,so you and me bluewolf :D . What theme?

    Tis your choice good sir/lady, you must lay down the theme gauntlet and then the fun can begin :)


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    gime a theme and i'll accept it and then we can start putting on our thinking caps


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,746 ✭✭✭✭FewFew


    bluewolf wrote: »
    gime a theme and i'll accept it and then we can start putting on our thinking caps

    Thinking caps of doom?


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    Fewcifur wrote: »
    Thinking caps of doom?

    +5


  • Registered Users Posts: 537 ✭✭✭angelll


    Lol,ok what about 'The Hardest Choice'? Haven't a clue what i'm going to write about,just in the door. Will post up something tonight,Good luck :D


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  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    grand stuff, 1530 tomorrow it is


  • Registered Users Posts: 537 ✭✭✭angelll


    Black or blue? Black or blue....Black? Blue? The black one had straight seams down the inside of the sleeves,that was bad. It didn't feel right. But black was the colour of death and funerals.

    When grandmother Mary who lived in the sunshine yellow house with the purple and yellow flowers outside had died he had worn the black shirt. His mother had ironed it just right and laid it out with the top two buttons open,ready to slip on. He hated buttons but it was ok if he could just slip it on. The seams had made him uncomfortable but mum had said that granny mary, the granny in the yellow house, would like it he said he would try to leave it on. Mum packed a nice t-shirt for him to change into after the mass,one with no seams, a lovely red one. He loved red. You couldn't mix any other colours to make red, not like green or purple or orange. They weren't real colours. Black was another real colour. So he sometimes wore it on things like shoes and belts. Just a small bit but it was allowed. His blue shirt was comfortable,made of soft material and it was ironed just right and waiting to put on,hanging in the wardrobe where his mum had left it with all his other blue tops,all together in a row. Perfect. Why couldn't he wear that one? She knew he liked the blue one better.

    The bedroom door opened behind him. 'Paul aren't you dressed yet'? his father asked,'it's almost time to go'. 'I want to wear my blue shirt', Paul replied, 'it's blue and blue is the colour of the sky and the sea and the bathroom walls and the van down the corner that leaves at 6.40 am and comes back at 5.15 pm'. Paul loved that van and worried when it wasn't back. Once it didn't come back for two whole days and he got so worried that his mum had to go and ask a neighbour where it was. Holidays they said,looking at Paul strangely behind her. He was clicking his fingers anxiously,trying to keep calm. He was happy when it came back.

    'I'm sorry son but you have to wear the black', do you want me to help you'? Resigned Paul looked at his father, 'No i can do it, but can i change afterwards'? 'Like straight away'? 'You should be able to change by three pm at the latest Paul' his father said, 'it should all be over and done with by then'. 'Mum would like to see me in black dad wouldn't she,she said when granny Mary of the yellow house died that i was very brave to wear my black shirt'. 'She would indeed Paul', his father smiled sadly, 'and i'm sure she's looking down at us today and is very proud'. 'Paul looked up at the sky, squinting against the sun. Mum had said that heaven wasn't actually in the sky but everyone always looked that way when they talked about it so maybe it was. As they stepped outside into the car he gave a quick wave to the clouds,just in case.


  • Registered Users Posts: 55,451 ✭✭✭✭Mr E


    Not to be picky, but that block of text is very hard to read. Any chance of some paragraphs, please? :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 537 ✭✭✭angelll


    Threw in a couple just for you ;).


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    "The hardest choice"

    The three of them ran through the dark moonless night, terror spurring them on to greater speeds. They were the last survivors of their midnight raid. But it was still a successful one: Jerome had the box safely stowed in his backpack.
    Adam could feel the burning in his lungs now, and his breath was coming short and shallow. He dared not stop for a moment, despite their growing lead. The forest was too full of hidden roots and drops; his footing too unsure; the danger of being caught too terrifying. He glanced back to see if there was any sign of their pursuers – a distant shadow, maybe, slightly darker than the rest. They had no need of torches. He shuddered.
    Suddenly, there was a cry from in front of him. He looked around to see Petra on the ground, her face as white as a sheet. Her leg stuck out at the wrong angle. He froze in sheer panic, before dropping beside her. She looked up at him, her blue eyes wide and full of pain and fear.

    Jerome stood over them, looking at them both. He had the look of a man who had something to say, and did not want to say it. Adam knew: no stopping for anyone. Not any of them. Getting that box away was the most important thing. But this was Petra. This was different.
    “I’m sorry, Petra,” said Jerome softly. “I’m really sorry. But we have to keep going. You have your knife. Goodbye.” His face taut with emotion, he walked a few steps away and waited for Adam, while keeping watch.
    Petra slowly withdrew her knife while Adam held her, not wanting to look. But her hand was shaking too strongly, and it fell from her grasp, bouncing out of her reach. Adam went to retrieve it, and looked at it there in his hand: that dull, cold metal.
    He knew he could not stay with her. They had to keep going. That cursed box had to be taken to safety, or all those deaths tonight would have been for nothing. They had all agreed this before setting out.
    But how could he leave her, to die alone? How could he leave her when the only alternative was to meet her fate at the hands of those monsters? A fate worse than death.
    Petra, who had been his closest friend since childhood. Petra, who had always been by his side. Petra, with her dancing eyes and rare smile. He held the knife, trapped by indecision. How could he ever make this choice? He wanted to throw back his head and scream at the unfairness of the world. His soul was being wrenched in half.
    “Adam, we have to leave. They will catch up soon.”
    He looked over at an impatient Jerome, and sighed. He was right, it was now or never.
    Petra lay there watching him, her eyes misty with pain, yet full of determination. “Go,” she whispered. “They’ll suffer not having the box anymore. Go, and make me proud. I won’t let them take me alive.”
    He sobbed aloud, a tear running down his cheek, passed her the knife, and kissed her forehead.
    “Goodbye. Goodbye, Petra.” His throat caught with countless words left unspoken. She smiled weakly at him and waved him on.
    He rose and ran to Jerome, who gripped his shoulder. Neither of them spoke a word; there was nothing they could possibly say. They ran on together through the forest, toward safety, with heavy hearts.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 12,746 ✭✭✭✭FewFew


    Tough choice. At the start I disliked Angell's, but once you realise it's a person with authism etc. then all the repetition is kinda forgiven. I really liked what I thought he/she was trying to achieve, with the focus on colours and specifics.

    Bluewolfie's one was great like her last shortie, now I REALLY want to know what's in the box. Tough. Certainly one to ponder over night.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,026 ✭✭✭diddlybit


    This is hard. Loved the narrative voice in the first and the intrigue created in the second (again.) Hmmm.


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Both very good and well written.
    Went with angelll's in the end - I imagined Paul as a man in his late thirties/early forties on my first read, and then went back and re-read it as if Paul were a child, so I liked the fact that we are never actually told how old he is and that really makes the story more effective.


  • Registered Users Posts: 537 ✭✭✭angelll


    Congratulations Bluewolf :). Really enjoyed your story. Thanks all for the lovely comments on mine :D
    Oh and i'm a she :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 55,451 ✭✭✭✭Mr E


    You still have until 21:09, angelll.

    I went with your story in the end. The theme (The Toughest Choice) was ironic, because both were really good!


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    Yeah another 40 mins and it looks to me like you're winning :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 537 ✭✭✭angelll


    Oh do i? I thought it ended at 3.30:o. Yay so,lol.


  • Registered Users Posts: 537 ✭✭✭angelll


    Ah it was good while it lasted :D Congratulations again Bluewolf ;)


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Bluewolf, I challenge thee to a duel!

    And the theme I propose, as choosen by a random theme generator is Overcoming Fear

    What say ye?

    LET'S DANCE!


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,746 ✭✭✭✭FewFew


    Damn! Forgot to vote! Oooh, next fight strikes me as an exciting one! Huzzah!


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 229 ✭✭lynchy101


    Ill challenge the winner between BlueWolf ad CaptainNegative.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    Bluewolf, I challenge thee to a duel!

    And the theme I propose, as choosen by a random theme generator is Overcoming Fear

    What say ye?

    LET'S DANCE!

    okay 1430 tomorrow


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Three days since I last slept. I had been training hard and learning quickly, but all the same I almost didn’t make it last time – I was lucky to get out alive. Billions of people already dead and this thing is far from over. Only the strongest, mentally and physically, have a chance of survival and I’ll be damned if I’m not one of them.

    Seven weeks the human race has been battling this ‘Epidemic’ (for lack of a better word) and it has been wiping out millions upon millions every single day. As long as we’re awake it can’t get us, but once we fall asleep, it’s literally a battle of life and death. When asleep, our consciousness creates obstacles for itself. Dangerous obstacles which if we fail to overcome our brains shut down and our physical bodies become lifeless. Our nightmares, our fears, began to kill us as we slept. No one knows why this suddenly happened, but the phrase, plagued by fear, has never been so apt.

    After the first few nights, word got around amongst the survivors, that those who trained their body and fed their mind knowledge throughout the day stood a better chance at battling their nightmares. There’s no way of knowing for sure if there’s any truth to that, of course, but it gives us hope. It gives me hope. And much like rock beats scissors, hope beats fear.

    Despite the fact that training my body and mind has kept me alive this long, I was still scared to death of letting myself drift off. I have been going 3 or 4 days at a time without sleeping, and it has been taking its toll. If I continue to go so long between sleeps, my consciousness will manage to trip me up somehow, and then I’m done for anyway.

    I figure if I start to sleep every night, I’ll increase my chances of waking up again the next day, as I’ll be more focused. The downside is, as I’m sleeping more frequently, risk of eternal slumber also increases. It could merely turn out that I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Either way, it’s time to head off and face fear itself. See you when I wake. If I wake. Sweet dreams…


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    "overcoming fear"

    I went back to the stables every day after the accident. Familiar faces greeted me, both human and equine. I helped out with tasks that needed to be done, and I loved it as much as I ever had over the past years. But there was one stall, one horse I could not look at again. One I avoided, trying not to think about it. And when I watched the lessons, the students and their horses cantering around the arena, that little ball of dread in the pit of my stomach was always there.
    Jane saw me watching and came over after one of today’s lessons. I smiled; she had always been my favourite instructor.
    “I think it’s time you got back up again,” she said with no preamble.
    Instantly, a wave of paralysis washed over me and that sinking feeling grew.
    “I – I can’t….”
    “If you leave it too long, Hanna, you never will. If you had been in any state for it, we would have insisted you get straight back up for a minute. But you’ve recovered, so if you ever want to ride again, you need to do it now.”
    At that moment, I was tempted to say I didn’t care if I never rode again. But I knew that wasn’t true. I acquiesced and allowed myself to be brought into the nearly-empty arena, staring at the ground and trying to calm my frantic self. I was trembling all over.
    We stopped, and I looked up. Had I thought I was paralysed before? I was made of stone now; there was a rushing in my ears and my sight disappeared down a narrow tunnel. My breath was caught.
    I wanted to turn and bolt. Every fibre of me was telling me to run home and hide.
    Polly’s big soft eyes looked at me, and she whickered. Her nose immediately went toward my pockets questing for treats, as of old. My hand reached out of its own accord and stroked her familiarly; I looked toward Jane and demanded to know with my glare what she thought she was doing. I had spent the last couple of weeks avoiding Polly, the sight of her bringing back what had happened. It wasn’t her fault, but I couldn’t help myself.
    Jane held Polly’s bridle and just nodded toward Polly at me. She had probably been through this a dozen times with nervous and skittish students. Not that that made it any easier for me.
    I stroked down Polly’s neck and steeled myself against the instinct to flee. I could do this; I must do this. I jumped up.
    Now, the ground was impossibly far away. I didn’t remember Polly being this tall. I was not one to be afraid of heights, but this was dizzying. I held the reins in my hand, sitting there like some statue, rigid and trembling, with none of my former ease. We began to walk.


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,746 ✭✭✭✭FewFew


    Tough enough decision, but I like Blue Wolf's descriptive ways, I could really picture the scene. Captain Negative's was cool too, but it felt like the intro to a much longer piece, one that I'd be interested to read, but as a unit it just felt a bit under developed.


  • Registered Users Posts: 55,451 ✭✭✭✭Mr E


    I went for Cap's. Out of the two stories, it was the one that made me want to read more.


  • Registered Users Posts: 87 ✭✭CdeP


    Great stuff guys.

    Might give this a go myself sometime. After the Leaving, of course...


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,746 ✭✭✭✭FewFew


    Mr E wrote: »
    I went for Cap's. Out of the two stories, it was the one that made me want to read more.

    I agree, it did make me want to read more, but it didn't feel like a complete piece to me, so while I'm sure it'd be a more interesting adventure than the scared pony girl, if that existed in isolation I can't see it being satisfying. GIVE ME MOAR! :D


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    Fewcifur wrote: »
    I agree, it did make me want to read more, but it didn't feel like a complete piece to me, so while I'm sure it'd be a more interesting adventure than the scared pony girl, if that existed in isolation I can't see it being satisfying. GIVE ME MOAR! :D

    I received criticism from my last piece that it sounded like a part of something larger, so this time i left it self contained :pac::pac::pac::pac:


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  • Registered Users Posts: 12,746 ✭✭✭✭FewFew


    bluewolf wrote: »
    I received criticism from my last piece that it sounded like a part of something larger, so this time i left it self contained :pac::pac::pac::pac:

    I just read back and I can see no such criticism... was it self criticism? I actually thought you were going to get a box-based novel written if you kept up your winning streak :)


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