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Getting 3 year old to sleep through the night

  • 24-05-2021 9:49am
    #1
    passingthrough
    Registered Users Posts: 529 ✭✭✭


    Small bit of backstory first. Our son used to be a great sleeper up until he was 2. Slept in his cot and bed on his own for most of the night. Then our second child arrived and due to space I moved into his bed for a while. We moved back to Ireland a few months later and lived with parents, again I slept with my son due to space or lack of.

    We moved to where we are now and I slept in his bed again while we/he settled into the new house and area.

    Alongside all of this we had terrible issues with our daughters sleep and still do. I've never known or heard of a child who slept worse than our daughter so we kinda focused on getting her to sleep better while I stayed in with our son.

    Almost a year later in the 'new' house we are trying to get our son to sleep on his own but he wakes on average 4 times a night and always ends up in the bed with me. Neither of us are getting enough sleep but have no idea how to break the habit/routine. I try to out him back in his bed but he says he's scared and starts to cry so I just bring him in with me.

    A lot of this is a problem of our own making but we are where we are and desperately looking for advice on what we should do. Has anyone been in a similar situation that they managed to change.

    (Hope this makes sense, he woke at 12, 3, 5 and 6 last night/this morning so my brain isn't really working too well.)


Comments

  • #2
    noplacehere
    Registered Users Posts: 502 ✭✭✭noplacehere


    Have you tried progression? And the "You are a big boy now", maybe a new duvet etc?

    I set up a bad habit with my 2 year old for this, falling asleep on the floor beside him. When we eventually tackled it he got a new bed (bunk bed with his brother) and we did me sitting beside him (not looking at him), then me moving to a chair, then the doorway (lots of tears then!) and finally into the bedroom next door when falling asleep. It was hard to break though not going to lie!


  • #3
    passingthrough
    Registered Users Posts: 529 ✭✭✭passingthrough


    noplacehere wrote: »
    Have you tried progression? And the "You are a big boy now", maybe a new duvet etc?

    I set up a bad habit with my 2 year old for this, falling asleep on the floor beside him. When we eventually tackled it he got a new bed (bunk bed with his brother) and we did me sitting beside him (not looking at him), then me moving to a chair, then the doorway (lots of tears then!) and finally into the bedroom next door when falling asleep. It was hard to break though not going to lie!

    Ye we did that, painted his room, put up some bookshelves, made a nice new room because he's a big boy now.

    The actual getting to sleep is ok, we'll read 3 books together and then I turn off the light and stay with him until he falls asleep. And he knows that I leave then.

    It's the waking during the night and the coming into bed with me. Maybe it'll have to be a case of just telling him he has to sleep in his own room and he can't come in with me.


  • #4
    noplacehere
    Registered Users Posts: 502 ✭✭✭noplacehere


    passingthrough wrote: »
    Ye we did that, painted his room, put up some bookshelves, made a nice new room because he's a big boy now.

    The actual getting to sleep is ok, we'll read 3 books together and then I turn off the light and stay with him until he falls asleep. And he knows that I leave then.

    It's the waking during the night and the coming into bed with me. Maybe it'll have to be a case of just telling him he has to sleep in his own room and he can't come in with me.

    He needs to go to sleep under the same conditions he is expected to go back to sleep in at night. That’s why we had to change bedtime routine. He needed me with him to fall back to sleep which was unsustainable as it was me up waiting for him to fall asleep


  • #5
    gudede
    Registered Users Posts: 624 ✭✭✭gudede


    Feel your pain and sadly can’t offer any advice.

    Two boys (4 & 1), both wake up banging or screaming various times at night.


  • #6
    passingthrough
    Registered Users Posts: 529 ✭✭✭passingthrough


    noplacehere wrote: »
    He needs to go to sleep under the same conditions he is expected to go back to sleep in at night. That’s why we had to change bedtime routine. He needed me with him to fall back to sleep which was unsustainable as it was me up waiting for him to fall asleep

    Ah ok, so he has to go to sleep on his own initially in the evening, same as it would be during the night. I'll give this a go.


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  • #7
    noplacehere
    Registered Users Posts: 502 ✭✭✭noplacehere


    passingthrough wrote: »
    Ah ok, so he has to go to sleep on his own initially in the evening, same as it would be during the night. I'll give this a go.

    Yeah sorry my post was a bit backwards there I forgot to say that! It was suggested to me that he isn't learning to fall asleep by himself so he doesn't know how to go back to sleep either.

    We started with fixing bedtime and we've done a lot of "What happens when we wake up at night?", "Close our eyes and go back to sleep". Things are much better. Not perfect, but much better. He's still up once a night
    maybe 1-2 a week but it was every night and multiple times a night too


  • #8
    bee06
    Registered Users Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    I have a 3.5 year old who is awful at the moment as well. Is having very vivid dreams and shouting in his sleep. Wakes most nights and comes into us.

    He had a similar phase at around 2.5 when we had a new arrival as well.

    No advice but feel your pain!


  • #9
    annoyedgal
    Registered Users Posts: 769 ✭✭✭annoyedgal


    My daughter slept in my bed until she was 2 and then I had to move her to her own room and bed.
    It was a big move for her as she was completely used to the comfort of having someone there, similar to your son.
    It wasn't easy. We did the same as you , new bed, duvet etc and made a big deal of the big girl bed.
    Initially she would wake a few times a night and it was was exhausting settling her. We would end up lying beside her in a cramped single!
    Eventually we just took the small victory of her falling asleep there and staying for a few hours. If she woke we brought her into the bed for an easy life. Gradually she got better and better at longer stretches and then started sleeping through.
    She just needed time to get used to the new set up and I suppose the comfort of knowing we were still there when needed.
    Not a quick fix I'm afraid but it will get better and it will pass. I'm a big believer in an easy life at night so if bringing him in during the night works maybe roll with it for now. It will get better.


  • #10
    notAMember
    Registered Users Posts: 1,637 ✭✭✭notAMember


    Goodness you must all be exhausted! And your daughter still sleeps in your bed or room too, and also wakes?


    I agree with the others above, that he must figure out how to go to sleep without you there, so he is not frightened later. Having a special soft toy he cuddles may help.

    Watch for anything that might be waking him too. Having too much to drink at bedtime for example. Make sure the bladder is empty before he goes to sleep.

    Another one can be nighttime sounds, like heating systems coming on, washing machine spin cycles, cuckoo clocks. Other people moving around in the house. Bin trucks outside. See if you can think if there are any of those happening.


  • #11
    SnowyMuckish
    Registered Users Posts: 858 ✭✭✭SnowyMuckish


    What about a ‘gro clock’? It comes with a story book you set bed time and the time they are allowed out of their bed. The clock changes colour so your LO knows what’s expected of them? It worked for my first when he transitioned to the big boy bed.

    It does take time, a friend of mine’s child slept in their bed until they were 4.

    I’m in a similar situation myself with our 2nd, he wakes three or four times a night and ends in our bed and transferred back when he falls back asleep. He’s still a little young at 19months and Im taking the easy route out now at the moment (as midnight battles don’t suit busy work schedules)and letting him in. hopefully when he’s a little older he’ll understand enough to reason with him.


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  • #12
    fits
    Registered Users Posts: 13,248 ✭✭✭✭fits


    Everyone who regularly reads this forum will know that I’m a big advocate of co sleeping - when they are babies.

    My twins don’t come into our bed. They’ve tried it a couple of times but it doesn’t work for anyone. If either wake I will go to them and either get in for a short time or stand beside bed until they settle. I mostly get a full nights sleep now but it took time.


  • #13
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,759 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    It might not be a popular opinion, but buy a double bed and sleep with him until he no longer needs you to. He's 3. He's a baby! Sleeping beside him isn't going to do any lasting damage. He's not going to still need you sleeping beside him when he's 14/15!!

    Buy a double bed. Stay beside him. These are long days, but short years. I have a 12 year old who I slept beside for about 6 months or so at that age. He eventually didn't need me anymore, and now at 12 I'm practically redundant! Enjoy your time with them when they're so little. Soon enough he'll be a "big boy" and won't want you hanging around.

    Do whatever it takes to get a good night's sleep for everyone.


  • #14
    fits
    Registered Users Posts: 13,248 ✭✭✭✭fits


    Big Bag of Chips wrote: »
    It might not be a popular opinion, but buy a double bed and sleep with him until he no longer needs you to. He's 3. He's a baby! Sleeping beside him isn't going to do any lasting damage. He's not going to still need you sleeping beside him when he's 14/15!!

    Buy a double bed. Stay beside him. These are long days, but short years. I have a 12 year old who I slept beside for about 6 months or so at that age. He eventually didn't need me anymore, and now at 12 I'm practically redundant! Enjoy your time with them when they're so little. Soon enough he'll be a "big boy" and won't want you hanging around.

    Do whatever it takes to get a good night's sleep for everyone.

    Yeah one of mine sleeps in a double bed. His sleep was very disturbed until recently and it’s been a life saver. We just bought him a mid sleeper. He’s probably nearly ready for it. ( not sure I am though).


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