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My girlfriend received sex videos from my bestfriend

  • 20-02-2021 10:16am
    #1
    Anythingany123
    Registered Users Posts: 2 ✭


    So, I go to work leave my best friend and girlfriend behind in my house. They are joking about setting up an only fans account etc. and looking up girls pages on it. (Iv no problem with this as its only fun) My friend then leaves my house and returns home. However, later that evening while I’m in work my girlfriend texts me saying that my best friend ‘is a kinky ****er’. I ask how she knows this and she tells me laughing on the phone that he sent her sex videos of him and his woman having sex. I am concerned about this as it crosses the line on both my girlfriend and best friends behalf. My girlfriend never let me know this until hours later and took it as no big deal. I feel the fact she didn’t let me know about this sooner and continued to message my best friend back meant she played her part in initiating this. Any advice?


Comments

  • #2
    costacorta
    Registered Users Posts: 478 ✭✭costacorta


    Anythingany123 wrote: »
    So, I go to work leave my best friend and girlfriend behind in my house. They are joking about setting up an only fans account etc. and looking up girls pages on it. (Iv no problem with this as its only fun) My friend then leaves my house and returns home. However, later that evening while I’m in work my girlfriend texts me saying that my best friend ‘is a kinky ****er’. I ask how she knows this and she tells me laughing on the phone that he sent her sex videos of him and his woman having sex. I am concerned about this as it crosses the line on both my girlfriend and best friends behalf. My girlfriend never let me know this until hours later and took it as no big deal. I feel the fact she didn’t let me know about this sooner and continued to message my best friend back meant she played her part in initiating this. Any advice?

    So your best friend sending videos of himself and his girlfriend having sex to your girlfriend while you’re at work??

    As his best friend surely it’s you he should be sending them too ? Unless your not his best friend if you get my drift !!.


  • #3
    beerguts
    Registered Users Posts: 266 ✭✭beerguts


    costacorta wrote: »
    So your best friend sending videos of himself and his girlfriend having sex to your girlfriend while you’re at work??

    As his best friend surely it’s you he should be sending them too ? Unless your not his best friend if you get my drift !!.

    Call him out on it. The prick has the hots for your girlfriend and is obviously showing her what he thinks she want to get a bit of action off.
    You are obviously not his friend BTW if he is doing this ****.


  • #4
    Rayoneill90
    Registered Users Posts: 2 ✭Rayoneill90


    Prob just harmless fun brought on by them joking about only fans? My mate has on occasion sent videos like this with the missus on Snapchat as a joke to our friend group.

    Did she send stuff back? Have you any reason to not trust her?


  • #5
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,061 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Moved here as it's a better fit Anythingany123. Local forum rules apply

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #6
    pepefloyd
    Registered Users Posts: 19 ✭pepefloyd


    Do you know if his woman is ok with him sharing videos of her with others?
    I honestly cant think whats "fun" about sharing this to third people unless you were a group of swingers or something along those lines. We dont know the dynamics of your friendship but to me it sounds like he is trying to get your girlfriend to see him sexually. Personally I would confront him and stay away from a "friend" like this.


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  • #7
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,651 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    I don’t get them joking about setting up an only fans account to look at pictures of girls together - I mean isn’t that what a couple might do? That’s the first off thing to me.

    Then the video sending -major red flag for her not seeing it as a big deal and him for sending it. Sounds like major flirting and only a couple of steps away from sliding into cheating territory.

    And yeah - as somebody else pointed out what about the girl he was having sex with in the video...one would hope she knows about it otherwise that’s a horrendous breach of trust/privacy.


  • #8
    Mystery Egg
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 2,579 Mod ✭✭✭✭Mystery Egg


    You all sound like you have no boundaries and lack maturity.

    If his girlfriend is unaware of this, this is a disturbing betrayal of her privacy.

    Unless you're all sexually involved with each other by agreement you should consider having a chat with all of them about drawing some lines. I can't see this ending well.


  • #9
    Mrs OBumble
    Registered Users Posts: 25,656 ✭✭✭✭Mrs OBumble


    Anythingany123 wrote: »
    lAny advice?

    Make some new friends.


  • #10
    Caranica
    Registered Users Posts: 9,999 ✭✭✭Caranica


    You need to get over being annoyed at your girlfriend for waiting for hours to tell you.

    1. She did not have to tell you.
    2. She does not have to instantly report any communications to you.
    3. Telling you at all was more than she needed to do.
    4. Waiting to tell you does NOT mean she played a part in initiating it.

    Sounds like you need to have a chat with your girlfriend and friend but I can't see how you can keep either of them in your life if you're this uptight about them.


  • #11
    PmMeUrDogs
    Registered Users Posts: 699 ✭✭✭PmMeUrDogs


    I'd be making his partner aware that he's sharing intimate videos of her...

    Sounds like a ridiculous, immature situation. Why are your friend and your girlfriend having sex talk and why is she seemingly okay with receiving his sex videos?



    You need new friends and your girlfriend needs to learn boundaries.


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  • #12
    Rodin
    Registered Users Posts: 3,130 ✭✭✭Rodin


    Anythingany123 wrote: »
    So, I go to work leave my best friend and girlfriend behind in my house. They are joking about setting up an only fans account etc. and looking up girls pages on it. (Iv no problem with this as its only fun) My friend then leaves my house and returns home. However, later that evening while I’m in work my girlfriend texts me saying that my best friend ‘is a kinky ****er’. I ask how she knows this and she tells me laughing on the phone that he sent her sex videos of him and his woman having sex. I am concerned about this as it crosses the line on both my girlfriend and best friends behalf. My girlfriend never let me know this until hours later and took it as no big deal. I feel the fact she didn’t let me know about this sooner and continued to message my best friend back meant she played her part in initiating this. Any advice?

    Dump them both.


  • #13
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 18,749 ✭✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    Caranica wrote: »
    You need to get over being annoyed at your girlfriend for waiting for hours to tell you.

    1. She did not have to tell you.
    2. She does not have to instantly report any communications to you.
    3. Telling you at all was more than she needed to do.
    4. Waiting to tell you does NOT mean she played a part in initiating it.

    Sounds like you need to have a chat with your girlfriend and friend but I can't see how you can keep either of them in your life if you're this uptight about them.

    While I agree with 1 to 4, you are not uptight OP, your girlfriend and best friend are flirting and very close to acting on it.
    He sent her a video of himself having sex ffs, I don't know in what world this could be ok? Unless ye are all ok with sharing/swoping. Doesn't sound like you are.

    And that's not even starting on whether his girlfriend knows he is sharing videos of her having sex!


  • #14
    km991148
    Registered Users Posts: 4,275 ✭✭✭km991148


    Is it wrong my biggest annoyence with this is the potentially illegal indoor gathering?? :pac:


    Seriously tho OP ask your friend wtf was that all about and set some boundaries around what you find acceptable for this friendship to continue. Speak to your gf about how you both feel about this.


  • #15
    Rayoneill90
    Registered Users Posts: 2 ✭Rayoneill90


    What’s your girlfriend saying about all this?

    There’s a lot of different ways to look at it. Without knowing the people, relationship and situation it’s hard to answer.
    He could fancy your girlfriend trying to initiate sex or he could be just joking around and being naive and thinking you would also see the funny side to it?
    Maybe you and him talk all the time about sex and he didn’t think anything of it?
    If you were ok with them looking on onlyfans maybe they thought you would be ok with that too?
    Maybe she was into him, maybe there’s a thing between them, but also maybe she was disgusted by it and saw it was wrong and that’s why she told you? She didn’t have to tell you?
    Maybe it’s going on a while between them and these aren’t the first snaps? Or maybe she’s being naive seeing the wrong when things got out of hand and that’s why she told you while laughing about it.

    Is she defending herself and saying she didn’t do anything wrong or is she apologetic and talking to you about it?

    There’s a lot of different ways to look at it. Just talk to your girlfriend and see what she’s saying. It’s a very immature thing to happen and an immature fight between partners and friends. Only you know your relationship.


  • #16
    lawred2
    Registered Users Posts: 24,257 ✭✭✭✭lawred2


    Rayoneill90 wrote: »
    Prob just harmless fun brought on by them joking about only fans? My mate has on occasion sent videos like this with the missus on Snapchat as a joke to our friend group.

    Did she send stuff back? Have you any reason to not trust her?

    I feel old.. this is a joke?


  • #17
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,651 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    lawred2 wrote: »
    I feel old.. this is a joke?

    I’m glad I’m old if this is the new norm


  • #18
    GingerLily
    Registered Users Posts: 4,767 ✭✭✭GingerLily


    lawred2 wrote: »
    I feel old.. this is a joke?

    Unless the other girlfriend has consented to sharing these images and videos, it's either illegal or soon to be illegal (coco's law) and either way its highly immoral.


  • #19
    GingerLily
    Registered Users Posts: 4,767 ✭✭✭GingerLily


    What you friend did OP is unforgivable, he's betrayed you and his girlfriend, and you can't trust him.

    It's up to you to decide if you can trust you girlfriend, she received it and did tell you, but it sounds like they were both acting in some way inappropriately.

    Some people are bad at standing up for themselves when someone is making them uncomfortable, but she could be just as guilty as your friend, you'll have to decide.


  • #20
    Airyfairy12
    Registered Users Posts: 3,389 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    This is so strange, id run a mile from all of you!
    The whole thing just sounds weird and overly close for comfort.

    Does his girlfriend know he's sending videos of them having sex? Is he trying to get your girlfriend to have a threesome? By the sounds of it your girlfriend might be up for that.


  • #21
    Sonic the Shaghog
    Registered Users Posts: 594 ✭✭✭Sonic the Shaghog


    Caranica wrote: »
    You need to get over being annoyed at your girlfriend for waiting for hours to tell you.

    1. She did not have to tell you.
    2. She does not have to instantly report any communications to you.
    3. Telling you at all was more than she needed to do.
    4. Waiting to tell you does NOT mean she played a part in initiating it.

    Sounds like you need to have a chat with your girlfriend and friend but I can't see how you can keep either of them in your life if you're this uptight about them.

    What an extremely odd view.

    It's not like he's some controlling nutter that suspects her of everything and wants a run down of every little thing.

    His friend sent her videos of him having sex ffs. I don't know a single person that wouldn't be seriously concerned if their fella/girl had got a sex video from their friend and said nothing about it. Any normal person would be "John wtf Paul just sent me a video of him having sex the creep"

    If any of my best friends sent me a video of them riding some wan I'd say nothing but be thinking Jesus TMI I don't want to see your length of wavin. It sounds OP like she's up for it with your "friend" tbh.


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  • #22
    Caranica
    Registered Users Posts: 9,999 ✭✭✭Caranica


    Sonic the Shaghog wrote: »
    What an extremely odd view.

    It's not like he's some controlling nutter that suspects her of everything and wants a run down of every little thing.

    His friend sent her videos of him having sex ffs. I don't know a single person that wouldn't be seriously concerned if their fella/girl had got a sex video from their friend and said nothing about it. Any normal person would be "John wtf Paul just sent me a video of him having sex the creep"

    If any of my best friends sent me a video of them riding some wan I'd say nothing but be thinking Jesus TMI I don't want to see your length of wavin. It sounds OP like she's up for it with your "friend" tbh.

    OP said that because his gf didn't tell him about the video for a few hours that she played a part in initiating it. Which is an extremely odd view. I gave my 2c on that view.

    That is based on what the OP told us, not supposition as to what his gf is or is not "up for".

    I hope the OP has had conversations with the people in question today and has clarity.


  • #23
    Idle Passerby
    Registered Users Posts: 1,120 ✭✭✭Idle Passerby


    There's so many weird aspects to this story. Your friend and girlfriend "joking" about watching amatuer porn together. Him sending her a wildly inappropriate video, the fact she thought it was funny rather than disturbing. And that you seem to think it's her fault that he's a creep.

    My take is: he's a creep and she's as odd for thinking his behaviour is normal.


  • #24
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Caranica wrote: »
    OP said that because his gf didn't tell him about the video for a few hours that she played a part in initiating it. Which is an extremely odd view. I gave my 2c on that view.

    That is based on what the OP told us, not supposition as to what his gf is or is not "up for"..


    This.
    I don’t get this.
    Ya his friend is totally in the wrong. Even if it was innocent and just a joke.
    But how does the girlfriend delaying telling him for a few hours means she initiated it and joined in and got a kick from it?
    OP, What makes you think she was the one who started it? Did she sent snaps back? We’re you talking to her in between this happened and her telling you? As you said you were at work perhaps she couldn’t reach you/didn’t want to bother you? Maybe the laughing was just that he was being a creep?


    I feel there’s more to her side than you’re telling.


  • #25
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Anythingany123 wrote: »
    However, later that evening while I’m in work my girlfriend texts me saying that my best friend ‘is a kinky ****er’. I ask how she knows this and she tells me laughing on the phone that he sent her sex videos of him and his woman having sex. My girlfriend never let me know this until hours later and took it as no big deal.

    This is what I mean.

    You could rewrite this as “my girlfriend let me know that my friend was being a creep as he sent her a sex videos of him and his woman having sex. My girlfriend was honest and told me about it and didn’t think it was anything serious”

    You need to talk to her and get her side of the story.
    And talk to him and see do the stories add up.


  • #26
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    OP, this situation is frankly alive with red flags.

    Firstly, your friend doesn't give a toss about you. I reckon he's tagging along with you and entertaining you to get to your GF. You don't say how long you've been friends but I'm guessing not that long. True good decent friends don't act like this, it's not normal OP. From your post, although I may be wrong here, it doesn't sound like all three of you have a certain understating. Your friend also doesn't give a toss about his GF so why should he care about you?

    Secondly, your GF. I find it odd she thinks this is a laughing matter, but you know her better than I. Perhaps that is her kind of humor but I would be having a very serious conversation about this with her and I would then be cutting contact with your "friend" (which should be a given, please don't be taken for a fool here OP) and your GF would want to be doing that also. Right now. No excuses.

    If there is some resistance to that, then I think you have got your answer as to what is really or potentially beginning to really happen here. She should have done it right away although she may have her own fairly valid reasons for waiting to tell you. In any event, realistically, you both know what to do with this issue at hand and what she does/doesn't do or say will be very telling.

    Thread very carefully here OP.


  • #27
    stateofflux
    Registered Users Posts: 1,563 ✭✭✭stateofflux


    What i would do:

    The best friend: i would never talk to again - gone
    your girlfriend: either 'strike 1' (in your mind only, i wouldn't bother saying anything to her as it will come across as controlling) or dump if this is one of many red flag incidents.

    If she continues to see him after you have cut contact with him then definitely breakup time., unless she was friends with him before she met you, then things get complicated.

    It comes to down to respect.


  • #28
    simongurnick
    Registered Users Posts: 1,919 ✭✭✭simongurnick


    Drop both of them. And you are a bigger fool if you think looking at only fans pages together is just good craic.
    Your friend wants to bang your gf and she sounds up for it.


  • #29
    Tokyo
    Politics Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,655 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    Mod: Advice seems to be pretty consistent OP. Best of luck.


This discussion has been closed.
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