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08-03-2020, 05:43   #3826
peddlelies
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22 days.

Wicked anxiety over the weekend but have gotten through it. 3-4 weeks mark has been mentioned by a lot of people in this thread as particularly bad and I think there's a lot of truth in it.
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08-03-2020, 06:23   #3827
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Haven’t had a drink yet in 2020. Really feeling good about it. Other option is to have a drink every single day, not fall down or anything not even get drunk but just have to have at least 4 pints and some tinnies. Waste of too many years like this. Would love the ability to just have a drink occasionally but it’s not like that for me unfortunately. Stick with it people it’s so much better not wondering when you’re first drink of the day is gonna be
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10-03-2020, 16:44   #3828
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From Saturday night I’ve consumed two 70cl bottles of vodka aswell as two half bottles !! Disgusted and fed up! Had nothing today but been reading into things, and I have to accept that I can’t have any relationship with alcohol what so ever!! I wouldn’t say I crave alcohol, I could go a week or two without any, but when I do decide to have a drink I just don’t know when to stop at times and I’ve notice it gradually get worse until here I am! Feeling positive considering ðŸ‘ðŸ»
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10-03-2020, 17:12   #3829
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From Saturday night I’ve consumed two 70cl bottles of vodka aswell as two half bottles !! Disgusted and fed up! Had nothing today but been reading into things, and I have to accept that I can’t have any relationship with alcohol what so ever!! I wouldn’t say I crave alcohol, I could go a week or two without any, but when I do decide to have a drink I just don’t know when to stop at times and I’ve notice it gradually get worse until here I am! Feeling positive considering ðŸ‘ðŸ»
You are in a good spot in recognising your behaviour and acknowledging that what's going on isn't right and it cant go on.

Why not put together a plan now? Talk to someone? Maybe think about going to a meeting?

All you have to do is concentrate on your next move. Concentrate on the next hour, then the hour after that.
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10-03-2020, 18:57   #3830
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You are in a good spot in recognising your behaviour and acknowledging that what's going on isn't right and it cant go on.

Why not put together a plan now? Talk to someone? Maybe think about going to a meeting?

All you have to do is concentrate on your next move. Concentrate on the next hour, then the hour after that.
Yeah, I’ve mentioned it to my close friends before, they laugh and be like ‘wise up you’re not an alcoholic you just love a good sesh every now and then’ so I think maybe having a serious talk with them is a good idea, weather they believe I am or not, I know I am. I may not drink every day, or every week for that matter, but I can’t control it when I do.
My dads functioning alcoholic and 3 of my aunts (his sisters) are AA members 15+ years, it’s in the genes. I know the smart thing to do is approach them, but I’m not ready to have that chat with them and to be honest I don’t know how comfortable I’d be with them, although I know they’d be very kind.
I’m fine at the minute, like I don’t crave alcohol, it’s just the realisation that yes I have a problem, and I’m better address it now before it escalates anymore, the further into the woods I go the harder it’ll be to get back out!
But I’ve really enjoyed reading this thread and feel good that this is the start of me taking responsibility for myself
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10-03-2020, 19:42   #3831
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Yeah, I’ve mentioned it to my close friends before, they laugh and be like ‘wise up you’re not an alcoholic you just love a good sesh every now and then’ so I think maybe having a serious talk with them is a good idea, weather they believe I am or not, I know I am. I may not drink every day, or every week for that matter, but I can’t control it when I do.
My dads functioning alcoholic and 3 of my aunts (his sisters) are AA members 15+ years, it’s in the genes. I know the smart thing to do is approach them, but I’m not ready to have that chat with them and to be honest I don’t know how comfortable I’d be with them, although I know they’d be very kind.
I’m fine at the minute, like I don’t crave alcohol, it’s just the realisation that yes I have a problem, and I’m better address it now before it escalates anymore, the further into the woods I go the harder it’ll be to get back out!
But I’ve really enjoyed reading this thread and feel good that this is the start of me taking responsibility for myself
Your friends won't change their perspective so I wouldn't bother with them. When I quit I didn't understand why my friends were actually working against me. They do it to protect their own relationship with alcohol.

I battled in the last 3 years knowing my mother is an alcoholic and thinking I was just following in her steps, blaming the genetics. But it isn't that simple. Maybe we are inclined to follow behaviours we are around but we are our own people. Our own decisions.

I think you are at a cross roads of realising what the problem is and trying to work out what you want to do next. Maybe book an appointment with your GP for bloodtests and explain to them you think you have a problem and see what they suggest.

There are a few books that are worth reading too. They aren't magical wands but I found I could resonate with a chapter or two and that's all I needed.

Whatever you do and whenever you do it,i honestly wish you the best of luck in what you try.
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10-03-2020, 20:44   #3832
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Thanks, you’re very kind and I appreciate your advice!!

Any particular books you’d recommend?

I’m probably very naive, but I’m relieved and excited in away, although I know chances are I could fall off the band wagon a few times by reading others experiences and it’s not always going to be easy.
I’m just moseying to see if there’s any type of support group around my area, even for chats and just sharing journey with similar people. I know the AA is everywhere, but with my family that’s just too close for comfort I don’t think that would work at all, probably hinder me more than anything. Worse case scenario I suppose I could travel to different area.

I’m in Donegal, so if anyone who comes across this is aware of anything I’d appreciate any direction. I don’t mind having to travel within reason
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10-03-2020, 22:00   #3833
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Thanks, you’re very kind and I appreciate your advice!!

Any particular books you’d recommend?

I’m probably very naive, but I’m relieved and excited in away, although I know chances are I could fall off the band wagon a few times by reading others experiences and it’s not always going to be easy.
I’m just moseying to see if there’s any type of support group around my area, even for chats and just sharing journey with similar people. I know the AA is everywhere, but with my family that’s just too close for comfort I don’t think that would work at all, probably hinder me more than anything. Worse case scenario I suppose I could travel to different area.

I’m in Donegal, so if anyone who comes across this is aware of anything I’d appreciate any direction. I don’t mind having to travel within reason
I read Allen Carr, how to quit alcohol, stopped half way, continued drinking but revisited it in a different frame of mind and found it valuable
Catherine Grey - the unexpected job of being sober. Found this book good to handle social situations and how to recognise triggers etc and it's fairly light hearted too

A big thing for me at the start was just getting myself out of situstions where I would fail. I couldn't have just the one. 10 pints was the norm. That turned to 12 /16 pints. Obsessed with lock ins. But the final straw was I recognised how my personality changed when drunk.
I got involved with an email support group with daily checkins which was good, kept me focused.
Lifering have meetings too, they also have an online chat form which might be beneficial to find like minded people.

If you fall off the wagon, don't be hard on yourself. I tried to quit over a number of years but it clicked with me the last time I quit and I'm rolling with it and enjoying it.
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11-03-2020, 18:24   #3834
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Read through this thread and the non-drinkers forum for starters, I constantly recommend the stopdrinking subreddit on here.

https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/

Best of luck to you.
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12-03-2020, 10:39   #3835
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Any particular books you’d recommend?
I've been recommending these books a lot recently on Boards because I really found they helped me to change my mindset and be happy to stay sober - I was very like you OP, could go days / weeks without even thinking about drinking but once I started I could very rarely stop and would wind up with dreadful anxiety and hangovers as a result.
Life has improved so much since I stopped that I'm excited for you to get started on the road to recovery and feel the same way!

This Naked Mind - Annie Grace - fabulous for helping your subconscious mind catch up with your conscious mind and understand the lies you tell yourself to keep drinking.

The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober - Catherine Gray - a lighter read that is entertaining and helps you overcome those awkward things you have to do after quitting like dating / dancing etc.

Alcohol Explained - William Porter - very factual explanation from an ex drinker of what alcohol actually does to our bodies and minds.

Other than that I like the no-drinking social media accounts of pages like 'One Year No Beer', 'Sober Girls Society', 'Millie Gooch' and 'Club Soda' as well as the stop drinking reddit.

The very best of luck and keep updating here with your progress as it helps your accountability too.
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21-03-2020, 08:48   #3836
peddlelies
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22 days.

Wicked anxiety over the weekend but have gotten through it. 3-4 weeks mark has been mentioned by a lot of people in this thread as particularly bad and I think there's a lot of truth in it.
35 days, depression/anxiety cloud is starting to lift. First time in years I've felt so mentally focused - the past week it was 1 bad day then the next good then back to bad in waves, but the past two days were good. There was NO good days when I was drinking.
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24-03-2020, 16:59   #3837
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Just thought I'd share this schedule for outside AA meetings in Dublin, might be of use to some with the way things are at the moment.
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04-04-2020, 05:12   #3838
peddlelies
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Still off the wagon, I'll try break down how the past 50 days were for me as a regular binge drinker.

First few days the usual hangover symptoms with bad depression/anxiety.

Around day 5 felt pretty good but that last only lasted a day or two. Following couple of weeks anxiety and depression still there but not extreme. Trying to do anything that required long periods of concentration would result in severe anxiety, agitation and sweating.

Around 30 days my mind just went totally clear but it was very short lived, it lasted for about three days of mental clarity. After that I experienced the worst anxiety/depression so far, extremely intense and it almost broke me. This kept up for a few days then would revert to the exact opposite, pure elation and optimism. For about 10 days my emotions were up and down, one day I'd feel terrible and the next really good.

The past week there's been no highs or lows, my mood has stabilized to somewhere in between. There's still some anxiety there but it's manageable and I feel like every day that passes my emotions and mood are leveling out, there's no major swings.

I won't update for a good while just felt like writing down the emotional roller-coaster of the past 50 days while it's fresh in my head. I hope eventually I'll get back to a level of those couple of days of pure calmness and mental clarity, it was an incredible feeling and make me remember what my life and mind was like a long time ago. Anxiety/Depression are horrible things.

GL everyone hope all stay safe in these crazy times with covid19
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19-04-2020, 13:33   #3839
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I've been recommending these books a lot recently on Boards because I really found they helped me to change my mindset and be happy to stay sober - I was very like you OP, could go days / weeks without even thinking about drinking but once I started I could very rarely stop and would wind up with dreadful anxiety and hangovers as a result.
Life has improved so much since I stopped that I'm excited for you to get started on the road to recovery and feel the same way!

This Naked Mind - Annie Grace - fabulous for helping your subconscious mind catch up with your conscious mind and understand the lies you tell yourself to keep drinking.

The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober - Catherine Gray - a lighter read that is entertaining and helps you overcome those awkward things you have to do after quitting like dating / dancing etc.

Alcohol Explained - William Porter - very factual explanation from an ex drinker of what alcohol actually does to our bodies and minds.

Other than that I like the no-drinking social media accounts of pages like 'One Year No Beer', 'Sober Girls Society', 'Millie Gooch' and 'Club Soda' as well as the stop drinking reddit.

The very best of luck and keep updating here with your progress as it helps your accountability too.
I'm listening to "alcohol explained" ...Definitely recommend it.
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20-04-2020, 08:44   #3840
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1 day.

After an off-the-cuff remark at what was supposed to be an enjoyable evening watching Netflix with the family, I knew my relationship my alcohol had to change and now.

Naively, I always thought alcohol addiction in it's most basic sense was the only problem. If you drink a bottle of vodka everynight, spend all the child benefit at the pub à la Angela's Ashes and have to be dragged into bed my your wife with a basin beside the bed, you're in trouble.
Otherwise it was 'just a good session', 'ah you'll get out of it by the time you're out of your twenties', 'just don't go beyond 2/3 pints' etc.

On Saturday night I realised that in my case it was none of this. I 'just had' the one glass of wine. It was my relationship with alcohol and my lack of awareness about how my personality changes when I'm drinking. I never drank too much quantity-wise, and 19 times out of 20 I just had a good time with my wife, friends or extended family. The problem was that 1 time out of 20 when I'd make a joke in poor taste, make a 'witty comment' and get blank stares or lose patience with one of the kids because of a perfectly reasonable request.

Everytime this happened I told myself I'd try and control myself better next time, count to 10, only have one drink in the pub on a Friday after work, only drink in the restaurant with food, only drink on special occasions etc. Great intentions, but nothing ever worked 100%

I've fantastic support in a loving wife and family and I'm an early riser who loves getting things done while the sun is coming up, a long time without a drink (even forever!) would suit me down to the ground !

Thanks to all who read this !
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