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Addicted to dating

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  • 15-02-2019 1:14pm
    #1
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,292 ✭✭✭


    Hi all.

    Male 32. have a good network of friends, career is rewarding and progressing well. I'm generally very very happy in life. I am single nearly 3 years. I stared dating again maybe a year ago but I have noticed myself getting into a strange sort of pattern.

    Since being single I've had a few brief flings but nothing lasting.
    Most of my dating happens through tinder, bumble etc and I have no bother arranging dates. I just am beginning to find it unrewarding.
    I used to arrange a date, be excited about it, go along and have fun and then hopefully arrange another date or 2. I was never looking for anything serious. Just seeing how we got on, and occasionally, it would lead to sex after a few dates. Others I wouldn't be into and would not arrange a follow up date.
    Over the last 6 months I have been in the habit of going on a significant amount of dates. Several in a week and sometimes even 2 in the one day, one right after the other.

    But then I noticed that after the first date I'd kind of lost interest as I had secured a second date and the "chase" was gone now and therefore I wasn't reallky interested in a second.

    Now things have deteriorated further and I find myself not even being enthusiastic about going on a first date anymore. I'll chat away to multiple girls online and then get to arranging a date with them. Then as soon as the date is arranged I find I lost interest. Sometimes I cancel the date or other times I go along but I'm not really wanting to but just don't want to flake out as it's bad form.

    I feel now that after successfully getting to agree to come on a date I have "had my success" and the chase is over. But yet I am persisting to message other girls, and arrange dates with them and then lost interest.

    At the moment I am talking to about 3 girls and have dates coming up but I'm like "meh" about it all. But yet I will be home tonight and be messaging more girls.

    Has anyone every experienced or heard about someone getting into this cycle of compulsive dating?


Comments

  • Options
    #2
    Mr. Incognito
    Registered Users Posts: 9,798 ✭✭✭Mr. Incognito


    https://www.slaaireland.org/meetings.html

    I recommend this fellowship.

    It is usually connected to underlying issues that dating or social withdrawal is trying to control.


  • Options
    #3
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,292 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    I wouldn't say I fall within that sphere tbh. I don't get romantic feelings for these women, nor do I get preoccupied with sex.
    I simply go on an excessive number of dates and lose interest immediately after or sometimes even before the date. Having said that, when we go on the date we usually have a good time and good laugh in most cases.


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    #4
    Mr. Incognito
    Registered Users Posts: 9,798 ✭✭✭Mr. Incognito


    Maybe just take a break from dating for a while then - You might just be jaded.


  • Options
    #5
    dudara
    Registered Users Posts: 33,519 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    I think you need to step back from dating. You’re seeing it purely as a transaction right now, and not really appreciating it.


  • Options
    #6
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,292 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    That's the thing. I know i do. But I can't seem to do it.

    If I am home some evening when I have nothing on, instead of unwinding and watching TV or listening to music or whatever, I go on the dating apps and end up arranging a date. It's like a compulsive thing.


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  • Options
    #7
    Bigbagofcans
    Registered Users Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭Bigbagofcans


    I think you should log off from these apps for a while, delete them. Become more comfortable in your own skin and your constant need for girls to go on dates with you will lessen. It sounds like you're addicted to the chase of messaging someone new and the excitement of going on a date.

    Do you have any hobbies?

    In this age of social media and dating apps, we have become more needy and seek validation from others online. Time to slow down and have more time for yourself (and money I'd imagine).


  • Options
    #8
    Dalomanakora
    Closed Accounts Posts: 608 ✭✭✭Dalomanakora


    If you keep using the apps when you have nothing better to do, find something better to do tbh.


    Browse Reddit, find a hobby, do some cooking, play Candy Crush, just do anything else.


  • Options
    #9
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    Hi TheBoyConor

    I agree you should probably give the apps a rest and find something else to fill the time.

    If you take up a hobby or class to fill the time, those are also great ways to meet people, particularly a language or cookery one. It means you're not getting caught up in the "chase" and you won't have the opportunity to lose interest because if you meet someone you fancy in a class you'll see them each time you attend, there won't be pressure/lack thereof to arrange a second "date".


  • Options
    #10
    SusieBlue
    Registered Users Posts: 8,029 ✭✭✭SusieBlue


    Do you think its a self esteem thing? I had a friend who went through similar, and it turned out she did it for validation because she had low self confidence.
    Despite decent, respectable men being interested in her, she had no interest in dating them.
    But she did like to know she could if she wanted to.

    She took a break and worked on those issues, and got past them. I think you need a break too.


  • Options
    #11
    dudara
    Registered Users Posts: 33,519 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    Closing this thread as the OP is currently banned. If that changes, we will re-open the thread

    dudara


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