Do you think Irish people mature too late in life?

pgj2015 · 09-07-2020 11:05pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I dunno..tbh, I'd kind of find the 'monk's lifestyle fairly questionable really..

Like, whatever, but like..

what would you rather the same partner for the next 5 years or a number of different partners? i know what id prefer. its great heading out on a night out not knowing who you might meet.

r93kaey5p2izun · 09-07-2020 11:08pm

I honestly don't know about maturity and how we compare. I think that's difficult to pin down and agree what it even is.

But it does seem that Irish people settle down in a relationship, marry, and have children later. These things are absolutely not required hallmarks of maturity though. But I am always struck by how common it is for Americans to get married while still in college, and that's very unusual here.

Potential-Monke · 09-07-2020 11:36pm

pgj2015 wrote: »

what would you rather the same partner for the next 5 years or a number of different partners? i know what id prefer. its great heading out on a night out not knowing who you might meet.

I would much prefer the latter, but I struggle to find either... *sad face* Granted, it's mostly my own fault for having high standards when I'm more in the lower end of the scale of appealing men, and I don't socialise, and have no luck on dating sites. But it's been long enough now that it rarely bothers me anymore! Plus, I have an inherent fear that the next woman I sleep with, regardless of protection used, will get pregnant. I just couldn't deal with that, I know now I couldn't. Maybe I'm mature enough to know that!

I will say, but based on my own experience which does not include a single one night stand, that I feel it wouldn't be as good as making love to someone you truly love. It would probably tick the boxes, but that connection when you have slow, romantic sex for hours, that just can't be matched (I think, but again based on no experience of it) with a one night stand.

I'm willing to tick the boxes to find out though...

Edit: To add to my previous post, I was at my nephews 15th birthday party today. Just immediate family (ie: grandparents (2), siblings of mine, their partners and their children), but that consisted of 9 children from 7-19. It was loud. Very loud. But I attend these things to help me to remind myself (if it's needed) that I definitely don't want kids! And I have some fantastic close friends who have joined the typical life ranks, and constantly remind me about life with children, and it really sounds horrible to me. I love my freedom. I'm too selfish to be a parent, ie: I don't want to waste any time raising a little smelly, loud human that takes all my limited income. All things one should more or less do in order to parent properly (said from someone looking from the outside in, so no bias). I'll die lonely, probably, but I'll have lived a life I wanted to. Just need to win the lotto!

Edit edit: On a side note, I'm far from selfish in a relationship. Just no time for kids. Especially babies.

KaneToad · 09-07-2020 11:40pm

begbysback wrote: »

Yes, no, maybe - can you repeat the question

You're not the boss of me.

pgj2015 · 09-07-2020 11:46pm

Potential-Monke wrote: »

I would much prefer the latter, but I struggle to find either... *sad face* Granted, it's mostly my own fault for having high standards when I'm more in the lower end of the scale of appealing men, and I don't socialise, and have no luck on dating sites. But it's been long enough now that it rarely bothers me anymore! Plus, I have an inherent fear that the next woman I sleep with, regardless of protection used, will get pregnant. I just couldn't deal with that, I know now I couldn't. Maybe I'm mature enough to know that!

I will say, but based on my own experience which does not include a single one night stand, that I feel it wouldn't be as good as making love to someone you truly love. It would probably tick the boxes, but that connection when you have slow, romantic sex for hours, that just can't be matched (I think, but again based on no experience of it) with a one night stand.

I'm willing to tick the boxes to find out though...

would you not get a vasectomy? would save worrying about getting someone pregnant, also i have never had a condom not do the job its there for so wouldn't be too worried about that.

best sex I ever had was a 1 night stand to be honest.

some 1 night stands are as good if not better than sex while in a relationship but I have serious commitment issues so that could be why.

Potential-Monke · 10-07-2020 12:09am

Vasectomy costs money, and shur I'm not getting it anyway so would be a waste! I totally would if I was a stud!

ILoveYourVibes · 10-07-2020 3:41am

king_of_mayo wrote: »

I remember in leaving cert, a teacher was telling a couple of the lads who were planning to the go the US, that the yanks would eat them alive. He said we were 17 but really 14, whereas they were 17 and 25. I thought it was just me but a few later I ran into one of them and he confirmed.

I didn't see it myself until I started real work. We were working on a project with a team in San Francisco. Long haul, my first one but we made it before the deadline. I and the lads were happy enough until we came in the next morning and saw email. The yanks had emailed everyone a video of them spraying champagne on each other, like in F1. All the big wigs were loving it and the email chain went on but Paddy was left out. They effectively got all the glory and we never saw it coming.

I swore that would never happen again but it came late in my mid 20s.

Why do you think Irish people don't mature til later? We don't seem to have heads set for the real work place and how to handle the politics of it all, whereas other countries leave us behind. I think you notice it in Irish people who lived abroad in corporate life coming back, they have a zeal. How can our education system improve this?

That doesn't sound like maturity. It sounds like to balance honesty with scam artistry. Which in fact is a sign in immaturity.

Appearances matter....but only to people.....not to reality.

I think American society currently looks very immature on the world stage.

However we are perhaps not as independent from our families as we should be.

Noo · 10-07-2020 4:08am

chosen1 wrote: »

Many nationalities are on their first or second divorce by the age of the Irish average marriage age.

Our divorce rate is a fraction of most other countries and marying late may have some input in this.

I've noticed in Australia that people marry and divorce young, and doesnt end well. I was out to dinner with a group of girlfriends my age, about 6 of us, all aussie apart from me. I'm in my late 20s and telling them I've been with my partner for about 10 years. "Omg whens the wedding, that's soooooo long" "WOW why arent you married!" Blah blah etc etc. I look around and realise ALL of them were divorced. Had to bite my tongue not to comment about their "marriage advice".

kingtiger · 10-07-2020 4:09am

king_of_mayo wrote: »

I remember in leaving cert, a teacher was telling a couple of the lads who were planning to the go the US, that the yanks would eat them alive?

the "teacher" was a gee

no ifs and buts about it

ILoveYourVibes · 10-07-2020 4:28am

kingtiger wrote: »

the "teacher" was a gee

no ifs and buts about it

I think it's more naivety. Irish people fawn over the US. They fall for the B.S
The land of opportunity etc. The free market. The land of the free. I think that is over now.

The US has major social problems.

Their current president has got to be one of the most immature petulant people on the world stage.

That is not to say there are not many stoic wise and mature Americans out there. But there are plenty of immature ones too.

Interestingly you wouldn't want to be a teacher in the US.

whisky_galore · 10-07-2020 6:25am

kingtiger wrote: »

the "teacher" was a gee

no ifs and buts about it

People can make a decent go of it in the US, being European and white helps. A lot.

Then again, there's no reason you can't make a go of it here or another European country having comparable if not better infrastructure and standard of living than the US has to offer. We have a language barrier problem here..Irish seem reluctant to put the effort into learning a foreign language to relocate to another EU state.

I don't understand the "undocumented" (lol) Irish thing. Jesus you're from a wealthy western country, it's not like your fleeing from Guatemala or somewhere.
Just get legal or forget about the US, try not to be the cute hoor...that IS a form of immaturity. Let's not have another illegal Irish deportation sob story. It's embarrassing.

Yurt2 · 10-07-2020 6:53am

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

That doesn't sound like maturity. It sounds like to balance honesty with scam artistry. Which in fact is a sign in immaturity.

Appearances matter....but only to people.....not to reality.

I think American society currently looks very immature on the world stage.

However we are perhaps not as independent from our families as we should be.

On the other end of the scale, the Asian nuclear family (Chinese, Korean and to a lesser extent Indian and Japanese) are joined at the hip financially for most of their lives. Works for them despite the cultural downsides.

Ireland and most of the West would have been similar up until relatively recently. The superhero individual battling the currents of life all alone is a recent development in economic history terms.

The J Stands for Jay · 10-07-2020 7:42am

Jaylee Rapping Clothes wrote: »

But I am always struck by how common it is for Americans to get married while still in college, and that's very unusual here.

I've always considered early marriage a sign of immaturity.

Wanderer78 · 10-07-2020 7:52am

king_of_mayo wrote:

I didn't see it myself until I started real work. We were working on a project with a team in San Francisco. Long haul, my first one but we made it before the deadline. I and the lads were happy enough until we came in the next morning and saw email. The yanks had emailed everyone a video of them spraying champagne on each other, like in F1. All the big wigs were loving it and the email chain went on but Paddy was left out. They effectively got all the glory and we never saw it coming.

Sounds fairly typical American working cultural, gaining success on the back of others, it's embedded in them, everything is for the taking, screw as many as possible, even their own, shur look at their current state, similar attitude is promoted in American corporations here, rotten country underneath it all, nothing to do with maturity. Leason learned, be wary in the work place of the parasites, and respect your fellow workers, don't mind that American bollocks

Wanderer78 · 10-07-2020 8:00am

All that fandango wrote:

I would say so, yes. Or are we just talking about if one likes to spray champagne over each other or not in this thread?

Ah I don't agree with that, it's a state of mind really, I'm not married or have kids, and I'm maturing year to year

Badly Drunk Boy · 10-07-2020 8:10am

king_of_mayo wrote: »

They knew how to play the game and get the glory.

That's not to do with maturity. They were just playing a different game to you. In their country, you didn't know the rules.

All that fandango wrote: »

I've noticed this too, we must be the last crowd out of plenty of nationalities to get married, have kids and settle down. Many are at this stage already by the time they are mid to late 20s.

What's so great about getting married young (or at all)?

king_of_mayo · 10-07-2020 8:17am

buried wrote: »

If you need 'glory' as a means to fulfill your needs, you're not mature, you're as infantile as a raw egg.

I think everyone needs and wants recognition for good work. But let's put in actual truth, the next quarter a new project was up for tender in the company. Between ourselves and the American site. IIRC meant an additional 15 jobs to whoever got it. You know who got it.

Wanderer78 · 10-07-2020 8:24am

king_of_mayo wrote:

I think everyone needs and wants recognition for good work. But let's put in actual truth, the next quarter a new project was up for tender in the company. Between ourselves and the American site. IIRC meant an additional 15 jobs to whoever got it. You know who got it.

American working cultural is rotten, it's truly showing now in their current situation, gaining success means screwing people over, at all costs, there's nothing mature about that, quite the opposite in fact

mariaalice · 10-07-2020 8:59am

It very easy to attain the hallmarks of adulthood in Irish society while at the same time being very cosseted and have the parents as a fallback position, of course that produced a certain type of adult, being tested is part of the maturing processes

Its very different making choices with no fallback position and produces a different type of adult too.

Wanderer78 · 10-07-2020 10:36am

mariaalice wrote: »

It very easy to attain the hallmarks of adulthood in Irish society while at the same time being very cosseted and have the parents as a fallback position, of course that produced a certain type of adult, being tested is part of the maturing processes

Its very different making choices with no fallback position and produces a different type of adult too.

nothing wrong with needing parent support for life, particularly emotionally, they generally want to help, of course its best that off spring are encouraged to find their own way in life, but unfortunately we ve made such a mess of things, many younger generations require financial assistance also, and its the older generations that can really only do it, not all of course

The Raging Bile Duct · 10-07-2020 10:59am

mariaalice wrote: »

It very easy to attain the hallmarks of adulthood in Irish society while at the same time being very cosseted and have the parents as a fallback position, of course that produced a certain type of adult, being tested is part of the maturing processes

Its very different making choices with no fallback position and produces a different type of adult too.

Is that not one of the benefits of living in a first world country? Younger people, in a lot of cases, are able to take more risks in terms of what they want to do because they know they have a fallback position if things go really tits up. Obviously, there's children that take the piss in relation to that and parents who over-indulge their children to point that they are incapable of doing anything for themselves but I would say that's the minority of cases.

Most people I know though would sort their own shít out but it's good to have decent parents for emotional support and advice if you're going through a tough time.

mariaalice · 10-07-2020 11:08am

The Raging Bile Duct wrote: »

Is that not one of the benefits of living in a first world country? Younger people, in a lot of cases, are able to take more risks in terms of what they want to do because they know they have a fallback position if things go really tits up. Obviously, there's children that take the piss in relation to that and parents who over-indulge their children to point that they are incapable of doing anything for themselves but I would say that's the minority of cases.

Most people I know though would sort their own shít out but it's good to have decent parents for emotional support and advice if you're going through a tough time.

It might be a good thing, but the OP was pondering how in the US were quicker to mature and ( how do you define that? ) and more street smart and able to hustle which may be a reflect of the culture of leaving home young, lack of welfare and so on.

Wanderer78 · 10-07-2020 11:09am

mariaalice wrote: »

It might be a good thing, but the OP was pondering how in the US were quicker to mature and ( how do you define that? ) and more street smart and able to hustle which may be a reflect of the culture of leaving home young, lack of welfare and so on.

is the us stabilizing or destabilizing as a whole?

Keyzer · 10-07-2020 11:17am

No idea what the OP is on about.

Church on Tuesday · 10-07-2020 11:50am

facehugger99 wrote: »

Make a video of you and your team pouring pints of Guinness over each other - that'll show them.

That would be an obscene waste of Guinness.

Notions.

The Tetrarch · 10-07-2020 11:51am

king_of_mayo wrote: »

The yanks had emailed everyone a video of them spraying champagne on each other, like in F1. All the big wigs were loving it and the email chain went on but Paddy was left out. They effectively got all the glory and we never saw it coming.

Learn the following phrases:
"Good jawb" / "Way to go" / "That's what I'm talkin' about" / "High five"

or you could go with "Shure it was no problem."

chrissb8 · 10-07-2020 2:17pm

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

That would be an obscene waste of Guinness.

Notions.

Indeed. Like when you see Americans "downing" their 330ml cans of beer and acting like their booze hounds, even though half said beer has sprayed all over the ground.

They seem to love wasting alcohol.

Church on Tuesday · 10-07-2020 11:26pm

chrissb8 wrote: »

Indeed. Like when you see Americans "downing" their 330ml cans of beer and acting like their booze hounds, even though half said beer has sprayed all over the ground.

They seem to love wasting alcohol.

Or in film when they order "a beer" take a few sips then leave because the plot needs them to move along sharpish.

Do you think Irish people mature too late in life?

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