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How To Convince My Other Half :-)

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  • 29-07-2020 7:22pm
    #1
    paul7g
    Registered Users Posts: 266 ✭✭


    Hi,


    I've always grown up with various different dogs.


    Now that I have a place of my own with a good size garden, I would like to get my own dog... a German Shepard.


    My other half is not really a dog person... and most certainly is not a 'German Shepard' person... she is so scared of them.


    I'm convinced that if I got a puppy, and the dog grey up with her, that she would get very comfortable with the dog, within a matter of weeks.



    I'm sure not the first person to experience this, and this is very normal.


    Without divorcing, any tips on how someone can gain confidence in owning a dog... such as visiting a pet center that has puppies... reassurance that a German Shepard will not just turn on it's owners, etc :-)


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    #2
    daheff
    Registered Users Posts: 5,833 ✭✭✭daheff


    Can you try fostering a dog for a while?

    Might be a 'no commitment' way to see what living with a dog is like for a short period. You might even end up a failed foster and adopt the dog!


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    #3
    daheff
    Registered Users Posts: 5,833 ✭✭✭daheff


    You can also try help out at some dog shelters...walking dogs etc?.


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    #4
    cocker5
    Registered Users Posts: 3,274 ✭✭✭cocker5


    paul7g wrote: »
    Hi,


    I've always grown up with various different dogs.


    Now that I have a place of my own with a good size garden, I would like to get my own dog... a German Shepard.


    My other half is not really a dog person... and most certainly is not a 'German Shepard' person... she is so scared of them.


    I'm convinced that if I got a puppy, and the dog grey up with her, that she would get very comfortable with the dog, within a matter of weeks.



    I'm sure not the first person to experience this, and this is very normal.


    Without divorcing, any tips on how someone can gain confidence in owning a dog... such as visiting a pet center that has puppies... reassurance that a German Shepard will not just turn on it's owners, etc :-)

    What I would say is a dog is a huge commitment (as I’m sure you know) and a 15 year promise to look after him / her.. it will not be your dog so you’ll need both people to be 100% committed and on board before you even start your journey

    I would def try the fostering route .. less commitment and less scary as a first time dog owner (which your other half is).. have you actually owned German Shepard in your family while growing up OP?

    Fabulous dogs but not for first time dog ownership (and I assume this is ur first dog in your adulthood who will own yourself) ..

    I’d proceed with caution here OP last thing you need or a pup needs is for you to bite off more than you can chew as first time dog owners .. that’s just me !


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    #5
    pinktoe
    Registered Users Posts: 223 ✭✭pinktoe


    paul7g wrote: »

    I'm convinced that if I got a puppy, and the dog grey up with her, that she would get very comfortable with the dog, within a matter of weeks.

    I wouldn't disagree with that. GSD are masters of manipulation even from a young age :-)
    I grew up around a lot of dogs but only ever liked GSDs.

    I have often heard the line about how they turn against their owners. Not sure where it came from. The amount of GSDs that are starved and abused and just tied out the back is sickening but they never turn against these crap owners. The odd case where a dog turns against its owner seems to be illness related.

    Just because you have a big garden doesn't mean it can exercise itself. They still need mental stimulation (play ball or teach tricks) and they need walks.

    Will it be inside the house? GSDs are basically your shadow. They want to constantly hang out with you. You'll have a better bond if let them in the house instead of just being left outside.

    They want teddies and footballs. Despite what the media portrays them as, they are goof balls at home. As a puppy it needs chew toys or it will find something else to chew.

    Maybe show herself some pictures of the long haired ones and some videos on YouTube.

    Cost of ownership:
    Mine one eats 12kg bag of nuts in 6 weeks, add an egg or canned fish daily. Annual vet visit with booster is €80. Dog tooth paste is €15 for 6 months. You need tick and flea and worming treatments (think it's about €20 or so for 3 months off the vet).

    Bad points:
    They have a high prey drive, usually hate cats unless the cat is a family pet. You really need to socialise them, but that's easy. They are a restricted breed so muzzle and lead in public.


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    #6
    aonb
    Registered Users Posts: 3,277 ✭✭✭aonb


    Who will be at home most with the dog - ie is your partner out at work all day, or is she a stay-at-home-mum?
    If she is very anti-dog, will she be happy to have the dog IN the house?
    If she is very anti-dog, will she want to go for walks, hikes, outings etc that you might want to take the dog to?
    You dont mention children - can you imagine a baby in the scenario if your partner isnt into dogs - will that turn into disaster: baby arrives/dog must go??

    GSDs can be such lovely loyal dogs - but can often be a one-man/one-woman dog too...
    Getting a cute puppy doesnt guarantee that your partner will "convert" and get over her fear of GSD

    I would think very long and very seriously about this - without 100% willingness from your partner, it could be very unfair to her AND the dog...

    Just my 2 cents worth, but work with a rescue, and the number of dogs that come in because one or the other partner hasnt bonded with the dog ....


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    #7
    tk123
    Registered Users Posts: 14,020 ✭✭✭✭tk123


    Sorry I'm going to go against the rescue agenda here... You have somebody who doesn't want a dog, particularly the breed that you want. No reputable breeder or rescue is going to give you a dog, if you're not both 100% in agreement. My dog's breeder turned somebody down for this very reason - their partner didn't come in to see the pups. (Another was turned down as they wanted to dog to be an outside dog).

    This is the equivalent of going off and fostering a toddler by yourself when your partner doesn't want/like kids .. and hoping it works out.

    You need to be 100% in agreement. And it needs to be a dog that you're both comfortable with and happy to welcome into your home.


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    #8
    bertiebomber
    Registered Users Posts: 728 ✭✭✭bertiebomber


    German shepherds are for experienced committed dog owners your partner sounds more like a small dog person to start with also GS are one man dogs and are not good sharing so its not a pet as such. They respect one owner not really suitable for a nervy spouse.


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    #9
    Somepeople
    Registered Users Posts: 40 ✭Somepeople


    bertiebomber wrote: »
    German shepherds are for experienced committed dog owners your partner sounds more like a small dog person to start with also GS are one man dogs and are not good sharing so its not a pet as such. They respect one owner not really suitable for a nervy spouse.

    Were all of your gsd “one person dogs“? What exactly did they not like sharing? If they are not a pet as such what are they?


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    #10
    bertiebomber
    Registered Users Posts: 728 ✭✭✭bertiebomber


    they like the structure of one person and they look to one person for their guidence they can be a pet but they like to have an alpha person that is my experience of them. I have one now and he ignores my other half sees him as just someone in the house has no relationship with him but is devoted to me maybe its the fact that i care for him feed him etc,.


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    #11
    cocker5
    Registered Users Posts: 3,274 ✭✭✭cocker5


    bertiebomber wrote: »
    they like the structure of one person and they look to one person for their guidence they can be a pet but they like to have an alpha person that is my experience of them. I have one now and he ignores my other half sees him as just someone in the house has no relationship with him but is devoted to me maybe its the fact that i care for him feed him etc,.


    You do know the alpha theory has long since been debunked and considered very outdated?

    He may prefer you because you feed and care for him .. possibly give him attention more so than your other half but not because he sees you as an alpha male


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    #12
    micah537
    Registered Users Posts: 254 ✭✭micah537


    OP if you want a German Shepherd, go for a one hour walk everyday for 2 weeks regardless of the weather. On a rainy day when you come home, don't wipe your shoes before entering the house and when you take off your jacket swing in around so you get water on the walls of your kitchen.If you and your wife are able to deal with that, and think you will continually be able to deal with it for 12 years, you are going in the right direction.


    If you haven't kids, but plan on having them in the future, the dogs routine shouldn't change much. GSD are awesome with kids, protective and gentle but need to be involved in every part of your life not just left out the back.


    It's unfair to push a dog on someone who is afraid of them, but if shes openminded and willing to learn about them, she won't notice them getting big really quickly and won't be afraid. However if shes unwilling to interact with it and it grows up outside and is only your responsibility, well then that dog will end up getting sold or sent to a rescue which isnt fair. On the other hand if your familiar with GSD most other dogs would just be a compromise which you probably won't have an interest in. They aren't these psychos who go around biting everything they see, like how some people can suggest.





    I wouldn't pass any attention on this one person dog nonsense from people who never owned them. They will listen and play with every other person in the household. They will however stare and continuously slow blink at their favorite person but they aren't jealous of anyone or any other pets. We had ducklings and chickens who would have to be kept secured from out terrier, but the GSD wouldn't attempt to hurt them. I had great memories of the GSD we had growing up, but no great interest in any of the other dogs we owned. One of my brothers has three of them and his kids love them and they never have problems with being a one man dog or jealousy or any of that Caesar Milan BS that people come up with.


    I'm sure if you live in the same area as someone on boards who as a GSD, they'll let you meet them and talk you through ownership, but yeah they are a fairly decent commitment but very rewarding to own.



    Personally a Poodle would be the only other dog I'd consider, they are as intelligent and seem to be goofy buzzers also.


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    #13
    Gerry T
    Registered Users Posts: 1,413 ✭✭✭Gerry T


    My situation was like yours, about 4 yrs ago we got a cockapoo, wife very nervous around dogs, 2 teenagers, big garden and i work from home so always about. I also grew up with dogs about. I also wanted a GS but went for the cuddly option to please my wife. Key things I learned over past 4 yrs.

    Growing up with and owning a dog are two totally different things. Your dog needs control, love, entertaining, walks and companionship. If you don't teach/train him he will start to rule and with a GS thats not a good place to be in.
    Second as its a restricted breed you have to keep him on a lead and muzzled in public. For me that was a big issue, my local park allows dogs off lead during certain times, this is great with a cockapoo, he tears about playing with other dogs and chasing a tennis ball. You couldn't do that with a GS. And before someone picks on this point I don't let him off lead on weekends when there's people having picnics or football/gaa games being played.

    Looking back I'm so happy I didn't get a GS, I still love the dogs but I would have got it all wrong, I wouldn't have trained him properly from day one. I think you need plenty of experience in handling and training dogs before taking on a GS.

    Ps, my wife started with hes only allowed in the kitchen, that lasted a week. Then it was hes allowed in rooms but off furniture. Now he goes where he wants and she loves him, she's a real dog person now.


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    #14
    em_cat
    Registered Users Posts: 1,292 ✭✭✭em_cat


    I always feel so very sorry for most of the GSDs I see around us. From what I know of them is that a: they need a lot of mental enrichment along with good levels of physical exercise b: they seem very emotional and miss their ‘person’ a great deal when not around and c: I find they are pretty placid dogs if given the care above. We know a local old girl named Sam that adores Esmea & myself whenever we come across her on our walks. She’ll come to the gate of her house and whine until I finally asked the owner if she could come with us, so from time to time I’ll take her and Esmae to the park when we can.

    However with the OPs situation, I wouldn’t t be rushed in convincing your other half to get a GSD if she has issues with dogs, in fact I would be pushed on any breed, I think you & her should go volunteer with one of the bigger animal charities to see how she deals with being around them in the first place.


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    #15
    DBB
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 9,726 Mod ✭✭✭✭DBB


    micah537 wrote: »
    OP if you want a German Shepherd, go for a one hour walk everyday for 2 weeks regardless of the weather. On a rainy day when you come home, don't wipe your shoes before entering the house and when you take off your jacket swing in around so you get water on the walls of your kitchen.If you and your wife are able to deal with that, and think you will continually be able to deal with it for 12 years, you are going in the right direction.

    The hair. You forgot to mention the hair :D

    I dunno, the stuff I'm reading here about GSDs... clearly the 2 gentle, dotey eejits I have here haven't read that GSD handbook :o


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    #16
    JustAThought
    Registered Users Posts: 5,323 ✭✭✭JustAThought


    OP - personally I believe that if you (not your partner( reara your GD from a ouppy there is such a great chance it will be well balanced and lovable and your OH will learn to trust and see how non threatening it is . I would agree that it will 100% tie you both down and so getting a dog should be a combined agreement - its not fair on the dog otherwise.

    I would totally disagree with the pistera here whi suggest taking a dog nervous person into the highly charged and emotional environment of a rescue where you can have poorly adjusted, emotional, badly trained and hysterically dogs barking and clamouring fir attention. Not a good environment to bring a nervous anti dog person into to convince them to get one.

    kicks off in 3,2,1...


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    #17
    Cherry Blossom
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Regional North West Moderators Posts: 6,928 Mod ✭✭✭✭Cherry Blossom


    My brother next door has a GSD, I walk him and bring him into my house at times I don't think he'll be missed. He's a pure pet though I wouldn't trust him around cats or sheep. My other brother sometimes works from one of the sheds on the farm and when he's there he also let's him off his chain to hang out in the shed with him. I don't approve of the way he's kept at all. I can't say as to whether he prefers me over either of my brothers or vise versa as he only sees one of us at a time. I have trained him to look at me when passing fields of sheep and he's a very easy, straightforward dog to train. Being a restricted breed you need to keep them secure and if he were mine that would mean inside the house. I will say when he's in he does fill the large kitchen compared to my little dogs.


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    #18
    tk123
    Registered Users Posts: 14,020 ✭✭✭✭tk123


    JustAThought wrote: »
    I would totally disagree with the pistera here whi suggest taking a dog nervous person into the highly charged and emotional environment of a rescue where you can have poorly adjusted, emotional, badly trained and hysterically dogs barking and clamouring fir attention. Not a good environment to bring a nervous anti dog person into to convince them to get one.

    kicks off in 3,2,1...

    I’d agree tbh. And things are still a bit crazy atm - I can’t really think of anywhere I’d suggest that’s open or operating normally! We used to go and have a coffee at the coffee shop in the park so would be a good if you wanted to dog watch from the other side of the courtyard .. but unless you walk super early like us you’re going to bump into offlead dogs which isn’t ideal for a nervous person. Maybe joining the breed club FB and posting there - there might be somebody local who’d be happy to meet up with the OP and his wife if she agreed. I certainly wouldn’t push it on somebody who’s afraid though. We actually had a GSD growing up.. we’ve seen one the last couple of weeks in the park and my mam is a bit wary of it. Because ‘it’s not her dog that she knows’ lol.


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    #19
    bertiebomber
    Registered Users Posts: 728 ✭✭✭bertiebomber


    cocker5 wrote: »
    You do know the alpha theory has long since been debunked and considered very outdated?

    He may prefer you because you feed and care for him .. possibly give him attention more so than your other half but not because he sees you as an alpha male
    I have a GSD now and yes to be honest he does interact with others but on the whole he watches what i am doing so he can be with me. I have 20 acres so he is never on a lead or muzzled he has the run of the place & he gets loads of exercise out with the horses. He is a superior dog and protects his farm too. This poster wants one but his other half doesnt my advice dont get one it will cause arguments and the dog will be in a rescue before long. I have seen it before many times as i do volunteer work for a rescue. get her a small cuddly dog to start with and cultivate an understanding & love of dogs first 1 year down the line things will be different...


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