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18-06-2019, 17:13   #16
Porklife
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Thank you and I know you're right. Logically it seems like a no brainer, on paper it's as clear as crystal that this is the right path. If this decision or dillema or whatever you want to call it was an illustration, one path would be paved with golddust and covered in rose petals with the sun beaming down upon it and the other would be dark and creepy with danger lurking behind every bend and storm clouds looming overhead. Only a moron would go down the dark path.
It really is one day at a time. This morning I was positive and energetic. Now I feel empty and fragile. Alcohol will not fill that void. That void is inside me when I drink too, in fact, I feel even more lonesome when I drink so it's widening the void. Jesus this is a right bitch.
It helps to write things down here cos I know nobody judges and everybody empathises and understands. You're a great bunch!
I was just thinking about it there too... the concept of rock bottom. I mean, I've been arrested, woken up in a park, lost jobs, lost relationships, lost friendships, missed holidays, broken bones, Christ!! If those aren't rock bottom what the hell is!
And.. the moment that made me stop recently wasn't even that bad. It was just a 3 day bender that made me feel so ridiculously ashamed that I thought to myself... who the **** have you become. STOP. I had wine in my hand, unopened and I just ****ed it away.
I can beat this. I'm a strong person and I know that I can but today is really tough.
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18-06-2019, 17:18   #17
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One other thought that I'd really appreciate opinions on (this may be wishful thinking) but how do you feel about 28 days to break a habit?
So apparently it takes 28 days to break a habit so if you go 28 days without alcohol, you can then pause and reassess and perhaps go back into it with a new found respect for alcohol, new boundaries and rules for yourself. However, the caveat is, if you fall before the 28 day mark, then you can never drink again. Absintence is the only way forward for you cos you proved you couldn't even go 28 days.
Is that nonsense.. now that I write it down it seems bit immature and silly
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18-06-2019, 17:38   #18
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One other thought that I'd really appreciate opinions on (this may be wishful thinking) but how do you feel about 28 days to break a habit?
So apparently it takes 28 days to break a habit so if you go 28 days without alcohol, you can then pause and reassess and perhaps go back into it with a new found respect for alcohol, new boundaries and rules for yourself. However, the caveat is, if you fall before the 28 day mark, then you can never drink again. Absintence is the only way forward for you cos you proved you couldn't even go 28 days.
Is that nonsense.. now that I write it down it seems bit immature and silly
Ok, not wanting to sound too harsh, but that very, very rarely works out well.
I've seen a lot of people try it, and fail miserably, only to find themselves thinking they're failures and beating themselves up over it.
Stopping means just that, you have taken the first steps and have got this far, now keep going and the path will get clearer.
Don't give up, you Can do it!
Find something that can be your distraction for when you find yourself thinking about things too much, going for a walk, a drive, music, movie, a hobby, posting on boards, whatever it is.
It does get easier, but from the decriptions of what you posted earlier, I think you are better off just staying off it completely.
Stay strong.
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19-06-2019, 09:37   #19
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28 days to break a habit is BS. There are a lot of fat people who dieted for a month or 6 then slipped back. I've done it myself numerous times.

It's about figuring out what works for you at the end of the day. Maybe you will at some point be able to have a drink or two but that shouldn't be on your mind right now. I still sometimes think I might get pissed drunk on my own at some point (my favorite way to drink) but I'm not planning to.
We all have our own circumstances and I know if I went back on the drink I'd be tortured by several people to drink with them. That would end up meaning drinking every second weekend for a few months.
You'll have to stop with the negotiating with yourself about it. If you have a drink or two yeah, odds are it'll be no big deal that time. But it removes a line in the sand. Why wouldn't you have a couple next time you're out or at a wedding? Why not have 2 after work, sure it was fine on Friday. Why not get pissed one time when someone is home and wants a night out? Sure you've not got drunk in ages.

This is all just from my perspective and it all comes down to you in the end. I have a few mates struggling with things and drink/drugs are a part and not helping. They'll take a step, listen to experience a bit then decide they know better. 3-6 months later it's start again with a fanfare then they're tired after work and the cycle continues.
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19-06-2019, 11:38   #20
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I've seen this first hand myself Button with a very close friend of mine recently. He has a serious problem with booze and he's trying everything in his power to stop; AA, self help books, counselling, CBD oil instead, running and all to no avail... well not no avail, what happens is exactly as you said. He will go 6 weeks without drinking and he'll be flying it. I'm so proud of him but then he'll think he's fine and he'll 'treat' himself to a pint. He will literally just have the one and then he won't drink again for a week. Way-hey! He's cured! Let's celebrate!! He'll then up the ante to two pints... then two pints and a chaser of whiskey (he loves whiskey) and lo and behold he's in absolute pieces and on a continual bender. Back on the unmerry-go-round.
My last bender, the one that made me put the glass down, was with him as it happens. We've decided that we can no longer drink together. We're really good friends and can hang out but not in pubs and not anywhere near booze because we are each others trigger. That makes me sad.

I know in my heart I can't do moderation. I can't do it with chocolate ( one square = entire bar), music (I like a band I'll become obsessed with them), fitness (if I'm getting fit then I'm training for a marathon) and certainly not booze (if I'm drinking then I'm giving Shane MaGowan a run for his money).

I guess I'm an extreme person. My dad was the same and booze killed him in the end. He told me countless times that it's fools gold and a mugs game. He also tried the moderating approach and failed.

Writing here is helping, the advice is invaluable. I'ma lone drinker too, that's my favourite way to drink but I've just got to find replacements and keep on truckin' without the sauce.

Thank you all so much.

Last edited by Porklife; 19-06-2019 at 11:57.
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19-06-2019, 13:31   #21
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There's an AA analogy that goes something like, you can't turn a pickle back into a cucumber. You can maybe stop the pickling process in the early stages, but once the cucumber has been pickled (or the problematic alcohol dependence has been established) it's futile to think you can go back.

My addiction psychiatrist has explained this to me before with lots of complicated evidence about permanent changes to the neural pathways and synapses in your brain. However I still went back time and time again, the reasoning been that I've done absolutely tonnes of counselling and psychotherapy and group therapy and DBT and CBT and everything else, so surely I wouldn't have to drink alcoholically any more. I was mentally well and happy and stable, and sober a very long time. Every time, despite my best intentions, I went back drinking just as hard as before and with all of the terrible consequences as before.

My experience is similar to the vast majority with similar thinking; if you are wise you'll get the learning from this without have to directly experience it for yourself, like i stubbornly insisted on doing!
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19-06-2019, 14:04   #22
Buttonftw
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I've seen this first hand myself Button with a very close friend of mine recently. He has a serious problem with booze and he's trying everything in his power to stop; AA, self help books, counselling, CBD oil instead, running and all to no avail... well not no avail, what happens is exactly as you said. He will go 6 weeks without drinking and he'll be flying it. I'm so proud of him but then he'll think he's fine and he'll 'treat' himself to a pint. He will literally just have the one and then he won't drink again for a week. Way-hey! He's cured! Let's celebrate!! He'll then up the ante to two pints... then two pints and a chaser of whiskey (he loves whiskey) and lo and behold he's in absolute pieces and on a continual bender. Back on the unmerry-go-round.
My last bender, the one that made me put the glass down, was with him as it happens. We've decided that we can no longer drink together. We're really good friends and can hang out but not in pubs and not anywhere near booze because we are each others trigger. That makes me sad.

I know in my heart I can't do moderation. I can't do it with chocolate ( one square = entire bar), music (I like a band I'll become obsessed with them), fitness (if I'm getting fit then I'm training for a marathon) and certainly not booze (if I'm drinking then I'm giving Shane MaGowan a run for his money).

I guess I'm an extreme person. My dad was the same and booze killed him in the end. He told me countless times that it's fools gold and a mugs game. He also tried the moderating approach and failed.

Writing here is helping, the advice is invaluable. I'ma lone drinker too, that's my favourite way to drink but I've just got to find replacements and keep on truckin' without the sauce.

Thank you all so much.
Last time I drank I decided to have a bender with a mate, 20 hours+, great fun. I'd not been drunk for 6 weeks before that and that time I went all out (not just booze).
I think not being the going-out type has made it easier in some ways for me to stay off the drink because I don't have people hassling me to do it. I only ever went out when convinced to do so. At the same time it means fewer excuses because it's all on me.
I found what helped me getting into something like a routine, though maybe it's not the right word. Not necessarily doing the same thing every day but having a few commons points to hit. Whether it's getting up early or bed by a certain time. Or once a week treating yourself to getting home and doing nothing or a big run.
One difference with drinking and losing weight is that you still have to eat. But you can kinda apply stuff across different areas. Most people I talk to say they treat themselves once a week when on a diet. I'm closer to once a month, maybe twice. By not setting out treats I can say yes on a spur of the moment (family dinner, someone offers lunch etc.) and am still winning. With drinking say no to all the easier ones straight up and it leaves fewer times that you'll be tempted. Instead of hmming and hawing over every offer or opportunity just make sure you say no straight away then it's easier if there's a tempting offer to make the effort to say no that one specific time.
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19-06-2019, 21:24   #23
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Last time I drank I decided to have a bender with a mate, 20 hours+, great fun. I'd not been drunk for 6 weeks before that and that time I went all out (not just booze).
I think not being the going-out type has made it easier in some ways for me to stay off the drink because I don't have people hassling me to do it. I only ever went out when convinced to do so. At the same time it means fewer excuses because it's all on me.
I found what helped me getting into something like a routine, though maybe it's not the right word. Not necessarily doing the same thing every day but having a few commons points to hit. Whether it's getting up early or bed by a certain time. Or once a week treating yourself to getting home and doing nothing or a big run.
One difference with drinking and losing weight is that you still have to eat. But you can kinda apply stuff across different areas. Most people I talk to say they treat themselves once a week when on a diet. I'm closer to once a month, maybe twice. By not setting out treats I can say yes on a spur of the moment (family dinner, someone offers lunch etc.) and am still winning. With drinking say no to all the easier ones straight up and it leaves fewer times that you'll be tempted. Instead of hmming and hawing over every offer or opportunity just make sure you say no straight away then it's easier if there's a tempting offer to make the effort to say no that one specific time.
We sound quite similar in our drinking style Button. I love having the apartment to myself, lighting candles sticking on a movie and pouring a glass of red. I like pubs too but only quiet pubs and I prefer drinking with just one other person or a very small group.
Typically when I was drinking and feeling lonely there wouldn't be any offers on the table but now that I'm not, there seems to be work nights out, guys asking me out old friends getting in touch for a drink etc. It's almost like I'm being tested!
I have this childish thought in my head too that I didn't get to say goodbye to Guinness or Baileys. I didn't plan on stopping. I didn't forsee not bouncing back from my most recent bender. I can't imagine never having a Guinness or Baileys again but I need to let that go. It's ridiculous
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27-06-2019, 09:42   #24
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One other thought that I'd really appreciate opinions on (this may be wishful thinking) but how do you feel about 28 days to break a habit?
So apparently it takes 28 days to break a habit so if you go 28 days without alcohol, you can then pause and reassess and perhaps go back into it with a new found respect for alcohol, new boundaries and rules for yourself. However, the caveat is, if you fall before the 28 day mark, then you can never drink again. Absintence is the only way forward for you cos you proved you couldn't even go 28 days.
Is that nonsense.. now that I write it down it seems bit immature and silly
It actually takes three months not 28 days but again it depends on the person. Sometimes three months is too far ahead for people. Take it one day at a time, sometimes counting the days helps people othertimes it turns into a countdown till they can drink again it just depends again on the person. You're doing fantastic!
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27-06-2019, 09:49   #25
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We sound quite similar in our drinking style Button. I love having the apartment to myself, lighting candles sticking on a movie and pouring a glass of red. I like pubs too but only quiet pubs and I prefer drinking with just one other person or a very small group.
Typically when I was drinking and feeling lonely there wouldn't be any offers on the table but now that I'm not, there seems to be work nights out, guys asking me out old friends getting in touch for a drink etc. It's almost like I'm being tested!
I have this childish thought in my head too that I didn't get to say goodbye to Guinness or Baileys. I didn't plan on stopping. I didn't forsee not bouncing back from my most recent bender. I can't imagine never having a Guinness or Baileys again but I need to let that go. It's ridiculous
Have you any support for yourself? Like from your GP or another group. I know you're nervous to try AA again and if you're not comfortable with it there are other options like one on one counselling. There's just not enough support nationwide for people it's mostly in the Dublin area. BCAT in bray are fantastic but not sure if you're anywhere near there. They're a life saver they really are. There's other places that do private or subsidised counselling too. Worth looking in to for a bit of practical support. Have you any friends or family that understand what you're going through and that are supportive? Oh and the sugar cravings do ease off. They're crazy at first my bf is two years sober and is only now cutting down on the lucozade lol but that's just part of it. Switching to grapes or spirulina (spelling?) may help but you'll burn it off working out and just remember to drink lots of water. Flavour it with juice if it gets boring. You seem to be in a great frame of mind to do this, just make sure you habe the support it's usually when you least expect it you need it and it's so nice to be able to talk to someone non judgmental or even have a friend you can message Day or night, even if they're asleep you've got it out of your head and you know they'll read it in the morning and respond.
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27-06-2019, 14:37   #26
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Thanks a million Sigma Force and great to hear about your bf and his amazing road to recovery. I admire him and anybody else who manages to even start the journey, let alone complete it. Well, I made it to the 3 week mark then fell off the wagon. Although, I don't really feel like I fell in so far as I woke up that morning and said **** it, I'm drinking after work tonight. It was a Friday and I had friends visiting for the weekend and a possible romantic liaison which I just didn't want to do sober. I decided to jump off the wagon. Back on it now but struggling because of the sunshine yada yada insert excuse here.. this is way harder than I ever imagined it would be.
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05-09-2019, 10:56   #27
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Any update Porklife? Interesting topic.
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05-09-2019, 11:34   #28
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Gave up a few years back while waiting for a gallstone operation, and haven´t looked back really. I never drank much anyway, but do not miss the hangovers. Fell off the wagon twice in the last year and got badly badly drunk, did some really stupid things, and had a raging hangover for two days.
I spend some time in Spain, and you can get really nice non alcoholic beers here, as well as vino sin alcol (in Granada anyway). It´s a pity it's limited in Ireland for non alco stuff. The Erdinger isn't the tastiest.
I do not miss the hangovers, and embarrassing incidents.
I still go out, maybe a bit less, but still go out, just don't get drunk.
It's since I really stopped that I notice how much lots of things revolve around booze....
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