The ex got married...

Normal reaction.

Years ago I was single and ex informed me that she had met someone, and had moved in with them. He was a multi-millionaire - that didn't help at all. We'd actually stayed in touch after breaking up.

All those "what if" feelings returned... met up with her for lunch.... within 10 mins I remembered why we'd split up. Nothing bad. We just weren't right for each other.

T

Gintonious wrote: »

Thanks everyone.

I had a feeling it was relatively normal. I am heading to a friends house for the weekend here in British Columbia, my friends moved there this year and she is great at these kinds of chats.

It has me in a reflective mood a lot about my life right now in Vancouver, and where I want to go from here etc. I also have reflected enough to know I would never have married this particular ex, unless I wanted a divorce.

I will say, as well, that social media is a serious source of depression with this kind of stuff. I really have to think about my use of it overall.

Totally normal...I heard my ex had a new girlfriend recently and it stung even though we broke up ten years ago! He was the only man I ever truly loved. Maybe being reflective isn't a bad thing?
Ps ..your post made me lol..I'd only have married him if I'd wanted a divorce:p

Step one, log out of and delete all social media from your phone. Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, whatever you're using for at least the next 4 weeks. You'll be 100% happier for it in general. It's brutal for keeping tabs on past loves and the inevitable comparisons we do.

I'll jump on the "same" train here too. My ex of 7 years uploaded a selfie with his new gf to social media and I went down a rabbit hole for about a week. The same reflections and ruminations and "why haven't I met someone too" blah blah. Totally human reaction. No amount of wistful thinking would convince me that we should still be together though, I never for one second thought that would ever be a good idea again, so you've got to just put up with the feelings and get on with your life until the feelings pass. You loved this person once, they were your person for a time so of course them moving on will give you pause. Distract yourself with plans and good friends.

As everyone has already said the feelings are totally normal and hopefully will leave soon.

On a seperate note though it sounds like you're being a little harsh on your friend. It probably came from a good place and a few years ago i had similar circumstances myself where i found out an ex of a good friend of mine had new girlfriend who was pregnant ( they split as he wouldn't have kids with her after years together and had her pregnant within a year ) and toyed with telling my friend, but in the end i did so becuase i felt i would like her to hear it from a friend in case i got upset( which she did) than someone who would be looking for gossip or a reaction. Several months later she bumped into his brother who also told her news but definetly for reaction and she said she was so glad it wasn't her first time hearing it and she was able to rise above it.

As other posters have said, I think you're a bit harsh on your friend. Unless you could see that she was clearly telling you or something, or she told you in front of others, I wouldnt assume any malice. Forewarned is forearmed and all that.

Anyway, I'd my first serious boyfriend from 18-21 and he was absolutely my first love. I found out on Facebook about 5 years after we broke up that he'd gotten married. His wedding photo was his profile photo and despite my best efforts to erase all presence of him online (our relationship predated Facebook) yet somehow I must not have succeeded as Facebook suggested him as "someone you might know".

I'd describe it like feeling a bit winded at first, but I caught myself and while I definitely didn't fell 100% neutral about it, I didnt fall to pieces either. I was in a new relationship (which I'm still in).

I had an honest conversation with myself and reflecting, we were kids when we were together, we were both each others first loves and it ended badly but thats life. I decided to focus on myself and my own happiness and basically forced myself to just file it under "irrelevant".

Actually this was me, to some degree, some years ago. I actually read the engagement announcement in the IT about 3.5 years after we broke up. We were both early twenties at the time and although he finished with me, I've little doubt now (more objectivity, life experience) it was a forced dumping. I'd always known he was very, very attracted to me and I had ticked a lot of the boxes for him. Although I was too immersed in the hurt from the break-up to see it then but later I fully acknowledged my part in it. Although I didn't put up a fight at the time,I was absolutely heartbroken for a good few months afterwards but strangely enough made a reasonably good recovery and although he crossed my mind sometimes, it wasn't with the same intensity etc. Although I reluctantly dated others, he was always at the back of my mind, though.

For work reasons I had to move to near where he lived. I never socialised in his neck of the woods so never expected to see him in mine. But one night I saw him arm in arm with another girl (on the other side) in the street where I lived. He hadn't seen me ( or at least I don't think he did ) and I remember it stung just a little bit (I say a little because had she been really good looking-she wasn't and he was utterly gorgeous- I'd have felt worse, for some reason) at the time but I managed to put it to the back of my mind in the next few weeks........

That is until a few weeks later when I ran straight into HIM while out late night shopping-a bit of a shock but before I knew it I was literally face-to-face with him! He'd evidently spotted me before I'd seen him, as I went up the escalator and had turned to face me. We had a bit of catch-up chat but given I sensed he was most likely waiting for her, I wanted to get away asap. A few of his responses to things I said and told him left me wondering for a while afterwards if he might be still interested and of course some of the old feelings returned, for me. All this took place about 18 months before the engagement.

It wasn't until a fair few months afterwards I learned he had broken up with the new girlfriend-they'd been dating about 4 months at this point, around this time. If only I'd known. It had been off for a good while now and I couldn't help wondering if it had anything to do with meeting me! Since I moved though he had no idea where I lived and although I toyed with the idea now and again, I didn't feel comfortable contacting him!

When I saw the engagement to this girl of course I was filled with all kinds of emotions ranging from remorse to 'what ifs' and of course I regretted not getting in touch that time. When we'd met we were just too young and he'd reached the age when a lot of his friends were settling down. I never knew exactly when they got married and afterwards totally forgot about it all, at least on an emotional level. Sometimes though I do still regret letting such a guy go.....as I'm pretty confident if I'd put in some effort, I could have managed it! I'm sure girlfriend did as I later heard she was very confident and rather pushy!

Neyite wrote: »

For a while I was like a female good luck chuck with all the ex boyfriends who married the girlfriend after me.

I was like this too....one of my mates started calling me a "fluffer "

They are exes for a reason.

Gintonious wrote: »

As the title says, I found out last week that my most recent ex got married.

A friend felt the need to tell me, which felt a little bit like gossiping and not exactly needed but they since apologized.

To cut a long story short, it's put me in a weird reflective and slightly down mood this past week. I got the usual hot ear pang when I heard the news, but since I have been having this awful recurring thought process of the "what if" and that I somehow missed my chance or opportunity.

I am currently in a relationship that is going well, for the past few months. But this news as thrown me off a tad, and I wasn't really expecting it.

I haven't heard from my ex for a long time and we never kept in touch. We broke up over 2 years ago and we dated for just over a year, so I am a tad surprised that I have been feeling this way.

Anyone else ever get something like this? It is going away, but it has me thinking all over the place about what I am doing with my life etc. I live abroad and have done for 6 years now, and that always adds something.

Thanks for any help, and for reading.

I went though the exact same thing...same feelings and emotions and I haven't seen that guy in 4.5 years. I have been in a relationship for 4 years also, engaged to be married. But I went though the same thing. I was in shock for about a month and thought the same as you "what if".

Trust me it goes away with time....if it was meant to be it would have been...don't dwell on it.

Gonad wrote: »

I was on her page and I accidentally liked one of her pictures . Ever since that I have never gone back into an ex’s page again and I never will . I wonder what she must have thought lol ..

Haha. Nothing like that for jolting you out of your cyber stalking :pac:

Similar thing happened to me with a guy from work that I'd hooked up with and developed an infatuation with a while ago. It was a serious WTF moment for me to the craziness of what I was doing and since then I've managed to keep well away from the eyeballing of "guys from my past" on social media. It's the most futile exercise ever and serves no purpose whatsoever except to throw you into miserable introspection and make you feel shyte about yourself.