BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder

RachelDDD · 14-11-2014 11:35pm

Just wanted to let people know that there is a lot of information/documentaries etc. on BPD on Youtube. I was randomly searching today and ended up watching 3 different ones. I learned a lot of new information and realised that BPD is quite a common condition (although mostly misdiagnosed, or not diagnosed at all). Well worth typing "BPD" into Search on Youtube and watching a few if you get some free time.

margarite · 15-11-2014 11:49am

RachelDDD wrote: »

So far I haven't come across any in Ireland unfortunately. I would love to try to set one up and delighted to know there are interested people out there. At the moment I have a bit of a crisis going on with my daughter and trying to get her through it. For some reason, this is always a bad time of year for us (change in weather - SAD, pressures of upcoming social events etc.). I promise to get back on track and try to organise something - even a coffee meet up for anyone interested to try to swap ideas about how to get this kick-started. Please follow this post and come along if you have any suggestions or advice you can give

When I did the dbt training and had a meeting with the a Counselor we all said that going out was a big no no for us all. Good luck.

triona1 · 07-12-2014 2:01am

Sorry folks iv'e not been on at all.noting to report at the mo.well not for night time reading.Hope you are all doing well.will post when i get a chance.im just reading back now on threads,meet ups sound great but honestly with 4 kids its near impossible or actually is impossible so i cannot commit as i would let you all down.xx

Rockbutt · 02-02-2015 3:33pm

Hi all
I don't know if this thread has closed but I'm hoping someone can offer some advice if not. I am in my 50's now and can see a lot of bpd symptoms in my behaviour. Not severe, certainly not as hard to live with as some of the experiences here, but it's a battle all the same. I mentioned it to my doctor some years ago and he dismissed it, because I'm not suicidal or don't cut, he just couldn't take me seriously. I am very emotional and can't function at work, get angry at the stupidest of things, fall heavily for people and cling to them, then hate them and dump them because of some perceived grievance. And more, but they didn't all add up to anything until I started to read about it thanks to the web! Now what I really need is a diagnosis and hopefully some help. I'm in Limerick. Does anyone have any advise as to how I can get a diagnosis?

Anything at all really appreciated
Best
RB

triona1 · 28-03-2015 1:31pm

Im not much help Rockbutt,Might it be an option to see a different dr in the surgery?Or even go back to your gp now after mentioning it a couple of years ago he may take notice now.Im more bumping this post for you with hope someone else may have some input.

catrin11 · 28-03-2015 3:50pm

Rockbutt wrote: »

Hi all
I don't know if this thread has closed but I'm hoping someone can offer some advice if not. I am in my 50's now and can see a lot of bpd symptoms in my behaviour. Not severe, certainly not as hard to live with as some of the experiences here, but it's a battle all the same. I mentioned it to my doctor some years ago and he dismissed it, because I'm not suicidal or don't cut, he just couldn't take me seriously. I am very emotional and can't function at work, get angry at the stupidest of things, fall heavily for people and cling to them, then hate them and dump them because of some perceived grievance. And more, but they didn't all add up to anything until I started to read about it thanks to the web! Now what I really need is a diagnosis and hopefully some help. I'm in Limerick. Does anyone have any advise as to how I can get a diagnosis?

Anything at all really appreciated
Best
RB

Rockbutt, I think that the most important thing at the moment is to put all those symptoms on the paper, think how often they happen, how they affect your daily life or relationships, etc. and then visit your gp. That's the first step. If you can explain to him/her what you've noticed and what effect it has on you a good doctor will take it seriously and send you for a test. I don't know much about the mental health services in Limerick (I'm based in Dublin) but I suppose now the Borderline Personality Disorder is wider known then a couple of years ago. So I suppose it may be easier to have it recognised. Especially these days with the Dwyer trial when BPD was mentioned in the main Irish news. Hopefully that can help you.

catrin11 · 28-03-2015 4:23pm

Sorry for being quiet. Life has been hectic for me for a while. You must remember I deal with everything on my own and sometimes simply have no time/energy.

Just to let you know that I see big improvement in my husband. And most importantly he see that in himself. We appreciate each good day. There are still moments when situation can be worse but that's normal. The therapy ha had last year although not strictly DBT but similar to it helped in in many areas: controlling his anger and other destructive behaviours like drinking, recognising elements which trigger his BPD at the early stage, calming down techniques, etc. The improvement came with a price of cutting off the ties with some people who had played important role in his life for a while. But he said they were also his triggers and at this stage of his life there is no room for them in it anymore. We managed to get under control his epilepsy. And we did it without any medication - just some changes in diet (coconut oil has been working wonderfully!), less stress, more regulated days. I think the relapse was partly due to high level of stress. Having it under control helped him to calm down. At the moment he is at home where he says he feels safe and works on some projects. They keep him not only busy and focused but also help him express himself. It's a sort of therapy as well, to be able freely show what one feels. I use daily what I have learnt about DBT. Yes, sometimes I make mistakes but I accept them and take full responsiblity. Most importantly, I try never make them again. On the final note I want to add that when recently one of my friends who has seen my husband's ups and downs asked me if I was celebrating his improvement I said I appreciated each day. And that's enough for me for the moment.... x

catrin11 · 28-03-2015 4:46pm

I would like to tell you some very positive news I got from one of my friends. She knew I was on this thread and wanted to share it with others as a message of hope. Her husband suffers from BPD and just recently started doing the DBT therapy. The change in him is incredible! With her permission I pass on what she told me. 'My husband started dbt a couple of weeks ago and the difference is truly amazing! He is great now! The team of doctors from cork doing dbt course came up and decided they would pilot from there. It's a trial but I truly can't recommend it highly enough. It's amazing. It's definitely worth trying. I really thought this was the rest of my life looking after him but now he can do so much stuff without strong medication. He simply functions the way he normally did years ago.'
I don't think any comment is needed :-)

chinacup · 26-04-2015 11:39am

catrin11 wrote: »

I would like to tell you some very positive news I got from one of my friends. She knew I was on this thread and wanted to share it with others as a message of hope. Her husband suffers from BPD and just recently started doing the DBT therapy. The change in him is incredible! With her permission I pass on what she told me. 'My husband started dbt a couple of weeks ago and the difference is truly amazing! He is great now! The team of doctors from cork doing dbt course came up and decided they would pilot from there. It's a trial but I truly can't recommend it highly enough. It's amazing. It's definitely worth trying. I really thought this was the rest of my life looking after him but now he can do so much stuff without strong medication. He simply functions the way he normally did years ago.'
I don't think any comment is needed :-)

You sound like you are both doing an amazing job, you for your patience and clear love and him for accepting and engaging with the help. Its really great to hear & I hope the improvements continue beyond what you've already seen. Best of luck! I have just started DBT myself so fingers crossed I see some results too.

SATSUMA · 04-05-2015 5:09pm

Does anyone know how to get on a waiting list for DBT and how long the wait is in Dublin?

greenfrogs · 04-05-2015 11:53pm

SATSUMA wrote: »

Does anyone know how to get on a waiting list for DBT and how long the wait is in Dublin?

I think you have to be referred by your community mental health team. If you are not already attending them then you need to get referred through your GP. I have no idea about waiting lists though.

Bpd or bipolar? · 11-05-2015 8:37am

I am going to my gp today to tell him I think I have this disorder.
Iv attempted suicide from the age of 14,probably 15 times!
I can't keep a relationship,I suffer extreme mis trust and paranoia ,I flip like a light switch from a loving kind caring person to an absolute devil who I hate and others hate. I'm mainly like this with spouses though.i do not have friends,I can't seem to make any. Though on the outset i appear confident and full of self esteem.
I get sad and cry a lot over the slightest of things then fits of rage where I scream break things and lash out. (I have slapped partners)I push and pull in relationships,I act like I don't care then when they leave me I go into sheer panic begging them back ,however if they do come back I push them away again and the cycle continues. This has meant my last ex got a protective order against me for repeatedly calling him(ashamed of my life) .i have an extreme fear of being ignored and it absolutely kills me,I sit staring at my phone waiting for a reply then bombard someone with texts when they don't respond.I always feel tremendous guilt and self loathe after these episodes but I can't seem to stop them. I hate being like this.i have a divorce behind me and multiple failed relationships. I can't keep losing people I love

Bpd or bipolar? · 11-05-2015 8:39am

I am going to my gp today to tell him I think I have this disorder.
Iv attempted suicide from the age of 14,probably 15 times!
I can't keep a relationship,I suffer extreme mis trust and paranoia ,I flip like a light switch from a loving kind caring person to an absolute devil who I hate and others hate. I'm mainly like this with spouses though.i do not have friends,I can't seem to make any. Though on the outset i appear confident and full of self esteem.
I get sad and cry a lot over the slightest of things then fits of rage where I scream break things and lash out. (I have slapped partners)I push and pull in relationships,I act like I don't care then when they leave me I go into sheer panic begging them back ,however if they do come back I push them away again and the cycle continues. This has meant my last ex got a protective order against me for repeatedly calling him(ashamed of my life) .i have an extreme fear of being ignored and it absolutely kills me,I sit staring at my phone waiting for a reply then bombard someone with texts when they don't respond.I always feel tremendous guilt and self loathe after these episodes but I can't seem to stop them. I hate being like this.i have a divorce behind me and multiple failed relationships. I can't keep losing people I love

freudiangirl · 07-06-2015 10:15am

I have bpd and clinical depression.In the past year, I have had 9 suicide attempts. My most recent being Friday night.
I feel that since I was diagnosed I am being fobbed off by people especially professionals like my gp and psychiatrist.
Before Friday evening, I had been to my gp twice that week and talked to a dbt counsellor. I told them how I had nearly overdosed again on Thursday night etc... my gp. Tells me only I can help myself.

So I felt unsupported, I walked and walked. I stood by river wanting to jump in,life is torture for me.
I was then talked down by a ffriend . gardai were called etc...
I saw southdoc who threatened me with involuntary admission if I didn't go to st micheals.I eventually went voluntarily and sent 3 hours in a& e only to be discharged despute being considered a significant risk to myself.
I self harm . daily.
I am.now home.battling constant suicidal.urges that I will be act on. I am.living minute by minute just to survive.
I did self medicate this morning just for relief but it hasnt helped. I am.struggling and feel as though nobody can help even when I am asking for help.

I feel as.though death is only way out for me.

chinacup · 07-06-2015 10:17am

SATSUMA wrote: »

Does anyone know how to get on a waiting list for DBT and how long the wait is in Dublin?

I know there is one inchicore via the primary care centre there but you have to live in the cachement area (or give an address of someone who does!)

chinacup · 07-06-2015 10:25am

freudiangirl wrote: »

I have bpd and clinical depression.In the past year, I have had 9 suicide attempts. My most recent being Friday night.
I feel that since I was diagnosed I am being fobbed off by people especially professionals like my gp and psychiatrist.
Before Friday evening, I had been to my gp twice that week and talked to a dbt counsellor. I told them how I had nearly overdosed again on Thursday night etc... my gp. Tells me only I can help myself.

So I felt unsupported, I walked and walked. I stood by river wanting to jump in,life is torture for me.
I was then talked down by a ffriend . gardai were called etc...
I saw southdoc who threatened me with involuntary admission if I didn't go to st micheals.I eventually went voluntarily and sent 3 hours in a& e only to be discharged despute being considered a significant risk to myself.
I self harm . daily.
I am.now home.battling constant suicidal.urges that I will be act on. I am.living minute by minute just to survive.
I did self medicate this morning just for relief but it hasnt helped. I am.struggling and feel as though nobody can help even when I am asking for help.

I feel as.though death is only way out for me.

Your case is so extreme that I can't believe they discharged you. Go back to the people who said they would involuntarily admit you and tell them what happened when you tried to voluntarily go. The system has failed you and you need to be strong now and fight against it for your own health & safety. Please don't give up & if you need someone to talk to come on here, ring the samaratins or aware helpline, anything that helps get you through the worst moments. I don't know what else to say to you other than please please try to get help again!

Paarthurnax · 07-06-2015 10:58am

I work in an Acute Psychiatric unit and at any time approximately 25% of or patients have some form of Personality Disorder. It may come as a surprise to people that Personality Disorders are not strictly Psychiatric conditions. We mainly treat the symptoms that come with the personality disorder, such as suicidal ideation, self harm and anxiety. Unfortunately most Acute units in Ireland are not equipped to cater for Personality Disorders so we end up with a revolving door system.

catrin11 · 07-06-2015 1:19pm

chinacup wrote: »

I know there is one inchicore via the primary care centre there but you have to live in the cachement area (or give an address of someone who does!)

Yes, there is one. We found out about it only few days ago. Haven't yet checked it but apparently it is a very good place. Luckily for us we live within its area.

catrin11 · 07-06-2015 2:33pm

Bpd or bipolar? wrote: »

I am going to my gp today to tell him I think I have this disorder.
Iv attempted suicide from the age of 14,probably 15 times!
I can't keep a relationship,I suffer extreme mis trust and paranoia ,I flip like a light switch from a loving kind caring person to an absolute devil who I hate and others hate. I'm mainly like this with spouses though.i do not have friends,I can't seem to make any. Though on the outset i appear confident and full of self esteem.
I get sad and cry a lot over the slightest of things then fits of rage where I scream break things and lash out. (I have slapped partners)I push and pull in relationships,I act like I don't care then when they leave me I go into sheer panic begging them back ,however if they do come back I push them away again and the cycle continues. This has meant my last ex got a protective order against me for repeatedly calling him(ashamed of my life) .i have an extreme fear of being ignored and it absolutely kills me,I sit staring at my phone waiting for a reply then bombard someone with texts when they don't respond.I always feel tremendous guilt and self loathe after these episodes but I can't seem to stop them. I hate being like this.i have a divorce behind me and multiple failed relationships. I can't keep losing people I love

How did it go with the gp? Hope you got some advice and help. Fingers crossed anyway!

freudiangirl · 08-06-2015 2:55am

Thanks to everyone for.your advice and kind words.
Was referred back for assessment again sunday night.....same treatment.
Hoping my gp will refer me to St. Patricks tomorrow as I can't go on as I am.

I feel as if I am cracking up.

freudiangirl · 12-06-2015 1:28pm

Good news for me finally. Rang st Patricks this morning and should be admitted either tomorrow or Sunday for treatment

catrin11 · 12-06-2015 8:17pm

freudiangirl wrote: »

Good news for me finally. Rang st Patricks this morning and should be admitted either tomorrow or Sunday for treatment

Well done! Fingers crossed for you!

freudiangirl · 13-06-2015 1:37pm

Thanks still waiting for call but hoping today for.call for admission.
Thanks to everyone for your support and pms of support.
It was greatly appreciated.
Hopefully only 2 more days before I can start getting back on track and getting my life together.

Feeling fairly overwhelmed today but at least I managed to shower and buy milk.

freudiangirl · 16-06-2015 1:58pm

Still waiting for admission ..am short one bit of paper from dbt counsellor but hoping she will fax it today then I will get date for admission.

freudiangirl · 19-06-2015 6:28pm

Finally being admitted tomorrow at 11. Have had major meltdowns this week and in front of kids which makes me feel worse.
Hoping st patricks can help.

catrin11 · 27-06-2015 9:48pm

Hope all goes well now! Fingers crossed for you :-)

Lady is a tramp · 10-02-2016 1:07pm

I'm so glad I found this thread. I'm on the verge of being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. Just waiting for the official confirmation of the diagnosis, but my GP and counsellor are pretty certain of it, so just waiting to see the psychiatrist.

Reading up a bit on both, it would seem I'm a pretty textbook case of both. Only thing is that I've never attempted suicide, which is common in BPD, but uncommon in NCD, so I guess that's why. I have self-harmed quite a few times, and threatened suicide more than once, even though I didn't know why as I was never genuinely suicidal.

The BPD, grand, I can live with. It's actually such a relief to finally get some understanding into why I am the way I am, why I think the way I do and act the way I do. The NPD is harder to accept - who wants to be called a narcissist? But I have to admit, reading up on it, yeah I have a lot of the symptoms. And it seems BPD and NPD often go hand in hand.

Past diagnoses have included alcohol dependence, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, panic disorder, PTSD, can't even remember what else. So I guess all that muddied the waters so much that the personality disorders were never picked up on. From what I've read, it's common for people with BPD to suffer from those as well, although I guess maybe not all of them. I'm a special case.

(See? Narcissistic!)

I had a complete dissociation last week and did a lot of terrible things and it's terrifying. I don't know how common that is. All I know is that the person who did those things wasn't me and I can't identify with them at all.

I have a question ... I've read that there'll be very little support available unless I'm living in Dublin or Cork. I've been living in Dublin the last few years, but was seriously considering a move to another county. Is this true? If so, I'll be more inclined to stay in Dublin for now ...

Lady is a tramp · 16-02-2016 2:50am

Sorry I hope it's OK to bump this. I'd just really love to hear from anyone with similar experiences ... just to know I'm not alone in this.

Something that scared me a little the other day. Apparently - when BPD is actually diagnosed - it's quite treatable. I was saying this to a family member the other day, and she said, "Great - so it might take some time, but you'll be back to your old self."

But she's not right, is she? I'll be a whole new "myself". All of the thoughts, attitudes, relationships, ideas that I thought were normal ... just part of me ... I'll be working to "cure" myself of them.

Who will be the person who will come out the other side?

Gremlinertia · 16-02-2016 3:00am

Lady is a tramp wrote: »

Sorry I hope it's OK to bump this. I'd just really love to hear from anyone with similar experiences ... just to know I'm not alone in this.

Something that scared me a little the other day. Apparently - when BPD is actually diagnosed - it's quite treatable. I was saying this to a family member the other day, and she said, "Great - so it might take some time, but you'll be back to your old self."

But she's not right, is she? I'll be a whole new "myself". All of the thoughts, attitudes, relationships, ideas that I thought were normal ... just part of me ... I'll be working to "cure" myself of them.

Who will be the person who will come out the other side?

I don't ordinarily post here even though this is my diagnosis, think i was feeling spread too thin across other threads. Anyway nevermind. I'm almost through one full year of dbt treatment and seven or eight years of medication and psychiatric outpatient appointments and between observing others on the same course and myself there is a definite change in me, however it's not night and day. I think on good days I'm less agitated, more self-aware. I don't know that anyone would change to someone completely unrecognisable to others to be honest, no treatment seeks to reprogram a person.. Any change friends have commented on is an extension of something. For example 'you seem more confident' it's a slow process too so people you see frequently won't notice some huge change..

Daenarys · 20-02-2016 12:41am

I thought about posting anon for this but I'm feeling brave tonight.

I've told friends that I've anxiety because I'm very reluctant to say that my psychologist says it's highly likely I'm bpd. He doesn't like to label but a label gives me comfort. Yet I don't feel the need to get a formal diagnosis from a psychiatrist.

I don't live in Cork or Dublin anymore so I feel very alone in this. I even have to travel to see my psychologist and can only afford to see him once a month.

I'd love a group or someone to talk to that understands from my perspective. I've a chronic fear of abandonment, it's so bad I sabotage any chance of a good relationship before it begins, I really struggle to form bonds with people. I look at others experiencing joy and love and I haven't been able to feel that with anybody, not family, friends or boyfriends. But anger and sadness I feel those a hundred times worse than your average person

BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder

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