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14-07-2011, 23:05   #1
j1122
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advice from men...why do ye go silent?

So, was going out with a guy for about 6 months and all of a sudden he goes silent, not answering phone etc. When he eventually did answer I asked if everything was ok - he said yes - I asked a few more times and he said something about not being sure if there was a future for us...I asked him to tell me over the phone because I hate being left hanging, he said we should meet up and talk. I said ok and we agreed to meet on Tuesday of this week. But no word from him...I've been contacting him all the time in the past 2 weeks and he has agreed to meet and then on the day when I ring or text has some excuse so I didn't want to seem like I was begging to see him by ringing him again.

Why is he doing this? Does he think I'm going to go crazy or something, cry hysterically etc. I would so like to meet and end on a good note. Just wondering if any guys out there can enlighten me?
 
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15-07-2011, 13:24   #2
idle passerby
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Im not a man but my guess would be he's not interesting in seeing you anymore and doesnt have the guts to come out and tell it to you straight.
 
15-07-2011, 13:39   #3
Alter-Ego
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It sounds like he's lacking pair of balls tbh.

Some guys will try the "ignore her 'til she goes away" thing instead of dealing with the breakup in order to avoid any drama. Its cowardly.

I've done it myself when I was younger and I'm not proud of it.
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15-07-2011, 13:48   #4
sunflower27
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Total coward. The silence was meant to give you the hint, you still kept in touch, he was too cowardly to end it on the phone at the time so suggested meeting up. He then decides he can't do it (even more cowardly) so just ignores you.

he thinks now you have got the hint.

Honestly, God help him when he has to face a real crisis in his life.

I'd be tempted to text him and say you have got the message loud and clear and he may want to grow a pair but that would just make you look really upset and bothered. So don't do that!!!

Let him off, he isn't worth your time if he can be so rude.
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15-07-2011, 14:06   #5
I am a friend
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He is a spinless get, thats what is wrong with him. I would not ask him again why he is not in touch as its pretty obvious but I would send him a link to this thread so he can see what the general public think of him...

You are so well rid. Now you can get out there and meet a MAN.
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15-07-2011, 14:14   #6
ongarboy
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I wouldn't bother texting him or sending him this thread as that would imply to him that you are still hung up on him. Just move on and try to remove him from your thoughts completely. He has treated you very poorly and you know you don't deserve to be treated that way. Why not put your efforts into finding a guy who will treat you the way you deserve (ie with respect and love).
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15-07-2011, 14:14   #7
dgsdgasdgag
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Quote:
Originally Posted by j1122 View Post
So, was going out with a guy for about 6 months and all of a sudden he goes silent, not answering phone etc. When he eventually did answer I asked if everything was ok - he said yes - I asked a few more times and he said something about not being sure if there was a future for us...I asked him to tell me over the phone because I hate being left hanging, he said we should meet up and talk. I said ok and we agreed to meet on Tuesday of this week. But no word from him... I've been contacting him all the time in the past 2 weeks and he has agreed to meet and then on the day when I ring or text has some excuse so I didn't want to seem like I was begging to see him by ringing him again.

Why is he doing this? Does he think I'm going to go crazy or something, cry hysterically etc. I would so like to meet and end on a good note. Just wondering if any guys out there can enlighten me?
Because of what is bolded above. You are driving the guy nuts with texts, calls, etc when he feels he's made it clear enough that he's not interested, and he's thinking "If she's this bad through text, how bad will she be in person?". He's probably convinced himself you're a total nut due to your behaviour since he's gone quiet on you, and justified his behaviour due to this.

I'm a guy and have been in your ex's position before, it is cowardly but with the way some women react to breakups, it's easier not face up to her crying and wailing and making a huge fuss out of something that just fizzled out.
 
15-07-2011, 15:23   #8
IrishEyes19
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I wouldnt contact him again or meet up at all. Just let him go. He sounds cowardly so let him off.
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15-07-2011, 15:30   #9
LittleBook
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I've been on the receiving end of this treatment ... it was a French guy and I remember pawing through the dictionary to find the French for "coward" so I could tell him exactly what I thought of him.

The problem in these situations is that you don't get the elusive closure that people need to really understand that a relationship is over.

Just bear in mind that even if you did see him again, you might never get that closure so try to get it somewhere else ... like this thread.

Onwards and upwards!
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15-07-2011, 15:34   #10
Miss Fluff
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What a spineless numpty. I think you know the answer and he sounds incapable of being dignified and mature about it so just leave him be.
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15-07-2011, 19:17   #11
j1122
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Thanks for the replies - a bit of name calling always helps! and its good to know that I'm not alone in thinking he's a complete coward. I'm trying not to think about him but it seems to come in waves. I go between convincing myself to focus on new things and all the good things in my life and ... really really wanting to just have it out with him. Truth be told, I keep having flashbacks of all the times he treated me like s**t. I laughed it off or made excuses for him (like his troubled family background) but now I just feel ashamed for not having stood up for myself. I'm torn between believing he's just a really selfish individual or a really tortured soul. So whilst I really can't see myself lowering myself and contacting him, I haven't let the idea of that go yet....and its annoying - I need to get on with my life. Then again I don't like feeling like I can't speak my mind for fear of looking like a psycho...
Anyway, its a learning experience, there were alarm bells going off in my head from the beginning and I ignored them. I don't wish him any badness (in the main that is, I do have my moments!)but I would like that closure.
 
15-07-2011, 19:35   #12
Neyite
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Op, the first big love of my life dumped me like this - Sure its not the same guy?

In my case, I was confused and really wanted answers, but I was too young to realise that I already knew the answer - "I dont love you anymore". So I tried the way you did, to talk to him and it was like banging my head off a brick wall, but I got the hint.

I bumped into him a few years ago, and he was now married, and the more I listened to him talk, the more I realised that he pulls the same silent trick on that poor wife. 20 years on and he is still incabable of treating his partner with respect.

OP, walk away with your dignity here. His silence is telling you that he thinks little of you, cares nothing for confusing and hurting you, and he is showing you what a wuss he is.
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15-07-2011, 20:26   #13
nicechick!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by j1122 View Post
So, was going out with a guy for about 6 months and all of a sudden he goes silent, not answering phone etc. When he eventually did answer I asked if everything was ok - he said yes - I asked a few more times and he said something about not being sure if there was a future for us...I asked him to tell me over the phone because I hate being left hanging, he said we should meet up and talk. I said ok and we agreed to meet on Tuesday of this week. But no word from him...I've been contacting him all the time in the past 2 weeks and he has agreed to meet and then on the day when I ring or text has some excuse so I didn't want to seem like I was begging to see him by ringing him again.

Why is he doing this? Does he think I'm going to go crazy or something, cry hysterically etc. I would so like to meet and end on a good note. Just wondering if any guys out there can enlighten me?

Lucky escape I say! Its upsetting & disappointing for you personally try not to let your self esteem take a knock here he really is being disrespectful to you by not giving you any closure but like I said lucky escape
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16-07-2011, 03:41   #14
PennyLane88
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I have a similar experience with my last bf.

Decided he would end it after going away together by not texting or ringing me, untl i suggested we needed to talk. Then told me we need a temporary break, until i found out he was back with his ex. I made my feelings quiet clear in an email, and he wanted to stay friends, (presumbly to keep his options open) Told him where he could stick his friendship.

I took this break up badly, mainly because of the way i was dumped, what man thinks that this is acceptable? Seriously, is this the norm? Not understanding why someone dumps you and not getting closure on it is very frustrating, but i've let it go.

Well my advice to you is to forget him, you had a lucky escape and you deserve alot better.

And whenever i think of the dips*** i dated, i just think of all his flaws, which turns me off him, and gives me a good laugh. All i have to say is good luck to the girl he is back with, she really doesnt realise what a compulsive liary muppet he really is, at least we are wiser now, and we can find someone is doesnt treat us like ejits!
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16-07-2011, 10:54   #15
Firetrap
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You're going to have to accept that you probably won't get the closure. Unless he suddenly has a personality change and stops ignoring calls and texts or weasels his way out of a meeting in person. If you pursue him for your closure, you'll be the one who sounds like a bunny boiler. You'd be far better off occupying yourself with other things. Over time he will fade away from your thoughts.
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