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Marriage: is it worth it?

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Comments

  • #32
    Mjolnir
    Registered Users Posts: 985 ✭✭✭Mjolnir


    SouthWesterly wrote: »
    They are as valuable as the paper written on

    Not true
    The paper could be used for a contract thats enforceable and recognised in Ireland, so in essence its a horrible waste of paper.

    Literally a pointless endeavour getting one as no court here will recognise it as having any legal standing.


  • #33
    Thelonious Monk
    Registered Users Posts: 13,731 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    seamus wrote: »
    Sure, but trying to be prepared for it, or even worrying about it, suggests that it's so likely that you may as well not get married.

    I'm not under the illusion that nothing could ever break my marriage, but I consider it such an outside possibility that I spend no time worrying about it.

    The last person I went out with was considerably richer than me, a couple of properties, very wealthy parents etc. If we had got married I'd have no problem signing something, not that I'd ever want anything but I would understand someone's worries about that kind of thing. You never really know anyone as well as you think you do, in my opinion.


  • #34
    Hyperbollix
    Registered Users Posts: 919 ✭✭✭Hyperbollix


    Thelonious Monk wrote: »
    You never really know anyone as well as you think you do, in my opinion.

    And until you involve assets and cash, you don't know them at all!


  • #35
    Sheeps
    Registered Users Posts: 2,762 ✭✭✭Sheeps


    Stan27 wrote: »
    Is it worth it anymore?
    Looking at it from mans point of view, but is there any real benefit for it, which is essentially an expensive party.
    I know if things go bad and divorce happens, the men seem to get the bad end of the stick.
    Obviously there are are a good lot of great marriages out there so it still suits a lot of people.

    Just curious of people’s opinions ?

    Tax benefit alone, yes it probably is to a lot of people.


  • #36
    Stan27
    Registered Users Posts: 528 ✭✭✭Stan27


    Sheeps wrote: »
    Tax benefit alone, yes it probably is to a lot of people.

    My delima is, with my gf for over 3 years, and currently building a house. Love her to bits and happy out, i really am.
    But for a wedding/ marriage i dont really see the benefit.
    Id have no major interest doing it, id just do it too keep her happy if push came to shove.


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  • #37
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Stan27 wrote: »
    My delima is, with my gf for over 3 years, and currently building a house. Love her to bits and happy out, i really am.
    But for a wedding/ marriage i dont really see the benefit.
    Id have no major interest doing it, id just do it too keep her happy if push came to shove.

    Did ye not discuss this before you started building a house together?


  • #38
    Strumms
    Registered Users Posts: 24,803 ✭✭✭✭Strumms


    feelings wrote: »
    If things ever go tits up in your marriage, the law here still favours women. Especially if there are kids involved. Husbands/fathers always appear to get a raw deal.

    It does.. my cousin is living proof.

    He married a girl who developed about three years into the marriage, a sort of psychological issue. She was an office manager, he was a restaurant manager. So not bad combined cash flow... they bought a seriously nice place after a big wedding....

    With bills, sizable mortgage, a new child... the wife started going gaga... she was always a nicely presented lady but she started going mental... spending mental money on designer labels like Versace, Vera Wang etc...Sean had multiple sit downs and ended up having to blag money off his mates even my Dad to buy clothes. Proper nutsville. You’d call around to see him at 3pm on a Saturday and she’d be in a designer cocktail dress. NUTS.

    After two years... he sought a divorce... he was accused of being married to his work, a bad husband and of course who benefits in the main ? Not him..


  • #39
    Rezident
    Registered Users Posts: 1,770 ✭✭✭Rezident


    Yes marriage is great is you're female, when it is not perfect you can walk away at any time with the kids, the house, his money and his future earnings - you don't even need to give any reason.


    Sadly marriage is probably not worth it for men anymore, family law in this country is significantly biased against men, hence the depressing suicide statistics. And then your kids will grow up without a dad so they are five times more likely to commit suicide, increased risk of anti-social behaviour, criminality, teenage pregnancy etc. and there is nothing you can do about it if one angry woman says so.



    There is a 50% probability the marriage will fail and in almost all cases the man will be much worse off than the woman - you will lose your kids, your house, your assets, your mental health etc. Everyone knows it is biased against men but you would not believe just how biased it openly is. Suicide is a real option for many men in this desperate situation. Over a hundred Irish father will kill themselves (and thousands in the UK, where the situation is even worse) each year as they are not allowed see their own kids.



    Maybe marriage worked a hundred years ago but it does not work for men in it's current state.


  • #40
    Rezident
    Registered Users Posts: 1,770 ✭✭✭Rezident


    Church on Tuesday wrote: »
    This is why you get a pre nup.


    Pre-nuptials have zero basis in Irish law, she will get your kids and your house and your assets and your future earnings, even if she has serious mental health issues and is completely unreasonable . I know of one case in the UK (an even worse family law system than here but somewhat similar) where the mother was a heroin addict and she still won custody. What does a man have to do to win? How many couples do you know of where the man came out of the divorce better off than the woman?



    And the probability of this happening to you is around 50%. Statistically, it makes no sense for men to get married in Ireland anymore. Talk to some of the men who have been through it in Men's Aid etc. You would not believe how bad it is, and those are the ones that survived.


  • #41
    2012paddy2012
    Registered Users Posts: 2,880 ✭✭✭2012paddy2012


    Church on Tuesday wrote: »
    This is why you get a pre nup.

    Not worth the paper it’s written on , unfortunate


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  • #42
    FintanMcluskey
    Registered Users Posts: 8,260 ✭✭✭FintanMcluskey


    Marlay wrote: »
    If the relationship survives organising a wedding it is definitely a good sign.

    Usually it’s not the groom that causes the drama!

    Haven’t heard of a groomsman being asked to loose weight to look good for the pics yet!


  • #43
    corner of hells
    Registered Users Posts: 8,355 ✭✭✭corner of hells


    Rezident wrote: »
    Yes marriage is great is you're female, when it is not perfect you can walk away at any time with the kids, the house, his money and his future earnings - you don't even need to give any reason.


    Sadly marriage is probably not worth it for men anymore, family law in this country is significantly biased against men, hence the depressing suicide statistics. And then your kids will grow up without a dad so they are five times more likely to commit suicide, increased risk of anti-social behaviour, criminality, teenage pregnancy etc. and there is nothing you can do about it if one angry woman says so.



    There is a 50% probability the marriage will fail and in almost all cases the man will be much worse off than the woman - you will lose your kids, your house, your assets, your mental health etc. Everyone knows it is biased against men but you would not believe just how biased it openly is. Suicide is a real option for many men in this desperate situation. Over a hundred Irish father will kill themselves (and thousands in the UK, where the situation is even worse) each year as they are not allowed see their own kids.



    Maybe marriage worked a hundred years ago but it does not work for men in it's current state.

    A 50 % probability the marriage will fail ? Where ?
    Even for AH that's a bit off the wall.


  • #44
    flasher0030
    Registered Users Posts: 2,475 ✭✭✭flasher0030


    FintanMcluskey wrote: »
    People change drastically over the course of marriages.

    Also getting a mortgage is a massive amount of stress for most couples

    Often heard it said, when debt comes in the door, love flies out the window

    Absolutely. Best comment here so far - "people change drastically over the course of marriages".

    I know this might be controversial, but it's so true from what I have seen - when a woman has kids, it has a psychological impact. It obviously varies from mother to mother, but towards the extreme end - one minute you could be married to someone and having a fun loving relationship. Next minute she could be roaring at you for not putting on the lid of the toothpaste properly.
    So basically, for the marriage to survive, the question is does the man live with this new scenario. And in most cases they will, because there is very little choice. There is a kid involved, and the law favours the wife.
    So my advice is definitely don't get married. But even if you don't, and a kid or 2 comes along, you're still stuck between a rock and a hard place when things go tits up between the husband and wife.

    Watch Marriage Story. Great movie. Cuts so close to the bone.


  • #45
    partyguinness
    Registered Users Posts: 8,207 ✭✭✭partyguinness


    Great for killing the sex life.


  • #46
    Mad_maxx
    Registered Users Posts: 13,505 ✭✭✭✭Mad_maxx


    Stan27 wrote: »
    Is it worth it anymore?
    Looking at it from mans point of view, but is there any real benefit for it, which is essentially an expensive party.
    I know if things go bad and divorce happens, the men seem to get the bad end of the stick.
    Obviously there are are a good lot of great marriages out there so it still suits a lot of people.

    Just curious of people’s opinions ?

    in the majority of cases , the woman gets considerably wealthier the day she marries , the man considerably poorer


  • #47
    Mad_maxx
    Registered Users Posts: 13,505 ✭✭✭✭Mad_maxx


    feelings wrote: »
    If things ever go tits up in your marriage, the law here still favours women. Especially if there are kids involved. Husbands/fathers always appear to get a raw deal.

    yep , its called " gender equality "


  • #48
    Louis Friend
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 590 ✭✭✭Louis Friend


    It is worth it.

    I wouldn’t allow marriages that have turned sour to colour your views.

    It’s a public declaration of love and the formation of a family unit in front of family, friends, and the State.

    Plus it’s important if kids are on the agenda.


  • #49
    Bobblehats
    Registered Users Posts: 4,707 ✭✭✭Bobblehats


    Louis Friend wrote: »
    It is worth it.

    I wouldn’t allow marriages that have turned sour to colour your views.

    It’s a public declaration of love and the formation of a family unit in front of family, friends, and the State.

    Plus it’s important if kids are on the agenda.

    Yeah I wouldn’t either. Marriage; shacking up with your partner all of that.... it’s a beautiful thing man, f people that don’t truly love each other are gettin hitched it’s an abuse of the very concept anyway. And then they have the gall to tell us relationships aren’t all that? Just because some folk are write-offs in said scenario they shouldn’t dictate how it’s gonna be.


  • #50
    Sheeps
    Registered Users Posts: 2,762 ✭✭✭Sheeps


    Stan27 wrote: »
    My delima is, with my gf for over 3 years, and currently building a house. Love her to bits and happy out, i really am.
    But for a wedding/ marriage i dont really see the benefit.
    Id have no major interest doing it, id just do it too keep her happy if push came to shove.

    You may be better off being joint assessed by revenue in the long run, depending on both of your earnings.


  • #51
    jmlad2020
    Registered Users Posts: 691 ✭✭✭jmlad2020


    Imagine you're wife leaving you and kicking you out of the house you paid for built on your land. Only for the wife to start shagging another man in your gaff.

    Meanwhile you are living in a bedsit aged 48 too old too ugly to match young ones on Tinder. This is is your life and it is ending one minute at a time.

    Sadly this is the reality for many Irish men. Women always have the upper hand in this type of thing, unless they're abusive but even then you'll still be up against it with the law believing you. SAD.


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  • #52
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    Its better for men's health or something isn't it


  • #53
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Depends on what you want out of life.
    Live with the same person rest of your days as married, unmarried in a relationship, or single in and out of relationships.

    Marriage is an agreement between people
    If one doesn't want it its doomed. But one may be compromising for the sake of the relationship, which IMO is OK. A lot of people in that category.
    Theres no manual, you figure it out as you go with each other.

    But it may not be for everyone. The worst thing i think you can do is string someone along in a relationship who has very different aspirations.

    As regards cost, you can make it as cheap or expensive as you want. A "traditiona"l wedding has "economies of scale", the more punters guests you have, you could actually make it at emleadt pay for itself, if not cone out slightly in the black.


  • #54
    nextgengamer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 94 ✭✭nextgengamer


    Marriage and weddings are irrelevant. Kids change everything. If you really truly love your partner and potential in laws warts n all you can survive and thrive. If you don't then don't get married or have kids. Also spend next six months deeply studying child birth, rearing, financing, illness, disability, etc etc etc before having kids. And read real news sites regularly. Wake up basically.

    I'd actually suggest going to joint relationship therapy before getting married and work out exactly your hopes and dreams and fears and plans with a marriage counsellor. Pay decent money. You might discover you really don't want to commit for kids/life. Or that your are a good match.

    If you are religious just don't put your trust in God etc. Think before you get married. Really think!

    It's your life. What do you want.

    Really ****ing think!
    :)


  • #55
    kerryjack
    Registered Users Posts: 1,556 ✭✭✭kerryjack


    Don't think marriage should be for life, maybe have a 5 year contract and after 5 years you should have a month out of contract where you can go mad, can you imagine having a special night in coppers for out of contract people. It would give people an insensitive to look after themselves better as well keep in better shape. I think a man dies the day he gives up the chase.


  • #56
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    A boy becomes a man the day he realises he's not the most important thing in the world.
    His family are


  • #57
    Pcgamer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 139 ✭✭Pcgamer


    You can return flights to the Dam for 30 Euro.

    So not don't want marriage.


  • #58
    Galwayguy35
    Registered Users Posts: 16,269 ✭✭✭✭Galwayguy35


    Hyperbollix wrote: »
    And until you involve assets and cash, you don't know them at all!

    From personal experience I agree with this.


  • #59
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I honestly don't know anyone who is married and happy. Or even content. They're all miserable.


  • #60
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Pcgamer wrote: »
    You can return flights to the Dam for 30 Euro.

    So not don't want marriage.

    You can't beat kissless intercourse with a sex trafficked Russian prostitute.


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  • #61
    Cerveza
    Closed Accounts Posts: 424 ✭✭Cerveza


    Deleted User wrote: »
    You can't beat kissless intercourse with a sex trafficked Russian prostitute.

    Can you do 1 metre if wearing a mask and sanitised cock and hands?


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