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Men's toilet etiquette: what is wrong with so many men?

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  • Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Might be speaking for myself here, but there are few pleasures in life greater than heading into the jacks in someplace like a Truck Stop, and absolutely laying King Kong's finger down into the bowl.

    The sense of pride one gets from knowing you've blocked a toilet intended for a big trucker's arse is immense


  • Posts: 0 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    I love my toilet, because we’ve been through so much **** together.


  • Registered Users Posts: 721 ✭✭✭tigerboon


    As a child after learning to finally do a "stand-up pee" I quickly discovered the joys of what I called "the wee wee race". Got years of great entertainment out of it as a young lad.

    Basically when you're standing over the bowl taking a whizz, mid-flow so to speak you then flush the toilet. The "race" is to see whether you can complete your pee before the toilet stops flushing. Ah, simpler times! Doesn't work anymore with modern jacks bowls being so fast, thus robbing an entire generation of this wonderful experience.


    Playstations now!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    gerrybbadd wrote: »
    Might be speaking for myself here, but there are few pleasures in life greater than heading into the jacks in someplace like a Truck Stop, and absolutely laying King Kong's finger down into the bowl.

    The sense of pride one gets from knowing you've blocked a toilet intended for a big trucker's arse is immense

    Do you leave it just there without flushing? Maybe put a wizard’s hat on the top of it? Exorcising the demon of dinner past is all well and good, but surely some standards apply??


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,915 ✭✭✭TheIrishGrover


    1:30 in



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  • Registered Users Posts: 5,745 ✭✭✭Deebles McBeebles


    gerrybbadd wrote: »
    Might be speaking for myself here, but there are few pleasures in life greater than heading into the jacks in someplace like a Truck Stop, and absolutely laying King Kong's finger down into the bowl.

    The sense of pride one gets from knowing you've blocked a toilet intended for a big trucker's arse is immense

    My mate once brought a few of us into the jacks at a house party to see what he called "The Brown Anaconda". F*cking thing was standing up in the toilet, almost looking at us.


  • Registered Users Posts: 15,631 ✭✭✭✭whisky_galore


    My mate once brought a few of us into the jacks at a house party to see what he called "The Brown Anaconda". F*cking thing was standing up in the toilet, almost looking at us.

    Stay classy.


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,460 ✭✭✭✭Ush1


    Do you leave it just there without flushing? Maybe put a wizard’s hat on the top of it? Exorcising the demon of dinner past is all well and good, but surely some standards apply??

    If you work in an office with women and men with small single cubicle toilets, wait till late on Friday evening when everyone is gone home, head into the ladies toilet. Lay an ungodly length of pipe and then close the lid, no flush. Let it fester there and stew nicely for the weekend and whichever lady comes in first on Monday gets a lovely greeting.

    Works best in summer.:D


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Do you leave it just there without flushing? Maybe put a wizard’s hat on the top of it? Exorcising the demon of dinner past is all well and good, but surely some standards apply??

    Ah ya would of course flush. Sure how would you know you'd suitably blocked the toilet without having flushed first?


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Ush1 wrote: »
    If you work in an office with women and men with small single cubicle toilets, wait till late on Friday evening when everyone is gone home, head into the ladies toilet. Lay an ungodly length of pipe and then close the lid, no flush. Let it fester there and stew nicely for the weekend and whichever lady comes in first on Monday gets a lovely greeting.

    Works best in summer.:D

    Stick 2 of those Googly eye stickers on top, for comedic effect. Laughs all round


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 691 ✭✭✭DS86DS


    My mate once brought a few of us into the jacks at a house party to see what he called "The Brown Anaconda". F*cking thing was standing up in the toilet, almost looking at us.

    Sh!t happens




  • Registered Users Posts: 27,039 ✭✭✭✭blanch152


    Day Lewin wrote: »
    Ah, OP - I can tell you have never travelled on Indian railways?

    Or used a public loo in Vietnam or China?

    I've seen some rough ones in France, too.

    So lay off the knocking "Irishmen" -

    No man can aim a willy accurately down the loo (as far as I can tell, having cleaned many)

    Its funny, they'll boast of being a sharpshooter with snooker cues or guns or video games, but a plain excretory organ and a bowl eighteen inches across, from a distance of a few inches, they still can't hit the bullseye.

    One of those Life Mysteries.


    I remember being in Asia and being told to follow my nose if I wanted to find a public toilet. Cubicle with a hole in the ground and nothing else, no urinal, no bowl to sit on, no toilet paper and no facility to wash hands. You learned fairly quickly to hold on until back in the hotel.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Ush1 wrote: »
    If you work in an office with women and men with small single cubicle toilets, wait till late on Friday evening when everyone is gone home, head into the ladies toilet. Lay an ungodly length of pipe and then close the lid, no flush. Let it fester there and stew nicely for the weekend and whichever lady comes in first on Monday gets a lovely greeting.

    Works best in summer.:D


    So you just ‘pinch off some spine’ and leave it floating in its watery grave for the weekend? Disgraceful behaviour.


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,460 ✭✭✭✭Ush1


    So you just ‘pinch off some spine’ and leave it floating in its watery grave for the weekend? Disgraceful behaviour.

    This bad boy won't float. You're talking a high-fibre, dense, telescopic baton of a turd. Thing will be halfway up the U bend.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 473 ✭✭Pissartist


    Worst thing i ever saw in a urinal, was a turd.
    Granted this was back in school in the 90's but i still cant believe someone stood back to front and dumped in a urinal.
    Madness


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,460 ✭✭✭✭Ush1


    Pissartist wrote: »
    Worst thing i ever saw in a urinal, was a turd.
    Granted this was back in school in the 90's but i still cant believe someone stood back to front and dumped in a urinal.
    Madness

    Username checks out.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,221 ✭✭✭Greentopia


    Fuaranach wrote: »
    Are there any countries where males do not behave like this in toilets? A society of men with toilet manners and toilet etiquette?

    Germany and Sweden, from my experience. My fiancee is German and I go there frequently, and my experience is all toilets (ladies and unisex) are kept clean and well maintained. Even the ones on Autobahn service stations. Many are self flushing so that helps.
    Germans are socialised from a very young age to be responsible and considerate towards others, to have self respect, and with cleanliness and order a high priority. This is what's lacking in Ireland. Of course not everyone but a sizeable minority. Same causes of the litter problems here. It's embarrassing to bring my other half here to Irish pubs and public conveniences sometimes when I see the state of the toilets.

    I was at a large party in a disused factory in the middle of no-where in Thuringia (former East) over Christmas and they had two portaloos outside the venue. At the end of the night they were as clean as at the start. No piss, excrement or vomit anywhere. Also no-one falling around drunk or starting fights, but that's another matter...
    Day Lewin wrote: »
    No man can aim a willy accurately down the loo (as far as I can tell, having cleaned many)

    My one can. See above reply-German. He pees sitting down like many German men for that very reason. It's great. Never once had to clean up after him when we lived together. They come ready trained :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Greentopia wrote: »
    Germany and Sweden, from my experience. My fiancee is German and I go there frequently, and my experience is all toilets (ladies and unisex) are kept clean and well maintained. Even the ones on Autobahn service stations. Many are self flushing so that helps.
    Germans are socialised from a very young age to be responsible and considerate towards others, to have self respect, and with cleanliness and order a high priority. This is what's lacking in Ireland. Of course not everyone but a sizeable minority. Same causes of the litter problems here. It's embarrassing to bring my other half here to Irish pubs and public conveniences sometimes when I see the state of the toilets.

    I was at a large party in a disused factory in the middle of no-where in Thuringia (former East) over Christmas and they had two portaloos outside the venue. At the end of the night they were as clean as at the start. No piss, excrement or vomit anywhere. Also no-one falling around drunk or starting fights, but that's another matter...



    My one can. See above reply-German. He pees sitting down like many German men for that very reason. It's great. Never once had to clean up after him when we lived together. They come ready trained :D
    5-8-pogreshni-tipovi-momci-so-koi-kje-izleguvate-vo-20-tite-godini-od-vashiot-zhivot-kafepauza.mk_1.gif


  • Registered Users Posts: 30,024 ✭✭✭✭freshpopcorn


    When I was at college I cleaned toilets and hotel rooms for a while. i generally preferred cleaning mens one's mainly because all you ever really had to deal with was a bit of piss wipe it and clean down the area.
    The women's toilets used be covered in make up and they took forever to clean and sometimes people used out sanitary sanitary pads down the toilet.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,221 ✭✭✭Greentopia


    gerrybbadd wrote: »
    5-8-pogreshni-tipovi-momci-so-koi-kje-izleguvate-vo-20-tite-godini-od-vashiot-zhivot-kafepauza.mk_1.gif

    Yeah took me a while to get my head around it, but it makes sense from a hygiene point of view. They also have toilets with shelves in the bowl so that poop can stay on it if it needs to be um, inspected for health reasons and to stop water splash back. The Lad has one in his apartment. Mostly older design toilets, I don't think the newer ones have them.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    I wonder does Aongus Von Bismarck take a piss sitting down if that’s the case?


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 110 ✭✭MaryBrosnan


    I wonder does Aongus Von Bismarck take a piss sitting down if that’s the case?

    Maybe AVB has a shewee.


  • Moderators, Music Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,717 Mod ✭✭✭✭Boom_Bap


    Rumour has it that AVB has a toilet seat installed at his desk instead of your standard office chair so that there is minimal disruption to his productivity.
    He has also to sit pantless all day but who doesn't want to do that?


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,636 ✭✭✭feargale


    mosstin wrote: »
    You're taking the piss.
    We don't give a ****.

    Without that kind of thinking the problem wouldn't exist.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,950 ✭✭✭ChikiChiki


    Lads, we all know how disastrous that first pee of the day can be straight outta bed half asleep especially with the morning horn.

    You'd nearly need a toilet bowl as big as the grand canyon to ensure no spillage.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,745 ✭✭✭Deebles McBeebles


    ChikiChiki wrote: »
    Lads, we all know how disastrous that first pee of the day can be straight outta bed half asleep especially with the morning horn.

    You'd nearly need a toilet bowl as big as the grand canyon to ensure no spillage.

    Half of it ends up in the shower sometimes :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭irishgrover


    I've not been in a women’s toilet since I used to clean them in pubs 20+ years ago.
    However I do work manage a big team (50+ people). Part of that unfortunately involves dealing with things I have no ****ing interest in whatsoever and would be far happier not to know about. One such item is that state of the toilet facilities where I work (big modern building, with big modern facilities)
    All of any toilet related problems I've had the misfortune to be indirectly exposed to (through complaints coming up the management chain) relate to lack of hygiene in the women’s facilities. Primary problems include
    1. General uncleanliness, make up "stuff" discarded around the sinks
    2. Inappropriate disposal of feminine sanitary products on the floor or in the toilet.
    3. Unwillingness to use toilet brushes.
    3. Defecating on the floor, close to, but not, in the toilet (more than once - a phantom ****ter)
    4. An innocent user of the facilities stepping into and then slipping (with new white runners) into a problem left unnoticed by the phantom ****ter...

    The only problem I have been aware of with the men’s facilities was a partially blocked urinal which quickly filled up when in use, thereby frightening the users that they would need to stop mid flow or make a bit of a mess.

    Mine is not a scientific study and maybe there are less issues with the men’s facilities reported because men have lower standards, but the point is, men don't have a monopoly on a lack of basic toilet hygiene.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,467 ✭✭✭Floppybits


    Women's toilets are as bad as that? Don't think I've ever been in one.

    Yep they are as bad. I worked in a bar and at the end of the night you would be sent in to collect any glasses in there and check that no one has fallen asleep. Sometimes you would need to wear waders in there was that much water/p1ss on the floor. Other times you would find a surprise crap on the floor of the cubicle.


  • Registered Users Posts: 468 ✭✭w/s/p/c/


    A few years ago, I went to use the toilet in work for my afternoon pony. Stepped into the cubicle to notice some dirt bird had left a turd on the ground. (I ended up using the disabled toilets instead!)

    Emailed HR to let them know that someone had left a mess on the floor and I was hoping that it was dog s*it and it needed to be cleaned up. Some people have no shame. Email went around and people had a laugh.

    This was in a company in the IFSC also, where so called "professionals" spend 8 or more hours a day working and using the facilities. Would hate to see their houses.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,092 ✭✭✭The Tetrarch


    Have you ever played in a poker tournament?
    You visit the toilet, do your business, wash and dry your hands.
    And notice that about half the players do not wash their hands.
    Back at the tables everyone handles the cards every few minutes, hour after hour.


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