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Ruining a wedding

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    #1142
    Pawwed Rig
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 22,293 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    partyguinness wrote: »
    I get the distinct impresison that is very much to the fore for a lot of couples.

    I have seen couples wholly expecting to pay for the hotel, meal etc etc the morning after in cash from the envelopes. In fact they expect it. The more left over the better.

    If the whole night works out at €50.00 per head and you are pulling in €100 to €200.00 per head then happy days plus whatever the parents may have paid for.

    It is more about budgeting and living within your means imo. I can't remember what our wedding cost but think the hotel and meal were about €70 a head. While we weren't relying on gifts to pay for that we were aware that there WOULD be gifts and that our bank balance would not be down the whole cost of the wedding when it was all over. It would be a poor start to a marriage if you didn't at least do a budget that included that high probability of receiving at least something. We were not going to hold gifts or lack thereof against anyone*



    *note to self don't invite English people to my next wedding :pac:


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    #1143
    Mollyb60
    Registered Users Posts: 6,550 ✭✭✭Mollyb60


    woodchuck wrote: »
    I think we might have been the same wedding...

    The one I was at, the best man was known for being a talker and centre of attention. Apparently even before the wedding, people were placing bets on how long his speech would be. As a kind of "I'll show them" move, he decided to give the shortest speech ever. I'm glad we weren't subjected to an hour long speech, but it did seem kind of disrespectful to the couple getting married.

    My husband and I didn't want any speeches at all at our wedding. My dad insisted on speaking for about 5 minutes which was fine. His opening line was something along the lines of "Someone told me a speech should be like a mini skirt, short enough to keep you interested but long enough to cover the basics". Sexist, but apt. :pac:
    Me and my husband played rock, paper, scissors the week before the wedding to see who would do the short thanks. He lost so on the day he thanked everyone for coming, everyone who was involved in the wedding, told everyone to enjoy their meal and the rest of the day and sat back down.


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    #1144
    partyguinness
    Registered Users Posts: 8,207 ✭✭✭partyguinness


    Mollyb60 wrote: »
    My husband and I didn't want any speeches at all at our wedding. My dad insisted on speaking for about 5 minutes which was fine. His opening line was something along the lines of "Someone told me a speech should be like a mini skirt, short enough to keep you interested but long enough to cover the basics". Sexist, but apt. :pac:


    Not necessarily..;)


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    #1145
    useless
    Registered Users Posts: 754 ✭✭✭useless


    dinneenp wrote: »
    Didn't ruin the wedding but was memorable- best man stood up for the speech and said "I'm not one for speeches/good at speeches so thank you all for coming. Enjoy the evening" and sat down.
    My Da did almost exactly that at mine. My wife's father went on a bit longer than normal, so it evened up nicely


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    #1146
    pgj2015
    Registered Users Posts: 8,925 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    I was once at a wedding where the mother and father did a speech. The fathers must have been about 10 seconds because I cant remember him doing it. the groom asked me did I remember the dads speech, I said no, he said "neither can I" lol.


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    #1147
    joebloggs32
    Registered Users Posts: 1,591 ✭✭✭joebloggs32


    partyguinness wrote: »
    I get the distinct impresison that is very much to the fore for a lot of couples.

    I have seen couples wholly expecting to pay for the hotel, meal etc etc the morning after in cash from the envelopes. In fact they expect it. The more left over the better.

    If the whole night works out at €50.00 per head and you are pulling in €100 to €200.00 per head then happy days plus whatever the parents may have paid for.

    I had the funds in my account to pay whatever the cost would be, but i used the cash that came in as i wanted to get rid of it.
    I think it would actually look worse to be spotted by someone heading into a bank lodging a big wedge of cash after your wedding.


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    #1148
    BattleCorp
    Registered Users Posts: 11,758 ✭✭✭✭BattleCorp


    partyguinness wrote: »
    If the whole night works out at €50.00 per head and you are pulling in €100 to €200.00 per head then happy days plus whatever the parents may have paid for.

    T'wud be a very cheap wedding nowadays to expect to get away with €50 per head. I doubt you'd have any change out of €100 per person, and that wouldn't be anything mad extravagant.


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    #1149
    rn
    Registered Users Posts: 1,056 ✭✭✭rn


    Two more stories to throw into the mix.

    Friends wedding in Spain. The church had been booked for a second wedding, with just 1 hour between start of both ceremonies. Bride was a few mins late to boot. So it was a turbo mass, with no sermon and super short blessings. Parents of the groom, who were very religious, were fuming. Everyone else was delighted to get back out in the sunshine. We were all ushered on too at about 5 mins to the hour so we wouldn't mix up with next wedding party.

    At a civil ceremony a few years ago. It was a large crowd. Celebrant asked everyone to "bless" the rings. But the crowd was significantly larger that they had estimated, so after about half way through crowd, they needed the rings back to get married. Grooms side of the ceremony got to bless them, but wife's side didn't. Not a big deal in grand scheme but it was awkward when the celebrant waited for few mins for rings to progress, then decided they needed em back to plough on anyway. At the same wedding, it was in middle of nowhere and all in the hotel. Majority had driven around 3 hours to get there and hotel only laid of trays of canapés. Everyone was starving and grumpy enough, lot of drinking on empty stomachs.


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    #1150
    Louis Friend
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 590 ✭✭✭Louis Friend


    spacetweek wrote: »
    Friend of my wife's had her eyeball scratched by her 3 year old daughter on the morning of her wedding. She had to go to the doctor and got an eye patch, so covered it with sunglasses.

    For the wedding photos, which were taken outdoors on a very sunny day, all the bridesmaids put sunglasses on too so it would look like a theme.

    Perhaps it was God punishing her for having a child out of wedlock?

    :)


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    #1151
    Toots
    Administrators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,905 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Toots


    whitey1 wrote: »
    Back in the day there was a great hotel in our town for weddings. It was within walking distance of the church and right across the street from one of the best pubs in the county

    It was customary for the drinkers in attendance at the wedding to decamp to the pub after the church while the photographs were been taken and then again after the meal and while the band was setting up.

    I was at one wedding and the head bridesmaid ended up coming over to the pub and read everyone the riot act (including her own husband) because the band had started and the place was half empty. I think it was a very common occurrence.

    These were the days before taxis were readily available and people would also meet at the pub for a few quick ones before the church. I knew one guy who didn’t make it to the church for his own sisters wedding because a monsoon opened up right when then we’re getting ready to leave.

    I wasn't a wedding guest at this, but happened to be in the bar of a hotel where a wedding was taking place that day. It also happened to be the same day as some big football match, and the bar was packed with wedding guests watching it on the TV.

    Someone came in and announced that dinner was being called, and most of the guests cleared out, bar about 10 lads still downing pints and watching the match. A short time later, one of the bridesmaids arrived in looking pretty pissed off and told them that they'd missed the bride and groom arriving in for dinner, and to get in now because they were serving the starters. Three of the lads ran in after the bridesmaid but the others were still glued to the match.

    A while later a very angry looking man who I think was either the father of the bride or the father of the groom arrived in and went quietly ballistic at them, ending with him telling them that seeing as they couldn't be bothered to come in for the starter, or the soup, and had now missed half the main course, they weren't welcome at the rest of the reception. The group of lads looked like someone had just shat in their pints and eventually they sorta all trailed off and left. One of them remarked how it was gonna be bloody awkward for him cos he was staying the night and his girlfriend (who I assume was also at the reception) was going to kill him.


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    #1152
    Mister Vain
    Registered Users Posts: 6,039 ✭✭✭Mister Vain


    dinneenp wrote: »
    Didn't ruin the wedding but was memorable- best man stood up for the speech and said "I'm not one for speeches/good at speeches so thank you all for coming. Enjoy the evening" and sat down.

    We thought it was a joke at first but that was the speech.
    Reminds me of Homer Simpson. "If I could just say a few words, I'd be a better public speaker." :D Fair play to him. If I ever have to be a best man I'd probably do the same.


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    #1153
    Porklife
    Registered Users Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭Porklife


    Mister Vain wrote: »
    Reminds me of Homer Simpson. "If I could just say a few words, I'd be a better public speaker." :D Fair play to him. If I ever have to be a best man I'd probably do the same.

    I love that line and the way Bart is the only person who cracks up laughing :p


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    #1154
    nibtrix
    Registered Users Posts: 1,305 ✭✭✭nibtrix


    Toots wrote: »
    I wasn't a wedding guest at this, but happened to be in the bar of a hotel where a wedding was taking place that day. It also happened to be the same day as some big football match, and the bar was packed with wedding guests watching it on the TV.

    Someone came in and announced that dinner was being called, and most of the guests cleared out, bar about 10 lads still downing pints and watching the match. A short time later, one of the bridesmaids arrived in looking pretty pissed off and told them that they'd missed the bride and groom arriving in for dinner, and to get in now because they were serving the starters. Three of the lads ran in after the bridesmaid but the others were still glued to the match.

    A while later a very angry looking man who I think was either the father of the bride or the father of the groom arrived in and went quietly ballistic at them, ending with him telling them that seeing as they couldn't be bothered to come in for the starter, or the soup, and had now missed half the main course, they weren't welcome at the rest of the reception. The group of lads looked like someone had just shat in their pints and eventually they sorta all trailed off and left. One of them remarked how it was gonna be bloody awkward for him cos he was staying the night and his girlfriend (who I assume was also at the reception) was going to kill him.

    In fairness, if you’re close enough to the wedding that either a bridesmaid or a father of either bride or groom has to come to the bar and tell you that you are missing part of the wedding, then it’s an absolute disgrace. If watching a match is going to mean that much to you then you should say up front that you can’t attend.


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    #1155
    PTH2009
    Registered Users Posts: 37,763 ✭✭✭✭PTH2009


    There prob are people out there who would put spending like a €10 and a few strach cards" in the wedding card


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    #1156
    Toots
    Administrators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,905 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Toots


    nibtrix wrote: »
    In fairness, if you’re close enough to the wedding that either a bridesmaid or a father of either bride or groom has to come to the bar and tell you that you are missing part of the wedding, then it’s an absolute disgrace. If watching a match is going to mean that much to you then you should say up front that you can’t attend.

    Yeah I got the impression that it wasn't a group of random +1s but I suppose depending on how many guests they had overall, if there were 10 people missing from their seats it might be obvious just by looking. If they were all supposed to be at the same table it would be super obvious if most of a table was missing.

    This happened a few weeks before my own wedding, and I mentioned it to the wedding coordinator at the hotel who told me they deliberately don't put big matches on the TV in the bar if there's a wedding, to avoid stragglers coming for dinner.


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    #1157
    Mollyb60
    Registered Users Posts: 6,550 ✭✭✭Mollyb60


    My wedding was on the 11th June 2016. Right at the start of the Euros. My friend's wife is from Manchester and so she was glued to her phone for the duration of the English match which was fair enough. At least she stayed in the hotel. Around 5 of my friend's bf's/husbands went up the road to another pub after the dinner to watch it. Didn't bother me in the slightest, I didn't even notice they'd gone but apparently the WAGs weren't pleased at all.


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    #1158
    BobMc
    Registered Users Posts: 1,127 ✭✭✭BobMc


    first line of a speech

    "Not for the first time today I'm standing up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand"


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    #1159
    Lollipops23
    Registered Users Posts: 5,420 ✭✭✭Lollipops23


    Toots wrote: »
    Yeah I got the impression that it wasn't a group of random +1s but I suppose depending on how many guests they had overall, if there were 10 people missing from their seats it might be obvious just by looking. If they were all supposed to be at the same table it would be super obvious if most of a table was missing.

    This happened a few weeks before my own wedding, and I mentioned it to the wedding coordinator at the hotel who told me they deliberately don't put big matches on the TV in the bar if there's a wedding, to avoid stragglers coming for dinner.

    That makes me so relieved our date is in August- between my da and my 4 brothers (and my soon to be husband) there'd be a lot of distracted lads if it was during the football season!


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    #1160
    ArtyM
    Registered Users Posts: 1,878 ✭✭✭ArtyM


    I was at a Wedding many years ago in Kerry (Im not from Kerry).
    Before the meal everyone was in the bar area of the hotel having a few drinks and mingling.
    At one point a huge portion of the crowd moved to one section of the bar and congregated around the Tv where a GAA match was being broadcast.
    At the time I thought this to be very rude, given we were supposed to be there to celebrate the couple's special day.
    That was until I noticed that the bride and groom were seated right at the front of the crowd cheering on whatever team was playing.
    They are a different breed of folks in the Kingdom.


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    #1161
    LimeFruitGum
    Registered Users Posts: 996 ✭✭✭LimeFruitGum


    nibtrix wrote: »
    In fairness, if you’re close enough to the wedding that either a bridesmaid or a father of either bride or groom has to come to the bar and tell you that you are missing part of the wedding, then it’s an absolute disgrace. If watching a match is going to mean that much to you then you should say up front that you can’t attend.

    I agree, I think that behavior is pure ignorant.


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    #1162
    Wildly Boaring
    Registered Users Posts: 3,629 ✭✭✭Wildly Boaring


    ArtyM wrote: »
    I was at a Wedding many years ago in Kerry (Im not from Kerry).
    Before the meal everyone was in the bar area of the hotel having a few drinks and mingling.
    At one point a huge portion of the crowd moved to one section of the bar and congregated around the Tv where a GAA match was being broadcast.
    At the time I thought this to be very rude, given we were supposed to be there to celebrate the couple's special day.
    That was until I noticed that the bride and groom were seated right at the front of the crowd cheering on whatever team was playing.
    They are a different breed of folks in the Kingdom.

    I gonna go out on a limb here and guess it was Kerry playing.

    It's their day. If they both love cheering for their team... fair play to them


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    #1163
    Pawwed Rig
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 22,293 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    LimeFruitGum wrote: »
    I agree, I think that behavior is pure ignorant.

    When I accept a wedding invite months in advance I do not know that my team will be in (say) champions league final. You plan your wedding date carefully.

    If you think I am missing Alan McLaughlin* scoring a goal that qualifies us for a world cup in favour of some one liners from Breda's drunk father?


    * RIP


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    #1164
    boardlady
    Registered Users Posts: 251 ✭✭boardlady


    Regarding cash gifts at weddings, we had borrowed money to pay for our wedding. We did get a lot of cash as gifts - I honestly think it was close to €25,000 too - but we kept the cash and used it to finish off our house which was still a bit rough around the edges and scantily furnished. We continued to pay off the wedding loan ourselves over whatever term it was. That way, we can look back and think how our family and friends contributed to our home, but we paid for the big party ourselves! I've never regretted our decision.


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    #1165
    partyguinness
    Registered Users Posts: 8,207 ✭✭✭partyguinness


    I dunno man. Taking out a loan to pay for a wedding does not sit well with me...each to their own but I would never be that keen to impress anyone.

    We paid for our wedding and all the trimmings in advance (not on credit) and within our own affordability. It made no odds what gifts we received (if any)- it was of no relevance as we were not dependent on cash gifts to pay for anything.

    Then again, we had the wedding we wanted and we were not out to impress anyone or in the habit of putting on a huge party for the world and her aunt.


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    #1166
    Sebastian Dangerfield
    Registered Users Posts: 1,793 ✭✭✭Sebastian Dangerfield


    ArtyM wrote: »
    I was at a Wedding many years ago in Kerry (Im not from Kerry).
    Before the meal everyone was in the bar area of the hotel having a few drinks and mingling.
    At one point a huge portion of the crowd moved to one section of the bar and congregated around the Tv where a GAA match was being broadcast.
    At the time I thought this to be very rude, given we were supposed to be there to celebrate the couple's special day.
    That was until I noticed that the bride and groom were seated right at the front of the crowd cheering on whatever team was playing.
    They are a different breed of folks in the Kingdom.

    We did the same for a Mayo Dublin match. They drew the first game the previous Sunday, so the replay was due to be on our wedding day, the following Saturday at 5pm. We pushed the dinner an hour, got the hotel to set up a big screen and it made for great craic. I'm sure there were a few people with no interest in sports who were annoyed, but you can't keep everyone happy.


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    #1167
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    I was a +1 for a massive wedding during the 94' world cup on the day Ireland were playing Italy. Every tv in the country hotel had that match playing. Kick off was at 9pm or for that, but there were two other matches that day also.

    The bride hated football, it was her dream day etc and was adamant that while the entire country had pretty much turned green, her wedding was her day and football was not going to feature even peripherally in it.

    Every male and most females in her family and friend group told her that people would piss off to watch the football. The hotel offered to bring in a projector screen so that guests could watch it. They warned her that her guests would piss off to the main bar to watch the football and that she would be unlikely to be able to get them back in afterwards. Anyway she was well warned.

    The meal finished up around 7 or so and during that lull where the band are setting up and they are moving tables off the dance floor people began to drift into the main bar. Then other people went looking for those people and began to drift in also. Pretty soon the front bar was wedged with wedding guests. The craic was ninety and the pints were flowing nicely. Nobody was budging. It was epic. I'm not even mad about football but I was having a great time!

    At one point I went to the loos in the function room and there was the bride, sitting with a head of thunder on her and about 10 elderly guests in an empty function room with a band listlessly playing to a dance floor empty apart from two hyped up flower girls. Even the groom was long gone. Nobody made it back in for the rest of the evening.

    Absolute disaster and it could have actually been an epic wedding had she just decided to go with the flow and screened the match.


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    #1168
    PhilOssophy
    Registered Users Posts: 2,114 ✭✭✭PhilOssophy


    partyguinness wrote: »
    I get the distinct impresison that is very much to the fore for a lot of couples.
    I definitely didn't view our wedding like that and deliberately only asked "those who we wanted" rather than the "they'd give a good present" brigade. I can smell that a mile away in my own life.
    partyguinness wrote: »
    I dunno man. Taking out a loan to pay for a wedding does not sit well with me...each to their own but I would never be that keen to impress anyone.

    We paid for our wedding and all the trimmings in advance (not on credit) and within our own affordability. It made no odds what gifts we received (if any)- it was of no relevance as we were not dependent on cash gifts to pay for anything.

    Then again, we had the wedding we wanted and we were not out to impress anyone or in the habit of putting on a huge party for the world and her aunt.

    Same as. I get the logic but I'd never be willing to borrow for it.


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    #1169
    boardlady
    Registered Users Posts: 251 ✭✭boardlady


    partyguinness wrote: »
    I dunno man. Taking out a loan to pay for a wedding does not sit well with me...each to their own but I would never be that keen to impress anyone.

    We paid for our wedding and all the trimmings in advance (not on credit) and within our own affordability. It made no odds what gifts we received (if any)- it was of no relevance as we were not dependent on cash gifts to pay for anything.

    Then again, we had the wedding we wanted and we were not out to impress anyone or in the habit of putting on a huge party for the world and her aunt.

    Each to their own. There was no 'impressing' motive.


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    #1170
    partyguinness
    Registered Users Posts: 8,207 ✭✭✭partyguinness


    boardlady wrote: »
    Each to their own. There was no 'impressing' motive.


    Ah come on now....:pac:

    Putting on a big old shindig with all the trimmings is hugely motivated (not entirely) at impressing the neighbours, friends and family (perhaps not you personally). And the more guests the better…

    ”Jaysus they had 400 had it.”
    “Sure that’s nothing, Maura and Mike had 6000 at their wedding”.

    If not, then who in God's name needs 100-300 people at their special day. Half of them you barely know (not you personally) and just feel compellled to invite for fear of insulting someone..


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    #1171
    boardlady
    Registered Users Posts: 251 ✭✭boardlady


    partyguinness wrote: »
    Ah come on now....:pac:

    Putting on a big old shindig with all the trimmings is hugely motivated (not entirely) at impressing the neighbours, friends and family (perhaps not you personally). And the more guests the better…

    ”Jaysus they had 400 had it.”
    “Sure that’s nothing, Maura and Mike had 6000 at their wedding”.

    If not, then who in God's name needs 100-300 people at their special day. Half of them you barely know (not you personally) and just feel compellled to invite for fear of insulting someone..

    I had no fear of insulting anyone - however, you seem not to share this! We paid for our own wedding. If we wanted a large wedding, it was to be no skin off anyone else's nose. We both come from very large families and a rural area with lots of friends, business colleagues etc. It was very much a wedding of its time and place to be honest. Again, each to their own


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