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What's the etiquette here??

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  • Registered Users Posts: 9,662 ✭✭✭Voodoomelon


    You'd think after 36 years i'd have grown up a little, but the thoughts of a maintenance man coming across a pile of scutter in the corner of their carpark, accompanied by a rancid cack-covered sock has me in stitches!


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,433 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    You'd think after 36 years i'd have grown up a little, but the thoughts of a maintenance man coming across a pile of scutter in the corner of their carpark, accompanied by a rancid cack-covered sock has me in stitches!

    Unfortunately, it will be seen as something left by a “disgruntled” former employee or, more likely, an act of faeco-terrorism.

    Perhaps a note explaining what happened, right down to the sock, should have been left with the mess.

    The tide is turning…



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Unfortunately, it will be seen as something left by a “disgruntled” former employee or, more likely, an act of faeco-terrorism.

    Perhaps a note explaining what happened, right down to the sock, should have been left with the mess.

    Considering the incident took place in Northern Ireland there will probably be accusations in Stormont that ‘them uns’ did it. Might put the peace process in jeopardy.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 692 ✭✭✭fuerte1976


    You appear fierce alert and coherent Flash after you're intensive porter intake from last night..


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    fuerte1976 wrote: »
    You appear fierce alert and coherent Flash after you're intensive porter intake from last night..

    Had 8 sausages, half a ring of black pudding, 2 fried eggs, 4 slices of toast, and a pint of tea for the breakfast. Then a good solid (thankfully) shïte, a vigorous act of ‘self love’, and back to sleep for 3 hours. Right as rain since.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 692 ✭✭✭fuerte1976


    Had 8 sausages, half a ring of black pudding, 2 fried eggs, 4 slices of toast, and a pint of tea for the breakfast. Then a good solid (thankfully) shïte, a vigorous act of ‘self love’, and back to sleep for 3 hours. Right as rain since.

    A magnificent 24 hours so!


  • Posts: 13,712 ✭✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    Inside and out? A brave man. I’d take the outside, dirty, part over the inside, potentially fungal, part.

    I think I’d use both socks before using one “inside and out”, you’d just end up soiling your hand.

    For some reason, I’d use the elastic last. I’m not sure it would be good for the early “stages” of the cleaning and, I’d worry, it could be, well, unpredictable.

    Look, I know I'm the one who took a shit in a carpark in broad daylight, and then put it on the internet, but your scatalogical inquiries are giving me unwanted flashbacks. I don't particularly remember whether I used the interior of my sock at all, I don't think so.

    The outcome had been a solid, heavy, ponderous turd on account of my high-fibre diet, a habit that I happen to be very proud of. There wasn't a lot of cleaning-up. Like I said, these details are not particularly vivid. My main priority at the time was avoiding arrest.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 395 ✭✭Class MayDresser


    Just to put a positive spin on it ATNM if you were caught in the states you could have been shot instead of arrested!
    Just getting rid of a few scuttery remnants of a Madras I had yesterday evening, feels like shards of glass down there! Prep H missile incoming. Might run a cold bath or hover over the deep freeze for a while.


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,936 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    This poster will be very happy with the fact that the pubs will be open tomorrow.

    Was holding a fairly girthy ‘baton round’ on the clutch as I walked briskly to an important business meeting in London recently.

    Was a tad concerned for the ‘good Armani’ but relaxed a bit when I spotted ‘The Packhorse and Talbot’ in the distance.

    There’s me man I muttered as I eased the clutch back a bit.

    Fcuking log ‘bit’ immediately and the load shifted south

    Turned out the place was closed but to cut a long story short I got lucky.

    There were lads renovating and I reacted on my feet.

    ‘Safety assessor lads, is the gaffer in’. “Upstairs guv past the lavvies “

    In ...trap one.... sluiced a fcuking log like a baby’s arm into the pot.

    No need for cleaning the hoop was still flapping, out and away.


    Hope the incoming Govt. are as good as that thinking on their feet.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Was in Aldi yesterday to pick up some of those lovely dry-aged rib-eye steaks they have. Anyways they had 12 pint bottles of Guinness Original Stout for 24 euros so I picked up a crate of that as well.

    The intention was to only have a few, but I landed a lovely double in the Curragh so ended up polishing them all off. Hadn’t drank it in 20 years. Lovely stuff. Was fairly cross-eyed from drink going to bed.

    Absolutely horrific farts all morning. Really dense, cloying, and with a slightly mushroom and boiled cabbage bang off them.

    Hit the pan about an hour ago, and there is no good news story to tell you. Extremely loose, very rapid discharge, large quantities, huge amount of complex brushwork and paperwork required. Ended up using half a can of Neutradol to shift the fücking smell of pure arse evil that enveloped the room and had started seeping out into the bedroom.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,814 ✭✭✭Lewis_Benson


    Was in Aldi yesterday to pick up some of those lovely dry-aged rib-eye steaks they have. Anyways they had 12 pint bottles of Guinness Original Stout for 24 euros so I picked up a crate of that as well.

    The intention was to only have a few, but I landed a lovely double in the Curragh so ended up polishing them all off. Hadn’t drank it in 20 years. Lovely stuff. Was fairly cross-eyed from drink going to bed.

    Absolutely horrific farts all morning. Really dense, cloying, and with a slightly mushroom and boiled cabbage bang off them.

    Hit the pan about an hour ago, and there is no good news story to tell you. Extremely loose, very rapid discharge, large quantities, huge amount of complex brushwork and paperwork required. Ended up using half a can of Neutradol to shift the fücking smell of pure arse evil that enveloped the room and had started seeping out into the bedroom.


    The origional stout knocks the shyte out of the watery cans of "Draught".




  • https://www.reddit.com/r/ireland/comments/hhbw40/the_day_after_a_feed_of_guinness_after_the_pubs/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

    Any of the regular contributors here on reddit? Some posts there are worthy of this esteemed chamber.


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,992 ✭✭✭✭Geuze


    Was in Aldi yesterday ..... they had 12 pint bottles of Guinness Original Stout for 24 euros so I picked up a crate of that as well.

    Hit the pan about an hour ago, and there is no good news story to tell you. Extremely loose, very rapid discharge, large quantities, huge amount of complex brushwork and paperwork required.

    Aldi are selling Extra Stout, 2 euro for 50cl, lovely.



    I thought beer leads to more solid stools?

    Maybe I'm wrong?

    https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/does-alcohol-make-you-poop#:~:text=Alcohol%20is%20a%20gastrointestinal%20irritant,softer%20stools%2C%E2%80%9D%20she%20says.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Geuze wrote: »
    Aldi are selling Extra Stout, 2 euro for 50cl, lovely.



    I thought beer leads to more solid stools?

    Maybe I'm wrong?

    https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/does-alcohol-make-you-poop#:~:text=Alcohol%20is%20a%20gastrointestinal%20irritant,softer%20stools%2C%E2%80%9D%20she%20says.

    Heavy Guinness consumption leads to soft, dark, mushy shïtes that smell like a dead badger, botulism, and musty carpets. Fûcking dreadful.

    Herself has put me in a spare bedroom for the night such is the quantity and viciousness of my farting. I’ve farted hundreds of times today. It was like the finale of the 1812 overture there for a time after the dinner.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,660 ✭✭✭armaghlad


    I tried one of those gimpy IPAs that every pretentious alternative/woke/hipster under the sun seems to be drinking these days. Absolute piss. Anyhoo ONE lukewarm tin is all I had and the farts coming out of me the next day were absolutely pungent, not too dissimilar to rotten fruit mixed with burnt rubber. I dread to think how a feed of this dishwater would affect a man’s excretory tract.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,814 ✭✭✭Lewis_Benson


    armaghlad wrote: »
    I tried one of those gimpy IPAs that every pretentious alternative/woke/hipster under the sun seems to be drinking these days. Absolute piss. Anyhoo ONE lukewarm tin is all I had and the farts coming out of me the next day were absolutely pungent, not too dissimilar to rotten fruit mixed with burnt rubber. I dread to think how a feed of this dishwater would affect a man’s excretory tract.

    Love a good IPA.
    What the hell were you doing drinking it warm lad?
    Into the fridge for a few hours before drinking.

    Did no one ever show you how to chill a beer?
    No wonder your gases would knock out a sewer worker, I'd say you don't know how to cook a decent meal for yourself.
    Chilling beer is drinking 101 man.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,660 ✭✭✭armaghlad


    Love a good IPA.
    What the hell were you doing drinking it warm lad?
    Into the fridge for a few hours before drinking.

    Did no one ever show you how to chill a beer?
    No wonder your gases would knock out a sewer worker, I'd say you don't know how to cook a decent meal for yourself.
    Chilling beer is drinking 101 man.
    Wasn’t mine chap, my terrible host offered it to me. You know you can make your own IPA at home? Just mix some mi wadi and vinegar into out of date smithwicks and voila


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,814 ✭✭✭Lewis_Benson


    armaghlad wrote: »
    Wasn’t mine chap, my terrible host offered it to me. You know you can make your own IPA at home? Just mix some mi wadi and vinegar into out of date smithwicks and voila

    I'm afraid that would taste awful dude.
    You'll be firing out some scutter after that I can garuntee, call the shyte boys down at the waterworks before you unload that will you, its the decent thing to do.

    I do however make my own IPA at home using a brew kit, have a brewed a few fine ales I must say.
    I'm overdue a brew now actually.
    Having just moved home, I may buy a 2nd keg and get 2 going.


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,433 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    armaghlad wrote: »
    You know you can make your own IPA at home? Just mix some mi wadi and vinegar into out of date smithwicks and voila

    You forgot the tea bag.

    The tide is turning…



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,814 ✭✭✭Lewis_Benson


    You forgot the tea bag.

    Christ, I'd say even Shane McGowan wouldn't drink that.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Gonna be a "big" day today lads, I can feel it, deep down in my loins.

    Saturday night, rang up Ali for one of his finest. Lamb Biryani, spicy curry sauce, king prawn butterfly, veg rolls and a COG naan. Immense feed to see out the night.

    Then yesterday, a BBQ - in spite of a fúcking storm blowing outside. We're talking pork ribs with a spicy/sweet dry rub (2 huge thick racks) wings, drumsticks, thighs in buttermilk and sriracha, hot dogs made with kielbasa slaska & Tesco's finest thick hiney & mustard sausages, burgers, and to top it all off, a smoked pork belly, done low and slow. And of course, mac and cheese with candied bacon, egg salad, potato salad, and all the acoutrements

    The Lord Blessus & indeed, Save us. The guests were wondering what was wrong with the floor last night, with my comments of "awful squeak in that floorboard there" to try and cover for the farts that were being produced.

    How the duvet didn't achieve the Phileas Fog with all the hot air being produced last night, I'll never know...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 395 ✭✭Class MayDresser


    Christ, I'd say even Shane McGowan wouldn't drink that.

    Nothing he couldn't inject though to be fair.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 692 ✭✭✭fuerte1976


    Talk to Joe has some dude complaining about a monster sh1te he found steaming in his underground carpark space..

    Sound familiar?


  • Registered Users Posts: 25,420 ✭✭✭✭sligojoek


    fuerte1976 wrote: »
    Talk to Joe has some dude complaining about a monster sh1te he found steaming in his underground carpark space..

    Sound familiar?

    Was he a "Nordie"?


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,707 ✭✭✭Bobblehats


    fuerte1976 wrote: »
    Talk to Joe has some dude complaining about a monster sh1te he found steaming in his underground carpark space..

    Sound familiar?

    Was that the one the Gardaí made him take off his jumper and mop it up?


  • Registered Users Posts: 33,650 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato
    Restaurant at the End of the Universe


    Considering the incident took place in Northern Ireland there will probably be accusations in Stormont that ‘them uns’ did it. Might put the peace process in jeopardy.

    Well at least he didn't smear it on the wall



    (or did he?)

    It took a while but I don't mind. How does my body look in this light?



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 692 ✭✭✭fuerte1976


    Bobblehats wrote: »
    Was that the one the Gardaí made him take off his jumper and mop it up?

    No, t'was another moaning f(ku on about a mess he discovered and was appalled with.

    No sympathy for the poor individual that had to deliver the goods in a hurry ffs..


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 692 ✭✭✭fuerte1976


    sligojoek wrote: »
    Was he a "Nordie"?

    Nah, sounded like a D4 gimp that had paid a fortune for the parking space..
    He must have had a bad dose of ire to be moaning the way he was..


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,687 ✭✭✭✭padd b1975


    fuerte1976 wrote: »
    Talk to Joe has some dude complaining about a monster sh1te he found steaming in his underground carpark space..

    Sound familiar?
    Should have been a complete non story.

    Back in the day any council man worth his salt would be able to scoop her up with a single jab of the shovel, quick squirt of disinfectant and back into the hut before the kettle had boiled.

    These days you're probably talking risk assessments, inspections, union interventions, engineers reports, multi level debriefs etc etc.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 18,936 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    padd b1975 wrote: »
    Should have been a complete non story.

    Back in the day any council man worth his salt would be able to scoop her up with a single jab of the shovel, quick squirt of disinfectant and back into the hut before the kettle had boiled.

    These days you're probably talking risk assessments, inspections, union interventions, engineers reports, multi level debriefs etc etc.

    And making sure that ‘councelling’ was available to the ‘shovel operative’

    Scooping that lot would merit at least a month off to ‘recover’.


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