Why the Serious Fuss Over Weddings?

high_king · 15-11-2019 12:32am

road_high wrote: »

Have in the past “not gone” and the grief for years afterwards....I just don’t like weddings generally - no need to get your knickers in a twist over it, Jesus

As I said, time you manned up.

road_high · 15-11-2019 12:34am

high_king wrote: »

As I said, time you manned up.

Ok. Will do random internet person :pac:

high_king · 15-11-2019 12:35am

road_high wrote: »

Ok. Will do random internet person :pac:

Good lad random passive aggressive type.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 15-11-2019 12:36am

high_king wrote: »

It's hardly the couples fault if you behave like a passive aggressive pussy that is nice to peoples faces, but a hateful coward about them behind their back, and they've made the honest mistake of giving you the benefit of the doubt and inviting you.

Don't like the couple or weddings ? Man up and don't go.

Well, this is OTT. A hell of a lot of people don’t like weddings. But they like the people throwing the wedding. Are weddings teeming with “passive-aggressive pussies”? Of course not.

It’s easy for you to say here that you’d be fine with anyone who is not keen on weddings not attending yours. Talk is cheap. Just imagine that the list of people not attending because they simply don’t weddings includes, say, your best friend, your father, your brother. You’d be grand with them not attending? I doubt that very much.

If you really think people are cowards for attending weddings when they don’t like them, then you had or will have a lot of cowards at your wedding.

road_high · 15-11-2019 12:38am

high_king wrote: »

Good lad random passive aggressive type.

Do you even know what passive aggressive actually means? It appears not

high_king · 15-11-2019 12:39am

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Well, this is OTT. A hell of a lot of people don’t like weddings. But they like the people throwing the wedding. Are weddings teeming with “passive-aggressive pussies”? Of course not.

It’s easy for you to say here that you’d be fine with anyone who is not keen on weddings not attending yours. Talk is cheap. Just imagine that the list of people not attending because they simply don’t weddings includes, say, your best friend, your father, your brother. You’d be grand with them not attending? I doubt that very much.

If you really think people are cowards for attending weddings when they don’t like them, then you had or will have a lot of cowards at your wedding.

Not liking weddings and attending and getting on with it one thing, but going and pissing and moaning about the people behind their back and their wedding is another. People can have whatever style wedding they want, and you are free to not go or go.

Wompa1 · 15-11-2019 12:42am

Got married but didn't have a wedding. Just went to the court with a couple of witnesses. Went to a restaurant afterwards. We went on a trip and both had a day off before going back to work. We realized it might be the only time for the foreseeable future that we both had off a weekday together. Neither of us regret it. Being invited to or hearing about other people's weddings makes us even more happy that we didn't go through it.

high_king · 15-11-2019 12:44am

road_high wrote: »

Do you even know what passive aggressive actually means? It appears not

Do you know what being pretend nice to people, why whining about them behind their back is ?

road_high · 15-11-2019 12:45am

Wompa1 wrote: »

Got married but didn't have a wedding. Just went to the court with a couple of witnesses. Went to a restaurant afterwards. We went on a trip and both had a day off before going back to work. We realized it might be the only time for the foreseeable future that we both had off a weekday together. Neither of us regret it. Being invited to or hearing about other people's weddings makes us even more happy that we didn't go through it.

What a great way to do it, fair play

high_king · 15-11-2019 12:46am

road_high wrote: »

What a great way to do it, fair play

Newsflash : people can have their wedding any way they want to.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 15-11-2019 12:46am

high_king wrote: »

Not liking weddings and attending and getting on with it one thing, but going and pissing and moaning about the people behind their back and their wedding is another. People can have whatever style wedding they want, and you are free to not go or go.

How many people actually piss and moan on the day though?

People are indeed free to not go but don’t pretend you’d be fine with an RSVP no from somebody close to you simply because they don’t like weddings. That’s nothing but bluster.

MissShihTzu · 15-11-2019 12:46am

Meh. it's a wedding. One of life's events.

If you want to spend loads? Fine. If you don't? Also fine. The couple have the wedding they want. If I am available and want to go? I'll go and give a nice present. If I can't? Send regrets and a card.

These threads are all the same as LirW says. An opportunity for hypocrisy and wedding-bashing. People need to mind their own business and get on with life.

high_king · 15-11-2019 12:48am

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

How many people actually piss and moan on the day though?

People are indeed free to not go but don’t pretend you’d be fine with an RSVP no from somebody close to you simply because they don’t like weddings. That’s nothing but bluster.

Actually I've seen lots of people do that all day at weddings behind a couples back. I'd much rather that someone who didn't want to go simply declined, rather than being a two faced ass hole. I've been to many's a wedding that might not be to my personal taste, but it's their wedding not mine, and people can have whatever type of wedding they like, and like any adult, I'm free to decline or go home if I don't want to be there.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 15-11-2019 12:56am

high_king wrote: »

Actually I've seen lots of people do that all day at weddings behind a couples back. I'd much rather that someone who didn't want to go simply declined, rather than being a two faced ass hole. I've been to many's a wedding that might not be to my personal taste, but it's their wedding not mine, and people can have whatever type of wedding they like, and like any adult, I'm free to decline or go home if I don't want to be there.

Who’s saying they can’t?

JJayoo · 15-11-2019 1:00am

Weddings generate huge amounts of money for the economy, 30k for a day of bolllox.

high_king · 15-11-2019 1:05am

JJayoo wrote: »

Weddings generate huge amounts of money for the economy, 30k for a day of bolllox.

Most money is spent on bollox if you examine it.
But for now, people in Ireland are free to spend money legally any way they like.

twowheelsonly · 15-11-2019 1:22am

Each to their own as far as I'm concerned. If someone wants to spend €40k, and they can afford to do so then fair play, off with them. If someone else wants to spend €400 then fair play to them as well.
The only time I'd seriously question a 'fancy' wedding is when people go into debt for it or spend seriously ridiculous money that they can ill afford. My wife's niece is a case in point. Spent €38k earlier this year yet they live in a rented house and complain about not being able to get a mortgage. That's seriously nuts.

As a guest, I'll go if I like the couple , and know them well, or if I think I'll enjoy it. Otherwise I won't bother. My own Mrs has been to at least three weddings in the last couple of years without me and that's fine by me. (Her Niece's one above being one of those..)

Second day, IMO, should be family and very close friends only and should be by casual arrangement so that guests don't feel under pressure to attend. The second day seems to be a by-product of that tiger fella that was hanging around a couple of years ago, never happened before that as far as I can remember other than sometimes all meeting up in 'the mam's house' or down the local. The day after my wedding...waaaaaayyyyy back in 1987.... we went to Turners Cross as Cork City were playing Dundalk. She headed to the pub at half-time and I joined her later and it turned into an unmerciful session. Best part of the weekend IMO !!

Generally you'll hear older people saying that "They're nuts to be spending that kind of money...." or "They'll regret spending that much later..."
Generally the older people are right !!

cj maxx · 15-11-2019 1:30am

Weddings are pure shyte in my mind. A load of pretending the guest are your bestest friends and vice versa. All the time looking at what money came in. And guests talking among themselves later how much it cost them .and the hotel owner counting his/her money later. Pure shyt

JJayoo · 15-11-2019 2:43am

Do any grooms enjoy the planning and day of the wedding? Or is it just something they have to endure for the bride

2pacshakur · 15-11-2019 6:30am

Utterly pointless having a massive wedding in my opinion. I have cousins I haven't talked to in ten years and some I don't particularly like and just because there related I'll invite them to my wedding. No thanks!!
It's one day of your life and spending huge amount of money on one day is utterly pointless.

It will be registry office in the afternoon, 3 or four close friends, current siblings, meal afterwards and then on the piss for the night.

cj maxx · 15-11-2019 6:37am

If I was getting married again ,that's what I would do.

Neyite · 15-11-2019 10:54am

JJayoo wrote: »

Do any grooms enjoy the planning and day of the wedding? Or is it just something they have to endure for the bride

Out of about 7 or so family weddings I knew the details of, three of the grooms were the ones who wanted the big wedding, their brides would have been happy with a smaller event. A fourth bride had her dad insist it was a big 300+ guest list when she just wanted a family only day. So often it's the groom or father of the bride wanting a big party with loads of people but when you invite loads it spirals into a bigger day - bigger venue to accomodate all those guests means bigger floral arrangements, maybe a different type of musical set up for the service, bigger venue means more chair covers/ canape's /welcome drinks and so on.

Neyite · 15-11-2019 10:57am

2pacshakur wrote: »

Utterly pointless having a massive wedding in my opinion. I have cousins I haven't talked to in ten years and some I don't particularly like and just because there related I'll invite them to my wedding. No thanks!!
It's one day of your life and spending huge amount of money on one day is utterly pointless.

It will be registry office in the afternoon, 3 or four close friends, current siblings, meal afterwards and then on the piss for the night.

Yes, but it's not up to just you - there's two of you getting married so your partner might want a say in what they would like for their wedding day as well...

PhilOssophy · 15-11-2019 11:30am

MissShihTzu wrote: »

Meh. it's a wedding. One of life's events.

If you want to spend loads? Fine. If you don't? Also fine. The couple have the wedding they want. If I am available and want to go? I'll go and give a nice present. If I can't? Send regrets and a card.

These threads are all the same as LirW says. An opportunity for hypocrisy and wedding-bashing. People need to mind their own business and get on with life.

Here here. My attitude entirely. If you want to go, go. If you don't, don't.
Most brides and grooms would rather people didn't go than sat there giving out about it all day!

Nobody is forced to do anything, plenty of people left our wedding straight after the meal (and we didn't make a mental note of who, we didn't care and I doubt any bride/groom even notices).

In Ireland with some people :
- Wedding invite = oh ffs, I've to go to that now, I need to book in for 2 nights, blah blah. Basically finding stuff to give out about.
- No wedding invite = the b****x/b***h, they didn't invite me.

Damned if they do, damned if they don't!

[Deleted User] · 15-11-2019 11:55am

More and more like the Americans Irish people love to watch pageants as well as participate in them. A wedding is going to be the highlight pageant in the life of the bride and groom:. I'm thinking here about the under 6 page boy and flower girls here.

joe40 · 15-11-2019 3:46pm

It's been nearly 20 years since I got married and it was a fairly typical wedding. In terms of cost the presents I received covered a good chunk of the expense, would that not still be the case.

Even 200 people giving an average of 100 euro each (Cash or gift equivalent) would take in 20,000 euro. Would that not go a long way to meet wedding costs.

chrissb8 · 15-11-2019 3:54pm

MissShihTzu wrote: »

Meh. it's a wedding. One of life's events.

If you want to spend loads? Fine. If you don't? Also fine. The couple have the wedding they want. If I am available and want to go? I'll go and give a nice present. If I can't? Send regrets and a card.

These threads are all the same as LirW says. An opportunity for hypocrisy and wedding-bashing. People need to mind their own business and get on with life.

You do realise you're on a forum for discussing such things? I mean that's the whole point of this thread. A discussion. On what people think of weddings.

Complaining about people who are merely voicing their opinion (no matter how much you don't like it) is pointless. Wedding bashing as it were is just how people feel about it. Serving the purpose of which the OP intended. To garner opinions on the subject.

Sleepy · 15-11-2019 4:09pm

JJayoo wrote: »

Do any grooms enjoy the planning and day of the wedding? Or is it just something they have to endure for the bride

I'd say I did about 90% of the planning for our wedding and enjoyed most of it as I've always enjoyed event planning and Mrs Sleepy wouldn't be into it.

We did a fairly typical humanist "ceremony and reception in the hotel" wedding with about 130 guests and didn't waste money on a lot of the extras. My brother is a musician brought his band as his gift to us, his now wife did the photography, made the cake ourselves, didn't have favours or photo booths or any of that craic, bought the flowers in the Smithfield market, dress was bought in a closing down sale, suits were hired on mates rates from an associate of my godmother etc. The only things I can think of that say we spent money on "needlessly" were getting really good wine for the meal (haggled the hotel into not charging us for the corkage - one of the benefits of getting married during a recession) and I surprised Mrs Sleepy with a string trio who played rock music for our ceremony and reception - found them through boards.ie actually and I'll give them a plug since they were great: Here Comes the Trio.

We'd have preferred to have done something even smaller and more low key but it would have upset my mother if we'd not invited all her sisters and some family on the other side would have been offended not to have been invited if we'd done things entirely our own way etc.

One thing I can say having gone throuh the experience is that I think most of the aspiring "instagram brides" are in for a big shock when they start their planning. Going outside the norm of having a meal and reception in a hotel gets expensive extremely quickly in Ireland unless you have the right contacts, are happy with cutting your guest list to the bone (and the ensuing fall-out from upset/offended relatives) or a business is getting a free advert on RTE for a discount.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 15-11-2019 4:42pm

Sleepy wrote: »

I'd say I did about 90% of the planning for our wedding and enjoyed most of it as I've always enjoyed event planning and Mrs Sleepy wouldn't be into it.

We did a fairly typical humanist "ceremony and reception in the hotel" wedding with about 130 guests and didn't waste money on a lot of the extras. My brother is a musician brought his band as his gift to us, his now wife did the photography, made the cake ourselves, didn't have favours or photo booths or any of that craic, bought the flowers in the Smithfield market, dress was bought in a closing down sale, suits were hired on mates rates from an associate of my godmother etc. The only things I can think of that say we spent money on "needlessly" were getting really good wine for the meal (haggled the hotel into not charging us for the corkage - one of the benefits of getting married during a recession) and I surprised Mrs Sleepy with a string trio who played rock music for our ceremony and reception - found them through boards.ie actually and I'll give them a plug since they were great: Here Comes the Trio.

We'd have preferred to have done something even smaller and more low key but it would have upset my mother if we'd not invited all her sisters and some family on the other side would have been offended not to have been invited if we'd done things entirely our own way etc.

One thing I can say having gone throuh the experience is that I think most of the aspiring "instagram brides" are in for a big shock when they start their planning. Going outside the norm of having a meal and reception in a hotel gets expensive extremely quickly in Ireland unless you have the right contacts, are happy with cutting your guest list to the bone (and the ensuing fall-out from upset/offended relatives) or a business is getting a free advert on RTE for a discount.

What’s the link between social media and non-traditional weddings? Doing something different for photo ops?

Sleepy · 15-11-2019 5:55pm

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

What’s the link between social media and non-traditional weddings? Doing something different for photo ops?

For photo ops and internet popularity points, or because of them...

I was using the term to describe the type of people who seem more concerned with being able to post great photos of their "special day" than the marriage itself.

Why the Serious Fuss Over Weddings?

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