Haven't touched a drop in...

JupiterKid · 29-05-2020 7:42pm

Well done to all those staying sober and on the wagon in these disconcerting, frustrating and unsure times.

I have struggled at times myself since the lockdown began in mid-March and - in early April, with intense pressure and stress in trying to get my home office/spare bedroom hugely retooled - and ramped up several gears to do full online working, and one particular day when it just got completely on top of me and I wanted to chuck the computer out the window and feck off down to the off-licence, I paused and thought of how far I’ve come in the past 2 years in sobriety, in recovery and getting my life back on track. I especially thought of the happiness and peace of mind I have today, despite the worries and challenges. I chaired my second AA meeting on Wednesday, this time on Zoom. It really feels great to dI service and give back.

Would a relapse, then, really be worth endangering all that? No, no bloody way!
Doing my AA groups online on Zoom - sure, it’s no proper substitute for a physical, face to face meeting and I do really miss regular social interaction...

...but it sure as hell beats being cooped up in a tiny, dingy flat with no job, isolated from family and friends who weren’t calling in or phoning any more, no hobbies, no interests, daytime TV my only friend, not eating properly (if at all some days) no self-care, a mess, the DTs, sweats, shakes, crippling anxiety in the morning when the booze ran out, the washing machine head, blood pressure through the roof, A&E visits after seizures and hallucinations...

No, I have just way, way, too much to lose. I love my sober life. I love having my peace of mind. I love my partner. I love having a clear head and so much to look forward to.

��

One day at a time.

antix80 · 02-06-2020 8:40pm

3 days.

I thought i was acing the lockdown. Turns out the pleasure the few cans or glasses that helped round off a busy day of working from home were just feeding into anxiety and negativity. It disappeared in the morning and built throughout the day, temporarily alleviated by alcohol in the evening. The number of drinks went from a few a week before the lockdown, to 1 or 2 a night, then 2 or 3, 3 or 4, as many as 6, plus more at the weekend.

I find whether among people or nature my mind is elsewhere. I'm looking at a garden i didnt maintain, a shed i didnt clear out, clothes i didnt put away, books i haven't read.

I had a call with my gp today and will be picking up a prescription tomorrow, as well as having a call with a counsellor tomorrow. On sick leave the rest of this week, hopefuly a week back at work without emergencies, and then into the first annual leave I took all year that I wasn't checking my work phone.

Nozebleed · 02-06-2020 8:42pm

half way through my 13th year.

02-06-2020 8:42pm

Fair play man..Best of luck with it..

drydub · 03-06-2020 8:54am

antix80 wrote: »

3 days.

I thought i was acing the lockdown. Turns out the pleasure the few cans or glasses that helped round off a busy day of working from home were just feeding into anxiety and negativity. It disappeared in the morning and built throughout the day, temporarily alleviated by alcohol in the evening. The number of drinks went from a few a week before the lockdown, to 1 or 2 a night, then 2 or 3, 3 or 4, as many as 6, plus more at the weekend.

I find whether among people or nature my mind is elsewhere. I'm looking at a garden i didnt maintain, a shed i didnt clear out, clothes i didnt put away, books i haven't read.

I had a call with my gp today and will be picking up a prescription tomorrow, as well as having a call with a counsellor tomorrow. On sick leave the rest of this week, hopefuly a week back at work without emergencies, and then into the first annual leave I took all year that I wasn't checking my work phone.

A lot of what i read through what you were saying is kinda linked to the overall crappy feeling a lot of us have as this lockdown eases a bit. I get a pang in my chest sometimes as i think of all the things i was 'supposed' to do with this time off and now that its nearly 3 months and i havent achieved them im beating myself up. But i've gained a lot in other ways. I've adjusted to working from Home and i've been present through all of this and i did what i could when i could. That's all that was necessary really. The shed and garden can wait. They always will.

You've prioritised yourself by seeing the GP and availing of counselling, thats a massive step that so many fail to make so give yourself a clap for that.
Recognise that you've identified alcohol creeping in on you but you've countered that, you just need to stick with it. You also have to be kind to yourself and see that this is just a $hitty time period for everyone and we weren't supposed to reinvent the wheel and its ok to just 'be'

Let us know how you are getting on

TherapyBoy · 03-06-2020 6:23pm

Figured I’d best jump in sometime soon & introduce myself, now is as good a time as any!

I’m 39 about a month or so now, haven’t been properly drunk since my 21st birthday. I’ve not been completely alcohol-free since then, friends & family occasionally use me as a test subject where I’m handed a bottle or plate of something alcoholic & asked to taste it, and I can always taste it.
In my younger days I did always love being drunk but I literally cannot stand the taste of anything alcoholic & over time gave it up completely. I started drinking beer with friends aged around 16 or so, over the years it changed to cider, then West Coast Coolers & Bacardi Breezers etc. The drinks got sweeter & sweeter but the taste of the alcohol always soured it for me. At the end I was drinking Kahlua & milk, but I had to force myself to drink something that tasted more & more vile to me & eventually getting drunk was taking all the enjoyment out of actually being drunk!
I’m lucky in a way I suppose that I couldn’t hack consuming any alcoholic drinks, I’ve some pretty substantial ongoing medical issues & always being sober removes another possible complication. It also saves taxi fare for 4 lucky friends who’re guaranteed a lift home after a skinful! I never minded being sober in the pub or wherever, my friends all know & understand and they’ve always looked after me when we’re out.
Anyways, onward & upward NDG!

anniewilkes · 03-06-2020 7:10pm

Day 85 - feeling good, lots of ups and downs though but coming out on the other side.

Decided it would be a good time to start focusing on exercise and healthy eating

Fingers Mcginty · 04-06-2020 7:41pm

anniewilkes wrote: »

Day 85 - feeling good, lots of ups and downs though but coming out on the other side.

Decided it would be a good time to start focusing on exercise and healthy eating

Misery is alive!!!

:D:D:D Sorry

Coming up to 2 months myself. Longest I've been on the wagon was 4 months in the last 30 odd years but i think this hiatus from the booze might be a permanent one hopefully.

Etc · 05-06-2020 1:07pm

10 days for me. Lockdown had been bad, saw it as an excuse to have regular "sundowners" which for me means 2 bottles of wine !

Hit a wall last week, I can already feel the difference in a positive sense. I did 3 months at the back of last year and was so much happier. I'm remembering that feeling now so really going to give it everything this time.

Wish me luck !

05-06-2020 1:09pm

Good luck etc..

Sigma Force · 10-06-2020 10:28am

tusk wrote: »

In the exact same boat.

Currently organising my wedding and there are on and off considerations of being able to have a few on the night, but when it comes down to it I don't think I'll be able to. Thankfully

Do you tend to binge drink and then go off it, or is alcohol having an effect on your general day to day life like do you consider you have a problem with alcohol? Or is it more just for health, energy reasons etc that you stopped? Have our talked to your fiancé about it?

Sigma Force · 10-06-2020 10:32am

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I'm at around 3 1/2 years..
tbh I don't miss it,..drunk people annoy me, but I kind of do find I miss the social aspect..
Do kind of half miss the odd meeting the last while too..
It's surely tough for anyone trying to stop now..

Hopefully meeting will resume soon, the social side is hard I’m not a drinker (bf was) and even I miss the social side at times but then I think about it the first half hour is grand then it just gets tedious. Which is why it’s so important to take up new things, and not just done random hobby. Things that will challenge you and trying stuff that you’d maybe be too nervous to try but have always wanted to have a go at. Pushing your limits and setting goals.

tusk · 11-06-2020 9:20am

Sigma Force wrote: »

Do you tend to binge drink and then go off it, or is alcohol having an effect on your general day to day life like do you consider you have a problem with alcohol? Or is it more just for health, energy reasons etc that you stopped? Have our talked to your fiancé about it?

When I drank, I usually drank to get wasted. After a night out I'd basically be incapacitated for days. I also turned into an absolute asshole a lot of the time.

At the end of the day it mostly came down to health reasons. I could feel myself slowly withering away with every occasion and feeling less and less myself.

Since giving it up I now have a fear of not being in control psychically or mentally and the thoughts of being drunk and not having that control of myself frightens me.

We've talked about it. She supports whatever I decide

anniewilkes · 13-06-2020 10:17pm

Day 94.

Feeling lost really..have let go of a lot of people who I've hung out with over the years as they are all partiers, never did anything together other than party so finding lockdown difficult at the moment.

13-06-2020 10:26pm

anniewilkes wrote: »

Day 94.

Feeling lost really..have let go of a lot of people who I've hung out with over the years as they are all partiers, never did anything together other than party so finding lockdown difficult at the moment.

Hey..

Yeah, this aspect of it can be hard..tbh I'm still dealing with it after what, 3 1/2 years..You kind of grow away from it or something..like, I have no desire to drink, and being around drunken stupidity gets old pretty quick..

Meetings were another kind of social outlet, but I wouldn't be the most social at the best of times so it's hard..

But you're still in the early days..And the whole lockdown is probably emphasizing this aspect of things..Once it's over it'll ease, but yeah, give it time..

Best of luck with it..

anniewilkes · 13-06-2020 11:04pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Hey..

Yeah, this aspect of it can be hard..tbh I'm still dealing with it after what, 3 1/2 years..You kind of grow away from it or something..like, I have no desire to drink, and being around drunken stupidity gets old pretty quick..

Meetings were another kind of social outlet, but I wouldn't be the most social at the best of times so it's hard..

But you're still in the early days..And the whole lockdown is probably emphasizing this aspect of things..Once it's over it'll ease, but yeah, give it time..

Best of luck with it..

Yeah, just having one of those days I suppose! I just had grand plans to try meet new people but lockdown aint helping :pac:

js35 · 13-06-2020 11:56pm

Haven’t touched a drop in years as I have Crohn’s disease alcohol makes me physically sick for days

I don’t miss drinking though never really was my thing

Chalk McHugh · 14-06-2020 11:00am

Got to 4 months on Thursday but im seriously thinking going for a few when the pubs open. I just dont think i'll be able to resist a celebratory end of lockdown few in town in couple weeks. Got to be honest about it. Feel good doing the 4 months but the one year no beer challenge is not going to last much longer. I appreciate all the kind words on here and i respect each individuals battle with sobriety and life changes but im just not able/dont want to keep going too much longer.

anniewilkes · 14-06-2020 11:09am

Chalk McHugh wrote: »

Got to 4 months on Thursday but im seriously thinking going for a few when the pubs open. I just dont think i'll be able to resist a celebratory end of lockdown few in town in couple weeks. Got to be honest about it. Feel good doing the 4 months but the one year no beer challenge is not going to last much longer. I appreciate all the kind words on here and i respect each individuals battle with sobriety and life changes but im just not able/dont want to keep going too much longer.

I've been thinking very similarly to you recently but all I have to do is play it forward to understand where I'll be after I drink, that is enough to deter me.

tdf7187 · 14-06-2020 11:12am

js35 wrote: »

Haven’t touched a drop in years as I have Crohn’s disease alcohol makes me physically sick for days I don’t miss drinking though never really was my thing

A man who I was in rehab with had Crohns, didn't stop him drinking. I guess he was the real alcoholic.

Fingers Mcginty · 14-06-2020 1:28pm

9 weeks last Friday. Ran my fastest 10K recently and lightest I've been in a few years (Just under 14.5 stone)
Nearly gave in last night though ...was craving a few cans after working a week of nights but held out. Glad of it this morning.
Definitely the longer I'm off it , the harder it is to remember why i gave it up in the first place. Faded affect bias kicking in.

tdf7187 · 14-06-2020 1:51pm

Fingers Mcginty wrote: »

9 weeks last Friday. Ran my fastest 10K recently and lightest I've been in a few years (Just under 14.5 stone)
Nearly gave in last night though ...was craving a few cans after working a week of nights but held out. Glad of it this morning.
Definitely the longer I'm off it , the harder it is to remember why i gave it up in the first place. Faded affect bias kicking in.

There's also something called euphoric recall (maybe the same thing as faded effect bias?) where drinkers are more likely to remember the fun times and not the bad consequences of drinking. It is particularly relevant for alcoholics but applies to everyone really.

Fingers Mcginty · 14-06-2020 4:16pm

tdf7187 wrote: »

There's also something called europhic recall (maybe the same thing as faded effect bias?) where drinkers are more likely to remember the fun times and not the bad consequences of drinking. It is particularly relevant for alcoholics but applies to everyone really.

yup sounds the same as FAB to me.

Chalk McHugh · 15-06-2020 3:12pm

anniewilkes wrote: »

I've been thinking very similarly to you recently but all I have to do is play it forward to understand where I'll be after I drink, that is enough to deter me.

Yes im trying to do that but the allure of a ramble around town when the pubs reopen is getting stronger by the day. I think the lockdown has made it even harder to not think of having some sort of human interactionand fun when the pubs reopen on the 29.

Mearings · 15-06-2020 3:59pm

Chalk McHugh wrote: »

Yes im trying to do that but the allure of a ramble around town when the pubs reopen is getting stronger by the day. I think the lockdown has made it even harder to not think of having some sort of human interactionand fun when the pubs reopen on the 29.

Prehaps you could make a list of the side effects of alcohol abuse eg: blackouts, accidents, humiliations, sleepless nights, financial problems etc.

" I don't drink at home (bar heading to a house after an all day session in town or local)" You mentioned these fearful ocassions earlier.

The longer you stay away from acolhol consumption the easier sobriety becomes. And as has been said so often here there are people who will listen to your problem in a nonjudgmental helpful way. Good luck.

Chalk McHugh · 15-06-2020 4:13pm

Mearings wrote: »

Prehaps you could make a list of the side effects of alcohol abuse eg: blackouts, accidents, humiliations, sleepless nights, financial problems etc.

" I don't drink at home (bar heading to a house after an all day session in town or local)" You mentioned these fearful ocassions earlier.

The longer you stay away from acolhol consumption the easier sobriety becomes. And as has been said so often here there are people who will listen to your problem in a nonjudgmental helpful way. Good luck.

Fearful occassions indeed. I can't really go into exactly the problems its caused over the years. Its not all due to alcohol. But its alcohol related and wouldnt happen without the alcohol. So many things have happened i could fill a book. But many good times too. But plenty of dangerous times. And health complications. Burning the candle at both ends. Ill just wait and see in a few weeks but the lockdown isolation has affected me mentally and im badly in need of a blow out. Well im not but thats how im thinking. Faded ? What was that psychological thing posters were talking about. Sounds about right.

Mearings · 15-06-2020 4:29pm

You're being very honest to yourself. (And to us, but it's yourself that counts.)

tinpib · 15-06-2020 9:31pm

I'm off it 4.5 years now, my 4th attempt to give it up permanently.

I had many, many reasons to give it up not just 1. As time passes some reasons that were not too important at the time seem the most important now, and vice versa.

One of the ones that feels very important now was one time I was drinking at a weekly event that I used to really enjoy. I was in my mid 30's and I was on my own at it, which doesn't help. But I was bashing away at the beers as one does.

Then I got onto that magical 3rd beer and the head buzz started, the head buzz that used to indicate that a great night was about to be had. And as it came over me, I felt, and said out loud "this isn't fun anymore".

What I've thought about since, and this is my just my own thoughts on it, is that what makes drinking great when we are young is that we have the energy of youth. And the booze makes us giddy. It is this giddiness that is where the fun is, not the drinking in and of itself.

It used to be both, drinking and then getting drunk and giddy and then having fun.

As the years tick by we don't have the energy of youth. We drink, get drunk, but we simply don't have the energy to get giddy and thus we only have a fraction of the fun we had when we were 20. And of course you can add possibly drinking more to get drunker to try and get that giddiness, and hangovers that are far worse along with possibly a whole bunch of other disadvantages.

Maybe it was just me, but recognising that the fun giddy times are gone and are not coming back simply because of my age helps me to hopefully never pick up a drink again.

anniewilkes · 19-06-2020 10:34pm

100 days.

Citizen2011 · 21-06-2020 7:00pm

That’s bang on. So true

Haven't touched a drop in...

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