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Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,596 ✭✭✭RubyXI


    Hi,
    I'm new here, I have anxiety/depression, I've had both since primary school, but I never had it treated until it started to affect my academic work the year before last.

    Basically my anxiety got so bad that I screwed my 3rd yr in Uni, on a degree I loved and then took last year off. Looking into going back, but well, talking to people about why I screwed up/took the year, makes me anxious, so it's a bit of a vicious circle right now. :rolleyes:

    I've been under a doc's & therapist's care for about a year now, 6 months with CBT, and I'm on Lexa.

    Well done on going to the doctor. Good luck with getting back to college.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 250 ✭✭Delicate_Dlite


    Thanks phi3, fingers crossed!


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,596 ✭✭✭RubyXI


    I think i'd rather be dead than feel like this anymore.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,787 ✭✭✭edellc


    I'm a nervous wreck just got a letter from illness benefit ppl who want me to go in for interview in July
    I've been on IB since last aug down to bullying in my work by owner/manager and sales rep they also tried to sack me in december...doctor put me on lexapro got up to 80mg at one stage then found out i was pregnant in december and was happy but terrified-did this child need an unstable mess as a mam, felt sorry for my partner dealing with someone who he just didnt know anymore kept telling him he would be better off without me but he wouldnt leave
    anyway had to come off anti depressants blessing really as couldnt afford 80euro a month for them begged doctor to send me to see a councillor but she wouldnt :confused: so ended up having to deal with everything once i came off lexapro
    now IB want me in for interview regarding payment there is no way i am ever going back to that job ever...in fact i have a solicitor who is taking a case for bullying and harassment only problem now is what happens if they say that i am fit to go back, what happens if they stop my payments i have 7 weeks till baby is born there is no way i can find work ...does anyone know what happens i feel guilty enough being pregnant and not working my poor baby will be a pauper but if they take the benefit away we'll be homeless :(


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,713 ✭✭✭✭Novella


    phi3 wrote: »
    I think i'd rather be dead than feel like this anymore.

    Hey, I know how bad things can get, and I know that me saying "Oh, things will get better" isn't gonna help, but do hang on in there. I know exactly what you're feeling. Don't give up. If you ever just need someone to listen to you, I'm here.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 32 tikkaman


    phi3 wrote: »
    I think i'd rather be dead than feel like this anymore.


    hey there,

    please don't say that,

    i've been going through hell this last few weeks,

    if you wanna chat i'll give you my e-mail addy...

    times do get tough, but you gotta battle on...

    take care...


  • Registered Users Posts: 535 ✭✭✭bob50


    Phi13

    Im here also i do often feel the same

    Im here to talk listen

    take care Bob


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 431 ✭✭C_Dawg


    I had a meeting with the medical assessor at the SW office this morning - am so anxious about the outcome because if they reject me I'm fooked altogether.
    phi3 wrote: »
    I think i'd rather be dead than feel like this anymore.

    Hang on in there buttie, you're a good poster on this thread and we all need to keep it going


  • Registered Users Posts: 43,274 ✭✭✭✭K-9


    edellc wrote: »
    now IB want me in for interview regarding payment there is no way i am ever going back to that job ever...in fact i have a solicitor who is taking a case for bullying and harassment only problem now is what happens if they say that i am fit to go back, what happens if they stop my payments i have 7 weeks till baby is born there is no way i can find work ...does anyone know what happens i feel guilty enough being pregnant and not working my poor baby will be a pauper but if they take the benefit away we'll be homeless :(

    You might be entitled to another welfare payment if the worst comes to the worst, but AFAIK, the welfare authorities will base your eligibility on a Doctors opinion. They can't just decide themselves!

    Mad Men's Don Draper : What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons.



  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Currently taking Zispin at the moment. I think I've gone through most types of anti-depressants at this stage.

    Although it's levelled off my mood a good bit I'm still having some terrible days.

    And as you can tell from the time of this post the insomnia is still there too.

    Although I have friends and family around me I still feel completely alone


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  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    edellc wrote:
    doctor put me on lexapro got up to 80mg

    Sorry, just curious here (as I've been on Lexapro myself for nearly 7 months at 15mg and I'm pretty confident it's helped to 'cure' me, if that's the right term) but I didn't think that the maximum dosage of Lexapro ever exceeded 20mg seeing as escitalopram, the active ingredient, is much more potent than what it's derived from - citalopram. 80mg seems like a huge dose. You'd sooner have recourse to the tricyclics and (in a worst case) the MAO Inhibitors if depression was severe rather than giving a dose of an SSRI that sounds like it would carry serious risk of Serotonin syndrome.

    However, I am not an expert, so I'd be interested to hear :)

    Also, the Doctor probably didn't think you'd be a 'mess' of a mother. Far from it. More likely that he was worried that either a.) the stress of having a child might aggravate your condition or b.) that the medication might need to be adjusted/discontinued to take account of your pregnancy. Most medications aren't tested on pregnant mothers so there's a general policy of not prescribing meds to those who are pregnant save where they are absolutely necessary.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,787 ✭✭✭edellc


    Sorry, just curious here (as I've been on Lexapro myself for nearly 7 months at 15mg and I'm pretty confident it's helped to 'cure' me, if that's the right term) but I didn't think that the maximum dosage of Lexapro ever exceeded 20mg seeing as escitalopram, the active ingredient, is much more potent than what it's derived from - citalopram. 80mg seems like a huge dose. You'd sooner have recourse to the tricyclics and (in a worst case) the MAO Inhibitors if depression was severe rather than giving a dose of an SSRI that sounds like it would carry serious risk of Serotonin syndrome.

    However, I am not an expert, so I'd be interested to hear :)

    Also, the Doctor probably didn't think you'd be a 'mess' of a mother. Far from it. More likely that he was worried that either a.) the stress of having a child might aggravate your condition or b.) that the medication might need to be adjusted/discontinued to take account of your pregnancy. Most medications aren't tested on pregnant mothers so there's a general policy of not prescribing meds to those who are pregnant save where they are absolutely necessary.

    the lexapro i was on was 80mg i still have the receipt for it not sure about the other stuff never read up on tricylcics and so on just wanted the extreme sadness to go away
    as for the doctor i ended up reporting her to her boss as when i did tell her i was pregnant she never done a pregnancy test on me and didnt send letter off to hospital either also my solicitor needs a report from a councillor to take case (work situation)further and as i asked numerous times to be sent to one and doc never did it has now dragged case on longer than it needed to be
    also for me i dont think just pills where the way to go i think them along with councillor would have helped a lot more but never got the opportunity

    but im off everything now and dealing with life on a day to day basis i know what i can handle and what i cant im glad if anti depressants are helping you they did help me for a bit :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,003 ✭✭✭mirwillbeback


    Hi all, I'm back for some help!

    Was out on Saturday night, got really drunk but enjoyed myself. Then yesterday was awful, terrible thoughts and anxiety. Slept for about 1hr in total last night, waking up in sweats all the time.

    Have to face something in work today that's gonna be awful today and I'm here waiting for it to happen, sweating, shaking and a bit dizzy like I'm out of hit.

    I hate this feeling, sometimes I wonder why me. So sick of it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,596 ✭✭✭RubyXI


    Hi all, I'm back for some help!

    Was out on Saturday night, got really drunk but enjoyed myself. Then yesterday was awful, terrible thoughts and anxiety. Slept for about 1hr in total last night, waking up in sweats all the time.

    Have to face something in work today that's gonna be awful today and I'm here waiting for it to happen, sweating, shaking and a bit dizzy like I'm out of hit.

    I hate this feeling, sometimes I wonder why me. So sick of it.

    Drinking used to always make me way worse so i don't do it anymore. Very rarely anyway. It's not worth it. Just take it as a day and every day has an end. It might seem like the end is very far away right now but you will survive the day. I know it's tough but just stay as calm as you can.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 692 ✭✭✭i-digress


    Hey,

    I suffer from fibromyalgia, IBS, anxiety and panic attacks plus depression. Lately I've been in a good place, but over the past few days I've noticed the signs that I'm heading towards into depression again. Loss of appetite, lack of concentration, feeling life is hopeless...I feel life is really unfair. I have a packet of illnesses that seem to be on a constant rotation so I never get a clean run. I'm 23 and I worry that I won't ever achieve anything with my life because my illness gets in the way. Don't know what I'm hoping for by writing this. Maybe just throwing out there to people who know that sometimes the day to day life in mind hurtingly hard.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 431 ✭✭C_Dawg


    i-digress wrote: »
    Don't know what I'm hoping for by writing this.

    Hey man, we're all in the same boat here. I find it's better to just ramble a post or two on here rather than fighting myself in the head.

    Hope things get better for you :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,713 ✭✭✭✭Novella


    Stopped taking my anti-d's. Huge dip in mood. Feeling like... I just feel like crap basically.


  • Registered Users Posts: 43 Bobbity


    Hey Guys,
    It's great to be amongst other people who know what you are going through. I've been on anti-d's for about 13 years, currently on seroxat 30mg for last 2. Things have been great since xmas, but last two weeks free falling into dark place. Got pi***d last sun in front of rellies, kids, etc, not too proud of myself, sun night/mon morn, up wandering the house. Suicidal thoughts racing around my brain, can't sleep, really anxious and low. I know I will come through this, but needed to talk to someone who understands. Thanks a mil for been here on the boards.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,596 ✭✭✭RubyXI


    Bobbity wrote: »
    Hey Guys,
    It's great to be amongst other people who know what you are going through. I've been on anti-d's for about 13 years, currently on seroxat 30mg for last 2. Things have been great since xmas, but last two weeks free falling into dark place. Got pi***d last sun in front of rellies, kids, etc, not too proud of myself, sun night/mon morn, up wandering the house. Suicidal thoughts racing around my brain, can't sleep, really anxious and low. I know I will come through this, but needed to talk to someone who understands. Thanks a mil for been here on the boards.

    Ya I think it's important to remember things will get a bit better again. It's pretty hard to focus on that when you're wishing you were dead but it's definately something you should try and keep in your mind.


  • Posts: 0 ✭✭✭ Aspen Teeny Gourd


    Bad night last night... they're increasing in intensity every month... for the last six months, maybe longer, I started suffering from extreme PMS.... two weeks of every month spent being angry, sad, smothered by self hatred, anxious, suicidal. I've been on anti-ds for years, having suffered depression for what I feel is "all of my life" (though I really only remember noticing the tears and dread and self hatred when I started 2nd class - so 7 maybe). I can't handle these two weeks of feeling fine, followed by the two weeks of lying awake all night battling with the drive to do myself harm, the self-hatred that convinces me that it'd be better for everyone if I just offed myself right now... let them get on with grieving and save them any more heartache... the temper, the feeling of utter rejection by the few people I allow to be near me... The only light at the end of the tunnel being that in a week maybe, I'll start pulling myself back together, feeling the confidence to leave the house again, maybe wont get as much abuse for being as nasty and ungrateful and useless as I do right about now... or maybe that's in my head...

    A rant a day keeps the urges away...


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  • Registered Users Posts: 43 Bobbity


    Know what ya mean, Aspen Teeny Gourd, so fed up of being like this. Trying to pull myself together for the kids, but so hard.......


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 250 ✭✭Delicate_Dlite


    Sorry to hear ppl are having a tough week. I'm soo annoyed with myself.. The last month I've been feeling really good and making lots of practical progress. But since thursday, I feel crap, hopeless/suicidal, sleep completely all over the place. :(

    I'm trying to arrange to return to college, emailed them an enquiry and I got a reply this afternoon, but too scared to open it, esp. as I'm feeling so down at the minute.:(


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,258 ✭✭✭MUSEIST


    My god reading some of the posts hear makes my heart feel heavy because I know exactly how ye feel, I can relate a lot. I am feeling a little better lately thanks mainly due to medication and I hope it continues. Every time I start to feel those old feelings again I just am terrified I returning to depression. I am feeling a bit better but am still finding I have a real lack of energy.


  • Registered Users Posts: 43 Bobbity


    Have been in great form myself since xmas, started studying counselling & psychotherapy, took on a top job at our local club voluntary, running here and there, on top of the world, and then...................the bang it all crashes around me. I may give up all the things I'm doing, I'm not able for them, why did I think i was, questions, questions, going on inside my head. The madness of it all, but ......... I KNOW THE WORLD WILL GO SILENT AGAIN FOR ME, I JUST HAVE TO WAIT IT OUT.
    There is life after a depression/blackhole episode, we just have to hang in there, keep talking, keep reading, keep being kind to yourself, whatever it takes, just do it. Its not easy, but we have to keep going for those around us.
    SIL sent me a book last week, Sue Leonard, Key to the Cage,
    A collection of true stories by people who have suffered mental health problems, and what worked/didn't work for them. Great read.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,596 ✭✭✭RubyXI


    What i hate is i just can't be relaxed and outgoing in a social scene. Everyone is having a laugh with their friends and i'm sitting there like a poker. I can't think of anything interesting to say. Everyone else would just be chatting about random stuff but when i try it, it just sounds weird and people don't react the same as they do when others say it.
    It's strange coz with my family i'm the exact opposite. I'm the crazy one. I'm the one who's stories they all laugh at. It's a much madder house when i'm there and that's the real me but i just can't do it socially.
    And it kills me that i just can't understand why. They'd be shocked if they knew i was like this.


  • Registered Users Posts: 43 Bobbity


    Phi3, I know how you feel, but maybe I'm at the other end of the scale. Everyone thinks I'm the life and soul of the party, but they don't see me when I get home, and take off the mask. I always think of a 'clown', when I think of what I'm like, remove the make up and the clown ain't smiling!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 431 ✭✭C_Dawg


    I haven't gone out on the town in years because of it


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    phi3 wrote: »
    What i hate is i just can't be relaxed and outgoing in a social scene. Everyone is having a laugh with their friends and i'm sitting there like a poker. I can't think of anything interesting to say. Everyone else would just be chatting about random stuff but when i try it, it just sounds weird and people don't react the same as they do when others say it.
    It's strange coz with my family i'm the exact opposite. I'm the crazy one. I'm the one who's stories they all laugh at. It's a much madder house when i'm there and that's the real me but i just can't do it socially.
    And it kills me that i just can't understand why. They'd be shocked if they knew i was like this.

    I'm the exact same as you, outgoing at home but when I'm in a social situation or even talk or make conversation with people at work I just think of anything to say. I've been up and down with depression lately. I'm going out tonight with some friends and I'm dreading it, the thought of being in a social situation really scares me


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Guys with social anxiety/ depression/ GAD/ panic disorder...

    GO TO A CBT ASAP. CBT is a form of counselling and it has something like a 94% success rate. Talk to your doctors an stop wasting away your lives. It's not simple - far from it- but it CAN be beaten. Go for it!


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  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Umreg wrote: »
    I'm the exact same as you, outgoing at home but when I'm in a social situation or even talk or make conversation with people at work I just think of anything to say. I've been up and down with depression lately. I'm going out tonight with some friends and I'm dreading it, the thought of being in a social situation really scares me

    What I meant to say was I just cant think of anything to say. Anyway I am not going out tonight, just cant bring myself to it. I have been feeling down for years but this year it just got worse. Ive been going to Counselling for a few months and I have been feeling better but lately Ive been feeling really down again adn that Ill never feel good again. I see there are other people here feeling the same way. Its good to know.


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