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Women-masturbation

  • 02-01-2011 8:30pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I wanted to ask because it's a bit of a touchy subject, most women would not admit it and i wanted to know if the majority of women do, My partner wouldn't have a very high sex drive, I have found myself lately ''satisfying myself'' and now I have started watching porn. Am I just really old fashioned but it feels a little wrong....any Ladies out there going through anything similiar?


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Comments

  • Moderators, Regional Abroad Moderators Posts: 26,928 Mod ✭✭✭✭rainbow kirby


    Nothing wrong with a bit of self-service. :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,378 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    HunnyNut wrote: »
    I wanted to ask because it's a bit of a touchy subject,
    :D

    Absolutley nothing "wrong" with taking things into your own hands. No need to feel embarrased, it's perfectly normal and natural. do you think it's wrong 'cos you're in a relationship or just wrong in general?


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Wrong - that I am in a relationship and that when he's not here I ''look after myself'', he picked up my laptop and it came up in history he looked at me and I was mortified - made up some ridiculous story - that even I wouldn't believe about my friend and I looking for Paris Hilton's vid as a laugh!:( Do most women do this, this is the first relationship I have done this. feel like I'm cheating in a sense.....


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    I've had and witnessed loads of discussions about female masturbation and I've only ever heard two women say they didn't. I don't see why touching your own genitals should be viewed as wrong - we should revel in the ability we have to naturally de-stress and get the oxytocin and endorphins flowing.

    Most importantly, without a good understanding of what makes our own bodies tick - how do we ever show a partner what really does it for us? I think women who don't explore every facet of their sexuality and orgasm are seriously doing themselves a disservice. :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,740 ✭✭✭Asphyxia


    There's definitely nothing wrong with women masturbating it's a natural thing.

    Whether women admit it or not they all have urges and if they act on those urges it certainly not bad and you shouldn't feel guilty, sometimes a bit of self exploration is what a girl needs ;)


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,308 ✭✭✭Hersheys


    I do it. If anybody asked me I'd offer the info but I wouldn't just be like "so I like to touch myself". There's nothing wrong with doing it while in a relationship, I'm sure a lot of men still have a sneaky go too.


  • Registered Users Posts: 14,681 ✭✭✭✭Panthro


    If the tables were turned, and you found out he was caught having a gawk a one or two vids on the internet, how would you feel?
    My guess is something along the lines of "hoh, blokes and their pawrn" and think nothing more of it. He may be thinking along a similar line, or he may be thinking "my girlfriend looks at porn...thats ahhh...kinda hot!":p
    Either way, I don't really see it as "cheating"


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Ah another way to look at it I suppose!thank you, god it's like weight off my mind!


  • Registered Users Posts: 14,404 ✭✭✭✭Pembily


    It's not cheating, how in the name of God is it cheating?? You are playing with yourself, there is nothing wrong with it or watching porn! When I was with my ex I would play with myself if he was too tired and he did the same! It's natural and fun, relax!?


  • Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Hunny Nut wrote: »
    Wrong - that I am in a relationship and that when he's not here I ''look after myself'', he picked up my laptop and it came up in history he looked at me and I was mortified - made up some ridiculous story - that even I wouldn't believe about my friend and I looking for Paris Hilton's vid as a laugh!:( Do most women do this, this is the first relationship I have done this. feel like I'm cheating in a sense.....

    I'd find it strange if a girl didn't masturbate, course its not cheating you're doing it with yourself, as for porn being equated to cheating, piffle, its just a visual stimulation nothing more. prefering porn to actual sex in a relationship would be an issue, but using it as a relief? nothing wrong with it.

    Thanks to the backwards sexual attitudes for decades in this country (which is a different debate altogether) women, well actually everyone have been told that masturbating is wrong, well balls to that says I. Everyone does it, nothing to be ashamed of. It relieves stress, is something to look forward to after a ****ty day at work (I know I'm not alone in this lol) makes you feel good for a while afterwards, and is all round awesome.

    you'd imagine since Ann Summers arrived more women would say (I wont say "admit" cos that implies its something to be ashamed of) they do it.


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  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,653 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    Am I the only one who finds it a bit dull and hollow? It scratches an itch, sure, but it's not even remotely close to the satisfaction I get from being with a partner. I only do it when I'm fairly desperate. I always wondered if I was missing something with it! But at the end of the day, orgasms are only a very small part of sex for me - it's the whole thing that I enjoy, especially feeling another body pressed against mine. So it would follow that self-love doesn't do much for me.


  • Registered Users Posts: 91 ✭✭colc1


    HunnyNut wrote: »
    I wanted to ask because it's a bit of a touchy subject, most women would not admit it and i wanted to know if the majority of women do, My partner wouldn't have a very high sex drive, I have found myself lately ''satisfying myself'' and now I have started watching porn. Am I just really old fashioned but it feels a little wrong....any Ladies out there going through anything similiar?

    Every woman does it how could they resist same urges as men....


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,943 ✭✭✭smcgiff


    Faith wrote: »
    Am I the only one who finds it a bit dull and hollow? It scratches an itch, sure, but it's not even remotely close to the satisfaction I get from being with a partner. I only do it when I'm fairly desperate. I always wondered if I was missing something with it! But at the end of the day, orgasms are only a very small part of sex for me - it's the whole thing that I enjoy, especially feeling another body pressed against mine. So it would follow that self-love doesn't do much for me.

    Screams* - not doing it right. Sorry.

    *pun intended


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Faith wrote: »
    Am I the only one who finds it a bit dull and hollow? It scratches an itch, sure, but it's not even remotely close to the satisfaction I get from being with a partner.

    I don't find it dull or hollow - in fact, I've had some tremendous DIY orgasms and some stupendously dull sex...I don't think sex and masturbation are mutually exclusive either, tbh. :cool:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,968 ✭✭✭✭Praetorian Saighdiuir


    Hunny Nut wrote: »
    Wrong - that I am in a relationship and that when he's not here I ''look after myself'', he picked up my laptop and it came up in history he looked at me and I was mortified - made up some ridiculous story - that even I wouldn't believe about my friend and I looking for Paris Hilton's vid as a laugh!:( Do most women do this, this is the first relationship I have done this. feel like I'm cheating in a sense.....


    Dont be silly, Im male and in a long term relationship. My partner does not have a high sex drive and believe me, when I need it, il sort myself out!

    My partner says she does not masturbate, she has tried now and again but does not feel confortable doing it.

    I would prefer if she did have the "aul fiddle", just because I feel it is important to explore yourself....its perfectly normal and natural!


  • Moderators Posts: 9,368 ✭✭✭The_Morrigan


    Faith wrote: »
    Am I the only one who finds it a bit dull and hollow? It scratches an itch, sure, but it's not even remotely close to the satisfaction I get from being with a partner. I only do it when I'm fairly desperate. I always wondered if I was missing something with it! But at the end of the day, orgasms are only a very small part of sex for me - it's the whole thing that I enjoy, especially feeling another body pressed against mine. So it would follow that self-love doesn't do much for me.


    Interesting choice of words there Faith!!

    I know what you mean though, and I think that's what Krudler was touching on (no pun intended there ;)) the whole porn/masturbation thing should be enjoyed alongside healthy physical sexual activities, rather than a replacement or preference over.
    I prefer sex, think most people do, but there is nothing wrong with either activity or combining the two! :D

    OP, by no means is there anything wrong with it or anything close to it being cheating.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I was just afraid that I maybe doing it because I was sexually fraustrated - My boyfriend is amazing in bed and as the previous poster said there is nothing like being with someone skin to skin etc but I don't orgasm ...it's not a huge deal and I would never break up over it but I guess this is how I get it and thats why I feel guilty!




  • Since when is looking at porn and masturbating considered to be cheating? I don't think I've ever heard a statement so ridiculous in my life. If I was going out with a girl and I saw her watching porn and masturbating, my first inclination would be to either sit beside her and join her (mutual masturbation can be quite a lot of fun), help her out with it, or even just watch, or just leave her to it if she rathers. I would definitely not think, "God, she's cheating!"


  • Moderators Posts: 9,368 ✭✭✭The_Morrigan


    Hunny Nut wrote: »
    I was just afraid that I maybe doing it because I was sexually fraustrated - My boyfriend is amazing in bed and as the previous poster said there is nothing like being with someone skin to skin etc but I don't orgasm ...it's not a huge deal and I would never break up over it but I guess this is how I get it and thats why I feel guilty!


    you say you don't orgasm when you're with your bf - do you when you masturbate?


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Yes I do orgasm by myself...I have orgasmed a few times with him but it takes so long and he gets bored :( it's all about feeling relaxed and I don't think I am fully relaxed when we are having sex because it's a little infrequent.once a week maybe a fortnight sometimes!I'm young with loads of energy and I need it once a day!!!


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 134 ✭✭Josh_Calvert


    everyone masturbates at soem point in their lives.Most people daily.Like most things to do with women and sex, ireland is stuck in the 1600s.Women ****, women enjoy porn, women have explicit fantasies,are always horny etc...they're actually just the same as men.No guilt required.


  • Registered Users Posts: 427 ✭✭verywell


    I really think you should have a chat to him about this. As it is important to you, you should feel able to speak to him about it and come to a mutual compromise.


  • Moderators Posts: 9,368 ✭✭✭The_Morrigan


    hunny nut wrote: »
    Yes I do orgasm by myself...I have orgasmed a few times with him but it takes so long and he gets bored :( it's all about feeling relaxed and I don't think I am fully relaxed when we are having sex because it's a little infrequent.once a week maybe a fortnight sometimes!I'm young with loads of energy and I need it once a day!!!

    I have that problem sometimes (even when its just me!!)

    If he is getting bored and you can't relax with him, maybe you could combine other elements that don't revolve around just the sex - showers, baths, massage, toys, mutual masturbation etc etc.
    You shouldn't get bored if you mix it up a bit.
    Also, you both need to learn what works for each other, you can't use the same techniques on every person you sleep with, as the preferences and reactions will always be different depending on the person.

    The upshot of it all is go have fun with it :D




  • OP you should most definitely sit down and have a chat with him, it sounds like your sexlife within the relationship needs work. You mentioned that it happens infrequently, whose choice is that? Something you could do is try and get relaxed before sex, do things like have a shower before, where you are rubbing each other's bodies, then just lying down beside each other and trying to get your breathing in sync. These little things will help you relax.

    Are there any aspects of sex that causes you to not be relaxed? Are there any concerns that might be running through your head?


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,016 ✭✭✭✭vibe666


    hunny nut wrote: »
    Yes I do orgasm by myself...I have orgasmed a few times with him but it takes so long and he gets bored :( it's all about feeling relaxed and I don't think I am fully relaxed when we are having sex because it's a little infrequent.once a week maybe a fortnight sometimes!I'm young with loads of energy and I need it once a day!!!
    one of the best things about having a long term partner is getting to know their bodies and finding out exactly what does it for them and the best way to find that stuff out is by getting a guided tour by the person who knows your body best. ;)

    you've already said he is a great lover, so imagine how much better it could be if you showed him exactly what buttons he needs to press to really do it for you, and visa versa.

    oh, and even with all that, you seriously need to think about installing google chrome and looking up "incognito" browsing.

    apparently it's really useful for those times when you want to buy something online for your partner but don't want them to find out about it by finding it in your browsing history accidentally. or something. :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 160 ✭✭annieire


    Ok first post so new to this...:)
    I do masturbate and think its perfectly naturaly. That said, if a friend asked me if i masturbated...i'd brush the question away. I'm a little coy like that.
    Do many women watch porn?


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    He has turned me down once or twice when I have initiated sex, so now I 'm afraid to do it so I wait for him to and it's about once a week /10days, so I dressed up the other day in sexy underwear and came into the bedroom, the sex was really passionate something I hadn't felt in a while...I want to keep this up, I really want to please him , I want him to want me more!How do I do that!!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 14,404 ✭✭✭✭Pembily


    As already said mutual masturbation can be amazing, earth shattering orgasms, especially as the person knows exactly what to do! Some women (me included) can find it harder to orgasm through penetration alone. Defo talk to him and it shouldn't be boring, and it's nothing to do with the frequency... Being relaxed during sex comes with being relaxed with that person and fully trusting them! You made need to look at that rather than focusing on the frequency, which IMO is irrelevant...


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,713 ✭✭✭✭Novella


    hunny nut wrote: »
    Yes I do orgasm by myself...I have orgasmed a few times with him but it takes so long and he gets bored :( it's all about feeling relaxed and I don't think I am fully relaxed when we are having sex because it's a little infrequent.once a week maybe a fortnight sometimes!I'm young with loads of energy and I need it once a day!!!

    Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. Well, not that I wouldn't worry, but I mean it's not that this is unusual. I have never had any problems achieving orgasm by myself, but it has been a problem with partners in the past. You know what works for you, so why not show him? Or just encourage him more when he is touching you in a way that feels good etc. Many women find it difficult to orgasm from penetrative sex alone.

    And OT, no, have never felt bad or guilty about masturbation. :)


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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,897 ✭✭✭Kimia


    I remember in school it was SO taboo, you couldn't ever discuss it with anyone. I remember a guy spoke to his girlfriend about him doing it and that went around the school like wildfire - everyone knew (how I don't know, I suppose she told one of her friends and that friend told everyone).

    I also had a close friend who couldn't even discuss it. I asked her about it when we were in our late teens and she said that she couldn't even look at her own body in the mirror - she had never seen her boobs in the mirror not to mind anything else!! :eek:

    It should be part of sex ed imo. Oh and school was only like 10-15 years ago, in the 90s when things were supposed to be more open! HA!


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